You’re Not Weak for Asking for Help — You’re Intelligent

Welcome to the show. Tired of the hype about living a dream? It's time for truth.This is the place for tools, power and real talk, so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life. Subscribe, Share, create. You have infinite power. Hello, and welcome to this episode of your ultimate life.This is a precious time and precious episode for me because it is so important. The things I'm going to talk about today were so important to me today. Now I've got a beautiful winter scene behind me and my windows looking out.My windows look like that, except there are not mountains in my backyard. So this is a cabin up in the hills or mountains.But the winter, there's a big tree in the backyard that looks, you know, got snow on it and that sort of thing. All those things are real. And there's something about that kind of winter scene. You know, when we go out in it, it's cold.Joy and I went to the store last night, freezing cold. You know, I had to wear a hat, comes down over the ears. It was minus 22 or 23 Celsius, which is about minus 5 or 6 Fahrenheit.For those of you that do that. I had. I've had to learn both of them, and you probably have too. But anyway, it was cold, you know, gloves and scarves and hats and things.But there's something about winter. It's peaceful and there's some joy associated with it, for me at least, that makes me love winter. So today is. Is.We've been going along with a sort of a series of things. We did a. An episode, and I go back and listen to these, if you're willing. Okay. Starting with 1051-1051-1054-1057, 1060, 63, and then this one, 66.So there's six episodes in this series, and I encourage you to listen to all of them.And the other ones that I didn't number are ones with other guests or the coaching episodes that we've been doing, talking about coaching and the rise of AI. But this particular thread is about making a choice to own your life in a sovereign way. Like, to be the real creator of your life.And I know people talk about this personal development stuff. Maybe it interests you and maybe it doesn't. If it doesn't, I wonder why not.Because I've discovered that going down this personal development path has brought more joy and happiness to me than anything else I've done. And that's, you know, I used to misunderstand this whole personal development thing. I Used to think of it this way.There's something wrong with me and I need to fix it. Please don't do that. Because that means that we live constantly in a state of suck. I suck. I work on it and I fix a little, but I still suck.And if I fix the thing I was working on, then I find new ways that I suck. And so it's always a case of making yourself wrong or bad in order to improve. That's a loser's path.Start with, you're perfect like you are for this moment. You are who you are, where you are, and what you are right now at this moment. And there's not a thing you can do about that.Your past experiences, past choices, past wins, past losses brought you to this point, right here, right now. Not a thing to do about that. The question for growth is simply this. Do you want to stay where you are? That's it. Without making where you are wrong.Because it isn't. It's perfect. It is the absolute natural reaction to all the actions before now. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. We know that.That's physics.The situation that I've got in my life right now, sitting in front of this microphone, making a podcast for you, having a coaching business, owning a recording studio, doing videos, doing songs, those are all reactions to the actions that I've taken over many years. So is your life. So let's talk about you for a minute.If the life you live right now is exactly like you want it to be, it is the reaction to the actions that you've taken to get there. If you look at your life today and you say, you know what it is exactly the reactions that I've.That I've created and I want to go somewhere else, or I want to grow, or I want to climb that mountain that's in the window behind. That's a choice we get to make. Often we make excuses about not being able to, not having control. And that's not true either.You know the wipos, wipos framework, Worth, identity, possibility, ownership, sovereignty. And you've heard me talk a lot about that is true. It's an eternal truth. Your worth is infinite. Your identity is a divine being.Your possibilities are infinite. Also, ownership is you own every second, every decision, every choice. And sovereign.You means you are the king, queen, ruler of your life and circumstance. So this circuit, this arc 1051 was realization, which is, I don't care how much success you've achieved. Often there is an ache afterwards.The question is that all there is, like, you know, I did what I thought I was going to do. I made this amount of money, I got this or that job. Ah, I'm not fulfilled. And I hear that all the time. And maybe you are, like I said.And if you are here, I have an invitation for you that is get a hold of me.I'd love to have you on the show because I love being an amplifier for people that have learned what it takes to create purpose, prosperity and joy, and who are driven by a desire to serve and lift and bless others. And I can promise you, I know that about