Building Resilience: How to Turn Setbacks into Sacred Turning Points

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Hey, thanks for being here today.

Crazy life, isn't it?

Things just happen all the time.

You're not.

You're not expecting somebody gets sick.

Maybe you've been sick recently.

I'll tell you a couple things that have happened for me, even silly little things.

This morning, my wife, who's my business partner, and my holy angel, her name is Joy, came downstairs.

Big sad look.

My computer won't start.

Well, you've all had that.

That could be anything from a catastrophic failure to nothing, right?

But you, those things, they happen.

So I had to stop, go up and see what it was, reset the BIOS as a first effort started.

Yippee, crisis averted.

And so that was a tiny one, but same thing, you go out in the garage, there's a flat tire, or someone sends you a message, a deal you've been counting on.

Ooh.

Doesn't go through.

Well, we've decided to go with someone else.

Oh, we've decided we're not quite ready yet.

Ever had that happen?

Boy, have I.

I just got an email from someone.

It was, you know, not a giant deal, but five figures and email.

Well, just don't.

Yeah, don't think it's what we're going to do right now.

And that's after several assurances that this was something they were going to do.

So those things happen all the time.

I got another one going on right now.

Crazy.

I sing, as you know, and I have lots of songs.

And I've got three more that are ready.

Well, they're not quite finished.

I've got the two of them.

I've got everything done but the vocals.

And the third one, I have some music to do in the studio, still in the vocals, but the vocals have been a problem.

This.

This bug, that kind of thing, just won't go away.

And so halfway through songs, you know, I did some.

I work practice at least an hour, maybe two every day on keyboard and on singing for songs in general to get everything learned.

Just won't go away.

I don't know what it is.

Not sick.

And that bug in the throat.

If anybody's got any great ideas, get a hold of me and let me know.

Best way to do that is that URL right there.

Kellenfluker media.com go there.

Helenfluecigermedia.com use the contact form and tell me your brilliant solution for that perpetual bug in the throat, which I don't normally have, but I have had for the last several weeks.

And that.

Right.

And I don't know why.

Anyway, so those things happen and worse things.

Maybe you have an existential crisis where you've been trying for a year or two or three to create a business and it's just not working for you.

So you wake up and you say, I'm dead.

I'm finished.

I can't do it.

I'm just not cut out for this.

It won't work.

Or maybe someone close to you says, I'm finished with you, deluding yourself.

I can't support you anymore.

Maybe it's your partner or your spouse or your business partner.

Can't.

It's not working.

I quit.

Have you had that happen?

I'll bet you have.

Raise your hand.

Sick feeling in the stomach.

Let's go vomit and then come back and talk.

So there's a lot of things to talk about.

These setbacks.

And I titled today building resilience.

Building resilience.

Turning setbacks into setups.

Right?

Setbacks into setups.

And that means set up for success.

When I picked that word, I thought setups.

I wonder if you know, like a criminal, hey, I'm being set up.

That's not what I mean.

Setups that are good setups for you.

And often when we talk about this, so.

So often people say, yeah, that's just a bunch of psycho babble.

We're just saying those things.

But it's not really true.

We're just trying to get ourselves in a good mood.

Well, there's several parts to that one that is true.

We choose our frame of mind.

And the reason it's important to know that is because when you're excited or I'm excited, I do better.

I'm more excited about things.

I'm more productive.

I'm more creative.

So are you.

You know that.

So imagine, I want you to go think right now about the biggest setback or something you think is a setback.

Loss of revenue, loss of relationship, loss of help or damage in any one of those areas.

I was talking to somebody who I interviewed not too long ago here on the podcast, and they said something had changed in the world, something pretty significant and a place where they got, I think they said 80% of their revenue suddenly disappeared.

Imagine that.

Catastrophic for them.

It's interesting because that's not the only person.

About six months ago, I.

I talked to A person who wasn't a client, but that I knew and that I had talked to periodically over the years just to keep connections going.

And a coach in a different city, a different area, same thing about five months ago, because I think their feeling was that it had something to do with the election outcome.

So I live in Canada, but in the US Donald Trump got elected and that person blamed or thought that Donald Trump's actions in terms of either government efficiency or, you know, changing something had caused a significant loss of revenue for their business.

