Embracing Discomfort: How to Transform Fear and Thrive Authentically with Wendy Feldman
In this episode of Your Ultimate Life, Wendy Feldman shares her journey from near-death experiences and personal hardships to resilience and self-discovery. She explores how embracing discomfort leads to growth, authenticity, and a fulfilling life. Wendy defines fear using two acronyms: Face Everything and Run or Face Everything and Rise—and she chooses to Rise. What about you?
Wendy discusses overcoming challenges like divorce and toxic relationships, highlighting the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-love. She shares her mantra of saying "no" to others when it means saying "yes" to herself and encourages listeners to connect with relationships that inspire growth.
As a wellness coach, Wendy is passionate about helping others uncover their gifts and conquer fears. This episode is a powerful reminder to embrace authenticity, resilience, and self-love to create a life filled with purpose and joy.
Takeaways:
- Embracing discomfort is essential for growth, enabling you to push through challenges and transform your life.
- It's crucial to stop seeking validation from others and instead find it within yourself.
- Living authentically means letting go of fears regarding what others think about you.
- Building resilience comes from experiences that teach you to be comfortable with discomfort.
- The journey of self-discovery often involves removing toxic people from your life.
- You can face everything and rise, overcoming fear rather than running from it.
Links referenced in this episode:
- wendyfeldmanwellness.com
- wendyfeldman_underscore_wellness
- linkedin.com/in/wendyfeldman
- tiktok.com/@wendyfeldman
Subscribe to our podcast and visit out podcast website at https://www.yourultimatelifepodcast.com
We are always looking for dynamic guests with a story. If that's you send us a line at https://www.yourultimatelifepodcast.com/contact.
00:00 - Untitled
00:09 - Creating Your Ultimate Life
09:11 - Setting Boundaries and Seeking Self-Worth
11:11 - The Journey to Self-Validation
19:30 - Embracing Discomfort
33:22 - Facing Fear and Rising Above
Welcome to the show.
KellenTired of the hype about living the dream?
KellenIt's time for truth.
KellenThis is the place for tools, power, and real talk so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life.
KellenSubscribe, share, create.
KellenYou have infinite power.
KellenHello, and welcome to this episode of youf Ultimate Life, the podcast committed to helping you create a life of purpose, prosperity and joy.
KellenAnd I'm stoked today to have a fabulous guest, Wendy Feldman.
KellenWendy, welcome to the show.
Wendy FeldmanAh, thank you, thank you.
Wendy FeldmanI'm super excited to be here with you today.
KellenKellen, you are so welcome.
KellenAnd I'm grateful that I'm grateful for who you're being and the work you're doing and how you're creating things in the world.
KellenSo I'm not going to give an introduction.
KellenI'm going to allow people to get to know your beauty, your grace, your passion as we go along.
KellenAnd the first thing I want to ask you is without being any holding anything back or trying to be modest or anything, I want people to know and I want to know how is Wendy adding good to the world?
Wendy FeldmanThank you.
Wendy FeldmanOh, gosh, that is kind of a loaded.
Wendy FeldmanThat's.
Wendy FeldmanHere we go.
Wendy FeldmanDo you have.
Wendy FeldmanHow much time do you have?
KellenWe've got a half an hour.
Wendy FeldmanDo we have all day?
Wendy FeldmanBecause, you know.
Wendy FeldmanNo, no, no.
Wendy FeldmanYou know, I love that I've been through as you.
Wendy FeldmanI have died.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that's how you and I started talking.
Wendy FeldmanYou know, I've died three times.
Wendy FeldmanWell, come close to death, let's say.
Wendy FeldmanI don't want to say I've died because I'm right here today, but I have come close to death three times in the.
Wendy FeldmanOver the period of the last eight years, or let's say 10 years now.
Wendy FeldmanAnd through all of that, I so realized.
Wendy FeldmanI so realized what was really important in life and what really mattered.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I've had to go through a lot of hurt, a lot of pain, physical, emotional.
Wendy FeldmanThrough that came.
Wendy FeldmanThere was a divorce in the middle of that.
Wendy FeldmanAnd a lot of different things happened.
Wendy FeldmanAnd through every little bit that I went through, I realized it doesn't matter about the small stuff.
Wendy FeldmanAnd you and I have talked about this before, about what other people think, and your WITOT theory comes into play big time.
Wendy FeldmanYou know what I think others think, and I really resonate with that because I used to live my life so worried about what are people going to think?
Wendy FeldmanWhat if?
Wendy FeldmanWhat if.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that held me back from so.
Wendy FeldmanFrom doing so many things and from being my true authentic self.
Wendy FeldmanSo I Guess to answer your question, what I'm doing to bring good into the world is to let other people know that you can be your true, authentic self and it's okay.
Wendy FeldmanAnd what other people think, it doesn't matter.
Wendy FeldmanAnd the people that love you and the people.
Wendy FeldmanPeople that support you will always be there and you.