you.If you have achieved that purpose, prosperity and joy, you do have a yearning to serve, because it naturally comes. It's automatic. The second one, 1054, was about re. Centering from that place of, gee, is that all there is?We get to love, we get to compassion, that yearning to serve. We also get to forgiveness, because undoubtedly we've made mistakes along the way or others have hurt us, and forgiveness is a key to that.Number three, 1057 was about a reckoning, like to forgive the cost, the cost of maybe what we've done before or the cost of the aspirations that we have. Number 1060 was awakening. And it's like, what. What do we do when. When the soul starts asking different questions, like, is this all there is?What can I create? How can I add good to the world? Number 1063 was about turning success into service.Because we're raised, most of us at least, with the idea that more is better and money is the answer to everything. If you got a boatload of cash, you're good. That's not true unless and until we turn that into service.The yearning in our souls to love and serve each other is divine, and it is irreplaceable. And today is about recommitment. And the specific focus I want to talk about is the help that I needed.And that's why I said, this episode is so precious to me. The name I gave to it is the courage to get help. Your next climb starts now.Now you're free, absolutely sovereign and free to do no extraordinary growth. You're free to stay right where you are. You're free to incrementally change things in your life. And. And that is perfect. And I love you for that.And I. I again invite you to get a hold of me because I'd love to have a conversation with you about how you add good to the world. Because you and me, we're happiest when we're helping people, when People haven't really thought about how to articulate that.That's say, I love helping people. That's the. The catchphrase. Right. And then we dig into how. What do you do that helps? Where did that desire come from?Like, what happened in your life that brought you to I want to help people. Right. All right. What a beautiful thing.So what I noticed when I started Radical Change and I had a chance to record a podcast episode for someone else yesterday, and when we did, he wanted to know about my story.And you we've talked a lot about story, the story of your own becoming, the story of how you got where you are, why you believe what you believe, what your yearnings and goals and aspirations are. That story is valuable. It's. It's valuable in the way of helping others. It's worth millions and millions of dollars.You know that because some of those stories they make movies and write books about. And so yours is just as valuable, just as valuable. But most people don't want to do anything with it. They don't want to do that work.But anyway, the guy yesterday asked me about my story, and then we spent the rest of the time, and it was a longer episode an hour later, little over an hour, talking about what I learned and what I would share with his audience about happiness and about how to be joyful and about how to create prosperity, earn the money that you want and make. Create the impact that you want. So it was a lot of fun to do that in my story.One of the things I noticed absolutely essential to all this was the need to get help. And so today's episode, the last of those 6, 10, 51, 54, 57, 60, 63, and 66.And again, I encourage you to go to check those out is the courage to get help. Because even after you've decided you're not going to be complacent, you're not going to just sit where you are.You're going to add good to the world in a new and powerful or perhaps a regular old way, but expand it and do more because we're driven for growth. Why do people, you know, go to the bottom of the ocean or the top of the mountains or anywhere else?We are built to explore, to be curious, to expand. I just got off the phone with a coaching client, and she's a woman who's a bit older than I am.She's in her 70s, and she's in her third or fourth year of establishing a real estate empire as a real estate investor. You know, someone could Say, you know, hey, you've already had a life and you want to slow down.No, she wants to lift and bless and her goal is to provide properties for people in need, you know, that are less expensive and be a, be a fabulous provider of an filler of a need in the city where she lives. So that desire to serve comes at any age.Age is no barrier and in fact, I don't know, but the older I get, the more I want it, the more I want to serve, the more I rejoice in my ability to bless others lives. So the getting help part is what I want to talk about today.When you've created success and you're a big deal in some field or another, music or business or executive positions or anything, when you're a big deal, you often get the idea that there's something wrong with getting help. Asking for help, acknowledging I need help with this, going and getting it and just, you know, accepting, accepting it.Whether you pay for it, whether someone gives it to you, it doesn't matter. We have a disease about accepting help. We have a story that that's somehow weakness. It's not, it's intelligence, it's capability.Now asking somebody to do the work for you is not what I'm talking about but the