Embracing Discomfort: How to Transform Fear and Thrive Authentically with Wendy Feldman

In this episode of Your Ultimate Life, guest Wendy Feldman shares her inspiring journey of resilience and self-discovery after facing near-death experiences and personal hardships, including a divorce. She emphasizes the importance of embracing discomfort as a pathway to growth and authenticity. Through her experiences, Wendy has learned that true fulfillment comes from being one’s authentic self, regardless of the judgment of others. She encourages listeners to recognize their unique gifts and to share them with the world, asserting that everyone has something valuable to contribute. This conversation is a powerful reminder that facing challenges can lead to profound personal transformation and a deeper connection with ourselves and others.
Wendy Feldman’s powerful story of resilience and self-discovery takes center stage in a thought-provoking podcast episode that challenges listeners to confront their fears and embrace their authentic selves. Kellen and Wendy engage in a heartfelt discussion about the significance of authenticity in today’s world, especially in the face of societal expectations. Wendy’s personal experiences, including her life-threatening accidents and subsequent recovery, serve as a backdrop for her insights into the fragility of life and the importance of prioritizing what truly matters. She articulates how her near-death experiences have imparted a profound understanding of the transient nature of life, urging listeners to shed their fears and live fully.
Wendy candidly discusses the transformative journey following her divorce, illustrating how adversity can catalyze profound change. She emphasizes the necessity of setting boundaries and the liberation from distancing oneself from toxic relationships. Kellen and Wendy advocate for self-love and self-validation, reinforcing that true happiness stems from within. This podcast segment is particularly resonant for individuals who struggle with people-pleasing tendencies, as Wendy shares her mantra of saying no to others when it means saying yes to oneself. The duo underscores the importance of recognizing and nurturing relationships that foster growth, encouraging listeners to seek out connections that uplift and inspire them.
Towards the conclusion, Wendy’s enthusiasm for helping others shines through as she discusses her work in wellness coaching. She shares her vision of creating a supportive community where individuals can explore their gifts and overcome their fears. Kellen reinforces this message, urging listeners to reflect on their unique contributions to the world. The episode wraps up with an empowering call to action, inspiring everyone to recognize their inherent worth and the impact they can have by simply being their true selves. This episode is a compelling reminder that we can all create lives filled with purpose and joy through authenticity, resilience, and self-love.
Takeaways:
- Embracing discomfort is essential for growth, enabling you to push through challenges and transform your life.
- It's crucial to stop seeking validation from others and instead find it within yourself.
- Living authentically means letting go of fears regarding what others think about you.
- Building resilience comes from experiences that teach you to be comfortable with discomfort.
- The journey of self-discovery often involves removing toxic people from your life.
- You can face everything and rise, overcoming fear rather than running from it.
Links referenced in this episode:
- wendyfeldmanwellness.com
- wendyfeldman_underscore_wellness
- linkedin.com/in/wendyfeldman
- tiktok.com/@wendyfeldman
00:00 - Untitled
00:09 - Creating Your Ultimate Life
09:11 - Setting Boundaries and Seeking Self-Worth
11:11 - The Journey to Self-Validation
19:30 - Embracing Discomfort
33:22 - Facing Fear and Rising Above
Welcome to the show.
Kellen
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Kellen
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Kellen
Hello, and welcome to this episode of youf Ultimate Life, the podcast committed to helping you create a life of purpose, prosperity and joy.
Kellen
And I'm stoked today to have a fabulous guest, Wendy Feldman.
Kellen
Wendy, welcome to the show.
Wendy Feldman
Ah, thank you, thank you.
Wendy Feldman
I'm super excited to be here with you today.
Kellen
Kellen, you are so welcome.
Kellen
And I'm grateful that I'm grateful for who you're being and the work you're doing and how you're creating things in the world.
Kellen
So I'm not going to give an introduction.
Kellen
I'm going to allow people to get to know your beauty, your grace, your passion as we go along.
Kellen
And the first thing I want to ask you is without being any holding anything back or trying to be modest or anything, I want people to know and I want to know how is Wendy adding good to the world?
Wendy Feldman
Thank you.
Wendy Feldman
Oh, gosh, that is kind of a loaded.
Wendy Feldman
That's.
Wendy Feldman
Here we go.
Wendy Feldman
Do you have.
Wendy Feldman
How much time do you have?
Kellen
We've got a half an hour.
Wendy Feldman
Do we have all day?
Wendy Feldman
Because, you know.
Wendy Feldman
No, no, no.
Wendy Feldman
You know, I love that I've been through as you.
Wendy Feldman
I have died.
Wendy Feldman
And that's how you and I started talking.
Wendy Feldman
You know, I've died three times.
Wendy Feldman
Well, come close to death, let's say.
Wendy Feldman
I don't want to say I've died because I'm right here today, but I have come close to death three times in the.
Wendy Feldman
Over the period of the last eight years, or let's say 10 years now.
Wendy Feldman
And through all of that, I so realized.
Wendy Feldman
I so realized what was really important in life and what really mattered.
Wendy Feldman
And I've had to go through a lot of hurt, a lot of pain, physical, emotional.
Wendy Feldman
Through that came.
