Stop Calling the Swamp “Reality” — Break the Cycle of Default Living

Have you ever been stuck in a swamp? You know how much that sucks? Well, you know what else? You're stuck there right now. Welcome to the show. Tired of the hype about living the dream?It's time for truth. This is the place for tools, power and real talk. So you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life. Subscribe, share, create.You have infinite power. Hey, welcome to your ultimate life. This is the podcast created just for you to create. Purpose, prosperity, joy.To love your life, live into it, create wealth, impact and meaning. If you're not doing that already, I wonder why. Because you have the skills, you have the gifts, and you have the talents.Let's get into the topic today. Today I'm talking about the swamp, and that is about default living. That is killing your life.So what we're going to do today is we're going to define what the swamp is. We're going to expose it because most people live there without even realizing it.And then we're going to remove the denial about whether you or I are living in the swamp. So let's, let's get started. Nobody chooses to live in a swamp, right?Nobody wakes up and says, or is born and says, you know, I'm going to choose being small. I'm going to live in a swamp. I want to live where the opportunities are limited and everything sucks. Nobody, nobody says that right?Yet Everybody's there, almost 90% of people, maybe 95. So let's talk about some funny examples. I lived in California for off and on at different times in my life.And one time I was there and I had a five acre property and a lot of it was undeveloped, natural, you know, natural vegetation, everything, trees and stuff like that. And in the area that I lived there was poison oak. And so you had to be really careful when you were walking around the other undeveloped acres.Now there was about an acre of it that was developed and the other four acres weren't and all the properties there were like that. So there was a lot of space.So I was, I had this idea that I was going to create an area that was a kind of a, I don't know, a picnic area or whatever.So I picked this area and I, you know, leveled out and I had a tractor come in and do some work and I was trying to drive my pickup truck back into it through a certain area and the ground was a little soft and I wasn't really experienced and it was a two wheel drive pickup truck. And so sure enough, I got stuck spinning, tire stuck, couldn't get out. Couldn't get out.So I had to have the contractor who wasn't there at the time but come and hook up his truck and, you know, winch me out to get out of there. A little idea of a swamp, another swamp. My uncle owned a dairy farm in Wyoming.And when I was kid, my brother and I, well, my mom and sister and brother and I, three, four of us used to go up there right after school some years and different times in the summer, but during the summertime and work on that dairy farm. Not every year after, you know, after school was up, but a lot of years. And I have a lot of fond memories of that.And it was a dairy farm and they had several 40 acre patches where cows would graze and they had a, you know, 40, 50 cow herd or something like that. And that area had a lot of natural water in it. So it, parts of it were swampy, you know, swampy. Like if you're.The cows are walking through, you can hear the sound. You can hear it walking. And it wasn't swampy enough so that they would like sink down because there was a lot of grass there too.And so it was kind of, you know, and so riding the horse up to. In the morning, get up early in the morning and saddle up the horse and go up and round up the cows to bring him down to the barn for milking. Right.I remember swamps there. And there was this one time where there was a swampy area and there was a little creek that ran through it. Like happens in a swamp, right.And so the horse that I was on was not having fun getting through. Okay. And then it came to the creek kind of at the edge of the swamp. And it wasn't very wide creek, maybe a foot.So the horse just decided to jump all the way out. Well, I wasn't prepared and so I flipped over the back of the horse and landed on my head in the swamp. Plop.So there's another time, funny story, in the swamp. Now those are actual literal swamps. One was not wet and the. But the second one was certainly swamp and muddy and all the rest.So what is the swamp, the metaphorical swamp that we live in? Well, it is the, it is the place where we default. It's default living. It's defining our lives as. This is all I get, this is all I can do.I was born this way. It's not my fault. I can't do anything about it. That's the swamp now. I don't know.I have lived there off and on at different times in my life where I blamed circumstance, other people, externalities, government, God, weather, religion, whatever from, you know, my, my plight in life, why I'm stuck in this swamp. So what I want to talk about for a minute is the swamp isn't really about trauma. It is about instead default living.We get used to the idea that what's around us is all we get. Now, as I'm recording this, it'll come out in a couple, three weeks, so it'll be over now.But as I'm recording this, the Winter Olympics in Milano, Cortina in Italy are going on and it's gorgeous.And you know, you know, it's beautiful when half of the outdoor