Radical Self Leadership: No Cavalry is Coming

No cavalry is coming.

No savior is coming.

And that's good news.

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Waiting for rescue is one of the most damaging and damning things that you do to yourself.

Rescue ideation comes in all kinds of forms.

Somebody's going to rescue me financially, somebody's going to rescue me emotionally.

Somebody's going to show up just when I need it.

Now, I'm not speaking contradictorily here.

There are divine nudges, there are divine help, or there is divine help there.

Things and people show up.

And you know what?

We create that also.

So that's the important point to get started with.

So the idea here is there really isn't any cavalry coming.

Now, I don't know about you, but I grew up, I've watched some old westerns and, you know, the cavalry showed up and did this, that and the other, and rescued the town in distress and the dusty west and whatever it was from a horde of bad guys or whoever.

But the idea that it creates is that there's somebody over the hill that's going to rescue us when the divine steps in or a friend or some good fortune comes.

That's something you also create.

And that's going to be the focus of today, that you own the reins here, you're guiding the horse.

And I don't know if you've ridden horses, but I'm going to pretend for a minute you had or have.

I started when I was young, my uncle, my wife's brother, owned a dairy farm in Wyoming, and we lived in California.

And in the summer, sometimes right on the last day of school, or even the next day or the day right after school, we'd jump on the train or we'd get in the car and we'd take a trip and we'd go all the way to Wyoming, it's about a thousand miles.

And we'd spend the summer on my uncle's dairy farm.

And there I learned to milk cows and men, fences, and we hauled alfalfa hay and, you know, did the farm stuff, right?

And one of the things that was part of the daily practice was milking.

It was a dairy farm, obviously.

And so he had about 30 to 40 head of cows and milked them.

And cows have to be milked twice a day so early in the morning.

And I was no more than 10 or 11 maybe.

And I had to get up early and go up and go get a horse, saddle up the horse and go by myself up into the pasture, go get the cows, bring them down into the, you know, the barn area where they could be milked.

And then after the milking was over, I'd left the horse tied to a post with a little feed, and then I jumped.

It was about an hour and a half or two hours to do the milking.

And then I would take the horse and take the cattle up to the upper pasture where they spent the day.

And then in the afternoon, when it was time for the evening milking, at 5 o', clock, I'd have to go get the horse, saddle it up again and go up and get him and bring him down.

So I rode the horse, you know, three times every day.

And you know what the most fun part was?

The most fun part was after you take the cows up to the upper pasture and you close the gate there, you got a run, you got a long, not really long, but, you know, a ways of a ride home.

And then that was fun.

I got to learn to ride a horse fast and lay down and be with the animal and do good.

And the horse, of course, wanted to get back to the barn and get the saddle off and do all that stuff.

So a little personal story to get this started.

Horses have been a love of mine because of that forever.

And consequently, you know, the idea of cavalry and, you know, someone coming to the rescue, which you saw also in movies made in that time and before, is something I saw a lot of.

So let's talk about how that applies to life.

There's no one coming, no one owes you anything.

You don't deserve anything.

And that's maybe a harsh truth, but it is truth.

You create your life.

Now, you can either bitch about that or you can take the reins.

If you're riding a horse and you don't use the reins to control the horse, you get yourself in trouble.

Now, one of those times, running back, I let the horse have a little bit too much lead, and it came into the barnyard and went around a corner sharply, but it knows the width and space of its own body.

And There was an 8 by 8, a solid wood beam set deep in concrete, and it turned a corner and crushed my leg between the horse's side, the saddle, and just smashed it because it had enough room to get around the beam.

But it didn't think about me, of course.

Boy, that hurt for a week, right?

And that was Because I didn't manage the reins.

You have the reins of your life.

Like it or not, you have the reins of your life.

Now, a couple of episodes ago, we talked about 1% compounding, and we talked another couple of episodes ago about the best damn thing that ever happened.