Now, I don't know the cause and I didn't investigate it, but what I know is 80% loss in their business, also catastrophic, unexpected.

And they were not prepared and they weren't doing a bunch of railing and screaming, but they were like, hey, what do we do now?

So this is the subject of today.

How do we turn those catastrophes, how do we turn those catastrophes into opportunities?

Now we have all kinds of phrases that deal with that.

You've heard the story about the little boy that's led into a big barn and in the barn there's a big pile of horse poop.

And the little boy, instead of being grossed out, dives into the horse poop and starts throwing it here and there.

And someone asks him, what are you doing?

And he said, well, with all this horse crap, I know there's got to be a pony in here somewhere.

So that was a choice.

He responded to enthusiasm with enthusiasm.

And we treat that as some kind of a joke.

But I think there's a little more to it than that.

Because what we know from massive scientific research is that the energy we fill our hearts, our souls, our minds with has a creative power.

Now if you believed that, if you really, to the core believe that, you'd guard your thoughts and your feelings like mad.

Like you would if you knew that thinking powerful and positive expectant thoughts and taking action consistent with those thoughts would create the outcome you want.

If you knew that was true, you believed it and you knew it, you would guard those thoughts like crazy.

If on this, on the.

By the same token, if you knew that having grumpy thoughts, negative, self critical thoughts, I'm not good enough, it won't work.

Who am I to do this?

Write a book or change my neighborhood, let alone the world.

If you knew that thinking negatively about that was going to guarantee failure, you'd guard your thoughts like crazy.

And we do that, even though we have all read the books and seen the studies that say, as a man or woman thinketh, so is he or she like, we've heard that a million times and said all kinds of different ways.

Napoleon Hill, think and grow Rich.

Outwitting the devil.

Wallace Waddles, Science of Getting Rich.

I mean, all of those books, methods, philosophies, talk about that.

And yet we only half believe it.

Why?

Why do you only half believe it?

And if you disagree with me, you're free to, you know, reach out to me and tell me you disagree and you believe it fully.

And again, if you want to get a hold of me, there's the URL on the screen.

Kellenflukermedia.com use the contact form.

Tell me what you think.

I make that judgment about.

You don't believe it because of how you.

By and large, I'm not talking to an individual here, but how we act because we act as if we don't believe it or we act as if it's true for somebody.

I'm sure it's true.

Yeah, whatever.

But not for me.

And that's not true with respect.

That belief is not true with respect to the negative side.

We believe that because we expect.

We express.

We say, my life's full of stuff.

Garbage just keeps happening to me.

How come?

And then we don't stop to think about how much we expect trouble.

We expect there's.

We expect things to go wrong.

And by that expectation, we create them.

That's an interesting way and a truthful way to look at this.

Yet if you knew, or I knew, if we knew that we were going to create something terrible with our thoughts, man, we'd guard them like crazy.

But we don't.

Here's a challenge for you, and I hope it's fun and revealing at the same time.

I want you to stop 10 or 12 times today and think about your internal dialogue.

What are you saying to yourself?

What are you believing about yourself?

If I were to hear the deepest inner voice of your heart, what would I think?

What would I know was true?

About how much you love yourself or believe in your future or are exercising your creative power.

Now, there's a one way of looking about, looking at this that I really like.

Sometimes we act like we're sitting in a movie theater and there's a projection on the screen.

And the projection on the screen is.

Is our life.

It's the scenes of our life.

And we look at those scenes and react positively or negatively to those scenes and think, that wasn't fair.

That wasn't good.

Oh, that was great.

And we act like we don't have anything to do with what's going on up in the projection booth.

Here's another way to think about that.

What if you and I, what if we are the projector and what's on the screen, meaning the scenes of our life, is what we are projecting.

Now if you believe that, then the challenge is like I said 10 times, just listen to your inner dialogue and see what you're really projecting onto your life screen.

Because my experience is that that representation about being the projector is extremely accurate.

What I think, what I believe, what I'm feeling, I'm projecting that out through my eyes onto the screen of life.

And sometimes we object to that idea because there are so many things that go on around us that others do or say that we believe that we have nothing to do with.

And, and undoubtedly there are things that are beyond our control.

Weather and, you know, wars that start here and there.