events, I think literally half the outdoor events, you can see the snow like it's snowing. And they have all these big venues with lights up and everything, but it's snowing during the events. I mean, talk about Winter Olympics, right?And you see all these people with big air competition, the skiers with those short skis and the snowboarders with big air, and then the half pipe snowing on them. Ski, half pipe, snowboard, half pipe. And then those long races, you know, the. What do they call that? The skiing. Skiing outdoors.It's not alpine skiing, but the cross country ski, rain, you know, snowing, not raining. Snowing on all those. Not all of them, but some of them.And so you think about, you know, these people are there by choice and because they really want to do it. Now, what's going on? It's near the end. Tomorrow is, I think, the last day of the Olympics.And like I said, by the time you see this, it'll be over, but just barely. Tomorrow, one of the great events, it's the final in the men's hockey, which is a big deal right now.I was born in the U.S. but I'm also Canadian citizen. And tomorrow it's Canada versus U.S. now, there's a whole bunch of stuff around that politically and long standing rivalry, et cetera, et cetera.I think the US hasn't won since 1980. So I live in Canada right now and my wife's Canadian, so it's hard. And it was Canada, U.S. and in the women for the gold medal, too.And the US Won that one tough game. And tomorrow, you know, I don't know, it's hard to say who I'm rooting for because US hasn't won since 80. I might be rooting for that.But you know, Connor McDavid, the greatest player in the world, is of course Canadian and watching him skate is like watching art unfold before your eyes. Now, the reason this all has to do with the swamp is this. If you knew the backstory of every one of those athletes that are competing, you would.Your jaw would be on the floor. Some of them have, you know, typical lives.And they decided somewhere when they were two or in the womb to start skating or skiing or doing whatever it is, right? I. Dancing and all that stuff started very young. My wife, my angel Joy, she did that when she was young.She skated probably every day of her life from the time she was three till 20 or something, or 25, I don't even know. But she was a skater and ice skater and an instructor and a coach for lots of that stuff. So this is really. This winter stuff's really important.And, of course, Canada is a winter country. So here's the thing.If you knew the backstory, so many of those people that are there doing unbelievable, extraordinary, fantastic things, have come from struggle, have come from disadvantage, have come from a place, a circumstance, a community, an economic situation, a health situation where you would look at them and brush them off. And zillions of other people, neighbors and friends and others born in that same town, same place haven't done much.So what is the difference that made this person get out of the swamp and go somewhere else?Now, I'm going to define the swamp a little better, but I just wanted to set a frame around that, because those are the people that we make movies about, we write books about, we cheer for them, we weep for them, we say, wow, look at that. And somewhere in our hearts we say, I want to be that. I wish I could do that. I wish that was me.And then what follows is a litany of reasons why that can't be you or can't be me. Well, that's what I want to talk about.And over the next several series of episodes, except the Coach episodes that are doing on Thursday, but the Tuesday and Friday, we're going to talk about the swamp. We're going to talk about what it is and how we got there.We're going to talk about what it looks like, and then we're going to talk about getting out of the swamp.Because we have examples in front of us all the time, people who you would look at and say, there's no way, whatever, and they do it anyway, and we know it. And that's the ones we write books and make movies about.But the thing that I want to land with you, because this isn't about them creating an ultimate life. This is about you creating an ultimate life. So the question is, why aren't you that.And I don't mean that in a pejorative way, like why aren't you that? What is it that helps us or keeps us or invites us, that we say yes to stay in the swamp?So let's talk about that, because this is about you, not about them. We know them, we watch them, we worship them.People, when they're young, you know, they're idols and everything else, but you can have that because that's the summon substance of your ultimate life. Now, I'm not talking about a particular sport, and I'm not even talking about particular level of notoriety.What I am talking about is you living and leaning into every ounce of gift and talent, every ounce of possibility that you have now. Your possibility is infinite. Nobody lives to their fullest potential. Some get close and we honor them. And most don't even try or try haphazardly.So what is the swamp? Well, it's not poverty. The stories of these athletes erase that. It's not hardship. The stories of these athletes erase that.And one or two winter Olympics ago, it was a snowboarder, Olympic level snowboarder story during workout, crashed into a tree, broke him to pieces. Never gonna snowboard again. And then, of course, the story was not on my watch, right? So