Why “Good Enough” Is Killing Your Dreams

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Hey there.

Welcome to your ultimate life.

Your ultimate life.

You know, in this podcast, I am dedicated to one thing.

Helping you create a life you love.

Like, absolutely love.

And, you know, some people would say, well, then give me a trillion dollars and then I would love my life.

Not true.

Not true.

You see wealthy people all the time who hate their lives and you think, I'd be different.

No, you wouldn't.

No, you wouldn't.

Your ultimate life is something we earn.

It's something we deserve.

It's something we can have.

But we have to do certain things because happiness doesn't come in an Amazon box.

It doesn't happen in the length of a TV sitcom.

You know, proposing to your intended and them saying yes is momentary.

Achieving a CEO position and making a lot of money is momentary.

You see that story told over and over again.

Well, I thought it would be all good when I achieved that.

And the answer is, not so much.

Why not?

Ultimate life is an internal state.

It is a choice.

You can create purpose, prosperity and joy.

Let me repeat that.

You create purpose, prosperity and joy if you want it.

The good news is no one can keep you from being happy.

No one can keep you from being in.

In love with your life.

No one can keep you from being a beacon of light, a vessel of love, a conduit of power.

No one can prevent that.

No one.

I don't care what they say or do.

You know, we live in a world right now where there's tons of shaming and people calling each other names and, you know, really bad things, inciting violence.

I just saw a news report.

It'll be a month or so old now when you get this, because we're a month or two ahead, but saw a news report this morning of somebody that went to a church and shot a couple people because they hate the church.

I think it was someone who is supporting the Palestinian cause.

Shot a couple of Jewish people who were visiting in the United States from Israel.

Now I live in Canada, but that news just got me to thinking.

It's like, what's going on?

That now it becomes the thing to do to kill people we don't agree with, like, take away their lives.

What is wrong with us?

Right?

So we live in that kind of a divisive world.

And my speaking about it isn't going to change it like that.

But you and I, we each have the power to change it, even if it's a little.

You'd be surprised at how much you can do.

I don't know what you are doing.

You may be doing everything you possibly can.

I had the beautiful opportunity to speak just before I'm recording this with a woman who is writing a series of books for kids.

Not kid kids, but young adults.

Adult adults, 18 to 29.

Right?

When you're leaving, you know, high school and going into creating your life fully on your own and encouraging having the protagonist and the people that are in there use love, logic and reasoning to help solve problems and to manage the vicissitudes of life instead of violence and anger and murder.

And I thought, oh, such gratitude swelled up in me when I heard that.

I couldn't wait to figure out how to help her.

Why?

Because I can't wait for those to be.

Imagine if that became extremely popular and people looked at those protagonists.

It's a.

A girl that she's writing about, a young, young woman, or, you know, I guess an adult.

But because I'm nearly 70, someone who's 20 feels like a kid still.

I got kids that are in their 40s.

But anyway, imagine if that kind of role model were a protagonist and were admired and we made movies about them instead of violence and anger and all the rest that we seem to have.

So much of.

Your ultimate life's within your grasp.

Your ultimate life is within your grasp.

Nobody's going to stretch your hand out.

Nobody's going to close it for you.

We've become infected with the idea that everything has to be easier.

It's, I just can't have it.

That's not true.

You may have to work hard and you might have to wait a time, a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade to have something.

But it's all available to us.

And that is so true.

And the fact that we give up so easily is heartbreaking.

So today's episode is right there.

The hidden.

It's on this thing behind me.

The hidden cost of settling.

Why good enough is holding you back.

The hidden cost of settling.

Now you can define that any way you want.

I think about.

I'm a coach.

I'm an ultra high performance coach.

I work with people who are committed to end addiction to mediocrity, to stand out in their field.

Not because they want adulation and cash, maybe that's a byproduct, but because that's just who they've Decided.

They are.

They've just decided I'm going to be the best I can be because I can.

I'm going to be radically excellent because I can't.

One of the diseases we have is this w I t o t wittot.

I've talked about it before, what I think others think, and it's a flipping disease because we get infected with what I think others think matters.

It doesn't.

It doesn't.

And you think, well, if I write a book and nobody likes it, then what other people think matters a lot.

It does.

And people will love what you say.

The right audience.

We have this.

We have this.

I'm leading a group of people right now through a six month process to write a book, get it edited, get it published, get it on Amazon, get a course created, all that kind of stuff.

And one of them said to me the other day about fear.

And I said, what are you worried about?

