From Victim to Creator: The Discipline of Fierce Life Ownership

Are you living your life or somebody else's? That's a critical question and you need to think about it now. Welcome to the show. Tired of the hype about living a dream? It's time for truth.This is the place for tools, power and real talk so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life. Subscribe, share, create. You have infinite power. Hey, welcome to your ultimate life. The life of purpose, prosperity and joy that you can have today.Purpose, prosperity and joy. I don't know, maybe you do. Maybe you live every day with an absolute purpose.And maybe the purpose is just make more money or maybe the purpose is do whatever I want and maybe the purposes have absolute freedom and nobody has any call on my time or energy. You know, those are possibilities. And I've lived like that a little or a lot.And you see people that do that, who believe everything they want is right and everybody needs to get out of the way and the world darn well better order itself in the way that makes my needs all come true. What I can promise you is that doesn't last. And it isn't really the ultimate life. You can disagree or argue, but it really isn't.And there's a reason we're not built that way. We're really built to love and serve each other. We feel best when we're in service, when we're helping.You've probably helped in a soup kitchen or the Salvation army or some other community effort or a food drive or your church or the Boys Club or the Girls Club or with disadvantaged youth or at risk people. You know, you've probably done that.When I was a kid, we started young, my mom did a lot of music stuff and we participated and we participated in programs at old folks homes a lot. We'd go sing songs and play and she did that for many years after I grew up and was gone.And I'm grateful for those experiences and grateful for the music that I learned. And I've also done lots of volunteer work, as I'm sure you have. And my point is we feel good when we do that.There's something warm and fuzzy about that. It produces chemistry in our body, hormones, right? Oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, anandamide, you know, feel good stuff.And sometimes people say, well, you know, it's evolution. We're built like that for survival of the species. Well, you can believe that if you want. It's nonsense.The truth is we're divine beings and were built to love and serve every philosophical thing.I mean I'm not talking about nihilism or existentialism, but every religious or spiritual tradition talks about loving kindness, lifting, blessing, serving, no matter what the words are, you know, do unto others as though you were the others. You know, that's a paraphrase, obviously. And so we feel good then. And so if we chase one of those other things, it won't last.And you know, you, you know that's true because you see wealthy people that are miserable and suicides and in, you know, wild self indulgence and all the rest of it. So we're not going to talk about that today.We're going to talk about the version of that that aligns with our divine being and that is fierce life ownership. Now the last episode, several of them, we talked about addiction to mediocrity.We talked about learned helplessness and we talked about victim mindset. We defined those and explored how they show up and how they trash your life or mine. We talked about the swamp, right?Which is, that's the names in the swamp. Different dirt clods are named those things. But what it really means is we have a fatalistic attitude about it's not fair, I can't do this.Everybody else gets the break. You know, that kind of negativity. Well, there's a meadow, a beautiful place, a beautiful, heartwarming, loving, powerful place.And you can go there today.So often, so much we say, well, I'll be okay when the storm's over, the crisis is passed, the illness is finished, the debts are paid, the taxes are done, whatever it is. And the truth, cosmic, real life truth is you can have that joy today, right here, right now. And we want to talk about today how to do that.And I use the swamp as a metaphor because it's a soul sucking place where you always feel like you're either waist deep or neck deep in quicksand. And the meadow, a beautiful mountain meadow.And maybe you don't have mountain experience in your life or history, but you can picture a beach, a meadow, a beautiful place where the people are loving, they're encouraging, they're kind, they're creative. Creativity abounds. And there's not destructive competition, but coopetition. And that can only happen when we realize there is enough and to spare.And we realize that our value doesn't come in having more of stuff or things than somebody else. It doesn't come from being able to prove or to control or beat down people, but to love and to lift.So we're going to talk about fierce life ownership. And that is the shift. We're out of the swamp and we're in the meadow, okay? So this is all about owning your life.Your ultimate life is living a life of purpose, prosperity and joy. And you can have that today. You can, you can, you can. And so there's a. It's not there. All right. I was going to put a URL on the screen. I can't.But anyway, here's the meadow. The meadow isn't a place, just