Wendy FeldmanLike attracts like.
Wendy FeldmanSo I want to share that message because for so many years of my Life, for almost 50 years of my life, I don't think I felt that way.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I was afraid to be my authentic self and for what I thought people were going to think about my authentic self.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that wasn't a.
Wendy FeldmanDid not feel good to live that way.
Wendy FeldmanDidn't feel good.
KellenYou know, you said the people that love you will always be there when you choose or someone chooses to be their authentic self and, you know, be different than they've been being.
KellenIs it possible that the people that you thought loved you or ought to love you would run screaming for the hills and want nothing to do with you?
KellenAnd if that happens, like, what do you do?
Wendy FeldmanAbsolutely.
Wendy FeldmanAbsolutely.
Wendy FeldmanIt's people that we think.
Wendy FeldmanBecause, of course, there were people in my world that when I got divorced, I thought they were close to me and they weren't there.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that's.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I.
Wendy FeldmanAnd you've talked about this in POD in some of your fear podcasts, which I'm really loving the series, is that we can blame.
Wendy FeldmanI can say, okay, well, I could blame them and say, well, they weren't there for me, but I have to take ownership, right?
Wendy FeldmanI take ownership of myself.
Wendy FeldmanSo what how other people respond, that's on.
Wendy FeldmanThat's on them.
Wendy FeldmanI can only control what I can control.
Wendy FeldmanRight?
Wendy FeldmanSo how people act, it's how we react to that, Right.
Wendy FeldmanHow we react to their actions.
Wendy FeldmanWe can't control other people, what they think about this, what they're going to say about us, we can't control that people will do what they're going to do.
Wendy FeldmanWe can control how we respond and how we let it affect us.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that was a big thing that I learned is I have the control over that.
Wendy FeldmanI can spiral out of control or I can just move on my own way.
Wendy FeldmanAnd so I guess I say, when I.
Wendy FeldmanThe people that love you will support you.
Wendy FeldmanIt's the people that you connect with that believe in you, that believe in you, who you are, that love you for your authentic self.
Wendy FeldmanThose were the people that I'm referring to.
Wendy FeldmanIs that.
Wendy FeldmanDid I make.
KellenThat makes perfect sense.
Wendy FeldmanYeah.
KellenYeah.
KellenSo let's talk a little Bit about that.
KellenYou're right, I can't.
KellenYou can't.
KellenWe don't have anything to do.
KellenLike other people feel whatever they feel and they feel that and it makes perfect sense to them because they're wherever they are on their journey of life and so they then hate you or me or whoever or avoid, you know, change because that's the lens that they look through.
KellenAnd so then they're, they're out of your life.
KellenAnd then you attract new relationships, people, conditions into your life.
KellenI have a question that just popped in my mind as you said that.
KellenSo if people that you thought should love you, family, friends, whatever, and then they distance themselves or get scarce or openly become hostile as you, as you choose the path to live on and how you express yourself in the world, is it possible that can hurt?
KellenIs it possible in your mind to get to a place where you just love them anyway and let them be where they are after the fact that they hurt you?
KellenLike what.
KellenWhat happens then?
Wendy FeldmanYeah.
Wendy FeldmanYes, that's a really, really great question.
Wendy FeldmanI do believe that.
Wendy FeldmanI do believe that.
Wendy FeldmanNow, obviously there's different levels of hurt, okay, so we, you know, people are.
Wendy FeldmanEveryone's gonna.
Wendy FeldmanEvery situation is going to be different for every human on the planet and it depends on their own level of what and what hur to them.
Wendy FeldmanBut I do believe, yes, I do believe that we accept we can learn because we learn in life, we learn to adapt.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that's one of the big things that I work on as being a health and wellness coach that I work with my clients is some things we can't change.
Wendy FeldmanAnd people don't really change, you know, they really don't.
Wendy FeldmanBut we adapt.
Wendy FeldmanWe learn to adapt.
Wendy FeldmanAnd so when people, when we have, let's say, whether it's family, friends, da da da, that maybe have hurt us or that maybe we've hurt them, I mean, you know, it goes both ways, right?
Wendy FeldmanThat maybe we.
Wendy FeldmanAnd da da da.
Wendy FeldmanSo we have to then adapt and we hope that other people.
Wendy FeldmanI hope that other people will adapt as well, that know that.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it becomes, I think, one of the things that bubbles up when I, as I say this to you, it's about judgment and about, you know, people are fear of being judged.
Wendy FeldmanThere's a lot of judgment going on.
Wendy FeldmanPeople judge all the time.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that's one, one of my.
Wendy FeldmanThat's a big trigger for me because I used to, I was very judgmental and I'm so not now.
Wendy FeldmanAnd so I let people do their thing and if they're going to be.
Wendy FeldmanGo do it.
Wendy FeldmanHave at it.
Wendy FeldmanLike, that's fine.
Wendy FeldmanThat's good.