Wendy Feldman
There was a divorce in the middle of that.
Wendy Feldman
And a lot of different things happened.
Wendy Feldman
And through every little bit that I went through, I realized it doesn't matter about the small stuff.
Wendy Feldman
And you and I have talked about this before, about what other people think, and your WITOT theory comes into play big time.
Wendy Feldman
You know what I think others think, and I really resonate with that because I used to live my life so worried about what are people going to think?
Wendy Feldman
What if?
Wendy Feldman
What if.
Wendy Feldman
And that held me back from so.
Wendy Feldman
From doing so many things and from being my true authentic self.
Wendy Feldman
So I Guess to answer your question, what I'm doing to bring good into the world is to let other people know that you can be your true, authentic self and it's okay.
Wendy Feldman
And what other people think, it doesn't matter.
Wendy Feldman
And the people that love you and the people.
Wendy Feldman
People that support you will always be there and you.
Wendy Feldman
Like attracts like.
Wendy Feldman
So I want to share that message because for so many years of my Life, for almost 50 years of my life, I don't think I felt that way.
Wendy Feldman
And I was afraid to be my authentic self and for what I thought people were going to think about my authentic self.
Wendy Feldman
And that wasn't a.
Wendy Feldman
Did not feel good to live that way.
Wendy Feldman
Didn't feel good.
Kellen
You know, you said the people that love you will always be there when you choose or someone chooses to be their authentic self and, you know, be different than they've been being.
Kellen
Is it possible that the people that you thought loved you or ought to love you would run screaming for the hills and want nothing to do with you?
Kellen
And if that happens, like, what do you do?
Wendy Feldman
Absolutely.
Wendy Feldman
Absolutely.
Wendy Feldman
It's people that we think.
Wendy Feldman
Because, of course, there were people in my world that when I got divorced, I thought they were close to me and they weren't there.
Wendy Feldman
And that's.
Wendy Feldman
And I.
Wendy Feldman
And you've talked about this in POD in some of your fear podcasts, which I'm really loving the series, is that we can blame.
Wendy Feldman
I can say, okay, well, I could blame them and say, well, they weren't there for me, but I have to take ownership, right?
Wendy Feldman
I take ownership of myself.
Wendy Feldman
So what how other people respond, that's on.
Wendy Feldman
That's on them.
Wendy Feldman
I can only control what I can control.
Wendy Feldman
Right?
Wendy Feldman
So how people act, it's how we react to that, Right.
Wendy Feldman
How we react to their actions.
Wendy Feldman
We can't control other people, what they think about this, what they're going to say about us, we can't control that people will do what they're going to do.
Wendy Feldman
We can control how we respond and how we let it affect us.
Wendy Feldman
And that was a big thing that I learned is I have the control over that.
Wendy Feldman
I can spiral out of control or I can just move on my own way.
Wendy Feldman
And so I guess I say, when I.
Wendy Feldman
The people that love you will support you.
Wendy Feldman
It's the people that you connect with that believe in you, that believe in you, who you are, that love you for your authentic self.
Wendy Feldman
Those were the people that I'm referring to.
Wendy Feldman
Is that.
Wendy Feldman
Did I make.
Kellen
That makes perfect sense.
Wendy Feldman
Yeah.
Kellen
Yeah.
Kellen
So let's talk a little Bit about that.
Kellen
You're right, I can't.
Kellen
You can't.
Kellen
We don't have anything to do.
Kellen
Like other people feel whatever they feel and they feel that and it makes perfect sense to them because they're wherever they are on their journey of life and so they then hate you or me or whoever or avoid, you know, change because that's the lens that they look through.
Kellen
And so then they're, they're out of your life.
Kellen
And then you attract new relationships, people, conditions into your life.
Kellen
I have a question that just popped in my mind as you said that.
Kellen
So if people that you thought should love you, family, friends, whatever, and then they distance themselves or get scarce or openly become hostile as you, as you choose the path to live on and how you express yourself in the world, is it possible that can hurt?
Kellen
Is it possible in your mind to get to a place where you just love them anyway and let them be where they are after the fact that they hurt you?
Kellen
Like what.
Kellen
What happens then?
Wendy Feldman
Yeah.
Wendy Feldman
Yes, that's a really, really great question.
Wendy Feldman
I do believe that.
Wendy Feldman
I do believe that.
Wendy Feldman
Now, obviously there's different levels of hurt, okay, so we, you know, people are.
Wendy Feldman
Everyone's gonna.
Wendy Feldman
Every situation is going to be different for every human on the planet and it depends on their own level of what and what hur to them.
Wendy Feldman
But I do believe, yes, I do believe that we accept we can learn because we learn in life, we learn to adapt.
Wendy Feldman
And that's one of the big things that I work on as being a health and wellness coach that I work with my clients is some things we can't change.
Wendy Feldman
And people don't really change, you know, they really don't.
Wendy Feldman
But we adapt.
Wendy Feldman
We learn to adapt.
Wendy Feldman
And so when people, when we have, let's say, whether it's family, friends, da da da, that maybe have hurt us or that maybe we've hurt them, I mean, you know, it goes both ways, right?
Wendy Feldman
That maybe we.
Wendy Feldman
And da da da.