Both of those are premised on this idea that you have the reins.

You are in control.

So let's talk about what we're going to do today.

We're going to talk about something called radical self leadership.

Radical self leadership is the idea that you really are the owner and sovereign.

You know, WIPOs or WIPOs.

Worth, identity, possibility, ownership, sovereignty.

You are the owner of your life.

Nobody else owns it.

They may try to take over.

They may ask you to do things.

They may horn in on your time or your serenity, but you own it.

And you're the sovereign.

And over and over again, you know what I see?

I see people who give that sovereignty resentfully to others or they give the sovereignty thinking, well, I'm supposed to do stuff for others, so I'll do it.

But inside, they're not comfortable with that.

One of the things to claim your sovereignty and own your reins is to say no.

You should have 10 no's in your life forever.

Yes.

Because when someone comes to me or you and says, will you do this for me?

Can you help me with this?

You know the math that they did?

The math they did is, I have a problem.

I think you or me or somebody can solve this for me.

So I'm going to go ask like, it's a costless option.

You know about trading options.

It's costless option.

You can say no, but often we feel this sort of obligation to say yes.

And then you end up with a schedule stacked full of obligations you didn't really want to say yes to.

Your body is rebelling.

Resentment's building in your stomach, tightness in your throat.

You have somatic responses that are telling you, hey, this is crowded.

This is not expansive.

This is not fun.

And you did it.

You gave the reins away.

You made up an excuse.

Well, you're free to do that.

Like, I'm not here to take away your freedom.

You're free to do that.

But when you notice that your decisions cause these kind of resentments.

Spiritual, energetic, you know, your body's tired, your mind's saying, why did you do that?

If you're feeling that way, then that's a clear sign.

You gave the reins away.

You gave control away.

Right?

And guess what?

No one's coming to Save you.

No one's coming to change that.

So this is an invitation for you to look at your calendar right now.

Next week, the next seven days after.

Whenever you hear this show, sit down in your calendar and identify how many of the things in the next 168 hours, seven days are things that you're really into.

That might be a scary question.

How many things are you really into?

Like, you look at those and like, yeah, I'm gonna do that right now.

Can't wait.

Stoked.

If the answer isn't every single one of the things on your calendar, you're giving away your power.

Maybe sleep or whatever.

I mean, you have time for that.

I don't have anything on my calendar.

I don't feel that way about now.

It wasn't always that way.

Radical self leadership is what it took.

Now that radical self leadership comes in two forms.

One comes in eliminating things I don't want to do or should have said no to.

Another form comes in changing my attitude about the ones I said yes to.

A perfect example that will be obvious will illustrate this.

People get married to others, and they're excited, they're stoked.

They say yes, they're looking forward.

We've only just begun that old Carpenter song, and they're, you know, excited about it.

And then a year, 2, 5, 10 later, they have allowed through choices, apathy, and whatever for that relationship to deteriorate into one of obligation.

Yeah, I gotta go do this.

No, I can't go with you because I gotta go.

You know, the spouse says, and that energy has now poisoned your relationship.

Well, what's changed your attitude?

Like, you can't change what anybody else says, does, or thinks, but you have power right this minute, for every second, for everything in your life, to change your attitude.

Either dump it and face the consequences of dumping it.

You know, the reward is freedom and sovereignty, or decide you're going to lean right back in.

So when people have marriage problems and they go to a counselor, almost always.

I mean, they could end up splitting.

Conscious uncoupling or unconscious uncoupling or raging divorce, whatever.

But when things get repaired, you know what they say?

They say, wow, I found a newness.

We've renewed our commitments.

Well, you can do that anytime you want.

Mm.

It's a choice of being.

It's a choice of radical self leadership.

It's a choice of recognizing nobody's gonna come.

What's it worth to you?

Is always the question.

I put this background up on purpose because the.

