Why Being Right Can Be Scary: Conquering the Fear of Arrogance

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Hello there.

Welcome to your ultimate life.

Glad to see you today.

So I've changed backgrounds.

The last couple, I used some bricks and I changed it to a beautiful background.

Looking outside and, you know, it's fun.

I didn't realize.

I really didn't realize or remember, actually, that I had 123-4567 of these beautiful vinyl backgrounds that are very realistic and very nice.

And I like using them because, well, several reasons.

One, they give this really good feeling and the good pictures and stuff like that.

But the other thing is when I use different green screen software, you know how it has that funny artifact around your head and you don't like that.

Well, obviously with the background you don't need to do that.

I'll give you a secret, though.

I don't know if you do video, but if you do, there's a program called Sparkocam.

S P a R K O C A M, Sparkocam.

And no, this isn't an affiliate thing.

I get nothing.

But I've been using it for ten years, and it is ten times as good at green screen replacement than either Zoom or OBS or any of the programs.

The Nvidia one, all of them leave those artifacts.

And Sparkocam doesn't.

Sparkocam doesn't.

And I use Sparkocam when I'm at my normal video station.

And today, you know, for, I don't know, another two or three weeks, I'll be at this different video station because my main computer is in the shop with a broken cpu.

And there's a whole story about that that we won't tell right now.

But anyway, so it gave me a chance to set up another backdrop, and I'm blessed to have a gigantic basement that has multiple studios down here.

And so I get to experiment with all kinds of things.

I threw up a couple other of those support things, you know, like this, with a crossbar in between, and threw them all over it.

Anyway, today is the third of eight about fear.

Fear, fear, fear, that thing that eats your lunch that makes you not do what you pretend you want to do, what you say you want to do, maybe what you yearn to do.

And we were talking about different things, about fear and the different ways that fear gets in the way and the different tactics that it used.

And it's almost like it's a living, breathing thing.

And lEt's say that it is.

And you know what the living, breathing thing is?

It is your ego.

When you're born, you don't have an ego.

Ego is this thing we invented.

It's our personality, the definition of ourselves that we create over time, days, weeks, months, years, we create this ego, which is our self, and we identify with the ego.

And the ego can be bruised and insulted and hurt.

Like, you can't insult a baby.

You can't.

We have to learn that, and that creates the ego.

And there's nothing inherently wrong about creating a definition of self, but we have to.

We don't have to.

It's good to understand that that's just a useful construct sometimes, and mostly not because we protect it.

And that's where a lot of this fear comes from.

Fear, fear, fear, fear.

Now, the eight things that I was going to do, am gonna do about fear came from this thing that I went to.

And I want to remind you what they all are.

Okay?

One is, the first thing we did a couple times ago is the fear of setting goals.

And we talked about why we're afraid of those and where that fear comes from and what to do about it.

And the next one we did, which was the last episode, is fear of failure, which is a big one.

Big one.

And that might even deserve two.

Two episodes, but we didn't.

This one.

The third one is a fear of appearing arrogant.

Okay?

And, oh, man, this one really struck home with me because I was so locked up in my growing up and in my.

A lot of my adult years on what I looked like, what other people thought of me, that my validation.

I don't know if this resonates with you or not, but my validation as a human being, meaning something, belonging, mattering, all that stuff came from what other people said, which is why I created the witot fungus.

Remember?

W I t o t.

It's a real live disease, because I said so.

The witot fungus.

And it stands for what I think others think.

And I lived infected by that right to the gills, to the eyeballs, to the top of my head for decades.

And I gradually began decontamination after the miraculous events in 2007.

Now, when I give these episodes and I tell you and refer to other things, don't be discouraged.

I will also tell you where to find the details.

They're in other episodes also.

But the stuff that happened in 2007 is in a book called tightrope of depression.

My journey from darkness, despair, and death to light, love and life.

And it details addictions and suicide attempts and miraculous divine intervention that happened in 2007 that saved my life and changed everything.

So since that day, now 17 years, I've been working on and radically changed my life.

Like, not a little.

The first changes were gigantic, radical 180.

And then there's just been a lot of sort of shoring up and restarts and reconfiguring and stuff since then and in the last six or seven years, since six years, since I died in 2018.

And that event is written in meeting God at the door, which I contracted a fatal illness and flatlined and died in the ICU here in town, Edmonton, albertan, if you want to read about that.