Wendy Feldman
So we have to then adapt and we hope that other people.
Wendy Feldman
I hope that other people will adapt as well, that know that.
Wendy Feldman
And it becomes, I think, one of the things that bubbles up when I, as I say this to you, it's about judgment and about, you know, people are fear of being judged.
Wendy Feldman
There's a lot of judgment going on.
Wendy Feldman
People judge all the time.
Wendy Feldman
And that's one, one of my.
Wendy Feldman
That's a big trigger for me because I used to, I was very judgmental and I'm so not now.
Wendy Feldman
And so I let people do their thing and if they're going to be.
Wendy Feldman
Go do it.
Wendy Feldman
Have at it.
Wendy Feldman
Like, that's fine.
Wendy Feldman
That's good.
Wendy Feldman
Because it's on them.
Wendy Feldman
If it, you know, I can, I can either remove myself.
Wendy Feldman
I can either say, that doesn't work for me anymore.
Wendy Feldman
I set those boundaries.
Wendy Feldman
It's all about.
Wendy Feldman
And I never could do that, Kellen.
Wendy Feldman
I never knew how to do that.
Wendy Feldman
I'm such a people pleaser.
Wendy Feldman
I was so afraid to disappoint people, and I didn't want to say no.
Wendy Feldman
And that was not healthy.
Wendy Feldman
It was not good.
Wendy Feldman
You know, that was not good.
Kellen
If you, if you get.
Kellen
And I know you're talking to a lot of people right now that are listening.
Kellen
If you who are a people pleaser, meaning you got your energy and value and validation from seeing that what you did or said made somebody else happy.
Kellen
And so we're pleasing people.
Kellen
When you stop doing that and begin setting boundaries, then you no longer meet their expectations, so you no longer have that source of personal validation.
Kellen
So there's two questions in here.
Kellen
One is, how do you deal with the reaction of others who you now no longer people please because you set boundaries?
Kellen
And the second is, where do you then get your validation or feeling of worth that you used to get from making people happy?
Kellen
So what do you do with their how dare you reaction if that happens?
Kellen
And then where do you go get the truth of your own value in the new.
Kellen
In a new way?
Wendy Feldman
That is two great questions.
Wendy Feldman
So.
Wendy Feldman
And I.
Wendy Feldman
And I'll tell you my.
Wendy Feldman
I'll tell you my take on it.
Wendy Feldman
And I'd love to know your take on it as well, too.
Kellen
Well, you're.
Kellen
You're.
Kellen
This is you.
Kellen
Your take is all there.
Kellen
I mean, yes, I'll share, but so please.
Wendy Feldman
I really feel like.
Wendy Feldman
Because when you're so conditioned to.
Wendy Feldman
From growing up, from being a little kid, to always looking for approval, to looking for approval, to getting people to say yes to da, da, da, to not wanting to say no, to not wanting to disappoint to people, please.
Wendy Feldman
You're so conditioned to that.
Wendy Feldman
It becomes.
Wendy Feldman
It's just part of you, right?
Wendy Feldman
It was part of me.
Wendy Feldman
It's like.
Wendy Feldman
But when I.
Wendy Feldman
So I started writing this, I started this little mantra and I wrote down this thing on a piece of paper one day, and I decorated it and I colored it, made it look really pretty.
Wendy Feldman
And it was eight years ago, seven years ago that I did this.
Wendy Feldman
And it's still sitting.
Wendy Feldman
I have it sitting in my bathroom and I look at it every day.
Wendy Feldman
And it's basically a mantra.
Wendy Feldman
That means that I said I'm going to stop saying yes to others when it means saying no to myself, and that I will be okay if I say no and it may disappoint someone, quote, and I say disappoint, I will be okay with that.
Wendy Feldman
And it will not stop me from doing what I want to do because I'm afraid of disappointing.
Wendy Feldman
And I wrote that out in.
Wendy Feldman
In, you know, in my own little words.
Wendy Feldman
And like I said, I kind of colored it and made it just, you know, and it was this very therapeutic.
Wendy Feldman
It was a very therapeutic exercise I did because I look, it's there every day as a reminder.
Wendy Feldman
And so when you ask me now, so that was one big step I took by saying no, I'm going to.
Wendy Feldman
If it.
Wendy Feldman
If it means saying no to myself, I'm not going to say yes to others.
Wendy Feldman
And so that was tough.
Wendy Feldman
That was a big.
Wendy Feldman
So that was number one.
Wendy Feldman
But the second part, when you ask the question as, where do you get that validation?
Wendy Feldman
I have to.
Wendy Feldman
I get.
Wendy Feldman
Give it to myself.
Wendy Feldman
I give it to myself whether it's outside.
Wendy Feldman
When I, you know, I was a huge road cyclist.
Wendy Feldman
I think we talked about this and two of my near deaths were on my.
Wendy Feldman
On my road bike.
Wendy Feldman
So I gave that up.
Wendy Feldman
And that was very challenging for me because that was where I got a lot of my own validation because I was very.
Wendy Feldman
I was very good on the bike, very good cyclist, very fast, successful, and I was fearless.
Wendy Feldman
And that was the one place in my world where I could be me.
Wendy Feldman
I could be me.