What's your freedom worth to you, well, if you got a bunch of stuff in your life, in your calendar and your obligations that you don't want, what's your freedom worth to you?

You need to go renegotiate your agreements, cancel them, substitute, fill them with honor, and then don't say yes again.

There's lots of ways through that and some have more integrity than others.

But this isn't a podcast about integrity, an episode about that.

It's about owning the truth that nobody's flipping coming.

Nobody's going to fix the government, nobody's going to fix the economy for you.

Whoever's in charge is doing that.

Lots of people upheaval going on in the US Right now.

You know, Joy and I are in Canada, but we're both also US citizens, so we watch that carefully.

Lots of noise on every side and all kinds of craziness.

And this is not a political rant, so I'm not going to do that either.

But the truth is, if you want the ultimate life, you got to build it because nobody's coming to build it for you.

What is the ultimate life purpose?

Prosperity.

And Joy, I'm going to give you three moves, three moves that are, that are key to radical self leadership.

But before I do, I'm going to tell you a story in 2007, and I just had the opportunity to retell this story on someone else's podcast yesterday.

And it never ceases to amaze hosts and me when I tell it.

I had given up all my sovereignty.

I was stuck in a job I hated.

I was making a lot of money, but I had personal habits that were disastrous.

I was a terrible father, I was a drug addict and I had heavy suicide ideation and even attempted a couple times.

I had given up my sovereignty completely.

Now reclaiming sovereignty from that place is a process, a long and difficult process.

Took me a couple of years, but I chose it and I claimed it.

And you know what?

The calendar goes by either way.

The days, weeks, months, years.

So you can shy away from change, change or growth because it's too hard and it's going to take too long, or you can just choose to enjoy the process.

I'm going to love this process, even though it's painful.

That was the attitude I took.

And when I decided to completely and radically change my life, I actually had no idea what was going to be involved.

I didn't know how to do that.

I didn't know where to go, where to start, who to talk to or anything.

But I did it.

And after that process, now I have Radical sovereignty, radical ownership, and not a single thing in my calendar don't absolutely flipping love to do so.

That's a personal story.

Maybe you have one.

If you do, I'm inviting you to get a hold of me because I'd like to share it.

I just recorded a couple of podcast episodes that will be airing later in, well, some may before and after this one, actually, about people's lives and when they made radical responsibility choices and how it changed everything for them and how much happier they are.

So purpose, prosperity and joy, that ultimate life is within your grasp.

You can have it, nobody can keep you from it.

But you have to do the work.

So let's talk about radical self leadership right now.

Number one, you have to decide.

When I made the radical changes In August of 2007, I decided, here's what I said.

I have no idea who to talk to, where to go, how to start, who to get help from, or even if I'm going to die trying.

I don't know.

But I am done.

I am going to the new mountaintop.

I'm going if I have to crawl over broken glass, if I have to do it alone, which of course you can't.

But I said that no matter what, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.

And that decision was irrevocable and it was permanent.

You can't dabble if you want to take sovereign ownership of your life and quit depending on some energetic or spiritual or financial cavalry coming over the hill.

So that's number one.

You must decide now.

One of the things I love most about the coaching work that I do with you is that decision process.

It's powerful, it's irrevocable.

And if you're having trouble deciding what your goals are and how to commit, please get a hold of me.

Okay, there's a URL here on the screen that says kellenfluecigermedia.com now that's a site that talks about books and this show and all the stuff that I'm doing.

But there's also a contact form.

So this is your invitation to reach out and get a hold of me if you're having trouble deciding on your own personal goals.

Crystal clear.

And you're having trouble ginning up the commitment to make them happen.

I'm the alchemist.

I'm the master at that.

I can help you if you want help.

I can't do it for you, can't do push ups.

But I can help you get committed and get real.

So step one in radical self Leadership is decide.

Decide you're done giving away your power.

Decide you're done saying yes when you mean no.

Decide you're valuable.