And we seem to be having a terrifyingly exceeding number of those right now, with who knows how many poor souls dying.

It just breaks my heart.

So we don't create that, but in the microcosm we do create our lives.

We invite experiences that are consistent with what we believe, the energy that we project.

Now, I know this is not a new idea for you, but the challenge right now is let's say you're having these setbacks.

Let's say instead of arguing with me, you simply say, okay, maybe the projections of my thinking, my belief are attracting to me magnetically these never these negative experiences.

Instead of getting into an argument with me, some people say, well, I didn't want to get sick.

I didn't.

Let's set that aside for a minute just for the sake of this conversation.

Let's say you do.

You set that aside and you say, okay, I'm projecting an energy that invited this kind of experience.

I'm projecting a belief about myself, about my future, about my possibilities, about where I'm going.

That invited setbacks, that invited pushback from the universe and from life.

Let's just for the sake of argument go there.

What are our opportunities?

One opportunity is to argue and say, I didn't do anything.

It's just friggin not fair.

That's a legitimate point of view.

I don't think it's very productive.

Certainly hasn't been for me.

Another one is to just get curious and say, what, what am I saying in my private chambers?

Because usually that's the place, what we say out loud.

If you're saying things out loud, denigrating or dissing yourself or I suck, I'll never do this if you're talking like that out loud, you're already three layers into this, okay?

And what I mean by that is, by the time you say it out loud, you've already said it inside and countless times.

And on top of that, by saying it inside, you're creating, excuse me, the neurotransmitters of failure.

The neurotransmitters of sadness, of frustration, of anxiety, of depression.

You're creating that because of your internal dialogue.

So still going down the road of, let's say that our energy attracts these experiences from life that push back on us.

Let's just say that that's true one way, and we talked about one way, but another way to look at that is, okay, we say sometimes, well, everything happens for a reason, and what doesn't kill you makes.

Makes you stronger and so forth.

And so then we can take the point of view of, okay, this is here so that I can develop more resilience or be a better person in some way consistent with the particular trial.

And that is a better way than to be angry and blaming.

But it isn't the most powerful way because that, again, says, an externality smashed itself in my face and it's for my good, so whatever.

And that usually is accompanied by some resentment and, okay, I'll tough it out through this.

Somehow.

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

Okay, There's a even more powerful way to respond to this, and that is as a suggestion, that's this.

I can't make you do anything.

And I wouldn't even if I could.

And I'll tell you why in a minute.

A more, much more powerful way is simply to say, okay, this happened, whatever it is, IRS took all your money, your partner left you, you got sick.

I'm saying big things.

It can be small things.

Kid got in trouble at school, had a flat tire, late to work, got fired, all kinds of different things.

And just ask this question.

What am I thinking?

Believing.

What kind of energy am I doing that is drawing this kind of trial or difficult experience in my life?

Am I boasting?

And so, you know, there was a force needed to kind of make sure I didn't explode my own importance.

Now, I don't know if there's somebody around keeping score, but it seems like balance is a big part of the universal laws, the laws of nature, equilibrium.

And so if we try to brag, we're very likely going to invite some kind of negative experience to balance that.

So let's just play that game.

I challenge you for the next few Days, anything that happens that's not what you want, that is, seems like a catastrophe or disaster, little one or big one, Instead of getting mad or instead of just sort of being resigned, just say, okay, that is.

And if you're really going for the tough one, say, I'm grateful that happened.

I love it.

I love the fact that my bank account's empty or that I'm sick in the hospital right now.

It gives me time to think.

And then say, I wonder what I am, what.

What I can make out of this.

What can I change that will pull me onto a life path, into a life energy, into a.

Into a lifeline that doesn't have this, where I'm able and energized and motivated to add good to the world and create good stuff.

So I challenge you to do that.

And I promise you, if you do, turning setbacks into setups for good things is not difficult.

Now, I'm going to tell you a little story about just exactly that.

Just last Christmas.

So it's.

I'm recording this in May of 2025, and it's going to air in the end of June or first part of July, but I don't know when you're going to see it.

But five months ago, just before Christmas, on a Saturday, Friday, you know, Friday and Saturday that week, I started experiencing really severe lightheadedness.

So I would sit down or stand up.

And I know if you stand up too fast, you get lightheaded.