like the swamp isn't a place. Although there are real swamps and real meadows.The meadow is a stance or a belief or an internal energetic posture. And those are fancy words. But think about it this way.If somebody walks in the room where you are and slams the door so the windows rattle, that's an energetic posture. If someone walks in the room, shakes your hand, says, hey, how you doing?And tells a joke or laughs or hugs you or whatever, that's a different energetic posture. And nothing's happened yet, but the whole frame has been set. And the ultimate life living your. You, the ultimate life is all about that posture.And guess what? We get to pick that. Nobody can choose that for us. All right? The meadow is that kind of energetic place.A place of love, kindness, support, cooperation. And you might say, well, that doesn't exist in the world. And the answer is, it does if you make it, and it does if you look for does.If we control the people we hang out with, it does if we control who we do business with, if we set boundaries around what we allow into our lives and what we allow others to take from our lives, it certainly does exist. The meadow is not a place that you arrive at. It's not like a reward. Okay, you're a good boy or a good girl. So you get the meadow.And it is not granted, because those are all external. Oh, I got there and I'm cool, or, okay, I win, I get the prize. It isn't that it's not earned by suffering enough. That isn't how we get there.So you might say, well, what is it? Well, it is chosen, okay? You simply decide to be there.A lot of times we'll say what I said when things calm down, when I heal enough, when opportunity shows up. Ownership is available before the conditions around you are okay? Now, this particular background picture is a fun one.It's a street in Italy, a long, narrow street. And right behind me here, on my left hand shoulder, is a shop where I bought some shoes.And this was a trip that Joy and I took to Italy many years ago. And it was Fun. And this is just a memory of that and why I used it. But it's also a path, a path to a destination.And the building down at the end is lighted up because the sun's shining on it, not just reminded me of the meadow. All right? So you get to be in the meadow when you decide your life is yours, when you decide you own it, you can create it, and you have it.So let's talk about what we do and what we don't do and what this life ownership means. Because this is about that fierce life ownership which is the ticket to the meadow. And remember, the meadow is an energetic way of being.And I know that's woo woo language, but it's how you choose to feel. And we often go down the road of, I can't feel good, I owe this many bills, or this is the problem. And they have a long list of can'ts because.And none of it's true. All right? Ownership is not about controlling the market or the president or who is or isn't the leader or whatever country you live in.In Canada, it's the prime Minister. And I'm not happy with ours at all, or the one before they've destroyed our economy. But that doesn't control my weather.So we don't control the market or the weather or the leaders. We don't control other people. We don't control illness, although taking care of our body is a good thing.We don't control betrayal, which is someone else's choice to, you know, maybe steal or cheat or do whatever it is. We don't control timing of things. That's one that I have struggled with.I have felt like I've done this and this and this for all these days, weeks, months, years. And how come, you know, fill in the blank. We don't control the timing. The universe works the way it does.God, or the creative force, or whatever you choose to call it, you know, the unified conscious field, all these kinds of names, the divine essence. We don't control the timing. We didn't control the sun or the moon or the earth being created.And we haven't controlled much at all of the 15 or so billion years the Earth has been unfolding. Wow, okay. Or the, you know, the cosmos. But what we do. Nobody controls what happens, okay? What you control every single time is what it means.The default stance is, well, this happened. And it can only mean hardship, trouble, you suck. You're mad. I'm in, you know, and the mistake is it can only mean X and I won't even say a mistake.That's a choice. You control what everything means. We use simple examples like it rains. For some people, that's bad. For some people, it's good. But you decided that.I decide that. Okay, so two people experience exactly the same situation. Exactly the same thing happens. Okay? One collapses and the other one builds.Why does that happen? One collapses and the other one builds. Just a choice. Another event happens, and one person is devastated and another person, super optimistic.Optimism and pessimism, or realism, which is just a sophisticated name for pessimism, is. Is just how we look at something. And a pessimist says, I'm screwed. There's no way out of this.An optimist says, there's got to be a way, same situation. And that's a choice. But the thing is, it's not just a game. Here's the thing.It actually unleashes different chemicals in your body, and it unleashes different creative paths in your brain. And those are all scientific, demonstrated