Wendy FeldmanBecause it's on them.
Wendy FeldmanIf it, you know, I can, I can either remove myself.
Wendy FeldmanI can either say, that doesn't work for me anymore.
Wendy FeldmanI set those boundaries.
Wendy FeldmanIt's all about.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I never could do that, Kellen.
Wendy FeldmanI never knew how to do that.
Wendy FeldmanI'm such a people pleaser.
Wendy FeldmanI was so afraid to disappoint people, and I didn't want to say no.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that was not healthy.
Wendy FeldmanIt was not good.
Wendy FeldmanYou know, that was not good.
KellenIf you, if you get.
KellenAnd I know you're talking to a lot of people right now that are listening.
KellenIf you who are a people pleaser, meaning you got your energy and value and validation from seeing that what you did or said made somebody else happy.
KellenAnd so we're pleasing people.
KellenWhen you stop doing that and begin setting boundaries, then you no longer meet their expectations, so you no longer have that source of personal validation.
KellenSo there's two questions in here.
KellenOne is, how do you deal with the reaction of others who you now no longer people please because you set boundaries?
KellenAnd the second is, where do you then get your validation or feeling of worth that you used to get from making people happy?
KellenSo what do you do with their how dare you reaction if that happens?
KellenAnd then where do you go get the truth of your own value in the new.
KellenIn a new way?
Wendy FeldmanThat is two great questions.
Wendy FeldmanSo.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I'll tell you my.
Wendy FeldmanI'll tell you my take on it.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I'd love to know your take on it as well, too.
KellenWell, you're.
KellenYou're.
KellenThis is you.
KellenYour take is all there.
KellenI mean, yes, I'll share, but so please.
Wendy FeldmanI really feel like.
Wendy FeldmanBecause when you're so conditioned to.
Wendy FeldmanFrom growing up, from being a little kid, to always looking for approval, to looking for approval, to getting people to say yes to da, da, da, to not wanting to say no, to not wanting to disappoint to people, please.
Wendy FeldmanYou're so conditioned to that.
Wendy FeldmanIt becomes.
Wendy FeldmanIt's just part of you, right?
Wendy FeldmanIt was part of me.
Wendy FeldmanIt's like.
Wendy FeldmanBut when I.
Wendy FeldmanSo I started writing this, I started this little mantra and I wrote down this thing on a piece of paper one day, and I decorated it and I colored it, made it look really pretty.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it was eight years ago, seven years ago that I did this.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it's still sitting.
Wendy FeldmanI have it sitting in my bathroom and I look at it every day.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it's basically a mantra.
Wendy FeldmanThat means that I said I'm going to stop saying yes to others when it means saying no to myself, and that I will be okay if I say no and it may disappoint someone, quote, and I say disappoint, I will be okay with that.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it will not stop me from doing what I want to do because I'm afraid of disappointing.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I wrote that out in.
Wendy FeldmanIn, you know, in my own little words.
Wendy FeldmanAnd like I said, I kind of colored it and made it just, you know, and it was this very therapeutic.
Wendy FeldmanIt was a very therapeutic exercise I did because I look, it's there every day as a reminder.
Wendy FeldmanAnd so when you ask me now, so that was one big step I took by saying no, I'm going to.
Wendy FeldmanIf it.
Wendy FeldmanIf it means saying no to myself, I'm not going to say yes to others.
Wendy FeldmanAnd so that was tough.
Wendy FeldmanThat was a big.
Wendy FeldmanSo that was number one.
Wendy FeldmanBut the second part, when you ask the question as, where do you get that validation?
Wendy FeldmanI have to.
Wendy FeldmanI get.
Wendy FeldmanGive it to myself.
Wendy FeldmanI give it to myself whether it's outside.
Wendy FeldmanWhen I, you know, I was a huge road cyclist.
Wendy FeldmanI think we talked about this and two of my near deaths were on my.
Wendy FeldmanOn my road bike.
Wendy FeldmanSo I gave that up.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that was very challenging for me because that was where I got a lot of my own validation because I was very.
Wendy FeldmanI was very good on the bike, very good cyclist, very fast, successful, and I was fearless.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that was the one place in my world where I could be me.
Wendy FeldmanI could be me.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I rode for miles and ever and loved it.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that had.
Wendy FeldmanIt was taken away from me from.
Wendy FeldmanBecause of the two accidents that I had and, you know, two traumatic brain injuries.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that was.
Wendy FeldmanThat was it.
Wendy FeldmanThat was it.
Wendy FeldmanThe doctor said, no more your head again.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that's it.
Wendy FeldmanAnd my kids and said, mom, please.
Wendy FeldmanAnd so I did.
Wendy FeldmanI saw.
Wendy FeldmanI was like, no more bike.
Wendy FeldmanSo I'm off.
Wendy FeldmanBut I got a peloton and I became a spin instructor.
Wendy FeldmanAnd so I kind of flip that into, you know, how can I.
