Love Is Still the Answer — Even When the World Feels Broken

We seem to live in a world of madness, anger and frustration. What in the world happened? Let's fix it. Welcome to the show.

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Welcome to your ultimate life. This episode's going to go out the day after Christmas and I want to talk about that.I picked this stained glass background because it has reminds me of the cosmos. It reminds me of churches, it reminds me of worship.It also reminds me of the trip through the universe that I took when I died and had the conversations with God at the door between life and eternity. But what I want to talk about today isn't dying or coming back to life. I want to talk about love is still the answer.We live in a time right now when if you look around the world, there's hunger, there's cruelty, there's greed, there's all kinds of negative things going on. And you know, it's. It is really hard to tell how much and where because the places we get information really focus on the negative.All the floods and all the wars and all the civil wars and all the injustice and all the lawsuits and all this and that and who's convicted of that and the riots and the protests and in countries all over the place. We live in Canada and we're both dual national US and Canada, so we pay attention to both.And the news outlets are fascinated and because they sell anxiety and because perpetual anxiety is their dopamine, they focus on that. And there's a smattering of good things here and there. But even in the context of that, it is only juxtaposed against the mountain of struggle.So let's not talk about that today because when you look at that, it can easily feel like, well, what the heck can I do? Like, what is there for me to do because I feel defenseless against this onslaught of negativity.Well, there's a lot of things you can do first, don't watch the news or do it very selectively and sparingly, I guess is the word I would use. A little find out real news like is there an earthquake somewhere and should I do something?You know, are there changes in one of the wars that are going on that matter to me example for us is the war with Russia and Ukraine, which is now going to be four years in February, was really front and center for us because joy is Ukrainian. Her dad was born in Odessa. And so from the beginning, that's been front and center for us.Whereas for someone else, it might be a sad thing that's going on, but it's not, you know, pressing for us. It was pressing. And as you know, we had a Ukrainian mother and daughter who moved in with us as refugees in June of 22.And after three and not quite a half years, just last month, they moved out to their own place and have started to establish themselves here in Canada, which is good.So that was another reason, because those two, especially the mom, was really focused on her husband, who was still back there and couldn't leave the country and the. The things and things that were going on.And we just found out a couple of days ago that the factory where her husband worked was actually bombed finally. Meaning all this time later, nothing happened. Nothing happened. And then it was bombed and he wasn't hurt. But that brings it front, center for us.And there are other things that will be front and center for you. Maybe you have a relative who's got some illness and you can't find the right treatment, or maybe you've got an insurance company denying treatment.No, you can't have treatment for that.And you're throwing your arms up in the air wondering what to do and wondering how life, institutions, the economy, the government, et cetera, could be so cruel. All of those things are real and happen.I've got a situation right now with, as you know, with this back problem that has been in the making for 20 years. But about two and a half years ago now, July of 23, it exploded on me, and I've been limping ever since. And on some pain meds and physiotherapy.And finally I'm to see a specialist. I did see one. And they've got a nerve conduction test, some kind of a fancy thing to see if they can tell exactly which nerves are doing what.And I've been getting shots periodically for pain. And it's been taking months to get, you know, get the right. Get to the right place and get the right MRIs and all that sort of stuff.And that could be real frustrating. So all of those things happen to all of us. And my little dip into the ones that are happening for me is just info. And love is still the answer.I can't change the wars anywhere. I pray for them. We do what we can. We had the family here with us. You probably are doing that too. Yet it's easy to feel hopeless.It's easy to feel what can we do? If easy to get angry at governments or at gods for saying, why do you let these things happen? Well, in the world we know why they happen.People are greedy, power hungry, crazy, proud, arrogant people think they're right, want to have power over others.The only answer I have for God is that in my experience, everything that has happened in my life has been an opportunity for me to grow, even the really hard and difficult things. So I choose to look at it that way. And that brings me back to love is still the answer. Let me tell you more specifically what I mean by that.When Christ was born, whether you worship Christianity, Christian as the son of God or Christianity or not, that the figure of Christ brought love into the world. His doctrine was love. His gospel is peace.It is kindness, it is tolerance, it is love your brother and sister, it is serve each other, love and serve, love and serve. That is the doctrine that that figure. And whether you call it Christ, excuse me, or compassion, it's the same miracle. And here's why.What if we choose just because we can, in every interaction, to be compassionate, to be kind? That doesn't mean we have to agree. It doesn't mean we have to allow people to break the law or to endanger or jeopardize others.But it does keep us from being bitter, from being revengeful, from being vicious, from being unkind. In the discourse in the public square, we see boatloads of that and we see the fruit of that unkindness and vitriolic spewing of language.You know, whether it's, you know, swearing and violent words or whether it's couched in beautiful explanation and rhetoric, it's the same vitriol. You see both, right?If you listen to the news or watch social media, you see some people being critical of others with violent and vitriolic language and you see others doing, saying exactly the same thing, but all reasoned out and explaining why this, that and the other. And the purpose is the same, to create negative feeling one side to the other. What if we tried really hard to create love?What if that were really the focus? Like what if you choose to get up every morning and ask what can I do to bring love into the world? Well, the first thing is love yourself.Do you have a self love ritual, a self love practice every day? I didn't used to and I lived in a lot of self loathing instead of self love. I do now and it's wonderful. It makes me feel warm and good every day.It makes me feel wrapped in the arms of the Universe every day. And even on the days when things aren't like I want them, which is most days, everything doesn't go like I want it either.All kinds of roadblocks and barriers and potholes, little and big, occur. But what I notice is when I am wrapped in loving myself and my own worth, when those potholes come, it's no big deal.I do what I can and I keep doing what I can and I move forward. So that's the first thing to love. Love yourself.Love yourself, Love yourself at the same time, or maybe even first, maybe that second is to love the Creator. Love God.You know, at least in the, in the Bible, if you use that text, the first great commandment in both the Old and the New Testament is for us to love God with all our heart, might, mind and strength, or some version of those words. And I used to ask, why in the world is that the most important commandment? I gotta love God. He's got everything.All the money, power, possession, peace, everything. He's got everything. Why do I need to love him? And the answer is really interesting. God doesn't need my love.I need to learn to love righteousness, goodness and compassion. And immediately the sound can be, well, if all this bad stuff's going on in the world, that's not righteousness, good and compassion.And I don't pretend to have a complete answer about why so much suffering is allowed in the plan. What I do know is this. Every piece of suffering will be made right.Every cry that has been cried, every pain that has been inflicted unjustly, every child that has been wounded or mistreated, that will all be made right. And that is a great comfort, not just to pretend that, but to know it. And I know that and I share that knowledge with you now.I'm grateful that it's not my responsibility to extract justice or to try to make things balance. I'm not smart enough to do that. Some people say, you know, if you had gone through the circum, somebody does something you don't like, or even bad.Some people say, well, if you'd gone through exactly the life they had, you would have done the same thing. I don't know if that's true or not, but it gives me a perspective that creates tolerance and compassion.I have a thing that I've learned that I didn't used to know. Like many, I used to think I knew a lot of stuff and that my judgment about things was right. And I don't think that anymore.And what that's done is it's given me a ton of patience, a ton of compassion, and it has made me declare that judgment stays at 0% and kindness lives at 100%. And there is no conflict between that point of view and retaining ownership, boundaries, sovereignty, protecting yourself or anything.None of that means being a doormat or ignoring injustice. So let's go back to the center of the story. When God became man and was born in the world, creation became an embraced creation.The Creator came to the earth, and if so, you know, God created galaxies in the space. And I.If you want to read about my own experience in the book Meeting God at the Door, I describe what happened in the three conversations I had at the door between life and eternity. And one of them included a. A trip through the universe since I saw and heard unspeakable things.But what it made me know, you know, that's okay, that happened. But what it made me know, what it left me with, is a certainty that you and I are loved. We were intentionally created and loved.And even when life is hard, we're