Decide you love yourself and you're going to do all the things that show that you love yourself.

I'm not talking self indulgence, but you know that.

Care for your body, care for your spirit, care for your heart, care for your emotions.

If you're not doing that, you don't love yourself.

You're lying if you say you are.

If you're downplaying your own health and safety in favor of doing stuff, you're.

You're a fraud.

You're masquerading.

Radical self love is the foundation of radical self leadership.

Okay?

And you need to love yourself as your God, your Creator, loves you, which is with infinite love.

Okay?

That's the first thing.

Now I need you to write a sentence down.

Write down right now what you are willing to do for 90 days.

And the way I want you to write it is in the form of I am.

I am that I love myself.

I am that I will demonstrate love my.

That I love myself.

I am that I will say no 10 times more than I say yes, I am that People will immediately notice the change in how I treat myself, talk to myself, and show up in a room.

Like, write down a sentence or two.

Just that you're willing to live for 90 days.

And if 90 days seems like an eternity, do it for a week.

You must start.

See, because here's the truth.

I don't care how broken you are or much struggling you're doing, whether it's your business or anything else, you got where you are by choice.

You got where you are by being the person saying the things that you're doing now.

That's how you got here.

And you can get out of there by being a different person.

The question, who do I have to be to have more ease and flow in my life?

Who do I have to be to get in a state of creative flow every day?

Who do I have to be to be completely at peace with who I am?

Those are important questions and they have answers.

They're not just rhetorical bullshit.

They're real questions that have real answers.

If you're willing to do the work, and again, that's hard for you.

Let me help.

If you want help without talking to me, then get this book, Living with Purpose and power.

This is 18 years worth of intense, focused, singular work about how to create your own life, about how to take your sovereignty, about how to get rid of the Idea that someone's coming to save you.

Because they're not.

And you know that by now.

But sometimes that's hard to admit.

Living with purpose and power.

All right, that's step one.

Declare, decide, make it irrevocable.

Step two in radical self leadership is to design.

Design.

So when you make powerful statements.

Okay, I'll give you one out of my ptac.

PTAC you've heard me talk about.

It's in here also.

Personal truth and commitment document.

It's not for show.

It's not for anybody else.

It's my deal with God.

It's my agreement.

This is who I am.

This is who I'm going to be with everything.

So that's what it is.

One of them is I am forgiveness.

I have compassion, grace and patience for everyone, for everything, including myself.

So that is a bold statement that doing will transmute everything.

It means I never get mad.

It means I'm never frustrated at people.

It means I don't blame.

I might work to change what is.

If something happens that's difficult or a struggle or something I think is unjust, I might work to what can I do about that?

What can I do with that?

How can I help?

But I carry that forgiveness.

So step two is to design.

So convert that sentence, whatever yours is, mine was.

I am forgiveness.

I have compassion, grace and patience for everyone, for everything, including myself.

Turn that into three non negotiable things and I'll do a concrete one in a minute.

But three non negotiables for that kind of thing would be every time a negative feeling arises, I confront it with love or I absorb it with love.

Every time something unexpected and undesirable, whatever that means undesirable, happens, I will say, what is the gift here?

Every time someone does something that could disappoint, I will say I forgive you.

And I will repeat it deeply and viscerally until the truth lands.

Those are three things that I do.

I didn't you know, they're not just made up.

Why?

So that I am forgiveness.

I have grace, patience and, excuse me, compassion.

Grace and patience for everyone, for everything, including myself.

And that includes when I do or say something, if I even think something, I say I'm not that I forgive that.

Now that might sound woo woo, but we'll do a concrete within a minute.

But I can tell you it changes everything about my life.

It changes how I enter and complete every conversation with prospects, with clients, with people, with my beloved holy angel wife Joy.

Every conversation.

And because it does, I live changed.

I Live in that change.

Now, concrete one would be let's say you're building your business and you're having trouble finding clients or you're having trouble getting people to be interested in your products or services, whatever it is that you do.

