The Silence Gets Loud: What Happens When the Applause Fades

What about those questions in your soul? What about those aches in your heart? Welcome to the show. Tired of the hype about living the dream? It's time for truth.This is the place for tools, power and real talk so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life. Subscribe, share, create. You have infinite power. Welcome to the show. Today I want to talk about a question. I named this.When the soul starts asking different questions and you know, you can hear that entry any way you want to. Sometimes it happens when there's a death.I have a friend right now who about two weeks ago his mom died and you know, it upset everything like it could, depending on the relationship and so forth, but for him is very upsetting and he's reeling from that a little bit and trying to get back on his feet and get organized.I have another friend that a couple of years ago his, his brother who's younger than him, passed away and he still talks about that a lot and talks about the fact that it knocked him for a loop, like set him upside down and backwards for a time. Death has a way of doing that. Other things do too. But there's nothing quite like death.Death of a loved one or nearly dying yourself, those kinds of things. Accidents and illnesses and stuff like that. There are other things that cause us to ask those kind of heavy questions, heavy questions.And you know, when life is just going along, you know, we get up every day, we go to work.If you have a job or you go to your business, if you have a business or if you stay at home, because that's your chosen role right now, you stay at home and take care of the house or kids or whatever it is, whatever your chosen thing is like you get up and dive into that. And unless we, unless we on purpose do something different, we just sort of cruise, right?We get up, check the phone, make coffee if that's your thing, make breakfast, maybe go for a walk, talk to the dog if you got one of the cats, do a couple things and then you go do whatever it is that you're up to that day. Now I own a business, I'm a coach and I'm an author, writer and I've written 20 something books. I got three more coming next year.So I love doing that. I spend a good bit of time writing. I spend a lot of time in the recording studio and I spend a lot of time with clients and traveling to speak.So that's what I get up and do. What do you get up and do now? The day and Whatever it is, it's beautiful.But there's a danger here and I want to talk about that because this show is about creating the ultimate life. Not an average life, not a life that you just, you know, allow or you get along with, but a life that you just love. You know, it's interesting.I was today as I record this is my birthday and it won't be my birthday when you get this. It'll be a month from now, out in January somewhere. In fact, I think the release date of this episode is going to be January 9th, a month from now.But as I record this, it's my birthday and it's a one of those little events that causes you to take stock. And this one a little bit more than others because today I turned 70. So I finished 70 years and I'm starting my eighth decade on the earth today.Some people are older than that, but most are younger. And it caused me some of these reflecting questions. And because it's my birthday, I got lots of so far it's early in the morning.I got a lot of birthday wishes and stuff already, which was fun. And I expect that lots more will come during the day just because lots came last year and whatever.And so as I was looking at those and answering them, you know, telling people thank you and you know, their kind wishes and whatever, I was scrolling Facebook and stories and reels that came up and I see and here's what I noticed between suggestions for friends, you know, you might know this person, you want a friend of that kind of thing or people that were already friends or relatives.And you know, I saw the profiles of some of my kids again, just looking at all these different profiles and activities, things are up to almost always, not always, but almost always they are upbeat, positive, you know, family pictures, people together or doing something exciting or on vacation.It's wintertime here, so there's snow outside and will be till middle or end of April, be, you know, solid snow in the yard for the next several months. But anyway, they're pictures of happiness.Somebody that I know posted a thing about their birthday, which was several days ago, and that they did this, they partied till two.And you know, and it's all the feeling of excitement and happy and it gives you the feeling looking at that, that everybody's living a life that they love. And I don't know most of the people that I whose stuff I see, but I do know lots of them.And I know because I know them and talk to them and hear things that the truth of life is way different than that. And I'm not saying, oh, they're faking. I'm not. We're not going down any of that road because people post whatever they want.And if they want to post only the happy times and the joyful things and the fun things, good, do that. But it can easily give you and me the impression that, wow, they're doing good, they're so good. Wow, they look so happy. Etc. Etc.And then we think about our own lives. We're like, ah, what's wrong, man? How come I don't have that? How come