facts. And you know that. Probably.So if I choose to look at it, oh, there's got to be a way, I immediately start seeing everything around me as tools, as raw input, as possibility. If I think or feel I'm screwed, then I can't see those things, right?I'm not able to see those possibilities and opportunities because I get what I want. I find what I look for. We have a name for that, too. Confirmation bias. So let's talk about different ways that shows up. Ownership. Fierce life.Ownership. Emotional ownership. You piss me off. I feel angry. Okay? You upset me. You know what? I'm choosing my own response. I choose to be.I choose not to be upset. I choose to look for an opportunity. You wrecked my day. I had someone say to me, you, you ruined my life.I believe with all my heart they think that and they feel that, but it's not true at all. In any universe. Okay, the truth is, I'm going to say this sentence really slowly because it matters so much. This is mine to navigate.A pile is dumped in your living room. What can I create from this mess? And that's not Pollyanna. That is the definition of ownership.Emotional ownership means you don't outsource your nervous system. You don't hand it over to the events. Now, I'm not saying events don't cause a reaction.You know, if something happens, a car's driving toward you, the automatic response is fear, okay? And some worry about danger. But after that, instantaneous, automatic. You're in control.We don't need in Fact, this is the whole point of the ultimate life. We don't wait for others to regulate us, to calm us down, to tell us it's going to be okay. We choose that point of view. And that's what I. I love.Because that means I get to take responsibility all the time for my own internal state. My own internal state dictates what I see and what I don't see in the world around me. In conversations, in opportunities, in things.You know, I talk to people about their lives and about their aspirations and dreams. If I am worried, if I'm feeling negative, I can't hear them very well because I'm busy worrying about my stuff if I'm loving them.And I have fierce ownership, and I realize everything is just an input. And I get to create here like a kid with crayons or play doh. Or when we were finger painting.I don't know if you did that when you were in school, but finger painting, right. I control that, and we do now. So that's emotional ownership. So there's something we'll call interpretive ownership.And that's just a fancy way of saying how I choose to interpret a situation. So let's go here. Nothing is good or bad unless we think it's So I think that's a Shakespeare quote. I could be wrong.But the point is, events are neutral, things happen. So here's a question, ownership asks it this way. What does this mean in the story I'm building? So I'm building a university.I'm going to help and reach 300 million people and help them move from the swamp to the meadow. That's the story. That's the infrastructure. That's why I write the books. That's why I hold the classes. And I don't care what happens.A book doesn't sell or someone doesn't come to a class, or somebody doesn't sign up or this doesn't work or whatever. I don't interpret that in any way except as a building block. You know, I choose to think of it this way. I'm going to overcome any error.I'm going to learn from every setback, and I'm going to embrace every trial as a sacred teacher. Now it's a choice to think about that way. Einstein talked about that when he said, you know, there's two ways to think about the universe.Like nothing is a miracle or like everything is. Everything's a miracle. And somebody. I saw an email from somebody. They calculated the odds of you being here or me being here.And the number is too big to even think about.And when you add that, just you being here at this time and place and so forth, when you add that the complexities and the nuances of your life experience, you know, the. The uniqueness of you, the beautiful, powerful, lovely expression of you exactly as you are, is impossibly unique, impossibly glorious.So let's talk about this. What does this mean in the story I'm building? How can I use this to grow or to strengthen me?Now, that might sound daunting if something bad, quote bad or unexpected or undesired happens, but it really is the powerful stance. How can this strengthen me? So if I say, well, how can the strength of me, that doesn't do much.If, on the other hand, I see, well, how can this strengthen me? And I've told this story before, but I'm going to tell it again because it fits right here.December 5th in 2018, some eight years ago, seven and a half years ago, I woke up paralyzed. 