Wendy Feldman
And I rode for miles and ever and loved it.
Wendy Feldman
And that had.
Wendy Feldman
It was taken away from me from.
Wendy Feldman
Because of the two accidents that I had and, you know, two traumatic brain injuries.
Wendy Feldman
And that was.
Wendy Feldman
That was it.
Wendy Feldman
That was it.
Wendy Feldman
The doctor said, no more your head again.
Wendy Feldman
And that's it.
Wendy Feldman
And my kids and said, mom, please.
Wendy Feldman
And so I did.
Wendy Feldman
I saw.
Wendy Feldman
I was like, no more bike.
Wendy Feldman
So I'm off.
Wendy Feldman
But I got a peloton and I became a spin instructor.
Wendy Feldman
And so I kind of flip that into, you know, how can I.
Wendy Feldman
How can I use it?
Wendy Feldman
And when I get on and that.
Wendy Feldman
And I give myself the validation, it's we.
Wendy Feldman
You find it in yourself, Colin.
Wendy Feldman
You find it because we all have it.
Wendy Feldman
We all have our own special gift.
Wendy Feldman
Everyone has it and it's being.
Wendy Feldman
How to tap into that which is really challenging when you can tap into your own gift and realize you have a gift and she has a gift and he has a gift and they have a gift.
Wendy Feldman
Everyone has Their own gift, then I'm not threatened by that anymore.
Wendy Feldman
I'm not threatened by other people's.
Wendy Feldman
I have my own.
Wendy Feldman
And if you want to love me for that and you like my gift and you want to hear about my gifts and you want to find your own, great, awesome, talk to me, work with me.
Wendy Feldman
And if not, that's okay too.
Wendy Feldman
That's okay too.
Kellen
So I just absolutely love that and I want to just agree in specifics for the listeners benefit.
Kellen
Here you listening.
Kellen
You have a gift and you may be hearing it and look at her, look at me or somebody else, you know, and think, oh, I wish I was like them.
Kellen
No, you don't.
Kellen
What, what you do is you wish you could find your gifts and your own validation in yourself, just like she said, because it's there.
Kellen
And your willingness to explore and to accept and to truly begin to love yourself.
Kellen
I love the fact that that's in the bathroom.
Kellen
One of the things I just did an episode on that'll be out in a while by myself was I, it was like a question, what's on your mirror?
Kellen
And I talked about writing phrases on your mirror and I use like a dry erase marker, right.
Kellen
And write them there to see, to live into and to sort of chew on every day that have to do with self love and validation and accepting those gifts.
Kellen
And so my take is you're exactly right.
Kellen
Every single person has gifts and to the extent you're willing to accept them, to value them yourself and then to share them, you do create that validation and you realize that between your, the gifts you were given by your creator, like you have them.
Kellen
And our happiest time is when we're in love and service using those things that we were given.
Kellen
So that's fabulous.
Wendy Feldman
Absolutely.
Wendy Feldman
And sharing it.
Wendy Feldman
And, and I think when you talk about gifts, you know, one of the things that one of my, one of my careers because after, after I got divorced eight, nine years ago, I had to recreate myself.
Wendy Feldman
And at age 51 years old, it was like 52 years old.
Wendy Feldman
I'm 61 now.
Wendy Feldman
It was how I never thought I'd be in this position.
Wendy Feldman
You know, I'm like Now I've got three kids, my three amazing children who are in their 20s now.
Wendy Feldman
How am I going to do this?
Wendy Feldman
You know, I was pretty much a stay at home mom and I volunteered and did a lot of little things and I had little projects.
Wendy Feldman
But now how am I going to recreate myself?
Wendy Feldman
And that was when I needed to really dig deep.
Wendy Feldman
And it was not always Easy.
Wendy Feldman
And I made mistakes along the way.
Wendy Feldman
So, you know, no, no, there is no perfect.
Wendy Feldman
And it's the mistakes.
Wendy Feldman
It's how we deal.
Wendy Feldman
We learn from them.
Wendy Feldman
Not beat ourselves up.
Wendy Feldman
We not beat our.
Wendy Feldman
You know, I would beat myself up.
Wendy Feldman
Like, why did I do that?
Wendy Feldman
Why do you do that?
Wendy Feldman
I was so dumb.
Wendy Feldman
And no, no, because we try.
Wendy Feldman
You're trying.
Wendy Feldman
Just making the effort.
Wendy Feldman
Honestly, I feel like making an effort sometimes that is good enough.
Wendy Feldman
Like, you're trying.
Wendy Feldman
We're out there.
Wendy Feldman
It's better than doing nothing.
Wendy Feldman
And I say that again with clients when they're talking about things they want to change.
Wendy Feldman
Make.
Wendy Feldman
Just make the attempt.
Wendy Feldman
Because often just that attempt to get over that break, that break that little, you know, that barrier, get over that little hump to make that attempt.
Wendy Feldman
Then you get yourself going.
Wendy Feldman
You're like, I can do it, I can do it.
Wendy Feldman
It's baby steps, one step at a time.
Wendy Feldman
So it's like your goals, you know, making.
Wendy Feldman
We make goals that are too big.
Wendy Feldman
It's hard to achieve.