Wendy FeldmanHow can I use it?
Wendy FeldmanAnd when I get on and that.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I give myself the validation, it's we.
Wendy FeldmanYou find it in yourself, Colin.
Wendy FeldmanYou find it because we all have it.
Wendy FeldmanWe all have our own special gift.
Wendy FeldmanEveryone has it and it's being.
Wendy FeldmanHow to tap into that which is really challenging when you can tap into your own gift and realize you have a gift and she has a gift and he has a gift and they have a gift.
Wendy FeldmanEveryone has Their own gift, then I'm not threatened by that anymore.
Wendy FeldmanI'm not threatened by other people's.
Wendy FeldmanI have my own.
Wendy FeldmanAnd if you want to love me for that and you like my gift and you want to hear about my gifts and you want to find your own, great, awesome, talk to me, work with me.
Wendy FeldmanAnd if not, that's okay too.
Wendy FeldmanThat's okay too.
KellenSo I just absolutely love that and I want to just agree in specifics for the listeners benefit.
KellenHere you listening.
KellenYou have a gift and you may be hearing it and look at her, look at me or somebody else, you know, and think, oh, I wish I was like them.
KellenNo, you don't.
KellenWhat, what you do is you wish you could find your gifts and your own validation in yourself, just like she said, because it's there.
KellenAnd your willingness to explore and to accept and to truly begin to love yourself.
KellenI love the fact that that's in the bathroom.
KellenOne of the things I just did an episode on that'll be out in a while by myself was I, it was like a question, what's on your mirror?
KellenAnd I talked about writing phrases on your mirror and I use like a dry erase marker, right.
KellenAnd write them there to see, to live into and to sort of chew on every day that have to do with self love and validation and accepting those gifts.
KellenAnd so my take is you're exactly right.
KellenEvery single person has gifts and to the extent you're willing to accept them, to value them yourself and then to share them, you do create that validation and you realize that between your, the gifts you were given by your creator, like you have them.
KellenAnd our happiest time is when we're in love and service using those things that we were given.
KellenSo that's fabulous.
Wendy FeldmanAbsolutely.
Wendy FeldmanAnd sharing it.
Wendy FeldmanAnd, and I think when you talk about gifts, you know, one of the things that one of my, one of my careers because after, after I got divorced eight, nine years ago, I had to recreate myself.
Wendy FeldmanAnd at age 51 years old, it was like 52 years old.
Wendy FeldmanI'm 61 now.
Wendy FeldmanIt was how I never thought I'd be in this position.
Wendy FeldmanYou know, I'm like Now I've got three kids, my three amazing children who are in their 20s now.
Wendy FeldmanHow am I going to do this?
Wendy FeldmanYou know, I was pretty much a stay at home mom and I volunteered and did a lot of little things and I had little projects.
Wendy FeldmanBut now how am I going to recreate myself?
Wendy FeldmanAnd that was when I needed to really dig deep.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it was not always Easy.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I made mistakes along the way.
Wendy FeldmanSo, you know, no, no, there is no perfect.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it's the mistakes.
Wendy FeldmanIt's how we deal.
Wendy FeldmanWe learn from them.
Wendy FeldmanNot beat ourselves up.
Wendy FeldmanWe not beat our.
Wendy FeldmanYou know, I would beat myself up.
Wendy FeldmanLike, why did I do that?
Wendy FeldmanWhy do you do that?
Wendy FeldmanI was so dumb.
Wendy FeldmanAnd no, no, because we try.
Wendy FeldmanYou're trying.
Wendy FeldmanJust making the effort.
Wendy FeldmanHonestly, I feel like making an effort sometimes that is good enough.
Wendy FeldmanLike, you're trying.
Wendy FeldmanWe're out there.
Wendy FeldmanIt's better than doing nothing.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I say that again with clients when they're talking about things they want to change.
Wendy FeldmanMake.
Wendy FeldmanJust make the attempt.
Wendy FeldmanBecause often just that attempt to get over that break, that break that little, you know, that barrier, get over that little hump to make that attempt.
Wendy FeldmanThen you get yourself going.
Wendy FeldmanYou're like, I can do it, I can do it.
Wendy FeldmanIt's baby steps, one step at a time.
Wendy FeldmanSo it's like your goals, you know, making.
Wendy FeldmanWe make goals that are too big.
Wendy FeldmanIt's hard to achieve.
Wendy FeldmanMake small steps, little steps, little steps.
Wendy FeldmanAnd celebrate the win, celebrate the accomplishments.
Wendy FeldmanLike, hey, I did that.
Wendy FeldmanI did that one little thing.
Wendy FeldmanYou're like, okay, did it.
Wendy FeldmanI feel good.
Wendy FeldmanAnd then.
Wendy FeldmanAnd then you start to.
Wendy FeldmanAnd you build that confidence about it.
KellenI love that.
KellenAnd I would agree with you 100% in the attempt.
KellenYou have already won, so you made the attempt and that's it.