I know all that.

I've lived a long time and had that kind of experience.

This was different and more radical, more severe.

You know, it scared me.

And so it went on several times that week.

And finally on Saturday, about four or five times, I experienced real lightheadedness.

And one time, even twice actually, I passed out just momentarily.

And one time I found myself, when I woke up, slumped against the wall.

And another time I sat in a chair, and the act of even sitting down caused this.

I, you know, came to with my head.

Well, and it wasn't very long, and I wasn't going to do anything about it, but I told Joy, and she said, are you nuts?

We're going to go to the, you know, we're going to the ER to see what's wrong with you.

That's not okay.

How many times has it happened today?

Oh, five.

Are you crazy?

We're going.

So we did.

And it was interesting because instead of just dismissing me like I thought, well, they'll just take a look at it and see there's nothing wrong.

And they'll tell me, you know, drink more, you're dehydrated or you're something, something, something.

They didn't do that at all.

It was quite a while.

Two or three.

Yeah, four hours.

We went at 5 or 6 o' clock to the ER and it was after midnight, one or two in the morning before I was called in.

It was quite busy and I wasn't an urgent case, meaning I wasn't bleeding on the floor.

But by the time they got me in and looked at everything, they decided, you know what.

Yeah, there's some here, something here to worry about.

So they kept me.

They wanted to do 24 hours of monitoring.

So they hooked me up to some gear and left me there for 24 hours all through Sunday and into Monday morning and, you know, took heart readings and all the kind of stuff they do for that.

That sort of occurrence.

And here's the reason I say that instead of.

And this is practicing what I was just talking about earlier, instead of asking Joy to bring me something to read, or instead of watching television, I decided not to.

I didn't turn on the tv, I didn't do anything.

I just decided to take that sacred space of about 28 hours.

I slept some of it, but just to be with the Spirit, to sit with God and to explore the very questions that I'm talking to you about what is happening.

Because you know what my mission is?

My mission is to reach 300 million people with the message.

And the message is, you are divine, capable and anything is possible, meaning you can create your life.

So I just decided to sit with that.

And it turned what could have been either an angering or frustrating waste of time or something scary into a beautiful and glorious experience where I was very near to the Spirit.

I felt like the veil was very, very thin.

And I had a bunch of experiences that I'm not going to tell the stories now because it doesn't matter.

But the point was, it was the choice to simply love what is.

And to ask myself, what am I believing?

What kind of energy am I living in that would bring me up short, slap upside the face.

And I had several clear pieces of direction.

About three or four things in my life.

One was the pace that I was living at.

Two was maybe I wasn't quite paying enough attention to the body.

And there were three or four concrete suggestions.

And so there were some business things, some things with joy, some things in my life, and I don't.

I would never have received those if I had been either frustrated or angry or resigned.

It was because I leaned right in and said, okay, let's, let's, let's just sit here with this.

So I share that experience, not to say anything about me, but to give you a firsthand personal example of something that could have been scary.

Instead, I turned it into an inquiry, and it turned out to be glorious and beautiful.

So the point of today, I want to make several points here for you to take this away.

Setbacks into setups.

That was an example for me.

List three or four setbacks right now that you have had in the last day or week or month.

Maybe your day's packed and you've had three or four in the last three hours.

I don't know.

But list them.

List them and ask yourself, what is the gift in each one?

What is the gift in here?

What is the possible gift?

Because it's always available for you or me to get beat down, to lay on the ground and say, I quit.

I'm done.

It's not fair.

I've had the crap kicked out of me.

I've been busting my butt, trying really hard.

It never works.

And we've all used that line of reasoning, and we know where it goes, too.

Never fixes anything.

Instead, ask, what's the gift here?

What can I do right now to develop patience?

And patience is not doing nothing.

Patience is not resignation.

Patience is not binging Netflix.

Patience is leaning in joyously and exploring the opportunity.

See, when unexpected things happen, we tend to get frustrated and mad that the laws of nature and the will, God and the actions of others didn't line up with our.

Our chosen view of the universe, our chosen flow for this day or this week or this month.

Well, one of the things we said earlier is maybe things are there's a possible growth opportunity.

I can't find that growth opportunity if I don't fall in love with what is what if we say instead, These setbacks, as it were, are not even setbacks.