wisdom, the guidance, the encouragement, the strength, the help to refine the vision, all those things are fabulously useful and important.One of the things I love most about the coaching business is the ability to get involved, to deeply involve with people's vision what you are trying to create in the world. I'm just blown away, blown away.I talked to somebody yesterday, hadn't talked to before in a mastermind or a laws class that I'm teaching, not about the law, like legal stuff, but just about principles of business and life. But anyway, this person, their focus, and they're a CEO of a company, is to bring love into leadership.And the report that he gave, and again I don't know him very well, we're going to talk here in a couple of weeks, was that just that principle, bringing love into leadership had more than doubled the bottom line profit, hardcore cash of his company. It wasn't his, he was brought in as a CEO, but that change alone. So that company thought hey, we need help.And they brought in that person to make that change and created staggering results. In my own personal journey, getting help was non negotiable. It was essential, I know for different things, for different reasons.I had addiction problems, I needed help with that, a certain kind. I had struggled with depression and you know, the not good enough story. And I needed help with that. That was a particular kind of help.Some of the those are kind of repair like you go to the doctor if you have a broken leg. That kind of help is helped to repair what is broken. The other kind of help that is more powerful, the first is necessary.The kind that's more powerful is what. What goes loosely by the term coaching or being in the people love and encouragement business.Because that goes from not broken but fixed to there's no limit to infinity, to changing the world. My commitment this year, my vision this year started October 14th.So for the next 10 more months is to invite 300 million people to embrace, accept and act on, to embrace the truth of your worth, identity, possibility, ownership and sovereignty.And to then to help that same group move from the swamp of learned helplessness, addiction to mediocrity and victim mindset to them to a magic place, a magic mountain meadow of fierce life, ownership, radical excellence and a passion to serve. And then coach those who are willing to learn to love, create and serve and then live in purpose, prosperity and joy.That's the vision I have with a group of 300 million people. I can't do that alone.So I'm regularly seeking help, coaching, guidance partners, joint ventures, you know, people who have similar or overlapping visions, mutually reinforcing visions. Because my goal is nothing short of changing the world. Now, getting help has been a key need that I've had for the last 18 years.If you think you're self sufficient, you're not shining brightly, you're not dreaming big enough, you're not. And that's not a, a negative thing, it's a positive thing. We are interdependent.If you remember back to Stephen Covey's 7 Habits book, that seminal monumental work that changed leadership and all kinds of stuff and is still used today after decades.Your story that we've talked about, your journey, your gifts, your talents, your life experience is the fuel, is the intellectual property, is the power for your ability to change the world. And getting help is a sign of intelligence, it is a sign of creativity, it is a sign of worth. Because when we're selfish, we doubt our worth.We gotta have it, we gotta do it. It's all for us. When we are all in, we are interdependent and then we live in surplus. We live in abundance, I guess is the buzzword.There's scarcity and there's surplus. You know what? There is surplus.Sometimes we're too blind to see it, we're too inward Focused or focused on competition or afraid of competition or those kinds of things. We gotta be better than someone.CS Lewis is a famous author, and he said, you know, the joy comes not in having a thing, but in having more of it than the next person. And when I heard that, I. It's like, you want to go puke, right? And go take a shower. So I'm not happy because I have a thing.A car, money, whatever it is, doesn't matter. Only if I've got more of it than somebody else. Oh, then I'm happy. Wow. What a miserable way to be. What if I help you have everything I have.What if I help you have more? Why don't we choose to live that way? And maybe you do.And again, if you do get a hold of me, I want to feature your story and your conversation on one of my many shows. Because my goal at 300 million isn't just my message, it is yours. It is your work, your worth, your power, your dream, your vision.I want to be an amplifier. One of the things that I do and do really well is I am an amplifier of your power and your message.Sometimes that's with individual coaching because we work together to amplify your power, your certainty in your message. Sometimes that's with broadcasting, where we share your message on, you know, different shows.And sometimes it's helping you write books or create programs that articulate and share what you know better than anyone in the world. And your total and absolute uniqueness is your greatest gift. And it's worth millions. Billions. The.The thing is, is most people won't