I've given several talks on that at many, many events just recently at the International association of Near Death Studies in Phoenix, and I received a couple of other invitations for next year.

So I'll be doing that again.

And not to sensationalize, but to talk about what I've learned.

And that's one of the things I love sharing with you because there's nothing interesting or special about me, if there's anything different.

It's just that I said yes to those invitations.

Finally, at age 52, I finally said, I've had enough.

I'm done living in this old, collapsed, cramped, buried, unpowerful way and being beat down by my own inner voices and fears.

I'm done with that.

Done, done, done, done.

And I didn't know how to fix it or what to do, but I knew I was done and I was going to keep experimenting until I found the solutions.

And here's the fun part about that.

There's so many parallels.

I've got a client who's a great, great golfer, scratch golfer, par or better all the time, just really good, right?

And yet he still beats up on himself.

Imagine that.

But anyway, he spends a lot of effort and energy learning those tiny little 10th of a percent improvement, incremental things to get a little better.

And you know what?

Most of them are, and this is from him, not me, because I'm certainly not in that league of golf.

I'm a plus.

Who knows what when I really and honestly, with all fair scoring, break 100, that's a good day, right?

I mean, the nineties.

But anyway, the changes are mental.

The changes are mental.

His physical conditioning is good.

His swing is good, his stance is good.

He's perfected that with coaches and machines and computers and everything else.

And everything else is in the mind.

Wow.

Think about that.

So that's why that's important.

Is.

So were my big changes.

They were in the mind.

So are all of these that we're talking about fear.

So we had fear of setting goals, we had fear of failure.

Today is fear of.

I called it.

Is being right scary?

Being right can be scary.

And it's really fear of being arrogant.

And when I talk about fear, the whole context is you and I, we're trying to build that life of purpose, prosperity and joy.

We're trying to build a life where every day is a flipping, like, joyful thing.

Now, today, right now, as soon as I get done recording this, I've got to go to the doctor.

Why?

Because I've got this thing on my leg.

It's swollen, it's weird and it's swollen up right under my kneecap and all the way down to the ankle.

And a couple of weeks ago I fell down in the garage.

I tripped over something and hit my knee on the floor.

Didn't think it broke the skin, but I don't know, maybe it's infected or whatever.

So I say that because when I say ultimate life, it doesn't mean it isn't full of running out of gas or falling and breaking or hurting your knee or going to the doctor or having your computer.

That's why I'm on this station.

And I'm really grateful that happened because it gives me a chance, gave me a chance to trick the laptop up and get all the programs on it I needed and get this other background set up and do some other stuff.

So that's fun.

It gave me all those opportunities.

But anyway, said ultimate life doesn't mean those things don't happen.

They do.

But what it means is I love them.

I lean into them.

I love my swollen knee.

I think it's crazy good.

I don't know what's going to happen, but I'm going to go find out.

My right hip still hurts.

I need another cortisone shot.

It's been four months since I had it.

You're supposed to get it every three months.

And I thought maybe I'd stretch it and that was, oops.

Shouldn't have.

So I'm not in any way, shape or form complaining.

I'm sharing.

I got all that stuff, too.

I got businesses to worry about, clients and personal deep challenges with kids and leftover stuff from all the stuff that's in the book tightrope all to deal with.

So let's get back to the topic.

We're talking about you creating your life so that every day is full of purpose, prosperity and joy.

Mine is.

I'm there.

I'm sharing with you.

In each of these episodes, different things that occur that could prevent you or derail you.

Certain things that occur that you might think are belong to you only and they're really.

Everybody shares them.

And the point is to make sure you realize no matter what happens around you, knees, computers, clients, upsetness, negative things, illness, betrayal, etcetera, your destiny is in your hands.

It is.

It's in your hands.

You get to decide who you are, what you do, and all the rest.

So own the destiny.

Own it, own it, own it.

And live with purpose, prosperity and joy.

How do I do that?

Well, let's dig in and get this one piece, which is fear of being arrogant.

Now here's where that could have come from.

You may have been taught that it's not good to stand out.

You may have been taught it's not good to lord it over others.

I got mine.

Screw you and the dog you rode in on.

Oh, well, we're just better than you.

You see evidence of that in this political garbage that's going on in the US right now.