I'm not living the ultimate life?You know, that's what I'm talking about all the time. Purpose, prosperity and joy. I found that when I have a purpose every single day, a reason to get up, a powerful, motivating, good reason.Not God, of course, forget that. I'm talking about a joyful reason to fly out of bed.And when I have great prosperity, which each of us, we can create, and joy, purpose, prosperity and joy. Life is ultimate. Like, I can't imagine it being any better. Today is the best day of my life.I have a friend who's a coach and he said, best damn day of my life. Bddoml. And he has a T shirt says that. And it starts lots of fun conversations with people when they ask, what do you mean? What happened? And so forth.And he just talks about, I choose it. It's the best damn day of my life because I choose it anyway. That's part of purpose, prosperity and joy.But in looking at those pictures this morning, I knew, I knew there were lots of people there that were struggling and that the representation of that momentary snapshot, however fun that was, was not the truth of life on a regular basis. And.And because it's my birthday and because I'm 70, the thought came to me about the soul, the heart, the inner workings, not the stuff we portray to the world. Asking different questions like, what am I doing here? What is this about? Am I actually doing something that matters? Right?And having fun and having joy during the day, that matters, but it matters for a little bit and it matters for a small number of people. And maybe that's all that you want to have, and that's perfect if it is, but there are also lots of people.I just came home from an event in Louisiana, New Orleans, and the room was full of about 50 people who have joyful lives. But they are all about creating bigger impact, bringing purpose, joy, healing, growth, cash, success, prosperity to many.Ten, one hundred thousand, ten thousand A hundred thousand.My own personal goal is to nurture 300 million people, to understand some principles worth, identity, possibility, ownership and sovereignty, and to help them create that life of purpose, prosperity and joy, whatever that looks like for them. So I have a big goal, and I fit right in with that room of people that have big goals.But when things change for you, when you've been cruising along on autopilot with the regular bumps and bruises and something happens, your soul starts asking different questions. Why am I here? I'm 20. I'm 40. I'm 60. For me, I'm 70. I'm ex old. And what have I actually done that matters?I had some good times, had some laughs, had some kicks, got some. Got some friends and stuff, and maybe that's all you want. But lots of folks that I know hit that moment over and over again.What am I really doing here? Unless you answer that question deeply and firmly and clearly, one of two things happens.One, it fades backwards into yesterday's news because you're overcome with all the things you got to do. Work and kids and taking care of the house and, you know, just life, life, life, life, life.Or it doesn't fade in the background like yesterday's news, but it sits there like a festering sore, gets infected and bugs you and hurts and becomes this ache in your heart. This is, what the frick am I doing here? Okay?And if you've been through, you know, part of your life where you've accomplished big things, maybe you've had big positions or big success, or we're at the top of a long downline for an MLM chain or achieve some executive position in any profession or as an expert, an engineer or an attorney or a doctor. You made a lot of money and you have a nice house and two or three or four cars and take nice vacays.I promise there's a time, many times, when you go, so what? And that, like I said, it either fades into yesterday's news or it becomes that whisper that you just flipping can't ignore.Because when the applause fades, the. The external events, the trips and the applause and the cash, when that external stuff fades, the silence gets really loud.And I can tell you without hesitation, with absolute certainty that I know what that feels like. And, man, that silence gets loud and you end up with a. Not end up. It morphs into a yearning to know and to claim, what am I here to do?Like, what the heck? What difference does it make? And again, there's a choice. Nothing makes any difference.And I couldn't care less, or you have the feeling deep in your heart and you know it matters and you mean something. And you matter. And you matter and you matter because you do. You're a divine being. And that's why that whisper won't go away.It might get drowned out for a day, week, month, year, decade, because other things press in. But the truth, you matter. It won't go away because you matter. You're a child of the divine.And that comes not just with a declaration, okay, that's cute. So what? But with a yearning to grow. Just like trees and plants and other things, we are built to grow.Now, growing up, having a relationship, having kids, having a job, making money, those are all opportunities to grow, but they're not the deepest ones. The closest to that is being a partner in a relationship and having kids.And the most important thing we can ask is who we want to answer is, who do you want to be in the world? When you walk through the world like, who do you want to be besides, you know, a role? An engineer, a fitness trainer, a CEO