Well, I'm afraid that somebody, you know, there'll be people that don't like it.

And I, I laughed a little bit and I said, I understand that and let's solve that right now.

There are, and there will, there'll be people who don't read it, who don't care who read it and think it sucks.

So let's just understand that and get it off the table.

Because you're not writing to them, you're not creating a product for them, you're not living your life for them.

There will also be people who love your story, who love you, who want to get to know you, who want to understand you better, who your story and your journey and your experiences and your willingness to share matters a lot.

I used to have the same feelings, you know, when I started podcasting, I thought, well, you know, nobody will like it and whatever.

And I certainly don't have the reach of large ones, Joe Rogan and some others.

I don't have that reach yet, but I will.

And here's the reach I want.

Not just because I want numbers.

I want to reach the people who are done settling, who have said of their own accord because maybe something's happened to them or whatever, that they're done with a life based on good enough.

Ah, it's good enough.

You know, your soul, the divine soul in you is never going to flip and be satisfied with, ah, that's good enough.

It's not happy.

So let's talk about why good enough's holding you back now in coaching and personal development.

Holding you back, standing in your own way.

Those are all cute Phrases we use to represent an idea.

The idea is, you know that there is excellence, power, money, influence available to you have an intuitive sense that you could matter a lot more than you do, make a lot more money than you do.

You have that intuitive sense and you want it.

And then the fear comes.

We have, and that shows up in all kinds of ways.

I don't have time.

I don't know what to do.

You know what?

If you were going to die, if you didn't get out of a building, you'd figure out how to get out of it and you'd keep trying different things until it worked.

So when you tell me, I don't know how, I don't have time, all that means is you don't want it very bad.

And that might piss you off that I say that, but I don't really care because it's time that you heard the truth.

If you want something, you'll figure out a way.

Often the way involves getting help.

Sure did for me when I changed my life in 2007.

Now, 18 years ago, I didn't have any idea how to stop being who I was.

Depressed and struggling and addicted and broken in so many ways.

And I had to get tons of help and I did, and I persevered and I got there.

And I'm not magic.

It's a set of steps.

So one of the steps is not on that list is settling for good enough.

Giving up.

Settling is a disease.

It is really rooted in fear.

And here's why.

Well, I'm just going to decide that I'm going to settle.

And the secret under text is because I'm afraid if I try harder, I'll get slapped down.

It won't work.

I'll be disappointed, and then I'll feel bad.

That's the tail end of settling.

I want you to think about how true that is and decide in your own heart if that's who you want to be.

This is an invitation to ask yourself, where are you settling?

Where are you saying, ah, good enough?

When in your heart you don't believe it.

When in your heart you know there is so much unrealized, untapped potential, opportunity, growth available.

Where are you settling?

List a couple of things.

Maybe it is in your personal development.

I did that forever.

I don't anymore.

Every single day.

My daily preparation rituals, hours long.

You know that I've talked about that before and if you want to know all the details about it, it's in a book about how.

What I do and about how to do your Own in a way that creates you powerfully every day.

This is the book Living with purpose and Power.

Get it?

It's the best book in the world about that.

It's not the only book.

There's a million of them, but it's the best one.

It's got 18 years of work and research in it.

And I know what I've written in their work.

So anyway, preparing yourself powerfully every day is one step toward not settling.

Why?

Because you've prepared yourself for excellence.

You know, I have this vision of most of the world lives in a swamp.

And the swamp, the labels around the swamp are an addiction to mediocrity, which is settling business.

Learned helplessness, which is the lie that I can't do it anyway.

You know, somebody else got to help me.

I'm helpless and a victim mindset, which is kind of like everything happens to me.

I mean, you've heard this stuff before and then there's a path, and the path is steep and sometimes thorny and it's like a rainbow and it leads to a pot of gold.

And the pot of gold, the characteristics of that is fierce life, ownership, right?

Radical excellence and a yearning and a commitment to serve.

When I say radical excellence, this is where the disease comes.

Because someone's radical excellence may be your half baked effort.

Okay, I learned that I took a four day grand prix racing school class at the Bondurant Speedway in Phoenix.

And Bob Bondurant was a notable racer back in the day.

And so he has a speedway and the drivers there are flipping good.

And we got to drive specially prepared Corvettes for four days and drive them hard and fast with people in the cockpit with us teaching us how to do things, how to find the apex of the corner, when to break, when to gas, when to do both, all of that stuff.

And so my point in saying that is my absolute balls to the wall excellence would be pretty mediocre for one of those guys.

Why?