there he is training and training back in.And then he came back and in some snowboard event, won the silver medal in that Olympics again after such a horrific hardship. So the swamp is not that. The swamp is not failure. Because everybody, failure, failures. Everybody fails.It's about deciding what you're going to do after that. You know what it is? The swamp is internalized limitation. We take some things and we then choose to own them as our ceiling, as our limit.It is these learned ceilings. It is a quiet resignation, the feeling of, what the heck, I can't, I won't. I'm not right. And one of the sad things is this.Every single person breathing air at one time or another feels in their heart, your heart, I could do better. I can do more. And maybe you read a book or you go to a conference.So you, you know, you do a thing, and then for a minute, you get stoked and you're like, yes, I'm going to do this. And then we. We give up. That motivation fades back into the back burner of our hearts, kind of like yesterday's news. So why?And what can we do about it? So that's what we're going to Talk about over this series.So I want to make this really uncomfortable for you because if this is just another rah rah where I talk about the swamp and I describe it and you can fill in other words, and I'm sure you have okay about what it is and whether or not you're in it and whose fault that is and all the rest of the stuff. But here's uncomfortable truth. Lowered expectations disguised as maturity. I want you to hear that and I want it to hit you in the face.We sometimes lower our expectations because, well, when I was younger, you know, I thought I could change the world and do this, that and the other. And I didn't know better. I was kind of. Yeah, just kind of naive. Right. And so we disguise, we take maturity and we paint over our expectations.Well, you guys know the stories.Colonel Sanders was 68 when he set out on the road to do whatever and created Kentucky Fried Chicken and made a world class thing, that he's been long dead and it's now going strong still. And there's a million of those stories. Literally a million thousands have been written. Others making up that million have not.Unsung heroes that have truly made themselves powerful and made a difference in their community, in their family, in their state, even in their country. Sometimes somebody catches wind of one of these things. Remember that movie lion, about those two boys in Indian. If you haven't seen it, you should.And they were separated and one of them died and one of them got moved across the world to Australia, I think, or New Zealand, I think it was Australia. And then because of Google Maps and stuff, found his family and went back. Like, talk about heroic. Okay, so there's no limit.And then we made a movie out of it. Why? Because it was so inspiring.But the truth of that inspiration was somebody who was nothing to be remarked about was moved clear out of his country, across the world. And then that internal yearning. He was not going to be limited by circumstance.Well, half a world away, 30 years ago, you were a little kid, your brother died and you were on some train somewhere, whatever, and found it anyway and went back and found his mom. And that, that's getting out of the swamp, despite all that list of limitations.So I want you to think right now, what are the list of limitations that you've allowed to define your life, that you've allowed to create a false ceiling, that you've allowed to push you down that says you can't do this, you can't have this, and whatever the this is for you, it might be Money. In the world of greed and, you know, fraud and stealing and everything everybody wants what's for money is always, not always very often a big deal.One of the big bugaboos. I don't have enough money. I'm barely getting by. Paycheck to paycheck, day to day, moment to moment. It's certainly not the only one.Health, fulfillment, family connection, meaning relationship to God, spirit raising the power of humanity, ending one of the problems in food distribution. Or I met a guy the other day who's sole purpose is to reorganize how capital markets work.Already a successful person in the financial industry, but he's like, I'm going to fix how the capital market works in terms of how we decide and make capital available for powerful and good projects that lift and bless humanity. Instead of just a line, somebody's pocket. No particular reason he should. That was his personal, personal choice.Okay, so here's a couple of things I just said. One of them. Here's another uncomfortable truth. This is just how it is. That's just how it is. That's my lot. Cars I was dealt. Everybody's fault.This, yeah, all I got. Well, that's wrong. And if you're living with that excuse, cut it out. Now. When I say that I'm not, it's not an indictment. I live that way.I did not have any idea what was possible for me. And now I've spent the last almost 20 years coming up right quick on 19. So I say almost 20.Both maximizing my own gifts and then seeing your you right here, your infinite potential and helping you maximize that. Because the best that we've got to offer the world isn't some accidental discovery. It is making the most of who we are.And I know you've heard that before. And people say, well, I haven't got anything. Yes, you do. You gave up looking for it. You. You decided to quit