I'm in Canada and some of it goes on here, but nowhere near to the extent there name calling and people blaming and, you know, casting aspersions on people's race background.

They're stupid, you know, name calling and all that stuff.

And all of them are doing it.

So I don't care which side you're on, don't get on your high horse and blame one side or the other.

It's obvious and embarrassing.

That sort of thing is detrimental.

And maybe you were taught like I was.

Oh, don't be that.

Don't be arrogant, don't be a know it all.

Maybe you've had the experience of knowing something or kind of being someone who knew the answers a lot.

You know, the kid in the class raise their head and then people don't like you and you raise like Hermione right in her first or second or first and second year, mostly of Hogwarts.

She knew because she studied and she wanted to know that.

And her need was to be recognized.

And if you're taught, of course, you know, she was born of, I think, two Muggle parents, which, if you follow that universe was like, whoa, how did that happen?

But anyway, you may have been taught don't stand out, don't be right, don't be this, don't hold yourself up, be humble, etcetera.

So how do you marry your true skill and expertise with this teaching, avoiding arrogance and don't be prideful and all the rest.

How do you do that?

Well, there is an answer.

It's clear, it's specific, and it takes some work.

It's not easy.

And here's why it's hard.

We live in a world where people like to criticize.

The first thing people do when someone says something puts stuff out on x or, you know, truth, social or Facebook or whoever.

Right.

People jump on it critically, negatively, sometimes viciously.

So that makes us want to hide.

Even if we really strongly believe something, it makes us not want to talk.

We need to check and see if it's safe.

So we've grown up in that world.

We live in that world, and it can be dangerous to be out in front, even if you are right about something.

So how do you marry all that?

Well, all the ways to do it are way beyond the scope of a single episode.

So we're talking about how fear of being seen as arrogant, prideful, know it all gets in the way of your creating your ultimate life.

Is that a clear question?

If you're afraid that people are going to think you're arrogant, or a know it all or you're prideful, then you're going to behave a certain way.

And I'm saying behaving that way gets in the way, stops, prevents, sabotages moving toward that life of purpose, prosperity, and joy.

Purpose, meaning you get up every day with a purpose.

You make all the cash you can possibly use, and you live in perpetual joy every day, all the time.

That's possible.

It's real.

It's available to you right here, right now.

Now, first invitation.

If you don't believe me, get a hold of me.

Let's talk about what's in the way from you having joy every day.

Let's talk about why you're not creating all the cash you want.

There's a reason making money is not hard.

Money follows value.

If you're not making cash, let's talk.

You can have it.

It's all over the place.

There's an infinite amount, and governments keep printing it.

But setting that aside, there's an infinite amount of wealth.

You can have all you want.

Life purpose is something you choose, and there's guidance that I have learned about how to choose it.

So it's fulfilling, it stays, you know, just married to you, and you love it and everything else.

So let's talk about how this pride thing, this being perceived as arrogant, gets in the way.

So let's say I'll use me as an example.

But I want you to hear you I've spent the last 17 years completely up to my eyeballs in personal development.

And what I mean by that is I'm a divine being.

So are you.

I was born with certain gifts and talents.

So were you.

I've had a boatload of experiences.

So have you.

I've done a boatload of really good things and a gigantic shipload, you know, cruise ship load of hurtful, bad, wrong things, if you will.

So where that left me is in 2007.

Feeling guilty, feeling bad, making a lot of money, but hating myself and doing a lot of things that were negative.

Where does it leave you?

Like right now, what do you think about yourself?

Do you love you?

If you look in the mirror, in your own eyes and you look at your body and you look at your spirit and you look at your intentions, do you love you?

I can't answer that for you.

But you can.

If that's a hard question, if it makes you squirm, then you don't love yourself a lot.

And that's not a sin.

But it's important or wrong or anything else, but it's important to know, because self love is the greatest personal enabler to allow you to create purpose, prosperity and joy.

I'm not saying people that don't love themselves don't make money, don't hear that they do, and you know it.

And you can see examples.

But if you, right here, right now, want to have a life of joy every day, love yourself.

All right.

So I have spent 17 years working on personal development.

I've read I don't know how many books, many, many, many.

I've written 20.

With some more underway.

I've created hundreds, thousands of videos talking about teaching.

I've coached hundreds at this point.