Wendy Feldman
Make small steps, little steps, little steps.
Wendy Feldman
And celebrate the win, celebrate the accomplishments.
Wendy Feldman
Like, hey, I did that.
Wendy Feldman
I did that one little thing.
Wendy Feldman
You're like, okay, did it.
Wendy Feldman
I feel good.
Wendy Feldman
And then.
Wendy Feldman
And then you start to.
Wendy Feldman
And you build that confidence about it.
Kellen
I love that.
Kellen
And I would agree with you 100% in the attempt.
Kellen
You have already won, so you made the attempt and that's it.
Kellen
I don't care if you had a thought in your mind, I'm going to make this attempt and suddenly I'll be on top of Mount Everest.
Kellen
And then you find yourself flat in your face at the bottom.
Kellen
Okay, you still made the attempt, and that by itself is a win.
Kellen
The loss would be.
Kellen
And therefore I'm not going to try again.
Kellen
If the next step is, well, I better get ready and figure out what made me trip here, down here, and I am eating snow.
Kellen
Let's start over.
Kellen
What else can I do?
Kellen
You're already a winner.
Kellen
Every single person breathing air does that.
Kellen
So when you recreated yourself, like, okay, you recreated yourself and you said, and it's funny, you said you had this.
Kellen
All these difficulties and the divorce was in the middle of them.
Kellen
And there it is, an example of a relationship that maybe you thought you could depend on.
Kellen
Crashed and burned for whatever reason, and then you find yourself with another mess to clean up.
Kellen
You have to recreate yourself and figuring out lots of stuff.
Kellen
So what happened?
Kellen
Where did you find the resilience, the creativity and the power to do that in the midst of, you know, Those kinds of struggles.
Wendy Feldman
So how I found that and where I found that was a lot in what I learned from when I had my bike crashes, when I had my first crash.
Wendy Feldman
And you've been through these things that are traumatic.
Wendy Feldman
I was in the hospital for seven days, and I was on a morphine drip for five days, and da, da, da.
Wendy Feldman
And when you've got a rehab from that, broken bones and traumatic, severe traumatic brain injury where you can't be in a room with light or sound or anything for weeks, right.
Wendy Feldman
You have to train your body to get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Wendy Feldman
And I learned that actually when I was cycling with someone.
Wendy Feldman
One time we used to cycle this mountain that was 4, 000ft.
Wendy Feldman
And we would do it a couple times a week.
Wendy Feldman
And it was tough.
Wendy Feldman
I mean, it was hard, that one part.
Wendy Feldman
And I remember someone saying, this is when you got to learn to be.
Wendy Feldman
You get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Wendy Feldman
And I've taken that with me.
Wendy Feldman
That has stuck with me.
Wendy Feldman
And I.
Wendy Feldman
And I'm also a fitness instructor, so I teach bar classes.
Wendy Feldman
I've been teaching for 15 years.
Wendy Feldman
I love that.
Wendy Feldman
I love helping people.
Wendy Feldman
I love teaching, love educating, love having fun.
Wendy Feldman
But that's one thing I say to my clients all the time.
Wendy Feldman
When it's.
Wendy Feldman
When you're in that part, it's like, embrace the discomfort.
Wendy Feldman
And when I was lying in a hospital bed a few years ago from another fall, another.
Wendy Feldman
Not a bike fall, but another mishap, surgical mishap, and had two lung surgeries and they thought I was going to die then.
Wendy Feldman
It was painful.
Wendy Feldman
Painful.
Wendy Feldman
I couldn't breathe.
Wendy Feldman
For 10 days, I could not breathe.
Wendy Feldman
I was on a ventilator.
Wendy Feldman
It was.
Wendy Feldman
It was horrible.
Wendy Feldman
But I remember the times I was awake when I was not on the medic.
Wendy Feldman
You know, I was waking up.
Wendy Feldman
It was like, embrace this discomfort because it's not going to last forever.
Wendy Feldman
I can get through this.
Wendy Feldman
It was the same.
Wendy Feldman
And you.
Wendy Feldman
I can take that pain.
Wendy Feldman
Whether it's.
Wendy Feldman
Whether you're in a hospital bed or whether you're in a.
Wendy Feldman
In a.
Wendy Feldman
You're.
Wendy Feldman
You're at a.
Wendy Feldman
In an event where you don't know anybody and you walk in and you're like, I don't know anyone here.
Wendy Feldman
And it's uncomfortable.
Wendy Feldman
Embrace the discomfort.
Wendy Feldman
Because when you can get comfortable being uncomfortable in any situation, you're on a stage, if you're, da, da, da, whatever, you're in a.
Wendy Feldman
You're in a meeting, you're.
Wendy Feldman
And you're starting to feel uncomfortable, breathe into it.
Wendy Feldman
And that's what I Had to do.
Wendy Feldman
And when I was uncomfortable with friend, with people not being included into parties, that we used to go to social events, and I knew people were having events.
Wendy Feldman
And you get divorced all of a sudden, you know, maybe you're not included in things, and there's.
Wendy Feldman
It's uncomfortable.
Wendy Feldman
It's uncomfortable.
Wendy Feldman
And you embrace it, and you find other.