loved. And that certainty makes me able to love myself and you no matter what. It makes me able to be patient no matter what.It makes me able to forgive no matter what, and to be super grateful that the responsibility for retribution, justice, or setting things right is not in my hands. So here's what I want you to understand. Love is not just a feeling. It's not just a sense of compassion or a sense of familiarity.Love is a verb, and it is an actual power. It is the power by which galaxies are created and held together.The Spirit of God is in everything, through everything, and holds everything together. What a magnificent truth.The other thing I know is that this Christmas celebration for those that choose to use it, and there are other celebrations in other traditions that celebrate exactly the same principles, and that is love is the center of everything. Love created everything. Love is all the answer. And love will continue. Love is the greatest no matter what.Sometimes I misunderstand that and think that that means permissiveness and letting everything, you know, getting everything I want and all that stuff. And when we think about it for a minute, we realize that can't be the truth. Love is literal power. And it's easy to see manifestations of that.People that make great sacrifices for friends, mothers who run in, you know, lift up cars to save their children. People that do incredible things in the name of love.And in the Christian tradition, Christ suffered the pains and sins and pains and sicknesses and everything of everybody in as he prayed in the garden. And then again on the cross and took upon him that burden. And that was an act of unspeakable, incomprehensible love. Love is the answer every time.And we. We sort of take Christmas and we have turned it into kind of a commercial thing. And it's fun to give gifts. There's no question.I have way more fun giving them than getting them. When I was a kid, that wasn't true. I mean, it was fun going Christmas shopping.My brother and I would save our pennies and dollars and we would, you know, go Christmas shopping for the family, all the members of the family. And usually my brother and I would go together to the mall. And there was a mall within walking distance of our house when we lived there.To start with, that mall was an onion field, I understand. And I remember when construction started, it was one of the early malls, and it was built in the 60s and it was called Sun Valley Mall.And at the time, it was quite large compared to other shopping centers in the world. I don't know if it ever held the distinction, even at the time, of being the largest, but it was quite big, two levels and quite long.And three major anchor stores. JCPenney on one end and Sears on the other, and Macy's in the middle.And we all know the fate of different stores over the decades, but we used to have our money, and we'd go to the mall because that was the place where they had 120 stores or 120 something, and there was something for everybody. And so we would talk together about what we were getting everybody. And we didn't have very much money, so it was never very extravagant.And then we'd have to kick each other away. Go, you go over there. And we'd buy stuff for each other and hide it in our shopping bags, you know.And we usually went the day or two before Christmas on the 22nd or 23rd, and then we'd spend the night wrapping gifts. And it was a fun time. We did other things as a family. Sometimes we would deliver bread or my mom baked bread.And so we would do secret deliveries for people. And we had some family traditions that did feel like love and that did feel like kindness.Now, if you've read some of the books that I've written, you know, there were parts of my upbringing that were not fun and not loving, but we did have really some really nice traditions around Christmas that were beautiful and reminded me of love. And whether you celebrate Christmas per se as a Christian or not, why don't we talk about the practice of compassion and love as the real success.Because, you know, it doesn't really matter how much money I make or you make. It doesn't really matter if my book is in lights on Times Square.I thought about that because I just saw an ad on Facebook, a couple of them, where the service is being offered to have your book in lights, one of those great big billboards on Times Square. And I have a friend who knows how to get that done. I've never pursued that, but I found out how to do it so I could do that if I wanted to.And it isn't all that expensive. A few hundred dollars to have it up there for so many times, 7 seconds every 2 o' clock hour for a week or something.You know, whatever it is, there's a cadence and you can buy that billboard space and have your thing up there. But more important than those is the precious moments with friends or with family or even with yourself or with your God.If you don't have a practice of prayer or meditation of some kind, this is a chance, it's an opportunity to think about that, because I have found, and I did a conversation on this the other day. Gratitude is one of the big keys to happiness. So this podcast is about creating your ultimate life purpose, prosperity and joy.And that isn't created by having everything you want. It isn't created