I don't think thousands.

But I've coached hundreds of clients and spoken to thousands, tens of thousands, even millions of people about these things.

So the outcome of all the activities and I've written, you know, going on 100 songs, many of which are talking about this development journey.

My point is just this.

With all those hours spent in there, I've learned a lot.

I've developed a lot of skill.

I know a lot, and I understand a lot, and I have the wisdom to use these things.

Now, I can say that and you can think, well, that's an arrogant sob.

Okay?

Your thought about me doesn't affect me.

And here's the reason.

And this goes directly to the fear of being arrogant.

I'm not trying to make anyone do anything.

I'm not trying to require, I'm not trying to pretend that what I say is better than anyone else's, or the only way or the best way for everybody to do a certain thing.

What I'm doing is because of these 17 years now, and it will be 18 next year and 20, and it's a mountain without a top.

So I'm diligently engaged in steady growth and being coached and growing all the time, every.

Literally every day.

Okay?

That makes me a really world class, first rate, top shelf expert, period.

I can say that without even feeling arrogant.

There are others.

The requirement to be up there is that you put energy, effort, focus, time, love, truth, getting coached, being helped, reading, studying.

If you put that in it, then you develop it.

It's true.

If you're a musician, a guitar player, a piano player, an artist, a husband, a wife, a parenthood, if you put that kind of effort in anything, then you become an expert.

You become better and better and better at it.

Nobody's perfect.

And I'm not pretending that, so that can be true.

And because I truly now love myself where I used to absolutely loathe myself, so much so that I attempted suicide a couple times.

You know that that story's in the book.

Tightrope.

I love myself now.

Why I.

Because I'm trying so hard.

I love myself for the sacrifices I've made and for the effort that I put into this and the mistakes I've made and the times I've had to say I'm sorry again and again.

And, oh, man, go clean up messes.

I love that about me.

So one way to let pride, not fear of being arrogant, get in the way is don't be arrogant.

The word arrogant is where I'm you.

I were lording it over someone I know more than you do.

That kind of thought, feeling, action, that's not helpful.

So here's the master key.

The master key is service.

The master key is intentional service.

Everything you can do or do can be focused.

Nothing.

Because I need to make money, because I know more than you, because I need to prove I'm better.

But how can I serve?

Who can I help?

So if you look at the fear of being arrogant, there's two parts to this.

One is it means someone else thinks you're arrogant.

So that's wit.

Oddheaddeh.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

And the reason it isn't is because they have their own set of lenses through which they see the world and life and you and everything else.

And you didn't make those, and you don't control them.

And so worrying about that is a waste of time.

So that's number one.

You can't worry about that.

And the more you worry about it, the more that this fear of being arrogant or being prideful will get in your way of creating your ultimate life.

It'll get in the way of serving, it'll get in the way of creating money.

It'll get in the way of really being able to help people because you're worried.

Well, what if they think?

What if they do?

That's their lenses, the second part of it.

So, part one is you can't worry about what others think.

Part two is don't ever.

And this is a mountain without a top, so you work on it.

Don't ever do something to show somebody up to prove they're wrong, to prove you're right, to put them down, to build yourself up.

All of those things are the mountain of arrogance.

So if you never do that, now, imagine for a moment that nothing you ever said, no action you ever took, no guidance you ever gave somebody no answer to a question, was ever to prove you were cool or to prove they were wrong, or to lift yourself up or put them down or any other way to describe it.

Just imagine for a minute that it was never driven by that.

Not even deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down.

Never.

Then you wouldn't ever be being arrogant.

Now, that won't control what anybody thinks about you.

But that's a so what deal.

So what if they do?

Wow.

So what if they do?

So, there's a couple of things to think about here.

One, there's so much freedom at this moment, I now release you from worrying about what anyone thinks.

You are fully and completely released.

It's only true if you allow it.

But you have permission, as of this moment, to never worry about what somebody thinks.

You also have permission to pursue your own growth, meaning being a better person, more loving, more kind, more of service.

You have permission to do that every moment of your life.

Now, if, and I'm speaking to you and to myself as though that were our intent, if someone is listening to this or isn't, but is of the mindset that I don't give a crap about anybody else, I'm going to go get mine, take all I can get, and stomp on whoever I need to get there.