salesperson?You know, those are roles. I'll give you some examples. I struggled with that for decades. I made good money and, you know, had all kinds of stuff.But I had that yearning and failure, massive failures. And what I finally have now done in the last 18 years since I had a dramatic instance of that, what the heck am I doing here in 2007?I have decided who I am. I am. I am my word. I speak only truth, which didn't used to be true. I do exactly what I say, which didn't used to be true. I am who I seem.No pretend, no pretense. Those are choices that I made for me about who I want to be. There's a whole list of them. I have a document that describes that.So what I'm asking you to think about is that discomfort that when the whisper gets so loud, you can't ignore it. What that means is you're getting ready or you are ready to ask those harder questions and then to do something different.Now, that doesn't necessarily mean quit your job or leave a relationship. It doesn't mean any of that because, again, those are external things. What it does mean is to ask yourself, am I the person I want to be?In other words, is my language, is my behavior, is the person that I am true to what I believe, what I want to be, Right. If someone. If you could see the epitaph on your tombstone, what would it say if it absolutely told the truth?Yeah, they were really nice and you couldn't depend on them very well and they tried really hard. That could be an epitaph for some.Some could be, yeah, they just were an opportunist and did whatever made them happy and they were all in it for them. They had a hell of a good time. That could be an epitaph. And remember, this has to be truth. Another possible epitaph is, you know what?No matter what happened, you could depend on them. You absolutely could depend on them. That could be another epitaph. There's a thousand versions. And here's the cool thing, you get to decide.And the most beautiful truth that I can share with you right now is it doesn't matter what that epitaph would have been today or yesterday or last year, you can change it. Because when life starts asking, your soul starts saying, hey, what's it all about?This is the opportunity for you to check your direction, pull out your compass and say, am I really moving in the direction that I want to move in? If I keep going exactly the way I am, am I going to end my life stoked out of my mind and happy?Or am I going to go out with a whimper, frustration, anger and just sort of rot into the grave? And that might be a coarse way to ask that question, but it's the truth.When you record and read deathbed conversations, you know people's lament if they have them. And most do. I didn't love enough, I didn't spend enough time with those that I love.I didn't pay attention, I didn't live in integrity, you know, over and over and over again. Those are the comments, those are the feelings, those are the yearnings.So since we know that because it's documented infinity number of times, we can start today.And that's what I have done in my life in the last 18 years, and that's why I've become a coach, is not to tell people what they ought to do because I don't know what you ought to do, but to work with those who know they want to go in a certain direction and are looking for the kind of advice, accountability, love, support and help to get them there. Whether it's business or personal development or changing some long standing habits or whatever it is.Because in my own effort in the last 18 years, I've become a wild world class expert at that. Only because I've been working so hard to be that thing.So as you think about the answer to your question, when some, and you may, you can ask that question Anytime.But when some big life event happens, that's something that, you know, kind of slaps us around and says, hey, time to wake up and pay attention to bigger things. Right?I had somebody on the podcast the other day that was talking about their daughter and, you know, life was going on and they made good money and they had a business and everything else. And then their daughter died, committed suicide, and she was a teenager.And that obviously was one of those rip your heart out, stand on your head, Holy crap, what happened to Vince? And caused exactly the kind of conversation we're talking about. What am I really here to do? And for him, it radically changed everything.Now we don't have to wait till somebody dies or commits suicide or gets sick. We can make those choices, but they don't happen unless we ask those questions.So when those things happen, we have the invitation, and this can be one. I'm offering you an invitation right now.And the invitation right now is to ask yourself, if you keep going exactly with the life and direction where you're going right now, are you going to be happy at the end? I did what I came to do. I did what I meant. I did my mark in the world. I was the best I could be.If that's already true for you and you believe and know that with your heart, then you are happy right now. And if I ask you, are you happy? You wouldn't even hesitate a millionth of a second. You'd say, absolutely, I am flipping happy.I know because I answer that away all the time. People ask, how are you? And I always say, outrageous. And they say, what do you mean? You know? And they're worried.Outrageous, bad, good, crazy, whatever. And that's an ambiguous word and I do it on