KellenI don't care if you had a thought in your mind, I'm going to make this attempt and suddenly I'll be on top of Mount Everest.
KellenAnd then you find yourself flat in your face at the bottom.
KellenOkay, you still made the attempt, and that by itself is a win.
KellenThe loss would be.
KellenAnd therefore I'm not going to try again.
KellenIf the next step is, well, I better get ready and figure out what made me trip here, down here, and I am eating snow.
KellenLet's start over.
KellenWhat else can I do?
KellenYou're already a winner.
KellenEvery single person breathing air does that.
KellenSo when you recreated yourself, like, okay, you recreated yourself and you said, and it's funny, you said you had this.
KellenAll these difficulties and the divorce was in the middle of them.
KellenAnd there it is, an example of a relationship that maybe you thought you could depend on.
KellenCrashed and burned for whatever reason, and then you find yourself with another mess to clean up.
KellenYou have to recreate yourself and figuring out lots of stuff.
KellenSo what happened?
KellenWhere did you find the resilience, the creativity and the power to do that in the midst of, you know, Those kinds of struggles.
Wendy FeldmanSo how I found that and where I found that was a lot in what I learned from when I had my bike crashes, when I had my first crash.
Wendy FeldmanAnd you've been through these things that are traumatic.
Wendy FeldmanI was in the hospital for seven days, and I was on a morphine drip for five days, and da, da, da.
Wendy FeldmanAnd when you've got a rehab from that, broken bones and traumatic, severe traumatic brain injury where you can't be in a room with light or sound or anything for weeks, right.
Wendy FeldmanYou have to train your body to get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I learned that actually when I was cycling with someone.
Wendy FeldmanOne time we used to cycle this mountain that was 4, 000ft.
Wendy FeldmanAnd we would do it a couple times a week.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it was tough.
Wendy FeldmanI mean, it was hard, that one part.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I remember someone saying, this is when you got to learn to be.
Wendy FeldmanYou get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I've taken that with me.
Wendy FeldmanThat has stuck with me.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I'm also a fitness instructor, so I teach bar classes.
Wendy FeldmanI've been teaching for 15 years.
Wendy FeldmanI love that.
Wendy FeldmanI love helping people.
Wendy FeldmanI love teaching, love educating, love having fun.
Wendy FeldmanBut that's one thing I say to my clients all the time.
Wendy FeldmanWhen it's.
Wendy FeldmanWhen you're in that part, it's like, embrace the discomfort.
Wendy FeldmanAnd when I was lying in a hospital bed a few years ago from another fall, another.
Wendy FeldmanNot a bike fall, but another mishap, surgical mishap, and had two lung surgeries and they thought I was going to die then.
Wendy FeldmanIt was painful.
Wendy FeldmanPainful.
Wendy FeldmanI couldn't breathe.
Wendy FeldmanFor 10 days, I could not breathe.
Wendy FeldmanI was on a ventilator.
Wendy FeldmanIt was.
Wendy FeldmanIt was horrible.
Wendy FeldmanBut I remember the times I was awake when I was not on the medic.
Wendy FeldmanYou know, I was waking up.
Wendy FeldmanIt was like, embrace this discomfort because it's not going to last forever.
Wendy FeldmanI can get through this.
Wendy FeldmanIt was the same.
Wendy FeldmanAnd you.
Wendy FeldmanI can take that pain.
Wendy FeldmanWhether it's.
Wendy FeldmanWhether you're in a hospital bed or whether you're in a.
Wendy FeldmanIn a.
Wendy FeldmanYou're.
Wendy FeldmanYou're at a.
Wendy FeldmanIn an event where you don't know anybody and you walk in and you're like, I don't know anyone here.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it's uncomfortable.
Wendy FeldmanEmbrace the discomfort.
Wendy FeldmanBecause when you can get comfortable being uncomfortable in any situation, you're on a stage, if you're, da, da, da, whatever, you're in a.
Wendy FeldmanYou're in a meeting, you're.
Wendy FeldmanAnd you're starting to feel uncomfortable, breathe into it.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that's what I Had to do.
Wendy FeldmanAnd when I was uncomfortable with friend, with people not being included into parties, that we used to go to social events, and I knew people were having events.
Wendy FeldmanAnd you get divorced all of a sudden, you know, maybe you're not included in things, and there's.
Wendy FeldmanIt's uncomfortable.
Wendy FeldmanIt's uncomfortable.
Wendy FeldmanAnd you embrace it, and you find other.
Wendy FeldmanYou adapt.
Wendy FeldmanYou find other things to get you through.
Wendy FeldmanAnd whether it's lying in a hospital bed trying to think about things or soothe my mind or soothe my brain, or listening to meditative tapes, whatever it is, you find ways to embrace discomfort.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it's a huge message for me is that because when you can, and I know you like a cold plunge or da, da, da, I started doing that.
Wendy FeldmanKellen, I don't do the cold plunge.