Or let's say you're at work and you're having trouble getting recognition.

Here are things you could say, you could decide I this was the declaration I am that I do the very best I can in every moment at work or in my business.

That's who I am.

Okay, then translate that into three non negotiables.

That means I turn every project in on time.

That means I work collaboratively with everyone, including the jerk I used to hate.

That means I use, I use and leverage my boss, manager, supervisor, executive, unless you're the CEO, effectively by harboring no resentment, by assuming the best I choose to give the benefit of the doubt.

All of those are things you could say.

And how you do that is you notice when you're not.

The key architecture of changing behavior is notice and choose.

Notice and choose.

Well, that's not a habit we mostly have.

We react, we get angry, we just do stuff right.

Notice and choose is developing the skill to stop for just a second, say what am I feeling?

What does it make me want to do?

What do I choose to do instead?

What do I choose to do that's love oriented, growth oriented, and it's constructive.

And you notice all of those things are right in line with no one's coming.

If I want a better relationship with a co worker, it's mine to build.

Now they may refuse.

They may refuse and they may have want nothing to do with it and diss you and do all kinds of gossip about you or whatever.

That all may happen.

But here's what I can tell you.

You will not feel anything anymore because you behaving, speaking, thinking with complete integrity.

Your heart is love, your choice is peace, and your movements are to productivity and collaboration.

You can't control what they do, but you can control what you do.

And when you do, you feel at peace.

You are at peace because you are in integrity, consistency with who you say you are.

And there's nothing more powerful than someone who's absolutely congruent and consistent.

So there's a concrete example you could use others about making sales calls or you know, doing the activities that mean whatever it is you say.

The declaration I'm growing my cash.

I am that I grow my income.

Okay, maybe better with a goal.

I am that I grow my income by 30% in 90 days or 30 days or whatever.

And then the non negotiables are the design.

What are you going to do specifically and clearly today and each day so that your declaration is true?

Radical self leadership.

The third thing is back to the 1% thing.

When you embark on the road of self development.

Me, you, all of us.

And I'm on that road constantly by choice.

There's a temptation that I always had to get the hacks, the shortcuts.

Ah, frick, this is going to take forever.

Can I do it quick?

Isn't there a way to like, do it now, please?

And the answer is no.

There are certainly ways to be more efficient.

There are certainly ways to, you know, call them hacks or whatever.

They're certainly productivity hacks and 80, 20 rules and timers and, you know, other things that, that will facilitate.

But there's no shortcut.

There's no royal road to geometry.

Look that up.

No royal road to geometry.

Geometry.

There's no, there's no way to shortcut growth.

You can't stand by an orange tree and command it to have an orange.

It takes as long as it takes.

Now you can nurture the tree, make sure it's watered and it might grow faster, but it takes what it takes.

So that 1% compounding that we talked about a few episodes ago is key here.

Just fall in love with the process.

Fall in love with the process and get your head out of your butt if you really want to make progress.

Okay, so those are three moves.

Make a declaration, make it, design it, and then make it daily.

Do something.

Now I want to go back and talk a little bit more about something I call my North Star.

It's one of the many documents I have, and if you want to read it and I talk about documents and you might say, yeah, so what?

What the frick, I don't care about whatever he says.

Let me give you a reason to care.

The documents have made me a million dollars.

The documents have made me healthy.

The documents have made me happy.

The documents have changed, strengthened and nurtured the relationship with the only heavenly being on earth, which is joy, my angel wife.

Not because of the words in the documents and not because they're fancy stuff, but because I chose to do them.

And so if a million dollars and more health and more happiness isn't important to you and then the process of creating powerful tools won't matter.

But if you've tried a hundred times and you're not winning, then there is a way.

So let's talk about the North Star, my North Star says I am the ultimate catalyst for personal transformation.