Because they've developed it.

So I'm not saying.

And this is a disease that comes in, we think our excellence has to be as good as everybody else's.

That's nonsense.

Your excellence, the things where you're better than anybody in the universe is different for you and me.

And you have one of those areas where or more you have one, maybe you don't know what it is, maybe you haven't gone to find it yet.

And maybe you've settled for the truth, for the lie.

Actually in your mind you've created a truth that you don't really have.

It, it doesn't matter anyway and who cares?

Well, you're free to settle.

This is a wake up call to stop.

This is a wake up call and an invitation to let you know that you have infinite capability.

You're a divine being.

Your capability is therefore enormous because you have divine DNA and your possibility is infinite.

So, like, what are you settling for?

Half assed income, half assed happiness, half assed relationships, half assed in loving yourself.

What a painful place to live.

Holding you back, good enough is a disease because the way we do one thing is the way we do everything.

And so if you decide you're going to be excellent, it's going to take a new bunch of habits, it's going to take a bunch of decisions and a bunch of work.

Especially if you've been living a life of settling for a long time like I did.

So let's think about what.

When I say the hidden cost of settling, why good enough is holding you back.

Holding you back from what?

Your ultimate potential, your ultimate life, your peace, your prosperity, your joy, your ability to influence and add good to the world.

It's absolutely keeping you from that.

We're trading, when we do this, we're trading our potential for comfort, for routine, for the illusion of safety.

And I say the illusion because even if you think you're safe economically, physically, something can happen, right?

I saw in the news this morning, and again, this will be old news by the time you hear this, but it'll happen again and again and again.

A small plane crashed into, I think, five houses in San Diego in a nice neighborhood.

Then when I saw the report, nobody knew why or what had happened or how many people are on the plane or anything's too soon.

But can you imagine people who live in that house, even if they didn't die instantly, their routine is interrupted, house destroyed, the illusion of safety shattered.

So the idea that you have safety is nonsense.

The idea that you are safe in your routine and comfort is nonsense.

We all know that growth happens outside the comfort zone.

Go to the gym, hire a personal trainer.

They'll tell you the Last rep or 2 is when the muscle breaks down and you get, you know, the opportunity to build muscle.

So outside the comfort zone is where all the fun is.

Inside the comfort zone is Jack, routine, nothing settling.

That's not you or you wouldn't be listening to a podcast on your ultimate life.

So here's the seductive lie.

Good enough.

Mediocrity sometimes feels safer than greatness.

So I'm inviting you to step into some version of Greatness.

Now, I don't care to try to tell you, or could I imagine to tell you what your area of greatness is, but one of the things I love is the.

The book challenges that I create.

Www.dreambuildrite it.com it's here on the screen.

Go there.

The one that's coming up will be over by the time this one's posted, but there's another one coming up a couple of months after that.

Three months after that, I think.

So in that place, that's a challenge.

And I invite you to discover your area of greatness, what you truly have that's great.

Not half ass, not half baked, great, because you have it.

But if you've been settling mediocrity, it's safer.

You know why?

At least for me, I'll share that with you.

I don't know that this is true for you, but it was for me.

I was afraid to go for greatness in area any area because I was afraid I'd fail.

And that would prove beyond any doubt that I sucked.

So I carried this thought in my head that I sucked.

I wasn't good enough and I never would be.

And that came from wherever it came in my life.

And that kept me from doing a lot of things.

It kept me.

It held me back, as it were, because I was afraid.

I was afraid that if I failed, it would prove that the I'm not good enough was actually the truth of my life.

When that's nonsense.

Failing at something just means that didn't work.

It doesn't mean anything about you.

It's not an indictment.

So let's talk about how come we start settling.

We start settling, it sort of seeps in unnoticed.

It seeps in without you even knowing.

Routine.

You get in the habit.

Snooze, buttons.

I'll do it later.

I don't really have time.

I'm too tired.

I don't have the energy.

You're not built to be that way.

You're built for greatness.

So when you start seeing a shrug, the emotion of shrug show up in your life.

You're settling.

Wake up.

Don't dismiss it.

Pay attention.

Whack.

There's the slap.

You're giving up your life.

Nobody's gonna remember, not you or anybody else, all the days that were half assed and the same.

Nobody's gonna remember that, right?

Nobody's gonna remember.

What you're going to remember are the times you pushed, the times you dared more greatly experienced more deeply and leaned in more joyously.

Those are the things you're going to remember, those are the things that are going to mark the turning points in your life, even if you failed miserably.