by having power over others. It isn't even created by having no health challenges or no financial challenges.It's created by choosing to be grateful for what you have. It's choosing to be the embodiment of love all the time. And it's choosing to be of service and add good to the world.Gratitude, love, and adding good to the world. Service that makes for happy. None of those things can be bought. Gratitude can't be purchased. Love cannot be purchased. Service cannot be purchased.And we all know happiness truly is an inside job. If I get something from outside, I get a new pair of skis or I used to love to buy new skis every year. That was fabulous. Ooh, new skis every year.That was wonderful. I researched what kind and what kind of cut did I want and what kind of terrain were they good on and everything else.And they were happy for a little bit. And each time I wore them, it was cool to have this or that. The truth, that isn't happiness, that isn't joy. That all comes from inside.So let's talk about what the practice of compassion and forgiveness look like. Why don't you think of someone right now that you could forgive. Maybe they'll never know you forgave them.It might involve sending something and say, you know, this or that happened, and I just want you to know, in case it matters, I forgive you. I hold no ill will. They might not care, but it's a powerful expression from you, especially if you've held a grudge for a day or a decade.Compassion is another way to do that.Every day we meet people online, in stores, in traffic, or in our own home that are having a difficult time or with something being rude because they're in a hurry, being unkind or maybe not noticing, right, unaware. And we can react with negativity or we can choose to react with compassion.I notice that when I choose compassion, I feel better and the situation is better.Now if I'm driving down a road, somebody does a lane change or does something that, you know, cuts me off or causes some distress, I choose always 100% compassion. I don't know what's going on. It is possible that they were being rude intentionally, and it is also possible they're being inattentive.It's possible that they have something on their mind. It's possible that there's a struggle going on. It's possible they didn't see me. It's possible they're on the way to some, you know, crisis.And I choose to think of that rather than assume that they were rude. I love doing that when I'm in line and things are going slowly.I do the same thing When I get a notice from the Canada Revenue Agency, even before I open open it, I do the same thing. What I notice about that is I live in peace. I am become complete inner peace. And that's a fabulous thing to say.And it's even more fabulous thing to have be true. And I'm not magic. That's a created state. And Christmas is a time to remember that more fully.You know, one of the things Christ said, and it's also true in other traditions, is he said, peace be unto you. My peace I give unto you. Then he went on to explain, sought worldly peace. It's spiritual peace. And I used to think, well, that doesn't pay my bills.And no, it doesn't. But it changes everything about doing it. I no longer feel stressed or upset, even when things outside aren't going my way.So I'm asking you to join me. Think of someone right this minute that you can forgive just because you can, just because it's in your capacity to forgive.They don't need to deserve it. They don't need to ask for frees us compassion. Another way to think about that is recognizing our common humanity.There was a poet in England, I believe, and he was on a street and I've forgotten who said this now, but there were a group of policemen and they were marching a prisoner by and I think the prisoner was condemned to the gallows. It was I think in the 1800s, so maybe 150 or 200 years ago. And the poor miserable person, you know, was on his way to die.And I don't think that the poet knew anything about what the circumstances were, but he remarked on looking at the poor guy looking, you know, scared and miserable, going to die. He pointed at him and said, there but for the grace of God go I.And I've thought about that a lot of times because you know, through addictions and failures and failed relationships and self sabotage and everything else, mistakes and things, you know, that's all true a hundred times over in my life. There but for the grace of God go I.Some tiny circumstance of compassion from another person or from the divine has changed the course of my life dozens of times. Now there's some benefits to doing this because you could think, wow, it's a lot of work to forgive everybody and have compassion.But wiifm what's in it for me? Well, I'll tell you what's in it for you. When you get curious instead of judgmental, all kinds of things open up.Ask yourself the question, I wonder what the story is here. In any situation, instead of deciding, you know, and being judgmental, what the benefit for you.What that does is it replaces pissed off feelings, anger, negative neurotransmitters with peace. You have peace inside. Forgiveness brings you peace. No longer carrying anger or bitterness towards someone who hurts you.I don't care if they deserve it or not. My choices to do that, to drop all that, to forgive