That's a declaration I make boldly, clearly, and it's absolutely 100% true.

But that's not anything by itself.

What it says then is in practical expression, I provide frameworks, tools, examples, encouragement, energy and permission to those ending addiction to mediocrity, especially those with massive hardballs from life thrown in the mix who will not be defined by those things.

Now, it goes on, but I'm just going to talk about that first little part.

So I provide something.

I provide frameworks, tools, examples, energy, encouragement and permission.

How do I do that?

Well, in conversation, I have programs, I have courses, but I have lots of conversation.

And it isn't about the weather and it isn't about about the World cup in 2026.

It's about what's up for that person now.

Where are they screaming happy?

And where are they screaming not happy?

What's in the way?

Can we do something now about it?

Frameworks, tools, examples, encouragement, permission, energy.

Because I have an abundance of that.

I have an overflow of that.

I saw a post on Facebook today, someone talking about filling your cup.

So you can serve from the overflow, of course.

And you can't do that unless you fill your cup every day until it's flipping overflowing all over the saucer, all over the floor, and you have to spare because otherwise you gut yourself.

So how do you do that?

Well, the fundamental question, who are you going to be today?

Because nobody's coming.

You get to choose.

And you do choose every day, sometimes without, you know, thinking about it.

And one of the powerful answers is, what's it worth to you?

I hear people say all the time, I'm going to be the best version of myself.

I don't even know what that means unless you couple it with what that looks like.

For me, that is a series of activities, a series of activities to do the things that make me better.

So if I'm trying to get physically in shape, it's a few more push ups.

I'm trying to get spiritually in shape.

It is a deeper and more powerful meditation and connection.

I don't leave my morning meditation until I've heard the voice of the divine.

Any day, every single day.

And I'm not magic.

It's a cultivated possibility because you are divine.

You came from divinity.

You have divine DNA.

So you have the antenna.

And they may be dusty or you may not be using them, but you have the right to use them all the time.

But you have to learn how to one funny story.

I had.

I bought a television.

And not just a tv, stereo TV and all kinds of cool stuff.

And I had the people at the shop come and install it.

This is some years ago and I didn't watch tv, so it turns out I didn't know how to turn it on.

So no instructions, right?

So in order for me to have that be true, my North Star providing frameworks, tools, examples, energy, encouragement, permission to you.

Ending addiction to mediocrity.

I have to be prepared.

I have to have a full and overflowing cup, which I do and I do every single day.

You notice there's two parts to that statement.

I say to those ending addiction to mediocrity.

I don't run out and try to rope somebody into changing.

And I hope you don't either.

But I'm inviting you to quote, step into your best self if you want to.

If this message resonates, if you're tired of settling for 50% of the money or 50% of the joy or 50% of the impact you want to make in the world, what are you doing about it?

You're either settling and saying, that's all I get, or you're taking steps.

I invite you with all my heart to take the steps if I can help you get a hold of me.

If you want to start somewhere, read the book Living with Purpose and Power and then do something with it.

Reading it won't do jack, but you know that.

Okay, so my daily creation process is how I fill that cup.

Overflowing.

It's how I take the reins.

It's how I just completely blow off the idea that somebody's coming to rescue me.

Because nobody flipping is nobody, nobody, nobody know how.

So I use the acronym spem.

Spiritual, Physical, Emotional, Mental.

And I break a two hour block into four parts.

Spiritual is meditation, sacred literature and focused work that I know connects me to the voice of God.

Physical changes all the time because my body's undergoing change.

I've got a bad disc and so I've got a limp and I've got some other things going on.

I just had a biopsy here on a temporal artery a couple of weeks ago to look for something.

So the kind of physical honoring I can do is different, but I still do it.

This morning I did a set of stretches and exercises that were within the capacity of what I have.

Why?

To honor the body.

Because I want my cup full.

I don't want to be tired and negative and squeaky.

You know, I don't want that.