When I was learning to ski, you know, I'm a.

I'm a push the limits guy.

So I was on a hill and I was with someone that was quite a bit better than I was, and they skied down the hill and the agreement was they were going to tell me at the bottom if they thought it was okay for me to just let loose and rip it up and try to, you know, do good.

And I misunderstood and they said no because of the obstacles and some of the things that had.

And I thought they said go.

So I just let it rip.

And I got about halfway down there and ran into some of the concerns that they had and fell and blasted myself miserably.

And, you know, laying there all in a heap and didn't move for a while.

And they came, you know, walking back quite a ways, several hundred meters and to scrape me up.

And because I hadn't moved, I had some of my kids with me.

And they said, man, we thought you were dead.

The spectacularness of the crash.

We thought you were dead.

Now, you know what?

I remember that.

I remember the details.

I remember the feeling.

I remember how bad it hurt.

I didn't break any bones.

That was good.

And the crash and I thought you were dead and everything.

You know what?

I don't remember the 250 million other runs that I made where I just ripped it up.

I remember them, but they're lumped together.

That one that sticks out and it was a crash and burn.

So when you start feeling safe, you're settling.

When you start feeling the shrug, you're settling.

It sucks.

Step it up.

Another thing is when you start settling, there is an emotional decay.

You start giving up on yourself.

You start feeling like you don't matter, like you really do suck, like who cares?

I'm one little piss ant person in the whole world.

And so what?

Well, you're free to live like that.

But I want you to think about how one person has changed the world for good or bad.

We have bad examples, dictators and, you know, the Hitlers of the world.

We have good examples, religious leaders and, you know, Christ and others.

And he comes to mind because he was obviously the central figure in human history.

But others too, have a huge impact.

People today, really wealthy people who have decided to do good with their accumulated energy, their wealth.

We have boatloads of wealthy people that we really don't know about.

Because they're busy satisfying their own needs.

But those that do add good to the world, we know them, we hear their names, we know what they're doing, who they are.

And we say, wow, how cool.

That's a good use of those resources when we honor them.

You have the power.

And you can argue with me and make all the friggin excuses you want, but you still have it.

What you're telling me is you're too scared to use it.

You're telling me that you don't have the courage to explore.

That's what you're telling me.

And when you live like that, then bitterness, resentment, depression starts creeping in.

Because then you, then you get to, I could have been a contender, I could have done, you know what I could have done.

And then you relive past glories.

Someone said on some podcast or YouTube video, Shining Trophies from the past.

So whatever the trophies are you had before, you busy shining those instead of living your life today.

And that creates bitterness, resentment, negativity.

Now let's talk about another thing that has to do with settling.

High achievers who go and they achieve something good and then they plateau, they settle there.

I'm in a particular group, it's not a mastermind, I don't know what to call it.

It's an alliance that is extremely powerful and they full of really capable and powerful people that are adding all kinds of good to the world.

One of the things they talk about is this plateau.

You get to a certain amount of money and influence and you're just like, yeah, yeah, you know, good enough.

That's settling.

That sucks.

Stop it.

It will kill you emotionally, spiritually.

You're meant for infinite growth.

So get used to being in the discomfort zone because hey, settling the myth or the truth is what was it?

Why good enough is holding you back.

That's what we named this, right?

So when you achieve a certain level of success, especially if you worked hard, then it's like, I don't want to mess this up.

It's good enough.

I'm going to just hang here, I'm making good dough, got a good life, take good vacays, but your soul isn't satisfied.

I can't tell you how many people I have met and I personally know who say I've achieved CEO officer level stuff.

Even entrepreneurs make a lot of money.

I've got it all.

And you know what?

I'm just not satisfied.

They could have just said, I'm just settling.

And the yearning in their heart is do more, be more, make More difference in the world.

Add good to the world.

Show up like the being you meant to be.

And this thing you've done so far is wonderful.

And it's the first course of the meal.

Don't do that.

Don't let that be you.

Okay.

Now, there's another thing I want to talk about, and that is when you go down this road of growth and you say, I'm not going to settle, Helen.

I hear you.

I'm done settling.

There's a.

There's a word that is so powerful and intimidating at the same time, and that word is surrender.

One of the things that you and I have to learn to do if we're really going to reach our true potential is to surrender.

Now, surrender is not settling.

Surrender is not passive.

When we think of surrender, we think of an army capitulating and waving the white flag.

I give up.

You know, throw down your arms, do whatever you're going to do.

That's not what I'm talking about.