for whatever reason.One of the ones I listed or one of a hundred others. And this is an invitation to not do that. And I framed these episodes in the context of swamp and a meadow, which we'll talk about later.Meaning the dark place, the give up place, the quit place, the excuse place. And the meadow is the victory place. And we'll get to that over the next few episodes. So lowering our expectations and disguising it as maturity.Well, I didn't know how hard it was going to be. Or this is just how it is. None of those reasons are enough unless you want them to be. Okay, so here's how the Swamp forms.They're tiny signals over years, thousands of individual signals that, that are heaped on us from the moment we're born. Don't want too much, don't expect too much. Be quiet. Don't think you're going to go too far. None of the rest of your family have done this.Who the hell are you to think you can xyz? How come you're not better? How come you don't fit in?How come you know whether it comes from well meaning parents, Sometimes parents or family are trying to protect us, right? Instead of just push, go do not what they want. That was a mistake I made. You know, deciding ahead of time a little bit.I mean, I tried to help my kids do whatever, but I wasn't very good at it.And as I look back now, I'm thinking, oh, you know, there's so many other choices I could have made about allowing them to discover their own brilliance, genius and creativity. And I'm doing everything I can now. But this isn't about guilt or recrimination.This is about, I don't care what's happened before, even to them or to me or to you. You can start today cleaning out the swamp and changing directions.So again, the swamp is formed when we internalize over and over again those tiny signals, right? You don't fit in. Socially awkward. I'll list mine and maybe you'll recognize some of them. I didn't fit in. I wore weird glasses. I was socially awkward.I got moved up a grade because I guess I was smart, but I was way younger than everybody and not mature enough to handle it. So I was young, I was a late bloomer. Puberty came on late, so I was small, awkward, didn't know how to act socially.And all of those things conspired to invite me into a status, a swamp, where I thought, flip, I'll never be, you know, fill in the blank. I'll never be cool, I'll never be okay, I'll never make a difference. All of those words. And I didn't even have the words for that then.I just knew I didn't fit in. And then of course, and I'll never fit in. I didn't see a path or a way. And that went on for years and even decades.And my effort at compensation was to overperform, you know, prove this, prove that, etc. And I did a lot of success and careers and money and all that stuff.And internally, a mess, living in the swamp inside because I was afraid, deathly afraid. Always afraid somebody will Find out I'm really not. That I'm really nothing. I really don't know anything.I really don't have skills, gifts, talents, chops. It's all been accidental and lucky.So you live in fear and in pain in the swamp, accepting the truth of all those early messages, and that can stop today. I didn't change my direction and understand things differently until I was 52. So I started a little late 70 today.And so in the last 18, going on 19 years, radically changed direction, radically moved in terms of, you know, taking control and getting the hell out of this swamp. And because so much has changed for me as I did that, my commission to myself is to share everything I've got with you.That's why I've written 23 going on 24 books. I was just editing number 24 this morning. That's the gift of YouTube videos, courses, coaching and everything else. Why?Because I want you to at least wake up to the choice of getting the hell out of the swamp. I don't care where you are, what's happened before. So here's the truth. The swamp is slow. It's slow and sloppy.And that's why you or me, we don't notice that we're sinking, and up comes the thing.And it looks like living paycheck to paycheck, just barely getting by, blaming everything and everybody else believing there's no way out, that everybody else has got the brakes. And I suck. Man, I've said those things so many times, I don't know, I can't even count them. So there's an unholy trinity, right? The.The clods of dirt, the slop. You know, like when the horse is running through, you know, the sound of a swamp. Well, there's an unholy trinity, and here's what it is.And we'll be talking about these, specifically about what they look like, how to identify them, and how to eliminate them over the next several episodes. But here's the unholy trinity. Number one, learned Helplessness, the story that we can't do anything.Okay, the second, and that's going to be an episode by itself. In fact, I think it's the very next. The very next one. This one's 1082, and I think that one's going to be 1084. So pay attention to that one.I think you'll know the titles. The second of the Unholy Trinity is Addiction to Mediocrity.Now, that turns out to be a favorite topic for radio hosts when I'm on radio Shows often they'll say, what do you mean, addiction to mediocrity? What does that look like? How did we get here? And what do we do about it? And that becomes a favorite.That is a favorite of people to talk about because we live there. Addiction to mediocrity is like, this is all I get. Good enough, I