get the help they need to have that kind of leveraged impact. Instead, they tell the story of self sufficiency. I don't need anybody. Okay, go ahead, play small.Or they tell the story of, well, I can't afford to pay for help. You know what? There's lots of ways to get help I can't afford. It is a miserable story.That simply means you don't want it bad enough, either because of pride or because of limited vision. There's always a way to get the help, resources, and power you need to create whatever you want. I know that because I see it every day.There is a road from where you're at to where you want to go. Always. You know, it may be steep, it may be unknown, it may be full of some difficulties. But there is a road.The only question for us is, do you want to walk it? Now, I've committed to walk my road from where I am to that nurturing of 300 million people.I'm committed, I'm doing it no matter what happens to happen. I'm walking that road, I talk to people and so forth.But I'm inviting you to recognize your own divinity, your own capability and your own possibility. Getting. Getting the help you need.Not telling the story about either I don't need it, I can't afford it, or a lot of times people are afraid in terms of getting the right kind of help or coaching or whatever it is they need because they're afraid, well, I won't be able to do it. None of those are true. They're all stories. They're made up stories and they're harmful stories.Now, when I say made up, maybe you've had a set of experiences in your life where you've been told you won't make it, you won't amount to anything, you can't this, can't that, blah, blah, blah. And so that's your belief right now. Okay? Start where you are.The thing that matters is your determination to change that belief, to not stay where you are. And again, like we said, the beginning.If you're stoked and happy about where you are, then great, let's talk and share your story about how you got there.If, like most, you have a bigger vision, a bigger impact in mind, a bigger company, a bigger earnings, more money, more influence, more power, more development, more joy. If that's what you have in mind, then that's where getting help is a sign of strength, a sign of intelligence, a sign of wisdom.Anything but a sign of weakness. So let's talk about why we don't ask for a minute. And all of this comes from my own life. Sorry about my throat here.One thing that used to come up for me all the time is I should already know how to do this. I ought to be able to do this. I shouldn't need help with this. That's just pride in disguise.What I've learned to say to myself and what I say to you, and I hope, well, I don't care if it pisses you off. How dare you be so arrogant to think you should already know.Whatever it is, go get the help so you know it now and you can do what you want instead of wallowing in pride, saying, well, I should already know this or it's going to embarrass me if I go out. That's nonsense. You can only embarrass you.You know, the embarrassment comes because you have an imaginary story about what somebody else might be thinking. Well, I love what Byron, Katie said, what others think of me is none of my business. Like, who cares? Who cares really?When we care, it's just made up and it. But then, you know, that's funny and sad as it is.But it's such a tragedy because so much good power, intelligence, encouragement, gifts, inventions go unrealized. All right. Another thing we are afraid of is vulnerability.We're afraid of letting people see that we are weak, that we don't know something or that we don't have a certain ability. You know what vulnerability is? Credibility. Vulnerability is credibility.I had a conversation with someone two days ago who's not a client, might be, but not today. And he's a coach and he has some very. A business mastermind, very successful. And he went through some very difficult personal circumstances.And his first thought, his first worry, his first fear was that if the people in his mastermind knew that he was struggling with these things, they wouldn't trust him, they wouldn't like him, they wouldn't think he's quote all that. What he found out was in one mastermind. They put him on the hot seat and he told. He just decided to share all this stuff.And you know what he found out? Vulnerability was credibility. Vulnerability was power. They helped him, they respected him more.And he didn't lose any clients or business or anything else over it. So that's another story. Getting the help you need is a sign of wisdom and strength.So now I'd like to talk for a sec about what coaching is and what it isn't. And you might think you already know, except it's dramatically changing.One of the things I just wrote, the book I just published a month ago, is called Coaching and the Rise of AI and it is the absolute seminal text today on what's happening in the coaching industry because of the rise of this technology. Artificial intelligence is called and all of the things that it can do, which is doubling in capacity every three months.95% of people that are coaches today, or what passes for coaching today, will be off the shelves, out of business by next Christmas. Christmas 26. Unbelievable. Maybe, but it's true. And so coaching is changing. First of all, coaching isn't therapy. Therapy