Wendy Feldman
You adapt.
Wendy Feldman
You find other things to get you through.
Wendy Feldman
And whether it's lying in a hospital bed trying to think about things or soothe my mind or soothe my brain, or listening to meditative tapes, whatever it is, you find ways to embrace discomfort.
Wendy Feldman
And it's a huge message for me is that because when you can, and I know you like a cold plunge or da, da, da, I started doing that.
Wendy Feldman
Kellen, I don't do the cold plunge.
Wendy Feldman
I'm not.
Wendy Feldman
I'm not there yet.
Wendy Feldman
I'm like.
Wendy Feldman
That is like, you are my hero.
Wendy Feldman
There is no way but what I have started doing.
Wendy Feldman
Maybe you'll appreciate this.
Wendy Feldman
At the very end of my shower every morning, I turn that thing down so it's cold.
Wendy Feldman
And I stand there because I also know it's very good for your skin, it's very good for your body to do the cold.
Wendy Feldman
And I embrace the discomfort.
Wendy Feldman
And that kicks off my day because it's like, you can get through this.
Wendy Feldman
You tell you.
Wendy Feldman
And it's hard you get through, but you can get through the discomfort.
Wendy Feldman
And that has been huge for me.
Wendy Feldman
That's been huge.
Wendy Feldman
So I hope that answered your question.
Kellen
It does.
Kellen
And I want to just underline it, agree with it, and emphasize it.
Kellen
If you, as a listener, whether you are trying to write a book, you're trying to deal with a crappy boss, you're having trouble in your relationship, whether you've got a physical thing, whether you want to lose weight and you've tried 47 times and you can't, whether you're thinking about starting a business, whether you're having trouble with a kid or something, it doesn't matter.
Kellen
Because when you're.
Kellen
When something happens to you outside of your control, somebody or something happens, we have two choices.
Kellen
We can be resigned and say, ugh, I'm defeated.
Kellen
Or we can say, this hurts.
Kellen
I'm going to figure out what to do with it and do exactly what she said, which is accept Wendy's teaching.
Kellen
Embrace it.
Kellen
This is what.
Kellen
Is.
Kellen
What awesomeness can I create out of this mess?
Kellen
And if the awesomeness is just relax for a minute and get through it.
Kellen
That's enough awesomeness.
Kellen
And maybe the next time is get through it a little bit better or a little bit faster.
Kellen
And then you can start with the creative thought, what actually can I create out of this mess?
Kellen
So you've had these near death experiences and life threatening things, you've had a divorce, you've had to recreate yourself and you've got comfortable being uncomfortable and you have then created something out of that perceived mess.
Kellen
So tell us about what you're doing now.
Kellen
What are you creating and have you created about yourself with yourself in terms of how you express yourself, that authenticity, what you teach, what you share?
Kellen
Tell us.
Wendy Feldman
Yeah, yeah.
Wendy Feldman
So it's, I'm embracing discomfort here because one of the things I am doing is I'm putting myself out there doing more, more reels.
Wendy Feldman
So, you know, doing the videos and doing those and add and giving my little bit, having it's content, right?
Wendy Feldman
I'm doing more content creation.
Wendy Feldman
And that is uncomfortable for me because that is not natural.
Wendy Feldman
Even though I can go teach a class and have, you know, anywhere from 10 to 23 people in a class and I've been doing it and it's like I can just do it and I love it.
Wendy Feldman
And the minute I can do it in the back of my head, you could put any playlist on and I'm going to teach a class.
Wendy Feldman
So comfortable when it comes to filming myself or you know, even for 90 seconds and then having to put it out there to the world.
Wendy Feldman
Because now I'm putting it out there into the universe and putting it up on social media.
Wendy Feldman
So it's going out.
Kellen
The Internet is forever, right?
Kellen
Forever.
Wendy Feldman
And it's like, what do we say?
Wendy Feldman
I think maybe we talked when I talked to you about this before.
Wendy Feldman
I think it's like it's opening that kimono.
Wendy Feldman
I'm saying I'm leaving myself vulnerable to what people may say.
Wendy Feldman
You leave yourself vulnerable to.
Wendy Feldman
Are they going to laugh at it?
Wendy Feldman
Are they going to say that?
Wendy Feldman
Maybe they will, maybe they will, maybe they'll say, oh my God.
Wendy Feldman
But that's okay because at the same time that's happening, I have other people reaching out to me and saying, I love what you're doing, I love your content.
Wendy Feldman
And I go like, really?
Wendy Feldman
You know, and they like, I love it.
Wendy Feldman
And they're like so much that I have someone who I think might want to work with you.
Wendy Feldman
And that it's.
Wendy Feldman
If I get a few of those great.
Wendy Feldman
Because that if I can change one person's life, that's what I feel.
Wendy Feldman
And I feel that and I know I've done that with my in my teaching, in my classes, because I know how people feel when they tell me after.
Wendy Feldman
And.
Wendy Feldman
And I don't.
Wendy Feldman
I don't look like, oh, look at me, look at me.
Wendy Feldman
Because that's not it, Kellen.
Wendy Feldman
I'm very.
Wendy Feldman
That's not it at all.