91 1ambulance. And in the back of the ambulance, because I was doing these very things, I said, okay, what is the gift here?I'm paralyzed, I'm in real pain, and I'm on the way to the hospital in an ambulance. First time I rode in an ambulance to the hospital. Anyway, I said, what is the gift here? And then my mind went there to explore that thing.Well, when you do that, when I did that, or when you do it, we can't think about anger, frustration, negativity. We can't. We can't. As he exploring, what is the gift here? Another way to phrase that is what skill is this sharpening?What skill can this sharpen for me? Okay, that's not toxic or fake positivity. It is disciplined interpretation. And you can choose it. Okay, so here's decision ownership.So he talked about emotional, interpretive, and some ownership of decisions. Here's one thing to listen for. Blame language. Blame language. Who am I blaming? Their fault. They did it. How come they did. Who did this to me?Why did this happen? That kind of language does two things. It does more than two, but we'll talk about two.The first thing it does is it creates negative chemicals in your bloodstream. You remember we talked about oxytocin and serotonin and anandamide and other ones, beautiful chemicals that make us feel good.When I'm in blame, it creates more cortisol and adrenaline and a negative cocktail. Well, that negative cocktail shrinks my creativity. It actually changes blood flow. It reduces my field of vision both physically And.And energetically or creatively. So blame language is. Is not helpful. If I take full ownership, it eliminates blame. Blame language. You know what else it eliminates? Passive language.That's a favorite. I had no choice. That's never true. Ever, ever, ever in any circumstance in the universe ever. True. I had no choice. What.When we say that, usually what we mean is, well, if I don't do the thing, whatever it is, say or do this thing, then some other consequences, I think, I don't even know really, but some other outcome is going to happen. And obviously anyone with any brains would not want that. So therefore I have no choice. That's not true.And there are things for which you and I would not. They're. They're lines. Rules you would not violate. I would not deny my assurance and certainty about God, about the divine, for anything.I don't care if my life was threatened because that. That's simply a line I won't cross. You have lines you won't cross? You know, we know about examples.If someone wanted to pay you a million dollars to jump in a pool with sharks in it, you wouldn't do it because it's not worth a million. If your child fell in that pool, you jump in without thinking. You know, that is ownership. There's a line you won't cross.So passive language, it eliminates also, which is the I had no choice stuff. And there's always a choice. And our choices are determined by our fierce life ownership.The question for you is, do you have those things clearly in mind? Have you laid down the maxims of your life?The rules, the laws, the inviolate principles, what you love, what you stand for, who you are, who you are becoming, what you will do, what you won't do. Not as a belligerent kind of a statement, but as a true alignment with your creator. This is who I am. I do these things. I don't do those things.I say these things. I don't say those. You know what I'm talking about. Okay, so once you say these words energetically, this is mine.And I don't mean, you know, the mouse or the phone, but I mean, this life is mine to build. You can never go back. You can never get.There's no one left to blame, nothing left to blame, because it's yours, it's mine, and there's nobody left to blame. And that place is a place of such empowerment. It's also a place of such joy. Excuses evaporate when ownership arises or arrives.There was someone that I Had.I was in a group once, and they said this, and I don't know if they were quoting someone else or if this was original with them, but it doesn't matter. When the why you want something gets big enough, the how to pops up everywhere. Well, that why is ownership. I'm creating this. I'm going there.The time that sticks out most of all in my life about that sort of thing is after I had a divine intervention in 2007 when I was a hopeless drug addict. And the list of things wrong in my life is long, and you've heard it in other episodes.And I had this experience, and I woke up from it, and I didn't know how to what to do or anything else. But what I knew for certain was that I'm done with that old life and I'm going to a new place.I don't know how to go there or what it means or what I have to do or what I have to change or how hard it's going to be. Don't know any of that. Don't care. I'm going. This is mine. Your life is yours.I plead with you to own it, because from that place of ownership, you can create whatever you want. And I add the word fierce in front of it because you think about, you know, legendary mama bears, fierce ownership.You don't want to get in the way of that. Fiercely own your life. All right, let's talk about what happens when we do that. We're going to describe when that ownership stabilizes.So in the example that I just gave you, I'm going to this place, and then, you know, the day goes on and the next day. And there are choices and actions that have to be made to line up with that new truth that I've just, you know, thumped the table.Figuratively in that case. But the commitment that I'd made. Okay, here's what happens when this stabilizes. It doesn't have to be loud. No one heard me except God.I didn't shout or go tell a bunch of people, okay, I'm going to be different now. I didn't do that. It wasn't about, you know, thumping your chest or pounding the table. It was an absolute, grounded certainty.Well, that energetic stance alone changes a lot of stuff. Because when you feel like that, you're never anymore