So Spiritually, I'm tuned up physically.

I'm tuned up emotionally.

I put all my relationships in that bucket.

So I spend some time looking at people's names and feeling for their hearts and doing woo woo stuff and then sending messages of love and encouragement and life and breath and lifting and just that stuff.

Sometimes to people I haven't talked to for a while, sometimes to people that won't be surprised, sometimes there's repair attempts in there.

M is mental.

So then I read stuff.

I got a stack of 25, maybe 30, maybe 35, I don't know, books over there.

I'm in the middle of all of them.

And sometimes I won't get back to one of them for a month.

And sometimes I'll read one every day for a while.

But the point is to keep my mind active, focused.

You know what I notice when I do that?

My cup is overflowing.

It's exploding.

It's a fountain of joy, of kindness, of giving, of encouragement, of love, of straight talk.

And I love that word.

I'm editing a book by one of my clients, and she is the compassionate queen of straight talk.

And I love her.

And I was working on that this morning, early, early, early.

And so this phrase, straight talk came to mind just now.

So you can create a process.

And if you can't talk to me, let's build one or look at the book.

But a big but.

Behold the underlying truth.

If you have a process and it doesn't leave your cup overflowing and you just jumping up and down with excitement, then it's crap.

So face it, it's crap.

The purpose of the process isn't to check out, check off the boxes.

It is to create an outcome.

An overflowing cup where you're on fire and you're ready to meet the day, whatever on fire looks like for you.

Now, I'm noisy and I make a lot of noise, wave my hands and talk loud and fast.

Sometimes that's on fire for me.

Except when quiet and peace and piercing, love is on fire.

So you need to know what's on fire for you.

If you don't know what it feels like to be truly at peace and on fire.

There's our first area of work.

So get a hold of me.

Okay, so here are some things you can do that are very practical to get rid of the idea that the cavalry is coming.

Keep a log.

Journaling, people call it, but a short, single sentence log of friction points.

Where am I hitting?

Where am I pulling back?

Oh, I want to do that.

But I'll make excuse and I'll go piddle, scroll, social, or dork around instead of, like, write those down.

Those are things you need to be working on with your coach.

Because if you're serious about growth, you need help.

When I described my massive transformation, or the start of it in 2007, oh, I had help running out my ears, rehab places and counselors.

And the biggest and best, of course, was God and joy.

But all but they helped me find others.

Getting that help is wisdom.

It's essential.

People sometimes have the idea they're supposed to do it alone.

And the answer is only if you're stupid.

And it may sound harsh, and you are free to do it alone.

But it takes forever and you usually fail almost always.

So why would you do that?

Because our purpose is to love and serve each other.

And I want to be in shape to do that as quick as possible.

I was looking for all the hacks I could get, and I call them hacks because I'm looking for efficiencies.

The best tools, the best shrinks, the best practices.

What can I do, Right?

So get up, get up.

Value yourself.

Take control of your reins.

Okay?

So decide what you're going to do.

My acronym, I told you, spam.

But here's what you can do.

Also, is your environment sabotaging you?

So I said write down friction points, right?

Write down friction points.

I had a list here and I've lost it.

So just a sec.

Write down friction points so that you have knowledge of where they are.

Work those through with your coach or your other processes.

Okay?

Another thing that I do that's super powerful to take control because we all have a to do list that's at least 100 times longer than the time that's available.

You might have 300 things on your to do list.

You might look at half a dozen that you might want to try today, and nine get added, right?

So we, we know that's true.

Three non negotiables.

Get three non negotiables.

Three things you're gonna do today no matter what.

And they don't have to be sized to fill the day.

They're the things that you think in your judgment are the most important today.

Three non negotiables.

Get those done and then declare I win.

If you want to go sit and count ceiling tiles, fine.

Probably what you'll do is pick one of the others and then it becomes extra credit because you already won the day.

Okay.

One of the ways to do those is micro promises.