Wendy FeldmanI'm not.
Wendy FeldmanI'm not there yet.
Wendy FeldmanI'm like.
Wendy FeldmanThat is like, you are my hero.
Wendy FeldmanThere is no way but what I have started doing.
Wendy FeldmanMaybe you'll appreciate this.
Wendy FeldmanAt the very end of my shower every morning, I turn that thing down so it's cold.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I stand there because I also know it's very good for your skin, it's very good for your body to do the cold.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I embrace the discomfort.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that kicks off my day because it's like, you can get through this.
Wendy FeldmanYou tell you.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it's hard you get through, but you can get through the discomfort.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that has been huge for me.
Wendy FeldmanThat's been huge.
Wendy FeldmanSo I hope that answered your question.
KellenIt does.
KellenAnd I want to just underline it, agree with it, and emphasize it.
KellenIf you, as a listener, whether you are trying to write a book, you're trying to deal with a crappy boss, you're having trouble in your relationship, whether you've got a physical thing, whether you want to lose weight and you've tried 47 times and you can't, whether you're thinking about starting a business, whether you're having trouble with a kid or something, it doesn't matter.
KellenBecause when you're.
KellenWhen something happens to you outside of your control, somebody or something happens, we have two choices.
KellenWe can be resigned and say, ugh, I'm defeated.
KellenOr we can say, this hurts.
KellenI'm going to figure out what to do with it and do exactly what she said, which is accept Wendy's teaching.
KellenEmbrace it.
KellenThis is what.
KellenIs.
KellenWhat awesomeness can I create out of this mess?
KellenAnd if the awesomeness is just relax for a minute and get through it.
KellenThat's enough awesomeness.
KellenAnd maybe the next time is get through it a little bit better or a little bit faster.
KellenAnd then you can start with the creative thought, what actually can I create out of this mess?
KellenSo you've had these near death experiences and life threatening things, you've had a divorce, you've had to recreate yourself and you've got comfortable being uncomfortable and you have then created something out of that perceived mess.
KellenSo tell us about what you're doing now.
KellenWhat are you creating and have you created about yourself with yourself in terms of how you express yourself, that authenticity, what you teach, what you share?
KellenTell us.
Wendy FeldmanYeah, yeah.
Wendy FeldmanSo it's, I'm embracing discomfort here because one of the things I am doing is I'm putting myself out there doing more, more reels.
Wendy FeldmanSo, you know, doing the videos and doing those and add and giving my little bit, having it's content, right?
Wendy FeldmanI'm doing more content creation.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that is uncomfortable for me because that is not natural.
Wendy FeldmanEven though I can go teach a class and have, you know, anywhere from 10 to 23 people in a class and I've been doing it and it's like I can just do it and I love it.
Wendy FeldmanAnd the minute I can do it in the back of my head, you could put any playlist on and I'm going to teach a class.
Wendy FeldmanSo comfortable when it comes to filming myself or you know, even for 90 seconds and then having to put it out there to the world.
Wendy FeldmanBecause now I'm putting it out there into the universe and putting it up on social media.
Wendy FeldmanSo it's going out.
KellenThe Internet is forever, right?
KellenForever.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it's like, what do we say?
Wendy FeldmanI think maybe we talked when I talked to you about this before.
Wendy FeldmanI think it's like it's opening that kimono.
Wendy FeldmanI'm saying I'm leaving myself vulnerable to what people may say.
Wendy FeldmanYou leave yourself vulnerable to.
Wendy FeldmanAre they going to laugh at it?
Wendy FeldmanAre they going to say that?
Wendy FeldmanMaybe they will, maybe they will, maybe they'll say, oh my God.
Wendy FeldmanBut that's okay because at the same time that's happening, I have other people reaching out to me and saying, I love what you're doing, I love your content.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I go like, really?
Wendy FeldmanYou know, and they like, I love it.
Wendy FeldmanAnd they're like so much that I have someone who I think might want to work with you.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that it's.
Wendy FeldmanIf I get a few of those great.
Wendy FeldmanBecause that if I can change one person's life, that's what I feel.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I feel that and I know I've done that with my in my teaching, in my classes, because I know how people feel when they tell me after.
Wendy FeldmanAnd.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I don't.
Wendy FeldmanI don't look like, oh, look at me, look at me.
Wendy FeldmanBecause that's not it, Kellen.
Wendy FeldmanI'm very.
Wendy FeldmanThat's not it at all.
Wendy FeldmanBut I've had to come through a lot, and I know a lot of people have gone through way, way harder things than me and way worse things than me.
Wendy FeldmanSo I'm not putting.
Wendy FeldmanSaying I'm.
Wendy FeldmanI've gone through this and, wow, I'm like the.
Wendy FeldmanYou know, no, we all have our own struggles.
Wendy FeldmanBut it's like you said, how do you deal with it?
Wendy FeldmanSo what I'm doing now is I'm doing more and more to put myself out there, to get out of obscurity, to.
