The Story You Refuse to Tell May Be the Authority You Keep Looking For

Are you afraid to tell the truth? Most people are. Let's find out. Welcome to the show. Tired of the hype about living the dream? It's time for truth.This is the place for tools, power and real talk so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life. Subscribe, share, create. You have infinite power. Welcome to your ultimate life.The podcast I created to help you create, to build, live, create, enjoy a life of purpose, prosperity and joy. And you know what that is. Despite the hardships, like stuff happens.Okay, I just got a message from someone in a group that I belong to, and it's a very, very near and dear group to my heart. Lots of people in there, I know personally, not everybody, but many of them a good percentage.And someone just had a catastrophic event and is asking for help to help a loved one deal with grief and loss. And the specifics don't really matter, but it was the death of someone and you know, that kind of stuff happens.Grief, loss, financial hardship, unexplained difficulties, physical things, storms, fires, death, illness, bankruptcy, all of those things happen. And they happen with, ah, unrelenting, I won't say unrelenting. Fury I guess is the word I was looking for. They do just unrelenting fury. Why is that?Well, that could be the subject of another episode. But the point is they do. The next point is people get through them, right? A day goes by, a week goes by, a month goes by, a year goes by.Stuff happens, Situations change, consequences and circumstances roll forward. The universe keeps unfolding, right? Opportunities come and they go.Something bad happens where we feel like we're in a box canyon and we can't get out and then something happens and there's a narrow passage or once in a while a helicopter lowers a. An escape rope, right? But something happens.Like we keep going, the illness unfolds, it gets better, or somebody dies or like me, right now, I've got a permanent limp. That's a funny story.Three years ago this month, in July of, let's see, 2023, I was working as a volunteer in the youth organization of, of the church and part of it with the Young Young Young Men. And one day in the summertime in July, right, we had a bike ride planned for a Thursday late afternoon. Went, did it rode, did the best I could.You know, my lungs have never been all there since the death, my death in 2018, which destroyed my lungs. But I did the best I could to keep up and kept going, right? And so I did the ride.And the next morning, Friday morning, It was a Thursday, Friday morning. My right leg was completely numb and I was in terrible pain and it was just completely numb and extremely painful.So I waited a little while trying to figure out if it was going to go away and it wasn't. So I went to the hospital, the er, to see what the heck.And we sat there for a while and he put me on a drip pain drip hydromorphone, and did some exam and decided that I had a, a severely pinched nerve in my lower back. And da, da, da, pain went down. I went home. But gradually over the months, many months, you know, the feeling returned.Starting at the top, coming down. And a year, three years later, now still little rectangle on my right foot, on the right, left side of my right foot. That makes any sense, right?The top of the foot, there's a numb patch, you know, five inches long and two and a half inches wide or something, still numb. And the nerve, you know, we've done all kinds of pain mitigation and physical therapy and all that stuff since then, and X rays and all the rest.And the bottom line is the disc between L5 and S1 is completely deteriorated. First on the right side. And it, the, the X ray showed nothing. The nerve was completely flat.Nerves show up as little white, you know, cylinders in an X ray or in the kind that we had. And it was gone flat. And gradually the left side also compressed. So now I have pain in both sides. Bottom line is, you know, no whining, no whatever.There are consequences and some of them are last a long time, right? I had a bankruptcy much earlier in life, 30 or maybe 40 years ago, 35 years ago anyway. And of course that stays with you how long?Five, seven years, right? So all of those things happen and some of them carry long consequences and some are permanent. And the question isn't, do they happen? They do.Do we deserve them? It's got nothing to do with it. Sometimes the behavior of. Is of others, sometimes it's just the world.And sometimes we do dumb things that we, you know, hurt ourselves financially or physically or otherwise. Sometimes the label I give that is the, the fury of injustice, the ravages of adversity and the pain of loneliness.And the question isn't does it happen? It's what do we do with it? Because it's going to happen. So those circumstances are the substance of your journey of becoming. Hear that?Those circumstances, little ones and big ones and the victories. I just was focusing on the hard things. They are the substance of the story of your becoming.And if one or two or three of those ruins me for a while or causes me to be angry, bitter, you know, complain, or whatever it is, that's fine. It does. I do what I do. But there is a place where we can choose to let them refine us.Make us more resilient, more capable, more resourceful, more powerful. Those things are all possible. And when we let those things refine us, we have the substance of the story of our own becoming.And that story, that journey, is your hero's journey. Mine. It is the powerful truth that you and I have to offer the world that is the most powerful thing you have.I don't care what else you learn how to do.If you learn investment strategies or real estate strategies, or learn to be an architect or a doctor or anything, those things are wonderful and add good to the world, no question. But the thing that you and I have that carries the most power is the choices around the story of our own becoming. And here's why.Our becoming, in other words, what we make out of ourselves, is all that we're taking with us. All the money, titles, or anything else that we do won't.Now, if you become a doctor and you help a lot of people, or an attorney and you do a lot of good, or a farmer and grow vegetables and crops for animals or humans, you've done good. And that good is powerful and needed. And more important than that is who you or I have become in the process.So that's the foundation for what I want to talk about today. And. And it's important that that's clearly understood, because what happens when I help people write their books?And here, if you haven't written your book yet, the story of your becoming Dream Build. Write it Dot com. Go there. Right now. Right now, in the middle of the show. Unless you're driving, Go to go there.DreamBuildrite it.com and sign up for the next challenge. It's in September. Pretty quick. I do that a couple times a year, once in a while, three times, but mostly twice.And it is the process to help you mine that story of your becoming in the most powerful and effective way. Because when you teach from that place, you are invincible. You