purpose. But I mean, outrageous, good. If life was any better, I'd explode.Yes, there are things I'm working on. Nobody claims to be perfect, but the journey, falling in love with the process of growth is so much fun. Ask anyone.Ask especially athletes, musicians, others that are striving to get to the best, not to be the best in the world, to sound better than you or something, but as the fullest expression of their soul. Are you living the fullest expression of your soul?One of the saddest things I see, and when I see stuff on Facebook, people say, well, the world couldn't handle the authentic me. What a lame ass excuse. How do you know? Maybe you have people around you that have given you that indication. So what? Change your circle.Like the world needs the authentic you. You weren't born Here to be half assed.You were born here to show up and produce and create whatever you want to, but all in with joy, with happiness, with growth, with love. That's what we were all born to do. So this is a call to you if you want to hear it. This is a call for you to remember who you are.We all came as infants that needed to be cared for, but we came from somewhere. We came from heaven. As divine beings, we had purpose. We have purpose. Part of the work is to find it.To find that purpose and then make a choice to live into it. And nobody makes us. Nobody says you have to do anything.You know, I mean, when you're kid and you're growing up, somebody changes your diapers and feeds you and somewhere in adolescence, you know, you get more independence. And when you're an adult, you choose everything. Okay, so are you living exactly as you. As you dream?I'm not going to say you're living like you want to, because the answer is yes, you are. You are living exactly like you want to.And the invitation I'm talking about is the time to compare is what I'm doing and living and how I'm being right now in line with the ideal that I have for myself. I'm not talking about somebody else's ideal or someone else's.You know, one of the saddest things for me is I live decades trying to prove myself to some other standard that came outside of me. Them what I was told I was supposed to do. That's wrong. It's disempowering, it's, it's horrible.You need to decide for yourself who you want to be and then be the very fricking best one there is of that thing, that purpose, that goal, that talent, that gift, that expression. I love to see people going all in and living that way. So mentioned earlier that today is my birthday. I'm renewing my commitment to nurture.Care for What? Nurture is 300 million people. And the message is WIPOs worth, identity, possibility, ownership and sovereignty.And those five principles form the backbone that anyone can use to create their own life. Not according to some pattern I have. I have no idea. You came with your pattern, your gifts, your purpose and your desires.And you've had a set of experiences just like me and everybody else that shapes those.But you can drop the hammer today and say no more if some of that shaping left you with fear or doubt or not good enough or I gotta prove something or nobody will like me or whatever that left you with. And I had all or most of those. You can drop the hammer and end that right this minute. Now, it's not as easy as just saying so, but it's doable.And personally, I had to get a lot of help. You know, I had a lot of struggles earlier in my life with addictions and some other things. A couple of suicide attempts and they were terrible.So I had to get a lot of help. But point is, it's doable. No one can keep you from answering those deep soul questions, why am I here? No one can keep you from answering them.And no one can keep you from achieving, creating anything you want in your life. Any level of prosperity, purpose, joy, excitement, connection, relationships, you can have it because you're an infinite creator.The soul just needs permission. We have layered on top of ourselves. So many excuses and so much blame.Blaming our parents or our upbringing or circumstances or illness or bad luck or accidents or other people's actions. They made me. No, they didn't. Nobody made you do anything. Or me. Taking responsibility for our own lives.And then if we don't like where the frick we are, do something different. One of the first things that I learned is to love myself. You gotta learn to love yourself. You're a divine being. You're beautiful, you're capable.I don't care how many mistakes you've made or how many detours you've taken. So what? So what? Your opportunity today is to go in a new direction. Now imagine walking down the street. At any moment you can turn a corner.I'm not going that way anymore. I'm going this way. And then go all in this yearning that I talked about that happens sometimes at big pivotal moments in our lives.It's just a wake up call to slap across the face. Hey, you really going the way you want?You want to take stock here and see if you keep going down this road, are you going to end up at the end with a happy dance or just sort of fizzle out and think, damn, I wish I could do this over again. Well, there aren't any do overs. If you've made mistakes like I have boatloads, you do the best you can to fix them. That's part one.The second thing is then change who you are. Because if you're the person that made mistakes or did things that today you say, I shouldn't have done that. Then change who you