Wendy FeldmanIf one person hears it and it's.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it helps them and saves them from really spiraling into a hole, then I've done my job.
Wendy FeldmanAnd then I want it to keep going.
Wendy FeldmanSo I want to do more of those.
Wendy FeldmanI love being on podcast, so thank you so much for having me on your podcast.
Wendy FeldmanI want to do more.
Wendy FeldmanI'd love to be able to speak.
Wendy FeldmanI am doing workshops, so I do different types of things, and it's little steps, you know, right now, that's where I'm at.
Wendy FeldmanAnd so I'm hoping that each thing will.
Wendy FeldmanIt will.
Wendy FeldmanYou know, it'll snowball.
KellenSo I'm going to give you a phrase, and you might use it when you help your clients, too.
KellenWhen people talk about that obscurity and wanting to do more and be more, and people have a natural fear.
KellenI've owned a recording studio for 40 years, and vocalists always say when they hear themselves sing for the first time, I don't sound like that.
KellenAnd it's.
KellenThey do.
KellenAnd the reason we don't think we do is because when we hear ourselves, half the sound is through our own bone conduction, and other people hear us through the air.
KellenAnd so when you hear yourself on a recording, that's actually what you sound like, and the rest of it is not.
KellenBut anyway, here's the message.
KellenWe have to insert a message in the marketplace.
KellenSo just save that phrase.
KellenI'm inserting a message in the marketplace.
KellenHere you are.
KellenYou're inserting a message in the marketplace that all my podcast listeners and YouTube channel and yours and everybody is going to hear.
KellenAnd when you teach your clients something, you're teaching it for them.
KellenAnd then if it changes their life, even in a small way, their life, inserts that message into the marketplace.
KellenIt's not just about when you're selling, it's who you're being and who I'm being and you're being every single minute.
KellenWe're inserting a message in the world.
KellenBut I always say in the marketplace, because when you're thinking about business and growing and coaching and everything else, you really are.
KellenExcuse me, you're inserting a message in the marketplace.
KellenSo that's all.
KellenAnd when you get ready to do a reel or whatever, just say, what message do I want to insert in the marketplace?
KellenWhat is it?
Wendy FeldmanThat.
Wendy FeldmanYeah.
KellenAnd then insert the message in the marketplace.
Wendy FeldmanI love it.
Wendy FeldmanI've got the Kellen going in my brain.
Wendy FeldmanAll your energy is like, I love it.
Wendy FeldmanIt's just you do.
Wendy FeldmanYou bounce off.
Wendy FeldmanYou bounce off the screen, you know, and.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I wanna.
Wendy FeldmanIf.
Wendy FeldmanIf I can.
Wendy FeldmanCan I go back to one thing you.
Wendy FeldmanYou asked a little earlier as you were saying, insert the mark, insert the message.
Wendy FeldmanYou talked about, like, kind of talking about jealousy.
Wendy FeldmanYou're, you know, wanting.
Wendy FeldmanWanting to be like others or saying, oh, I want to do that.
Wendy FeldmanAnd there was a time when I have to say, when I.
Wendy FeldmanI felt like that, like, you want that or you envy or blah, blah, blah.
Wendy FeldmanAnd a few years ago, my.
Wendy FeldmanOne of my daughters.
Wendy FeldmanI have three kids.
Wendy FeldmanI have two sons and a daughter.
Wendy FeldmanAnd one of my kids and I, we were out on a hike, and one of them asked me, they said, are you jealous of anyone?
Wendy FeldmanAnd I said, no, you know, I'm really not.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it wasn't like I just flat off, I just said, no.
Wendy FeldmanI just thought, no, I'm really not.
Wendy FeldmanSo come on, mom, there's.
Wendy FeldmanI said, no, actually, I have to tell you, I said, life has really changed for me.
Wendy FeldmanI said, because I Look at me now and I know what I have gone through, and I know what I came through.
Wendy FeldmanAnd nobody knows like you, unless you've been through it.
Wendy FeldmanWhen you've had to lie in a hospital bed for two weeks and not.
Wendy FeldmanAnd lying there when no one's in the room and the pain and the nurse won't come in and you're pushing the button and you're in such pain and you're crying and you don't have anyone there with you, no one knows that fear, that pain.
Wendy FeldmanAnd when you can get through that and realize how strong you need to be to get through that and how resilient to get through that.
Wendy FeldmanAfter all that, I'm like, I know what I'm worth.
Wendy FeldmanI know what I've got in me and I, I have downsized my life.
Wendy FeldmanI have removed not just physical things out of my life, but I've removed certain, you know, there's, there's people that we move and we move out of our lives and we have to take that out because that has been freeing to me.
Wendy FeldmanAnd if, if it was someone, let's say, oh, yeah, I was envious or maybe then that's.
Wendy FeldmanThen I don't think that's a healthy relationship.