I'm not talking to you because you're not building a life of purpose, prosperity and joy that's built on love and service.

So I'm talking to all those people, and I think they're most folks who really want to have a life of purpose, meaning, you know, prosperity and joy that you create.

You create?

I create by serving with our gifts.

So there's two parts to this.

One is don't worry about what anybody thinks.

And two, it's okay to not worry about what anybody thinks, especially when you are doing the best you can to love, to serve, to grow, to live, to bless.

Right?

And if that's what you're doing, then what anyone else thinks doesn't matter.

All right, so I hope that path made sense to you.

It's not a facade.

If I give someone an answer and I say, I don't know for you, but this is what I think, this is what I've noticed.

This is what I've experienced that's completely different than the answer.

An attitude that says, yo, dipstick, don't you know this?

Come on.

You're an idiot.

So if my language, my body language, my thought, my intent, my energy contains any of that, then I am being arrogant.

And two things happen.

One, the listener won't hear me because they're busy dealing with those negative feelings.

And two, I have shriveled up as a person.

So it has the opposite effect.

I decrease in value as a person because I'm worrying about me and I'm trying to prove something.

And the person I was trying to help goes away empty because what I delivered maybe was even a true thing and the right answer, but it was coated in so much poison, it's hard to ingest and hard to take into evaluate.

Because you or I, if we receive that, we're busy pulling the thorns out of the message, and we have to busy worry about separating the pain from kernels of truth.

Now, you and I have both heard when people criticize, examine it, and see if there's some truth in it.

Well, you can do that.

I'm not suggesting that's not a good thing to do.

What I'm saying is, let's you and I not deliver our love and help.

That way, I can't control what anybody else does.

So if someone is a jerk and says all kinds of stuff to me, I can choose to ignore it.

I can choose to examine it, lift out the thorns, and look for nuggets of truth.

I can do that, and I do.

I look for coaching, growth, and suggestions in every interaction.

But I had to learn to do that because I used to get just as hurt and frustrated and angry and hurt?

Negative.

I said hurt.

But, you know, feel bashed on as anybody else.

But I've learned not to worry about it.

So the fear of being arrogant or prideful will get in your way of creating your ultimate life.

We've talked about exactly how to get rid of it, derail it, end it, get over the habit, and how to let that be not true.

Or how to eliminate that from your life and replace it with love, kindness and service.

If your focus or mine is on lifting and blessing and not worrying about what anybody thinks, you're safe.

Now I want to issue three invitations.

One, I invite you to love yourself more than anything else.

Go to the mirror and look in the mirror and tell you how much you love yourself because you're glorious and beautiful.

Number two, if there's something I can do to serve you, to lift you, to help you realize how great you are, I want you to see you have power to change the world.

I don't care what's come before.

It's never too late.

You matter now.

And you can have big impact if you choose to serve with your chosen purpose and develop your own divine gifts.

The purpose of this show is to help you see and know that.

So that's one invitation.

Love yourself.

The second invitation is if you have a story to tell, a story of growth, the story of overcoming, a story of resilience, a message to share like I do.

If you have one, I want you to get a hold of me because I want you on the show.

I want you on the show because everybody needs to hear the voice they need to hear.

And our ability to share is powerful.

And people need to hear your voice.

And I love being the megaphone, the vehicle to help that happen.

So if you have a story of resilience, of growth you want to share, I want to be the vehicle.

And I invite you, get a hold of me.

The third thing is, I invite you to share this with those who need it.

Share this with someone who needs to be encouraged, loved.

Lift.

Blessed.

So three things.

One, if I can help you get a hold of me, and let's talk.

Number two, if you have a message to share, let's talk.

And maybe you can be on this or another one of the shows that I have.

And the third invitation is to share this.

You might just be the light, the bright spot, the love, the candle, the minute of hope that someone needs to start again, to keep going, to lift their sights and lift their eyes, move forward, move up.

Right?

You could be that person.

And again, in doing that sharing, you are doing exactly what we talked about earlier, which is lifting, loving and blessing.

And as a process and as a consequence of that, you move forward to create your ultimate life.

Never hold back and you'll never ask why.

Open your heart and this time around, right here, right now, your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.

Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything.

If you want to know more, go to kellanflukigermedia.com.

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Yourultimatelife ca subscribe stand with your heart in the sky and your feet on the ground.

It.