Wendy Feldman
But I've had to come through a lot, and I know a lot of people have gone through way, way harder things than me and way worse things than me.
Wendy Feldman
So I'm not putting.
Wendy Feldman
Saying I'm.
Wendy Feldman
I've gone through this and, wow, I'm like the.
Wendy Feldman
You know, no, we all have our own struggles.
Wendy Feldman
But it's like you said, how do you deal with it?
Wendy Feldman
So what I'm doing now is I'm doing more and more to put myself out there, to get out of obscurity, to.
Wendy Feldman
If one person hears it and it's.
Wendy Feldman
And it helps them and saves them from really spiraling into a hole, then I've done my job.
Wendy Feldman
And then I want it to keep going.
Wendy Feldman
So I want to do more of those.
Wendy Feldman
I love being on podcast, so thank you so much for having me on your podcast.
Wendy Feldman
I want to do more.
Wendy Feldman
I'd love to be able to speak.
Wendy Feldman
I am doing workshops, so I do different types of things, and it's little steps, you know, right now, that's where I'm at.
Wendy Feldman
And so I'm hoping that each thing will.
Wendy Feldman
It will.
Wendy Feldman
You know, it'll snowball.
Kellen
So I'm going to give you a phrase, and you might use it when you help your clients, too.
Kellen
When people talk about that obscurity and wanting to do more and be more, and people have a natural fear.
Kellen
I've owned a recording studio for 40 years, and vocalists always say when they hear themselves sing for the first time, I don't sound like that.
Kellen
And it's.
Kellen
They do.
Kellen
And the reason we don't think we do is because when we hear ourselves, half the sound is through our own bone conduction, and other people hear us through the air.
Kellen
And so when you hear yourself on a recording, that's actually what you sound like, and the rest of it is not.
Kellen
But anyway, here's the message.
Kellen
We have to insert a message in the marketplace.
Kellen
So just save that phrase.
Kellen
I'm inserting a message in the marketplace.
Kellen
Here you are.
Kellen
You're inserting a message in the marketplace that all my podcast listeners and YouTube channel and yours and everybody is going to hear.
Kellen
And when you teach your clients something, you're teaching it for them.
Kellen
And then if it changes their life, even in a small way, their life, inserts that message into the marketplace.
Kellen
It's not just about when you're selling, it's who you're being and who I'm being and you're being every single minute.
Kellen
We're inserting a message in the world.
Kellen
But I always say in the marketplace, because when you're thinking about business and growing and coaching and everything else, you really are.
Kellen
Excuse me, you're inserting a message in the marketplace.
Kellen
So that's all.
Kellen
And when you get ready to do a reel or whatever, just say, what message do I want to insert in the marketplace?
Kellen
What is it?
Wendy Feldman
That.
Wendy Feldman
Yeah.
Kellen
And then insert the message in the marketplace.
Wendy Feldman
I love it.
Wendy Feldman
I've got the Kellen going in my brain.
Wendy Feldman
All your energy is like, I love it.
Wendy Feldman
It's just you do.
Wendy Feldman
You bounce off.
Wendy Feldman
You bounce off the screen, you know, and.
Wendy Feldman
And I wanna.
Wendy Feldman
If.
Wendy Feldman
If I can.
Wendy Feldman
Can I go back to one thing you.
Wendy Feldman
You asked a little earlier as you were saying, insert the mark, insert the message.
Wendy Feldman
You talked about, like, kind of talking about jealousy.
Wendy Feldman
You're, you know, wanting.
Wendy Feldman
Wanting to be like others or saying, oh, I want to do that.
Wendy Feldman
And there was a time when I have to say, when I.
Wendy Feldman
I felt like that, like, you want that or you envy or blah, blah, blah.
Wendy Feldman
And a few years ago, my.
Wendy Feldman
One of my daughters.
Wendy Feldman
I have three kids.
Wendy Feldman
I have two sons and a daughter.
Wendy Feldman
And one of my kids and I, we were out on a hike, and one of them asked me, they said, are you jealous of anyone?
Wendy Feldman
And I said, no, you know, I'm really not.
Wendy Feldman
And it wasn't like I just flat off, I just said, no.
Wendy Feldman
I just thought, no, I'm really not.
Wendy Feldman
So come on, mom, there's.
Wendy Feldman
I said, no, actually, I have to tell you, I said, life has really changed for me.
Wendy Feldman
I said, because I Look at me now and I know what I have gone through, and I know what I came through.
Wendy Feldman
And nobody knows like you, unless you've been through it.
Wendy Feldman
When you've had to lie in a hospital bed for two weeks and not.
Wendy Feldman
And lying there when no one's in the room and the pain and the nurse won't come in and you're pushing the button and you're in such pain and you're crying and you don't have anyone there with you, no one knows that fear, that pain.
Wendy Feldman
And when you can get through that and realize how strong you need to be to get through that and how resilient to get through that.
Wendy Feldman
After all that, I'm like, I know what I'm worth.
Wendy Feldman
I know what I've got in me and I, I have downsized my life.
Wendy Feldman
I have removed not just physical things out of my life, but I've removed certain, you know, there's, there's people that we move and we move out of our lives and we have to take that out because that has been freeing to me.