is like going to the doctor.You go from broken to fixed. Broken to fixed. Well, an Olympic athlete goes to a doctor to go from broken to fixed.He doesn't keep going to that doctor to perform at an elite level. He gets the right coach because, you know, the coach doesn't have the ability to go from broken to fixed.That's the doctor okay, the shrink is therapy. You go from broken to fixed. Coaching is completely separate and it is becoming more differentiated. It is not consulting either.Consulting is when, because I've been a consultant, I was a very highly paid consultant. As a consultant, you're brought in, you're supposed to know the answer.You're supposed to tell people, write a report, figure it out, tell people what to do, maybe guide and lead. But you have to get a certain thing done to get a result. And you're supposed to know the answer. That's a consultant.And you paid a lot of money to be a consultant. You know, the top consultant in this or that industry. Okay, I was. I know that. I know that intimately coaching.And I'm also a coach, a very, very top level coach. And it's completely different skill set. It's not about knowing the answer like a consultant. It is about awakening the possibility in your soul.I'm not going to climb your mountain. I can't. I can't create your greatness. I can guide you, I can lead you. I can show you, I can help you, I can encourage you.I can refuse to let you give up. But I can't climb your mountain. So coaching is completely different. It's more fulfilling than either one of them, therapy or consulting.Although I haven't been a therapist, although with the decades I've been coaching now, sometimes some of the sessions feel a little bit like the therapy stuff. Coaches are not there to fix us.They're there to free us from all the stories we just talked about a minute ago that keep us small, that keep us thinking we can't, that keep us giving up, that keep us giving in to failure, that keep us saying, I tried. It's not going to work, not for me. I guess I'm not cut out for that. That's all nonsense. It's not true. Yet we swim in that soup.That's what I call addiction to mediocrity. When I said my vision. We live and we're taught to live frankly in a swamp. And the swamp is called learned helplessness. I can't do that.Oh, somebody got to do it for me. Or addiction to mediocrity. I guess this is as good as it gets. Or victim mindset.Oh, look at all the bad stuff that somebody did to me or what happened to me, all that crap. It's nonsense.We're free to live in the swamp, but it's always going to feel like a swamp, you know, as living in a swamp with gray skies and, you know, looking for somebody to help me out. That's never going to feel good.The Magic Mountain Meadow, and yeah, it's alliterative on purpose, is a beautiful, clear place with fierce life ownership where you and I, we know that we own our lives and we create them exactly like we want. And we settle for nothing short of radical excellence. And we live with a passion for service. That's the work of coaching, is to go to that place.And that's what I love. And getting help for me was a key. Is a key. Well, it was. Is a key part of my growth.It's a key part of my current progress, a key part of my current effort and ability to write books, make music, create business, build my own business, help others. Getting the right help is essential. Admitting I'm vulnerable and I need it, that's not even a problem anymore. I love it. I. I lean in.I look for coaching with every person I talk to, even if they're not my coach. I look for that because you know what I've learned. Every person has a unique take on a situation because of their life experience.And so often I'll read something or. And I read a lot, but I'll go find something that I look at that and I think, you know what?I can use this to become better and both personally and professionally. And I look for those things all the time actively. Isn't that fun? The next thing I want to talk about is choosing your next climb.Now, we talked in the beginning about being satisfied with where you're at.And I'm not trying to tell you not to be, but if you're one of the many, many, many that I talk to that's got this yearning to save the world in some way, then I challenge you with this question. What does the world look like after you've fixed it? If you can't tell me that you don't have a vision, okay, I just told you mine.I have 300 million people that get out of that swamp and go to that magic meadow, that live in purpose, prosperity and joy. And they serve with joy and love, and they make boatloads of cash help 300 million make that journey. That's my vision.It's clear, it's powerful, and I'm doing everything I can every day to get it. Not because I have to, not because somebody's driving me, but because I want it.I want that joy because I've made that trip and I know how joyful it is. So when you are in the personal growth business, it's not a drag. It's not a slog. It's a joyful opportunity.I literally get up every day and think, what am I going to learn today? What am I going to get to do today? How exciting is life? But that's a way I choose to live and be. And it's joyful and it's fun.And the outcome is a great business, great clients, complete fulfillment, and the prospect that every day coming will