Surrender is a willing acknowledgment that you don't know Jack, and I don't either.

That there are greater forces.

The Creator gave us the yearning to achieve, the yearning to serve, the yearning to love, the learning to.

Yearning to add good to the world, the yearning to not settle.

So surrender is not passivity.

It is not, you know, giving up.

It's not surrendering like a white flag.

It is surrendering to the path of growth.

It is learning to love the process of waking up every day and climbing a new mountain, sometimes over rocks, and once in a while, really over broken glass.

It is surrendering to the truth that the yearning inside of you to grow and add good to the world is divine.

When you surrender to that truth, then you don't give up.

Then you just go, well, I'm going.

You know, today was a suck day.

I crawled over a lot of broken glass, had to stop a bunch and bandage up the blood.

Okay.

And that can either be, then I quit.

It's not worth it, I'm not trying.

Or it can be, okay, that was tough.

Let's go tomorrow.

In the Navy SEAL training, there is a saying that the only easy day was yesterday.

And that obviously implies a lot of things, but one of them is you have to go all in, every day.

And every day is going to feel harder than the last.

I'm not asking myself for you to be a glutton for punishment, to do stupid things or anything else.

I'm asking you to surrender to the yearning in your heart to grow.

Surrender to the yearning that's divine in your heart to grow.

Settling is the antithesis of that.

The opposite, the destructive force.

Settling is holding you back.

Good enough.

That is holding you back.

Now, I say all this to you as an invitation to surrender to the yearning to grow.

You're free to just blow this off, hit, stop, ignore me, and never listen to another episode, because this is the first of four episodes we're going to do on this path of growth, okay?

And so they're not going to be in a row.

There's a couple of guests in between.

But that's what we're going to do because this path of growth is so important.

And you're free at any time to say, bs, I'm done.

I'm good enough.

Okay, then this show isn't for you.

This show is for those that say, I'm grateful for everything that I've done and learned everything that I have, including the setbacks.

And I'm going.

I'm going to the next hill.

Personal development, leadership, the ability to lead and inspire others.

That's all learnable.

It's habits and practice.

All right?

There's another couple of things that go to this settling business, and that is the brain's addiction to certainty and that you know the devil you know is better than the devil you don't.

The idea that you know what's coming is a powerful opiate, a powerful addictive force.

And so your brain is going to resist change because it feels scary, it is unknown, and there's going to be a chance of damage, injure, embarrassment or whatever.

And the answer is yes, there is lean in and love it.

Dare more greatly, experience deeply, lean in more joyously.

That's what gives life juice.

Not settling.

The last thing I want to talk is the cost of staying the same.

Nothing ever stays the same.

So the idea that you're just going to keep the status quo is crap.

You're either growing or decaying.

If you sit where you are, even if you keep going to the same job, making the same amount of money, you're rotting at the core.

Your spirit is rotting, your talents are rotting.

Your yearning is dwindling.

That desire you had and felt before is fading onto the back into the background, yesterday's news.

And you know that's true when I say it.

So the high cost of settling, why good enough's holding you back.

That's true.

And so here's your call to action.

If you think I'm crazy, you're free to do that.

If this has caused you to wake up in any degree.

I want you to pick one area right now in your own life, whether it's your personal life, personal habits, personal fitness, making money, your business, your growth, how you're treating your relationship, your relationship with the divine, your ability to get and understand intuition and act on it, the courage to step out of your comfort zone, whatever it is.

Pick one area right now where you know you are settling.

You want, you know you're saying good enough and now you know it's holding you back.

Pick just one and then bang on the table in front of you or on your fist if you're not by a table and say, I'm done.

I'm done settling.

I'm moving forward.

I'm going to start with the things I know I could do and I've always known that I could do, but I was too scared to start.

And if you need help, damn it, go get it.

Find a coach.

Reach out to me.

Let's talk.

I have clients and I coach, but only people that are bleedingly committed and ultra high performance because I have long given up the practice of trying to convince people they need to do whatever because you don't.

This is about the yearning.

So find the help you need.

Don't quit.

Pick one area that you're committed to change right now and I promise you it'll pay massive dividends.

It'll be fun, even if it's hard.

Hard doesn't mean unfun.

If you pick one area and get to work on it, I can promise you it'll move you closer to your ultimate life and it will feel like joy.

And joy, of course.

Purpose, prosperity and joy is one element of your ultimate life.

Right here, right now.

Your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.

Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything.

If you want to know more more, go to kellenfluker media.com if you want more FREE tools, go here.

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