guess this is where I get. This is, you know, the end.And so we become addicted to the idea because it's easy. It's easy to blame everything outside and then just be addicted to mediocrity. That looks like working for the weekend.That looks like having no purpose. Like real driving purpose in life. Do you know how much more powerful someone is you when you are committed to a purpose of some kind?I want you to think about these Olympians I talked about a bit ago. Men up at five or four or three in the morning out to practice day after day after day. Why? Because they're committed to doing something.It could easily be, well, I've got responsibilities, you know, how many of them are wives and husbands and fathers and mothers and have got other things, you know, and. And they. They're not addicted to mediocrity. The third of the unholy trinity is a victim mindset. Victim mindset. You already know what that is.That's the belief that she's. Everything happens to me. All the crap falls on my yard plate, in my face, in my house. I've got the worst boss. I've got the worst job.I've got the worst health. I live in the wrong place. My, you know, all the deck and cards and whatever it is are stacked against me.So those are the unholy trinity that we're going to talk about in the next episodes. Learned helplessness, addiction to mediocrity, and victim mindset.And that is what the swamp looks like and feels like as we give in to those thousands of little signals from the moment we're born. Shut up, kid. You're making too much. Why?You go to sleep when you're an infant, and that's not good enough, and be nice, and all of the ways that nearly everyone is signaled from parents, teachers, society, educational institutions, that you've got to fit in this little box or you suck. That's not where innovation and growth takes place inside the little box. Ever.So anytime you find yourself believing that you are living one of those three things. All right, so here's the brutal question that I want you to sit with because this is, like, important, okay? And here's this question.Where have you Stopped reaching. I know without question that there have been one or many times where something, maybe it's watching the Olympics.Have you ever noticed how those commercials for the Olympics or maybe it's the. When it's the World Series or when it's the NBA Finals or the NHL Finals, and those are all sport things. And there's things besides sports.Have you noticed? There's so motivational and powerful and uplifting. So maybe it's one of those moments. Maybe you went to a seminar or two or ten.Maybe you had a time in your life where you picked up a book or entered a program and said, I'm going to do this now. And it has motivated you and lifted you. And you do it for a minute or a day or a week or a month or maybe a year.And then because it doesn't work like you imagined in the time frame you imagined, it gets frustrating. It's not working. And then come the stories. Well, it's not really meant for me. I can't do that. Somebody else somewhere, but yeah, not me.So I want you to think for a minute, honestly, where is it that you've stopped reaching? Think back right now to the last motivational period that you had. Maybe it's getting strong. Maybe it's releasing weight.Maybe it's learning, learning a new skill, a language, or learning how to code, because that's so important these days, or learning how to use AI, or starting a business, or growing your business or upgrading your skills for a job, or one of a hundred things. And you started and you were enthusiastic and it doesn't go like you want.And so you quit or you give up or you push it to the back of your mind again like yesterday's news. When was that happen? When did that happen the last time?What would it take for you right this minute to go pick up that thread and renew, rekindle, revitalize your effort and energy. Finish that program, finish that process. Reaffirm your worth. I affirm your worth right here, right now, because I love you.And given what I've been through in the last 19 years in doing my own work and in helping thousands of others, my, you know, my goal Is to reach 300 million. And we have reached many millions between our podcasts and YouTube and teaching and just all kinds of ways. And I'm not even pretending to be done.And so you have every bit the skill, gift and talent that I do and maybe more. Are you using it? Are you leaning in? Are you loving yourself enough to get good and powerful at what you do now, here's another question for you.First I said, where did you stop striving or reaching? The second one is, where have you normalized something that's not really worthy of you? What I mean by that is, well, this is all I get.So we create a new normal, that living at this level, that's all I'm capable of. So we've normalized something that's not the truth. I want you to know something.You're not sitting here in front of me right this minute, but if you were, you would know that you have infinite capability. You would know it. You do. You are.Maybe you've ignored it, maybe you've been told otherwise, but whoever said that, and whatever circumstance, they don't, are not arbiters of truth. They don't hold the truth of the universe. The truth is you're a divine being and you have infinite possibility. That's simply the truth.What we do with that is up to us. Now, like I said to start with, there