be exactly that much joy and more. So I invite you to think about your next climb. If you look at your here's how you find it. Here's how I find it.If you look at your life, all parts of it, how you feel about yourself, your relationship with God, your relationship with your spouse, if you have one, or your kids. When you look at those things and you say, am I happy with them? Are they what I want? Yes or no? It's not a difficult question. Question number two.Is it something I am willing to work on or put some energy and effort and love into? Yes or no? Am I willing to do that now? Yes or no? What am I willing to give time, energy, love, money, effort to get the result that I want?Okay, I happy now. What do I want to change? How bad do I want it? What am I willing to give to get it done? That's how you pick your next climb.It's completely our own decision, and it's a joyful one. See, that was a mistake I used to make. I got to be better at this. I got to be better at that. What a drag.You live your whole life then got to be what, poison energy. Nobody likes to be around that. Anyway, I get to love you more. I get to serve my clients more deeply.Just this morning, I send out messages to different people. Not all of them were clients and messages of love and encouragement. Why? Because I like how I feel. I like how it makes them feel.And it's who I've decided to be in the world.And that choice of deciding to that to be that elevates my business, elevates my ability to write books, create music, find clients, fill my practice, build a vision that others can take part in and joyfully participate in. It's so easy and it's so much fun. That's the value of getting help.I wouldn't be here without all the coaching and help that I've, you know, hired and gotten over the years. That's how come I got here. And so if you're not happy, the next mountain to climb is saying, what is it that I want right now?What Do I want to improve or grow or strengthen first or maybe two or three things together, then pick them and then go get the help you need. What is the training? What is the help? What is the coaching you need to do that thing to the level that you want?Whether it's coach better, find clients better, write stories better. All of those things are beautiful. Now, I've got one thing coming up that I want you to know about because I think it's really important.It's actually the most powerful thing you have to offer. The most powerful thing you have to offer is you. What do I mean? Offer you. Well, you are the way you are right now because of a journey you've taken.This, I call it the story of your own becoming. Right? How? I love asking people this question in interviews. How did you get where you are?And by where you are, I don't mean what city you live in or the house or anything like that. What I mean is, how did you get to be the person that you are?What is a series of events and choices and learning and growth that got you to be the kind, loving, giving, powerful beacon of light that you are or that you aspire to be? And I love hearing people tell that story.And what I've learned now over these years is that journey, that story, your own hero's journey, as it were. That's the most important thing you have, period. Nothing's more important.Now, you can do other things and we do, we learn about that thing over there, some skill that we've learned. But your story is more important than your skills.I don't care if you're brain surgeon, how you got there, the love that you have, the passion and the desire to serve is more important than the skill. Skill. I certainly don't want someone operating on me who's mad, who doesn't like their life, you know, who lives that way.It's like, yeah, I'd rather have somebody that feels good about themselves who's also a brain surgeon. I'm not talking about an unqualified person. But the thing that gives your skill power is your life, your story, your beliefs, what's inside of you.And that's what I love.So at the end of February, I'm starting another book challenge to help people write those books, find those stories and write them, create services and products from them. So if you're interested in that, there's a URL. Dream build. Write it. Dream build. Write Dream build. Write it. Dot com. Go there. Sign up.Love to see you there. Your story is valuable. I'm the help you need.There's nothing like that challenge in the process I give to help you find your story, turn it into power, and then save the world the way you vision that service to take place. So remember, you are the author of your life.If you're at a place where you're saying, you know, I know there's more, this is the right place for you, get ahold of me. If you're at a place where you're saying, I've heard that, felt it, and I'm doing it and I want to share my story, get ahold of me.So either way, I invite you into conversation. Let's see what we can create and how we together can add more good to the world. I know that when we do that, we move in and live that ultimate life.Never hold back and you'll never ask why. Open your heart right here, right now. Your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change change everything. If you want to know more, go to kellenfluermedia.com if you want more free tools, go here. Your Ultimate Life ca subscribe. Sat.