Wendy FeldmanSo then maybe I need to remove or whatever that is.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I'm just saying in general terms, I'm very happy with who I am right now.
Wendy FeldmanI am very secure and I love what I can then offer other people.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I just want.
Wendy FeldmanThere's so many people in the world that I want to be able to have feel that same way because I know that people have been in my shoes.
Wendy FeldmanI, I know that.
Wendy FeldmanWe know that.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I would love to be able to help people to realize you, yourself, as we said, we all have.
Wendy FeldmanEvery humanist planet is a divine being and has a gift to share.
Wendy FeldmanIt's there.
KellenIt is, it is.
KellenAnd I agree with you completely.
KellenAnd you know, when you make a change and you might remove someone from your life, everything is just for now.
KellenLike right now in this circumstance with what's going on, I got to do this thing.
KellenAnd they can get pissed off or do whatever they're going to do, that's fine, or they can talk bad about you and what other people think of you is none of your business.
KellenOur goal is to develop everything that we have and can be and then insert it in the marketplace.
KellenWhether it's just for love or for money or for both.
KellenI want to give you right now the chance to tell everybody exactly where to find you, where to follow you.
KellenWhere can we see these reels of the messages you're inserting in the marketplace, your website, how to find out what you do so that they can hear more of you and find out, you know, what's going on.
Wendy FeldmanYes, absolutely.
Wendy FeldmanAnd on that last little note too, everything is for a short term.
Wendy FeldmanJust because things get removed doesn't mean that it can't come back too.
Wendy FeldmanAnd that's the life is that we all adapt and change.
Wendy FeldmanSo if it doesn't work at the time, that's fine.
Wendy FeldmanAnd it could be a food item, it could be.
Wendy FeldmanIt's.
Wendy FeldmanYou're for your body.
Wendy FeldmanYou're taking something out because you're, you're not feeling good.
Wendy FeldmanBut maybe it comes back and that's okay.
Wendy FeldmanToo.
Wendy FeldmanSo where you can find me, you can find me on social media if you want, if you're an Instagram follower.
Wendy FeldmanI'm at Wendy Feldman Underscore Wellness, and my website is Wendy Feldman wellness dot com.
Wendy FeldmanAnd you can find me at really either of those places.
Wendy FeldmanI'm on LinkedIn as Wendy Feldman.
Wendy FeldmanBut yeah, I, I'm just, I'm out there.
Wendy FeldmanI'm putting myself out there.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I'm on TikTok as well.
Wendy FeldmanJust starting on TikTok as I know that younger generation has told me, you gotta be out on TikTok.
Wendy FeldmanSo I'm putting myself on TikTok, Kellen.
Wendy FeldmanI'm getting myself out there.
KellenI love it.
KellenAnd I want to emphasize to the listeners, you know, I bring people on here that I think have something that I know have something, a gift, an energy, a smile, a story.
KellenAnd Wendy has all of those things.
KellenAnd so I would encourage you to take a minute, take 10 minutes, go find some stuff, see what she's done and see how she's adding good to the world.
KellenAnd then ask yourself, how am I adding good to the world?
KellenWendy, here's your chance to say anything you forgot or leave us with a final piece of encouragement or message or anything.
Wendy FeldmanI don't think I forgot anything.
Wendy FeldmanBut what I will say is again, about the gift and again about fear, because fear can hold us back.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I have been watching your.
Wendy FeldmanIf you haven't watched Kellen's eight part podcast section set on fear, it's amazing.
Wendy FeldmanAnd Kellen, I haven't finished it, but I do want to say to the, to your, to your listeners and to the world, and I don't know if this is in one of your podcasts, but there's an acronym that I have for fear, and maybe you've already put it in there and it's that you can.
Wendy FeldmanFear means two things.
Wendy FeldmanYou can face everything and run, or you could face everything and arise.
Wendy FeldmanAnd I have chosen to face everything and rise.
Wendy FeldmanAnd you can too.
Wendy FeldmanAnd as you have, and so can your listeners, and so can the world.
Wendy FeldmanAnd we can all make this a very peaceful place to live and exist.
KellenWendy, thank you for sharing your energy, your love, your heart, your gifts, and your courage with us today.
Wendy FeldmanThank you for having me.
Wendy FeldmanThank you.
Wendy FeldmanIt's been a total pleasure, my dear.
KellenMy dear listeners, I want you to take this seriously.
KellenListen to it again.
KellenRemember that acronym, Fear is an imaginary thing.
KellenIt's, it's just some neurochemistry.
KellenYou can't bring me a cup of fear so she's right on all counts.
KellenI can make you a promise.
KellenIf you take the things that you have felt in your heart and learned and listened from today, it will help you take steps to move forward to create your ultimate life.
KellenRight now, your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.
KellenEvery episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change change everything.
KellenIf you want to know more, go to kellenflukegermedia.com if you want more free tools, go here.
KellenYour Ultimate Life ca subscribe Share.