looking for excuses. There was never. Well, it's too hard. Well, I didn't know it meant this.It feels then like a tree that has really deep roots. Now. I don't know if you've been To Golden Gate park in San Francisco or other very windswept areas.But the coast around that area in San Francisco gets a lot of wind. And so the trees are all bent, the tops of the trees are all bent over, away, obviously because of the wind. Day after day, year after year. Right.But the roots are deep and the trees don't rip up, they bend and they fold, go with whatever's necessary, but they don't fall. So it's a. They don't fall. A tree has deep roots, a mountain that doesn't flinch. You get own feel a quiet authority.And again, this is not about proving, but this is about ownership. And from that place, then your creativity goes off the charts. It gets rid of frantic energy moving around, it melts barriers. Blame creates chaos.Your fault. No, there's chaos there. Ownership creates stability. When you stop arguing with reality, you gain power over your response. So let's take this apart.Something happens or a situation is there and if I'm mad about it, blaming it, or stomping around saying why me? Or any of that kind of stuff, I'm unable to respond powerfully.When I fully own this and I stop arguing with what is, even if I want to change it, that's fine. But when I stop arguing and blaming and putting that energy into the equation, then I have power. I have power to get creative.I have power to start doing things, even small things. So ownership doesn't deny reality, it doesn't wrestle with it. Right. It just uses it to create. That's the first steps of fierce life ownership.Another thing that happens is your identity shifts.Because if I've lived as a person, blaming, and believe me, I know what this feels like, you know, that fault, something in my childhood, something over here, that person did this, you know, I didn't know, I didn't understand. Oh no, you know, all of those blame things and that's who I am. I'm a person that looks for those things.Not my fault, not my responsibility, somebody else, somebody. And that is a terribly weak minded place. And it gives me no power to create and no energetic authority.So ownership is not a behavior, it is an identity. I was talking to Joy earlier today and we were talking about this, this very principle.And I was talking about the difference between two words, embodiment and performance. Embodiment and performance. And we were talking about it in the context of how people treat each other.Lots of different things to talk about in that ways, but we were talking about how people treat each other. You know, nice, respectfully, kindly, you know, Looking at the impact on others and everything. And some people perform niceness.Some people perform or act like, right. Whatever it is, they want people to think of them. And then Joy thought about, well, what about the golden rule?Do unto others, you know, as though you were the others, as you would that they should do unto you. And I said, that can still be performance. That can still be performance. Because that would look like this. Well, I'm supposed to treat them nice.What would I want them to do to me? Okay, I better do that. That is performance. And then I thought of this.One of the things I love so much about my angel that I'm married to is she is kind to people. She goes out of her way. She just helps. And she just is that she doesn't have to think about it. It's just who she is. So then I mentioned that to her.I said, you know, you don't have to think about being nice or thoughtful. She's always thoughtful about what people need or what's, you know, what would make their life good or, you know, helpful and stuff.And I said, you don't think about that. She stopped for a minute. She said, no, that's just. That's just how I am. That's embodiment.And so the question about life ownership is when you embody, when you perform ownership. I've got to set this boundary and I've got to do it. And you might need to start there.But the goal is embodied ownership, where you don't ask for permission. You don't have to think about it. It's simply who you are, God, whatever you conceive that to be.The universe doesn't ask permission to be all powerful. It doesn't ask permission to create. It simply is the creative force.And when we embody fierce life ownership, it means we don't have to talk to ourselves about excuses anymore. We just don't do that because we're not that. We don't have to remind ourselves not to be angry with others or to blame.We just don't do that because that's not who we are anymore. And so that's an aspirational thing because nobody's perfect. But it's very achievable.In the years that I have been working on this, since 2007, utterly dramatic things have happened. I am no longer even close to the person that I was. The way I think, the way I be, and the way I truly am in this embodied sense.So I hope things change. Is not embodiment. I change what I can and that's good is embodiment. I choose my response and I lead with that response.This life is fully mine, right here, right now, all the time. That's a choice that you get to make and that I get to make. And I want you to land that in this episode. Fierce life ownership is the foundation of.Of