Wendy Feldman
And if, if it was someone, let's say, oh, yeah, I was envious or maybe then that's.
Wendy Feldman
Then I don't think that's a healthy relationship.
Wendy Feldman
So then maybe I need to remove or whatever that is.
Wendy Feldman
And I'm just saying in general terms, I'm very happy with who I am right now.
Wendy Feldman
I am very secure and I love what I can then offer other people.
Wendy Feldman
And I just want.
Wendy Feldman
There's so many people in the world that I want to be able to have feel that same way because I know that people have been in my shoes.
Wendy Feldman
I, I know that.
Wendy Feldman
We know that.
Wendy Feldman
And I would love to be able to help people to realize you, yourself, as we said, we all have.
Wendy Feldman
Every humanist planet is a divine being and has a gift to share.
Wendy Feldman
It's there.
Kellen
It is, it is.
Kellen
And I agree with you completely.
Kellen
And you know, when you make a change and you might remove someone from your life, everything is just for now.
Kellen
Like right now in this circumstance with what's going on, I got to do this thing.
Kellen
And they can get pissed off or do whatever they're going to do, that's fine, or they can talk bad about you and what other people think of you is none of your business.
Kellen
Our goal is to develop everything that we have and can be and then insert it in the marketplace.
Kellen
Whether it's just for love or for money or for both.
Kellen
I want to give you right now the chance to tell everybody exactly where to find you, where to follow you.
Kellen
Where can we see these reels of the messages you're inserting in the marketplace, your website, how to find out what you do so that they can hear more of you and find out, you know, what's going on.
Wendy Feldman
Yes, absolutely.
Wendy Feldman
And on that last little note too, everything is for a short term.
Wendy Feldman
Just because things get removed doesn't mean that it can't come back too.
Wendy Feldman
And that's the life is that we all adapt and change.
Wendy Feldman
So if it doesn't work at the time, that's fine.
Wendy Feldman
And it could be a food item, it could be.
Wendy Feldman
It's.
Wendy Feldman
You're for your body.
Wendy Feldman
You're taking something out because you're, you're not feeling good.
Wendy Feldman
But maybe it comes back and that's okay.
Wendy Feldman
Too.
Wendy Feldman
So where you can find me, you can find me on social media if you want, if you're an Instagram follower.
Wendy Feldman
I'm at Wendy Feldman Underscore Wellness, and my website is Wendy Feldman wellness dot com.
Wendy Feldman
And you can find me at really either of those places.
Wendy Feldman
I'm on LinkedIn as Wendy Feldman.
Wendy Feldman
But yeah, I, I'm just, I'm out there.
Wendy Feldman
I'm putting myself out there.
Wendy Feldman
And I'm on TikTok as well.
Wendy Feldman
Just starting on TikTok as I know that younger generation has told me, you gotta be out on TikTok.
Wendy Feldman
So I'm putting myself on TikTok, Kellen.
Wendy Feldman
I'm getting myself out there.
Kellen
I love it.
Kellen
And I want to emphasize to the listeners, you know, I bring people on here that I think have something that I know have something, a gift, an energy, a smile, a story.
Kellen
And Wendy has all of those things.
Kellen
And so I would encourage you to take a minute, take 10 minutes, go find some stuff, see what she's done and see how she's adding good to the world.
Kellen
And then ask yourself, how am I adding good to the world?
Kellen
Wendy, here's your chance to say anything you forgot or leave us with a final piece of encouragement or message or anything.
Wendy Feldman
I don't think I forgot anything.
Wendy Feldman
But what I will say is again, about the gift and again about fear, because fear can hold us back.
Wendy Feldman
And I have been watching your.
Wendy Feldman
If you haven't watched Kellen's eight part podcast section set on fear, it's amazing.
Wendy Feldman
And Kellen, I haven't finished it, but I do want to say to the, to your, to your listeners and to the world, and I don't know if this is in one of your podcasts, but there's an acronym that I have for fear, and maybe you've already put it in there and it's that you can.
Wendy Feldman
Fear means two things.
Wendy Feldman
You can face everything and run, or you could face everything and arise.
Wendy Feldman
And I have chosen to face everything and rise.
Wendy Feldman
And you can too.
Wendy Feldman
And as you have, and so can your listeners, and so can the world.
Wendy Feldman
And we can all make this a very peaceful place to live and exist.
Kellen
Wendy, thank you for sharing your energy, your love, your heart, your gifts, and your courage with us today.
Wendy Feldman
Thank you for having me.
Wendy Feldman
Thank you.
Wendy Feldman
It's been a total pleasure, my dear.
Kellen
My dear listeners, I want you to take this seriously.
Kellen
Listen to it again.
Kellen
Remember that acronym, Fear is an imaginary thing.
Kellen
It's, it's just some neurochemistry.
Kellen
You can't bring me a cup of fear so she's right on all counts.
Kellen
I can make you a promise.
Kellen
If you take the things that you have felt in your heart and learned and listened from today, it will help you take steps to move forward to create your ultimate life.
Kellen
Right now, your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.
Kellen
Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change change everything.
Kellen
If you want to know more, go to kellenflukegermedia.com if you want more free tools, go here.
Kellen
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