are situations of illness or poverty or society or circumstance that creates some boundaries. I get that.But in those boundaries, we can still do more and have more and be more and love more and live more and lift more. Why wouldn't we do that? Well, we're free to be addicted to mediocrity. And I'm not pretending it's easy, but it sure is fulfilling. It sure is the.The real joy of being alive to strive and struggle and reach even if we don't reach exactly what we thought, but to keep moving, keep lifting, keep loving, keep. Okay, now I have one other question, and that is this. What are you calling realism? That's actually fear. So we have optimists and pessimists, right?And there's some people that want to insert a third category and they call, well, I'm a realist. I call on that. There are two views, okay? One is, in any given situation, there has to be a way to get through this, pass it over it, under it.There's got to be a way. The second one is, I'm screwed. I'm never going to get over it. A realist is just a nice decorative camouflage for a pessimist.And we call it realism because it's more comfortable. We call it realism because that's how we can say, well, I'm going to try.But, you know, realistically, blah, blah, blah, when did that ever serve anybody?When did that ever get anybody to an Olympic platform or a discovery in science or an amazing new way to perform musically or artistically or anything else. Nonsense. Nonsense. So if I've irritated you, good. If I've enlightened even one possibility. Oh, so good. Beautiful.So here's what I know for absolute sure. You are a divine being. You know deep in your heart when you're quiet for a moment that you came from somewhere.And every person is born in whatever circumstances they are. People that are born in wealthy circumstances fail. Suicides and negativity and drugs and everything.People that are born in humble circumstances thrive and blow people away with what they accomplish. You know examples of those, and so do I. That isn't the determining factor.A choice to live into your truth and get out of the swamp of learned helplessness, addiction and mediocrity and victim mindset. That's the catalyst for moving forward. So here's the final truth I want you to take home in your heart. And that's this.I don't care where you are right now. I don't care what's happened before. And I don't care how much you've lived trapped in the swamp up to now. I did that for a long time.And so if that were a determiner, most of us would be screwed. So I don't. None of that matters. What matters is you are not trapped.You may be covered with excuses and old habits and patterns, but you don't have to stay there. One moment, one tiny choice, one decision at a time can move us forward and out. So we are not trapped, no matter what has come before.The second thing is you are conditioned. We all are. We're conditioned by where and how we were born and raised. And by all the things that have happened in our lives.But that's just conditioning. And it doesn't have to stay and it doesn't have to govern. This is an invitation to lean into the truth of your divine nature.Your sovereignty and your ability to create something. Now you're free. I'm free to stay in the swamp. I'm comfortable here.You know, whatever you're free to do that it's not fulfilling and it never will be. And you will always have that yearning. I wonder what would have happened if I had xyz. Well, this is your invitation. There are three invitations.One is to remember and know that conditioning can be broken. You are trained and habituated to be and do and think a certain thing. And that can all change right now if you want to.The second thing is, this is my work. My love, my joy. The thing I do and love every single minute of the day. And that is this.Helping you discover and develop and create with your gifts, your talents and your life experience to create that life of of purpose, prosperity and joy. If I can help you reach out, reach out to me. I'm easy to find all the socials Kellen Flukegar is a very unique name.There are two in the entire world of 8.2 billion me and my oldest son. So there's 30 years difference between us. So you'll be able to see that easily. I would love to get to know you.I would love to hear your beauty and see your capability. The third thing is I love to hear the stories of those who have accomplished or who are already on that path. And I'd love to hear that.So if you have a story where this, what I've just described is true for you and you have already moved, or you are powerfully taking control and moving, I invite you to get a hold of me because I would love to share your story on an episode. You see that I have guests sometimes and those come from people who want to share their own journey toward that victory.Here's what I can promise you. It doesn't matter where you are. It doesn't matter what's come before today.You can take control, recognize where you're in the swamp and make some choices about moving forward so you can create your ultimate life. Never hold back and you'll never ask why.Open your heart in this time around, right here, right now, your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you. Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything.If you want to know more, go to kellenfluekegermedia.com if you if you want more free tools, go here. Your Ultimate Life ca Subscribe.