everyone everything, all the time, including myself, means that I'm always at peace.I'm not afraid, I'm not angry, I'm not frustrated, I'm not judgmental of myself. That was a big one for me.What I can also tell you is that forgiveness frees up bandwidth in your head for creativity writing, enrolling clients, if you have a coaching practice, finding clients, if you have any other business where you are prospecting in any way. Because when you're carrying anger or frustration, it eats up bandwidth in your head.When you're carrying self doubt or negativity, it eats up bandwidth in your head. Christmas for me is a time to remember a Very important truth. You're a child of God, so am I. That means that God knows your name.He knows exactly the situation you're in, and he knows exactly how you got there. How much of it you did to yourself. I did a lot of mine to myself. Or how much of it came because of the either insensitive or cruel actions of others.And how much of it came just because life happens. And in knowing that, what I've noticed is that help is always available. And I've given up now. I used to demand help in a certain way.Well, if you're going to help me, then do this. You know, help me create a bunch of money right now so I can dig out of this situation. That's rarely the help that comes.The help that comes is ideas about what to do. The help that comes sometimes is courage to go do it.The help that comes sometimes is people to talk to and meet that have some possible answer or opportunity or path to move down. But help is always available. And if I'm not too arrogant or self absorbed, then I can hear it and find it. And that's a beautiful truth.The Creator, whose birth we celebrate. Is available and loves you and me. I know that I didn't used to know that. I know that now. Not just me, but both of us.There's nothing special about me. I've had a lot of extraordinary experiences and a lot of them were problems I brought on myself. Let me give you another example.Leadership is more powerful. It heals instead of drives or divides when it's fueled by love.Now, I don't care if you're leading yourself, you're leading your family, or you're leading 10,000 people in a company, or 100 or 10. Leadership built on compassion and love heals and does not drive. It doesn't create that negative feeling. And you know that.You've worked for somebody that was a compassionate boss and you've worked for people that were jerkwads.You may have done your work under the jerk wad, but it wasn't with joy and it wasn't in any positive context when you work for a boss, and I know this because I've done it, who is compassionate and also expects you to do your work? You feel like you'll bust your butt for them. Do extra, stay late, work harder. Why?Because the relationship is one of compassion and forgiveness and direction and correction. So it has the choice to live in compassion and love. And forgiveness has benefits.Financial benefits, relationship benefits, spiritual benefits, health benefits. I read a book called Anger kills by a Dr. John Sarno, written a number of years ago. But he did a very large study about life expectancy and illness.And he studied people that were at peace and people that were perpetually angry. And no surprise, the angry people died several years sooner.In a very significant number of them, big percentage lost 5 to 8 to 10 years of life because of the corrosive nature of negative neurotransmitters.So there's physical impacts, digestion impacts, relationship impacts, financial impacts, career impacts, and all kinds of things that come to us if we choose a life of love, if we choose a life of service. So I'm going to ask you, let me give you a couple of challenge challenges here. A miracle is not necessarily a one time event.We define a miracle as scientifically it's a highly improbable event. Right? Because anything is possible. So a super highly improbable event happens for which we have no explanation, and that's a miracle.Sometimes there's relationship miracles where someone who's been estranged makes it just a different decision and then a new opportunity in relationship begins. Sometimes financial miracles occur when you've been trying something and all of a sudden it works.I was interviewing someone the other day and they were talking about sales miracles and the way they teach their salespeople. And this is a very high profile and long standing sales trainer.Been in the business, 30 years of training sales and he trains people on creating and expecting miracles. Creating miracles. Can you imagine that? Do you live in a state of miracles? Christmas is the sign of miracles.It is the sign of forgiveness, it is the sign of love. It is a symbol of compassion together. And we talk about it. Sermons in churches and people you know, open their hearts.Even in that movie Scrooge, when Scrooge is having the conversation with his nephew Bob Cratchit, Cratchit says, you know, it is that one time of year when people seem to open their shut up hearts and exercise compassion to their fellow beings. I encourage you, whether you are of the Christian tradition or not. Love yourself. Think of someone you can forgive and then do it.Create more space in your heart by eliminating old grudges. Create a smile on your face and on someone else's