living in the meadow. A place of freedom, a place of creativity, a place of love, a place of joy.And you might feel sometimes like this world is so hectic and there are so many polarized and divisive attitudes.You know, I'm recording this a few days after I live joy and I live in Canada, but the president of the US south of US Gave the state of the Union address. And I saw an article afterwards that said, oh, I know somebody was upset because the U. S had their hockey team come and be part of that ceremony.And someone said, well, in normal times that wouldn't have been a problem. But in these polarized times, then that was somehow a sin or wrong or whatever.And I thought it's only a problem because you, the author of that article, are making it a problem. What if those people were just celebrating?What if it's not wrong for them to do that and they're not supposed to be wiser and they're somehow stupid because they don't like that is all in the eyes of the author. And you, me, them also, you're free to make out of that whatever you want. Our goal here is not to put any political or other kind of commentary.What it is, is to acknowledge your power, to make your life like you want it. Literally. You control the narrative, you control the outcomes, you control the direction. You control how joyful you are.You control how much fierceness is in your ownership. And that is working with reality no matter what is happening around you. Oh, you got a big tax bill. Cool. What am I going to do?Make a call, Make a payment arrangement. Figure out how to do this. Do it all without frustration and negativity.Do it all without cussing the government for being a jerk and taking so much of my money or whatever the situation is. You really can do that. And then the final question here is, what if, like, why would you do that? Why would I go to all that trouble to do it?So here's the final answer. You want purpose, prosperity and joy? I do.Then we have to clean out the negative energy of blame, pointing, fault, finding retribution, seeking justice, demanding, right? And I'm not saying laws don't take their course or whatever. I'm saying internally Your landscape can be the beautiful meadow right now.And if it isn't, this is your invitation to just examine what. To what are you giving your power? Who are you allowing to make you unhappy?Quote, who are you allowing to stir up that chemistry of upsetness or fear or, you know, anger or hatred? Or who are you giving power to stir up that witch's brew in your heart, your head and your body?Take the power back, create the chemistry, the feelings, both spiritual and physical. You want, if you want to live in a constant chemistry of happiness, of love, of service, of prosperity, which includes cash. It's available.There's infinite amount of energy and money. It really is true.And I used to hear that kind of language and get mad because I could, because not because it wasn't true, but because I couldn't see the path. And so then I said, well, that sucks. That's stupid. Of course there's not. And I was wrong. There is a path, and I know it, and I walk it now.And it took some time, and it took doing the work that we've talked about today, it took fierce life ownership. And that is not something that happens automatically. Just like a person who works out, if they stop working out, muscles atrophy, fitness goes down.You know, I've got this problem in my lower back, and so I have a cane and all that stuff. And I. One of the things I do every morning, or nearly every morning, is I lay on the.Lay on the floor, sit on the floor and open my legs as wide as I can and, you know, put my face down and lay on one leg and lay on the other and stretch. And I do that.I spend a lot of years in martial arts, but what I notice is if I skip a couple of days, you know, the stretch pulls back, the limberness decreases. So this ownership is something we have to do every day. It's a choice, not a chore. It's a liberation element, not a demanding thing.It's a joyful power that has been given to us as the highest and most divine creation of the Creator. We have that choice. And now you know more than ever what it is, how to exercise it, how to take it in your own heart.And remember, this life is yours. And if you want to create beauty, you can. Now, here's three invitations. If you're already living this ultimate life, please reach out.I'd like to have you on a show because I like to feature people or talk with people that have mastered this and are living that way. Two, if you're not living that way. Please reach out. Let me point you to some resources.I had to do a lot of work to get here and I'd like to help you if you want to.And three if you know someone who should either hear this message or be here with me to tell their story, either one Please reach out if you've got a story, reach out if you need help. Reach out if you know somebody that either needs help or has a story we should share. Let's do it.I love you and there's nothing in the world world that can keep you from creating your ultimate life. Right now. Your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change every everything. If you want to know more, go to kellenfluekegermedia.com if you want more free tools, go here. Your UltimateLife CA Subscribe Share. It.