are.Fix what you can. Change who you are. And the third thing is then choose to add good to the world. Choose that every word you say Is loving. I saw a thing from Byron.Katie, one of my favorite authors. Before you say anything, is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Is it true, Is it necessary and is it kind? If it's not that, keep your mouth shut.It's not our job to fix other people. We have plenty to work on for ourselves. And you know what?If every single person worked on themselves to be the best they could be, the world would be fixed without anyone trying to fix anybody else. So my own experience, and I'm telling you that at a hard flip and one experience with myself and clients.So when you feel those yearnings, whether some major events happened or whether you just wake up one day and start asking different questions, why am I here? What the frick is going on? It's time to take some time for yourself. Maybe you need to get with a coach. Maybe you just need to be with yourself for a.An hour or a day and make some choices. One of the big cop outs is, well, I don't really know what my purpose is, so it's too hard to figure it out. I don't care. Whatever, it'll just.And that means you'll just keep going down the road of, nah, whatever, someday, and that isn't very fulfilling. A year from now, you'll have the same conversation and just keep going down the same road. Make a choice.Look at your life, your opportunities, your yearnings, the desires you have. And you know, there's no magic Harry Potter wand. I don't know if I don't even want there to be one.Because the whole point of growth is the work that it takes. Ask anybody that's done any physical training, whether it's kickboxing or running or martial arts or anything. Anybody that's done that.If someone snapped your fingers and you suddenly had, you know, your, Your belts or your abilities or whatever, it's nothing. The joy, the power, the shaping of our soul is the flipping work it took to get there. That's the key.And that's true not only physically, but spiritually, emotionally, mentally as well. The work is the joy. It is the point. So I want you to, to, to think about this for a minute. Right this minute, you and I, we have a.We have a scoreboard in our heads. Maybe it's a scoreboard that someone else gave us. You know, you have to make a lot of money. You have to have a house, you have to have.Get married and have kids. You have to do whatever, I don't know, have to get, you know, high up in a Company, you have to whatever that scoreboard is.Take a look at your scoreboard. Who gave it to you? What are the metrics on the scoreboard? And name them out loud. Well, I need to, I don't know, take care of myself or something.Those are weak, weak ass answers. What are the metrics on your scoreboard? What are they? Is it money? Is it position? Is it just feeling good? If I could just feel good today, I win.I don't know. They can be anything. What are the metrics on your scoreboard? Is the first question. The second question is, where did they come from?Do they come from your own heart? Like if you look at those metrics and say, if I have that, I am truly happy. I am truly joyful and happy.My discovery is that when I use metrics that came from somebody else, the answer to that question, am I truly happy? Is I don't freaking know. I don't know, I don't know. And that's a sure sign that they came from somebody else.So change the metrics, empty the scoreboard. What would make me really happy?And nobody's going to make you happy, but what would, what can I create that I would be super stoked about what could be created? And you have to understand that it's possible to create anything. Nothing's impossible.We may not know the road, we may not think we have the skill or the chops to get there. Fine, that's a different question, different issue. But nothing's impossible.There is a road from where you are to where you want to go, no matter what. It may be steep, it may be difficult. You may not know where the entrance is, you may not know how to do the steps. But there is a road.And the only road that we ever have the courage to walk when it gets difficult is ones we want. So take a look at your scoreboard. What is on your scoreboard? Where did you get it?If you accomplish those things on the scoreboard, are you going to be truly happy? Or are you just going to be able to say to someone, see, I told you those won't last.So let's look at the scoreboard and say, I, I don't know, I'm going to create some new metrics and spend the next few days just thinking about what are the Met? I come calling them metrics. But the accomplishments, the goals, the markers, whatever. Some people don't like the word goal. That's fine.What are the markers that you say, you know what, if I'm, if I have that, I'm I'm achieving, I'm growing, I'm happy. And you can be happy today on the way to that.But, you know, one of the things that I discovered that makes you happiest on the way is to know where you want to go. Let me do something simple. I want a million dollars in the bank unencumbered by any loans, million extra dollars, okay?If you decide in yourself, not from someone else, that that's something that will make you happy, then you don't have to wait till you have it to be happy. You have a clear goal. And if you're working on that goal, you can be happy on the way.When you don't know where you're