I won't have lunch until I won't.

Eat breakfast until.

I won't quit until I do this.

Write this letter, send this email, you know, talk to this person.

Have this difficult conversation in your environment.

I started on that a second ago.

Maybe you have your phone too close.

Maybe you've respond to every buzz and whiz.

Put it away, turn it off.

Nothing's going to end the world in 50 minutes.

Do a 50, 10, 50 minutes of work, 10 minutes of rest or walking around, reset.

All these are.

They are hacks.

They're the hacks and tools that you can use.

But nothing substitutes for the foundational truth.

You're not a victim.

You own your life.

You're only a victim if you decide to be.

You're only.

You're only.

You give away your reins like we talked about.

Only if you decide to.

So I'm going to give you a challenge, okay?

I want you to write a 90 day sentence for the next 90 days.

I am the most diligent prospector in the world.

If you sell stuff, I am the best mom that ever breathed air.

Why?

Because I said so.

And then when you fall or fail, because you will, because everybody does carry a big blanket of forgiveness.

I am forgiveness with compassion, grace and patience for everyone, for everything.

Adopt that if you need to.

Because carrying baggage just slows you down, darkens your light, drains your energy and makes your cup not full to overflowing blanket of forgiveness.

Okay?

So write down your 90 cent, your 90 day.

I am this.

And if it's 30 days, whatever, then each day pick three non negotiables.

The manifestation of that sentence is this many phone calls, this much attention to each kid, this change of behavior toward my spouse without.

And that doesn't matter what they do.

Like if you come be nice to your spouse and they pee on your parade, that's not on you.

You don't change.

You are in integrity.

You did what you said with love, kindness and with no passive aggressive.

Why?

Because you can.

That's taking your reins.

Okay?

Every morning, set three non negotiables.

This is what I'm about today.

But once in a while, you know, disasters happen and you get derailed.

I understand that, but most of the time.

And that's why you don't size them to fill up your whole day.

Because then, you know, a little crack and you're finished.

I used to do that.

I had to get up at this time and my schedule was rigid to the minute.

And inevitably every single day I got off track.

And so I spent the whole day Trying to make up lost time.

Well that energy sucks.

And at the end of the day you're like, where's the cavalry?

I'm never going to get this done.

I'm never going to get my shit together.

Well that's just not true.

But if you pack and stack the deck against you, it can feel like it.

All right, so in 24 hours, do those things.

Write your the change you're trying to create over the next 30, 60, 90 days.

Start the idea of picking three non negotiables that you're going to do every single day.

Right?

Put all this in a calendar.

Some people say, oh I don't like calendars.

Stifles my creativity.

Bullshit.

It's your excuse for non productivity.

It's your excuse for wasting time.

And I love you to challenge me on that.

If I can help you with any of these things.

Kellenflukermedia.com right there, right there on the screen.

Okay, There's a contact form.

Look, you are the owner of your life.

So here is your mantra.

Say this, no cavalry is coming.

I am the standard.

I am the owner.

I am it.

Because you are.

Nobody's going to come and do it for you.

Okay then as a final thing, you can share your 90 day change.

The thing you are going to change about yourself in getting out of victim mindset, getting out of the idea someone's coming to save you.

Taking sovereign control of your life, Declaring what's it worth to you.

Share it with somebody.

Not in a wishy washy half baked way.

Share it hardcore.

I am this.

Why?

Because I said so.

Let me end this with my love.

I love you.

I know who you are.

You're a divine being.

You can have anything you want.

But you do have to walk the path.

If you do, you like me can enjoy purpose, prosperity and joy every day.

You breathe air and live your ultimate life.

Right now.

Your opportunity for massive growth is right for front of you.

Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything.

If you want to know more, go to kellenflukermedia.com if you want more free tools go here.

Your ultimate life Ca Subscribe Share Stand with your heart in the sky and your feet on the ground.

Ground.