face by going out of your way to serve. Maybe you want to do something very specific and concrete.Volunteer at a local food bank or a local Salvation army or thrift store. Go through your closet and your garage and give away everything you can. There are people who need it.One of the things I dearly love about joy, my wife My angel, I'm married to an angel, is that we regularly go through stuff that we're not using. Sometimes it's good, really, really good stuff, and we just give it away. We're not using it.And my wife's a longtime ebay merchant, and so once in a while she'll sell this or that, but we give away so much stuff completely and explicit with the idea that explicitly with the idea that somebody can use this and we're not. So go through your mental closet and clean out grudges with forgiveness.Go through your physical closet, kitchen, garage, and clean out things you're not using and give them away. Participate in some community service, like turn your focus outward. Maybe the person that most needs your compassion and forgiveness today is you.The hardest thing for me to do is self forgiveness. I'd made so many mistakes and done so many things, I just felt like I could never be forgiven. And that's not true.Forgiveness is always possible and it's always the right thing to do. And I'll give you a simple definition to make it easy to hold.And that is forgiveness is simply no longer allowing events in the past to have power in the present. I don't care if someone hurt you or abused you or did something in some terrible way, forgive them.It doesn't mean you endanger yourself or you don't protect yourself, none of that. But it does mean to quit holding grudges. Now. Sometimes stuff people do to us or stuff we might do to someone else leaves permanent scars. Okay.My brother, when we were younger, threw a tennis ball can at me. And in those days, you know, maybe they still have them, those tennis ball cans that hold three balls.And the way that this one was built is it the top edge of the can wasn't protected like they are now, but it was sharp. We got in an argument and he threw a tennis ball can at me and it hit me on the shin, the bare shin, and cut right to the bone.That bled, of course, profusely. And, you know, it was about that wide and the. The gapingness was that. And you could see the shin bone right in there, the white bone.We were both scared to tell our parents. I thought I'd get in trouble just because. And if you know the story, I got in trouble a lot at home and etc. But anyway, we didn't.And so I tried to tape it shut and et cetera, et cetera. And of course it never healed properly. It should have had probably three or four stitches to hold it shut. And I didn't get them.And so gradually over the years, it healed and filled up with scar tissue.So that doesn't cause me a limp, but I have a permanent wedge shaped scar on my left leg between the knee and the ankle that might is equivalent to any kind of a mark that you might have from something that happened. Forgive anyway. Forgive everyone, everything. Choose to love yourself and others. Life is so much more fun.And let this Christmas time just remind you to do that. I love you without hesitation.I have no idea what you've been through in your life, but I know for sure that some of it, if not much of it, has been difficult and some very difficult. And maybe there are things that you think, well, if so and so knew such and such, they wouldn't like me. I love you. Period. You're a child of God.You wouldn't be watching this if you weren't trying to add good to the world. Forgiveness is three steps. Fix what you can.And often the hardest things or the things that we've done that hurt the most can't really be fixed no matter how many times we apologize. Nevertheless, we fix what we can. We change who we are so that we won't do that again. And then we spend our time and effort adding good to the world.Making a difference. Forgiving others is the same. Fix what you can of the damage that was done to you. Don't expect anything from anyone.Change who you are in terms of your anger toward them. Maybe they'll get consequences and maybe they won't, but that's not ours to worry about. So fix what you can.Change who you are even though they made the mistake. And that doesn't mean pretend it wasn't there. But it does mean you are no longer the person that holds anger and bitterness.You are no longer the person that is, you know, vicious or wishing they would, you know, get some consequence and then add good to the world. I can make you a promise. If you choose love and fierce ownership, your life will be better. Way better.If you clean out the closet with forgiveness, you'll be way happier. And you know what else I know? Getting rid of anger, frustration, negativity, blame and all that stuff.It opens up our creative possibilities exponentially and gives us a view of how we can make money, make a living, and make a difference at the same time. Love and forgiveness are the central themes of Christmas. I love the feeling, the doctrine and the value and the teachings of this time of year.And I love you. Don't let anything get in your way or keep you. Come living in your own heart, in love, as you create your ultimate life.

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