They're opportunities to learn to love myself more.

They're opportunities to explore my own level of resilience.

Now, we've all seen the movies, read the books about people in difficult circumstances, starvation and wartime, and marveled at their resilience, that their willingness and determination to keep moving forward.

And sometimes we say, well, they had no choice.

Yeah, they did.

Yeah, you do.

Every single time.

So I told you we were doing four parts about going from stuck to soaring.

And this is the third one.

The first one was the hidden cost of settling why being good enough quote is holding you back.

And the second one Was last episode.

The power of choice, reclaiming your agency, the sacred nature of agency.

And this one is building resilience, turning these setbacks into setups.

Now, in order for this to do good for me, at least, I have to not play games with it.

If I go, well, I guess there's supposed to be something good in here somewhere, so I'll just freaking pretend and do whatever and see what I can find.

When I've done that or anything like it.

It hasn't really produced anything for me.

When I lay down my insistence that the laws of nature work according to my yearning, when I quit fighting with reality and I simply lean in and say, this spirit, having a human experience, what can I make out of this?

Every single time I've done that sincerely and with real desire, it has been amazing.

It has changed the game in a significant way.

And, you know, it's kind of like the word breakthrough.

When someone says to me, how to breakthrough?

How to breakthrough?

When they've said that 50 or 60 or 100 times, I used to find myself wondering, oh, come on, how many breakthroughs is it going to take?

What are you breaking through tissue paper?

When are we going to get there?

I no longer think that anymore.

Because any sudden or gradual, but usually sudden insight where you realize you've been looking at life, your growth, your capability a certain way, and then you realize, holy cow, there's another mountaintop, There's a different way to look at this.

There's a whole different thing I wasn't seeing.

Anytime we do that, it's so exhilarating.

It's so exciting.

It's so much fun.

Now, here's some things I know about you and some invitations for you.

I know that you're a divine being.

I know that you have capability and power.

I also know that you have a yearning to add good to the world.

By add good to the world, I simply mean live your life in a conscious, intentional way.

To be kind, to be of service, to lift, to love, to bless, like we are here.

To love and serve each other.

Making a billion dollars or getting greedy or having the biggest house or the best cars or whatever, Those are fun, but they're not our purpose.

That's really obvious, because how many people do you know that have all the material things they want and they're still not happy?

They still have the emptiness and still yearning and looking?

Well, I know a boatload.

I used to be one.

You probably do, too.

How many people do you know are living in the shadow of their dreams?

And what I Mean by that is they have this year, maybe you, a yearning to have more, to be more, to make a difference.

And yet when you look at your calendar and you look at your energy and you look at where you spend your time, your energy, your love, your focus, your cash, it doesn't line up with those lofty goals.

I often hear from potential client or someone I'm talking to about a lofty or powerful thing they really want to do.

And I'll ask the question, well, how bad do you want that?

Oh, I'll do anything.

Okay.

Really?

Yeah, I'll do whatever I have to.

And so then we start exploring things that are going on, either attitudes or behaviors or habits that are in their lives that are absolutely and obviously in the way.

And quite often there is a sort of rejection of that.

Well, I didn't know I had to change that.

And so what we're really saying is I want everything that I want to somehow be delivered with a magic wand and in an instant.

Life was built to build us.

Life is created to give us the opportunity to grow.

The cool thing is that nobody can force you to grow, or me.

Nobody can force you to develop your talents.

Nobody can force you to look at every setback as a beautiful opportunity.

Nobody can force you to do that.

And the other side of that coin is no one can prevent you from that joyful experience.

I promise you a couple of things.

When you lean in and make the very most of everything that happens, I don't know why this happened.

It's not what I was looking for, but I'm gonna find a pony in here.

Every time you do that, your heart is lighter, your creativity goes up and you feel really good about yourself.

You get hits of dopamine and serotonin and all the rest.

Because creativity is fun.

Exploring is fun.

Curiosity is fun.

Curiosity is the seed of passion.

Curiosity is the seed.

Passion is the fruit.

So many of us at maybe all our lives are at different times.

We want everything to be quick, instantaneous.

Yeah, I've had a setback and somebody come and take it away.

It is in the doing that we learn.

It is in the activity that we get better.