going, then everything seems like a freaking fog and days seem confusing and just kind of boring and then ultimately disheartening. So clean up your scoreboard. Put things on there that you, you really want not to prove, but that would really satisfy the deepest parts of your soul.So that's part one. The next thing is to ask a different question. We have important things, you know, five really important things.Money should never be the first one because you can have all the money in the world and be miserable. And we know, we have many, many examples. And I lived in a place where I had way too much money and was miserable.And I know boatloads of people have done the same thing. Now, money can be on the first hand, but it can't be first or second or even third. Like your relationship with yourself. Loving yourself, loving.Having a relationship with.With your creator, however you phrase that, God or the universe or the divine or whatever, like having a certainty in a relationship there, that's way more important than money. Having a relationship with yourself, with your kids if you have them, or your partner if you have one. Like, those are more important.And money's on the first hand, but it's not first. And those wake up calls that happen, death, illness.You know, I'm turning 70 and thinking about my next decade and, you know, some are bigger than others, obviously, but those are times to ask that question. And what this has caused me to do today is to answer that one more time and get re. Re. Re. Re recommitted to loving you.Every single person I can, to reach out to as many people as I can possibly reach, with all my different books and podcasts and coaching and the university I'm creating and everything. Why? Because I want you to know something it took me decades to learn. Your worth is infinite. Your identity is a divine child of God or the Creator.Your Possibilities are infinite.You are the owner of every moment of your life, and you are the sovereign, the queen or king of your own life and existence, the chooser of your own outcomes. Most people do not know that, and they do not believe it, even if they say they know it.Owning that truth is the key, and it is the opening portal to creating anything you want. Because when you know your worth is infinite, your identity is a divine being, your possibility is as big as you can conceive.You own every second of your life, and you're the sovereign. When you really know that, then the idea of creating purpose, prosperity and joy becomes delicious.And you can taste it and feel it right here, right now. So when your soul starts asking different questions, ask if you've got the priorities right. Ask if you choose.If you're choosing meaning over money, Those are the important things. Meaning doing something that matters. Those are the things that will not only be remembered about you, but will make you feel good.You know the epitaph on the tombstone? She always chose to serve others and love them. She possessed a light that lit me up every time I was around her. You know, those things matter.She had more money than anyone I knew, so those don't matter. And that's reflected in any and everyone's comments as they approach the end of their life.And I'm not planning on dying anytime soon, but the beginning of this new decade has caused me to reflect on this. So I am here to love you. I'm here to help you create your ultimate life. I've got more books that I'm writing and more courses and methods.If you do not know who you are in the world, if you do not know what you want to create, or if you do but you don't know how I can help you because I know how and not because I magic, because I have learned and done it just like we learn anything. So I invite you two invitations.If you have a story you'd like to share about your own choices, your own situations, your own overcoming, your own discovery of these truths, I would love to share you on this show. If you are struggling and you feel like you want, maybe you've achieved a boatload of cash and you're way up high and prominent. Okay, cool.But you're still feeling that empty thing that says, damn it, I don't know why I'm here. Let's talk. Because that is a solvable problem right now. Imagine your life screaming, happy every day, waking up with excitement.That is your birthright. You can have it and you can have it right now. There's nothing that gets in the way of our creation of the ultimate life except us.Like, there's no barrier outside. It's just us. Our choice to not do the work. To not make the choices.To not let go of old baggage, to cling to old stories and old goals and metrics and things. It's our choice to dump them and to start in the direction your soul is calling you right now. So here's something to think about.What is your soul asking you? That maybe you keep avoiding pushing back. I'll do it later. That yearning and gnawing, what is that? Write it down and speak it out loud.Only you can decide when your next chapter starts. My life, every breath that I still take till I quit breathing is dedicated to helping you of yourself, create the future you dream. That future love.Right here, right now. Your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you. Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything.If you want to know more or go to kellenfluekegermedia.com if you want more free tools, go here. YourUltimateLife ca subscribe share.