I use a silly example all the time, but if I watch a YouTube video of someone that's in shape doing 100 push ups and I watch it 50 times, I don't get stronger, do I?

And we live in a world where we think that everything digital should be quick and easy.

And it's not real growth, never was.

And by living in this world of not being Resilient.

We're losing the ability.

We're losing the ability to build, to push through, to develop.

We're developing the ability to complain, to grumble to right and to moan at everything and everybody else.

We're developing that to a high level of skill.

All you have to do is watch the tv, look at social media and talk about politics and you'll see no matter which side you're on, we're building great facility in arguing and smashing and degrading and everything else.

How about if we return to the ability to be resilient, the return to the ability to be self sufficient, to stop looking for some cavalry coming over the hill and instead look inside and say, what is my capability?

What One step.

Now I'm going to give you some strategies to do this in everyday life because it's easy to talk about stuff at 30,000 or 50,000ft.

Here's how you implement this.

Every time you find yourself frustrated or angry, stop and ask, why am I frustrated or angry?

And if the sentence starts because they or because that and it's outside of you, that's a trigger that says you're externalizing and blaming or I am and there's, excuse me, there's an opportunity to say, well, this is what it is.

What can I create here?

And smile.

What can I create here?

Well, you won't even know until you explore that.

So that is a daily activity.

Every single time you feel frustrated, negative, ignored, pushed down, unfairly treated or whatever, instead of responding, you know, reacting to it and yelling and blaming and sulking or whatever it is, simply say, okay, this is not what I wanted.

What can I create here?

If you'll take that challenge seriously, I promise it will change your life all by itself.

Another strategy for cultivating resilience is make a choice to follow Einstein's advice.

One of the things he said is there's two ways to look at life.

One is that nothing's a miracle, and two, that everything is.

I found personally that choosing to view everything as a miracle, amazing that could happen, is really powerful.

It keeps me in a good mood, it keeps me creating, and it keeps me in wonder and awe at you, each one of you.

I choose every time I talk to someone to look at them as an amazing divine being and to just see what beauty and power there is and have our conversation from that point of amazingness and power instead of what can I get out of them or I'm bored and I'm multitasking or any other sort of energetic state that's 50 miles below, wonder and amazement.

Now, here's the invitations.

First of all, accept my love.

I love you.

If there's something I can do to serve you, to lift you, to help you, let me know.

I cannot read minds, but I would love to be of service if you want to get a hold of me.

Thekellenfluekeggermedia.com contact form is the way to do that.

The second invitation is like that one, and that is if you have a story to tell.

I love having people on the show here to share your message of resilience and growth and overcoming.

And believe me, in the interviews I've done, I've seen some staggering things that blew my mind and left me jaw dropping with the.

The courage of some of the people that I've had the blessing of talking to.

Maybe you're one of them.

I would love to do that.

If you want my help with anything, that's all I do.

My mission now is to reach 300 million people with the message of your divinity and therefore capability, possibility.

Your circumstances don't define you.

What's happened to you doesn't define you.

Your past doesn't define you.

Those are all things that have happened.

And you have the choice right here, right now to go do and be whatever you want.

That's the beauty.

The past is in the past.

And I don't mean we can ignore it.

Sometimes there's crap we have to clean up, especially if there's big things, but it's all clean up.

I know that's not a word, so I encourage you.

Number one, accept my love.

Two, if you want to be here on the show or share something with me, you're invited.

Number three, if I can share your message, I'll be happy to do that.

And if you want my help with anything, do the other URL here on the screen.

Www.dreambuildrite.

it's.com is a challenge that I'm holding periodically, two or three times a year to help you tell your story, write a book.

I found that there's nothing more powerful than the work it takes to organize what you've learned, the choices that you've made to get where you are, which is brilliant and wonderful, even if you don't think so.

Doing that work, there's nothing like it, nothing substitutes for it.

I know some things because I'm living them every day, that if you take that, take the opportunity to look at life through the lens of resilience, you'll be happier, you'll be more creative, you'll be more productive and you'll be able to make great progress in creating your ultimate life.

Never hold back.

And you'll never hold.

Open your heart.

And this time around, right here, right now, your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.

Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything.

If you want to know more, go to kellenflueckegermedia.com if you want more free tools, go here.

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