are powerful. You can truly help people more than any other skill you've learned.And I say that boldly and without hesitation. Yet here is the crux of today's episode. And this is. I titled this why People Are Afraid to Tell the Truth.And it rests on that foundation I laid to start with. People are afraid to tell the truth. The truth of their own life journey. Minor truth about this, that.And the other is critical too, because the way we do one thing is the way we do everything. And if we get in the habit of fabricating or lying or shading or whatever, it will affect and infect every area of our lives.But I'm talking about the truth. When I meet people and they want, they recognize the truth, that that story of becoming is the most powerful gift they have.They see it, they know it, and yet they hesitate. I can't, I can't write it yet. So and so's gotta die or this has gotta happen. And here's some of the reasons, right? They fear judgment.They fear exposure. They fear rejection. You, I should say you. It's you and me, right? Not they over there. That's impersonal. Start over.You and I, we might fear judgment or exposure or rejection. What else might me, we, we fear. We might fear misunderstanding. We might fear family backlash. I hear that a lot. Somebody's going to get mad.Somebody doesn't want this or that exposed. We might fear being judged as self important. We might fear the responsibility that comes from being a leader of a movement.We might fear the terrifying possibility that your story really carries power. Wow.So most people who say they're afraid of, of this book that I'm talking about, the story of your becoming, they're not actually afraid of writing. They're afraid of telling the truth.Maybe it looks, makes them look like they're better than they are or they're afraid of that, you know, imposter syndrome. Maybe they're afraid of actually being seen because they don't want to be seen.Maybe they're, you know, fear of being judged or how dare you say these things? Or being misunderstood, rejected, all that kind of stuff we just talked about. Maybe you're afraid of admitting what happened.Maybe you're afraid of taking responsibility. Maybe you're afraid of admitting or describing or using what's changed in you.Because no matter who you are, what you're doing today, the story of your growth, how you got there, is more powerful when it's part of the journey. I talk to a lot of people who are very successful. In fact, here's a commercial break, if you will. Here's an invitation.If you have a story, I want you as a guest. If you have a story you want to share a story of transformation, of growth, of opportunity, of possibility. If you have that, I want to share it.So here's how you get a hold of me. YourUltimate LifePodcast.com and there's a contact form there. So get a hold of me that way to see, you know, to share your story.Because you know, my goal is reaching 300 million people and I'm not going to do that with just my message. I want yours. All right, so sometimes people are afraid to share all that for the reasons we just said.And you might be afraid of the responsibility that could be yours. When you share that, people respond and then you have an opportunity to lead. Sometimes the blank page isn't the enemy, it's exposure.Well, I invite you to be exposed. I invite you to share the truth. And this comes from my own experience. I've walked this road.I used to be terrified at having people know my failings and faults. Alcohol addiction, depression, being a, you know, non stellar dad. Because of those things not present.You know, I was a single dad with four kids for some years and I didn't do a good job. I had three failed marriages and yes, it takes two to tango. But I think most of the responsibility was mine.I didn't know how to do that and I wasn't the kind of partner that I would want. I didn't even had to ask that question. I used to be terrified at letting people know that I'd struggled with various addictions.Gambling, shopping, pornography, drugs, all of those things now, they're all gone now. But it has taken the work that obviously it takes. But some people are afraid of that exposure. You know what?The journey of growth is the only journey we've got. Hear me? The journey of growth is all we have to offer. So here's some lines that might go through your mind. What will they think?Will people believe me? Will anybody even read it?Will people think I'm arrogant or I'm being over dramatic or I'm looking for sympathy or that I've expressed too much or say that I'm not qualified to say whatever it is, you know what's really going to happen. There may be people that think all those things and more. There may be people who call you names or say you shouldn't have done this.I've experienced that. I wrote books about my own story. They were not accusatory. They were not angry, they were not bitter, they were not calling names. None of that.I don't espouse any of that. But the story of your own experience is critical and necessary. People may judge. That's not the deciding factor. The question is who can you serve?It's not a matter of trauma dump or unburdening your soul. It is a matter of who you can serve. If your mission depends on universal approval, you're dead before you start. You're going to have haters.You're going to have people that think you shouldn't. This, that, and the other, or people that think that they're exposed because of your story.And truthfully, depending on how you write it, they're not. You're not naming people or calling people out.And if somebody takes the time to try to figure out who it was said or did this, that and the other, that's not the point either. Approval is too small a God for your life of service. Your divine potential is your bright light. You cannot build a message. Hear this.You can't build a message that matters while kneeling before the altar of everyone's approval. You. You can't do it. And you know that in your heart. And people are going to misunderstand you, but tell the truth anyway.So let's go to the family thing, because that shows up a lot. Fear of family and the people in the story. Now, that happens.People are afraid of hurting their family or exposing others or revealing secrets or creating conflict or betraying privacy, reopening wounds, being accused of rewriting history. Man, I've had not all of those, but several.Several of those people that just were very close, didn't believe what I described, asked me, you know, how dare you say such a thing? Said I was betraying privacy, all that stuff. Here's the thing. Telling the truth does not require cruelty.And here was my solution to those very real concerns. I told every story that I told from my point of view.Yes, I described events that happened to me and how they felt, in other words, what they meant to me. But I spent no time blaming, being angry at or calling out others. I used very few, if any, names. I. The point was to describe this, the events, how I.How they landed for me, in other words, what they did to me at the time, and how I have chosen with my choices to overcome and to change and also forgive both others and myself. And I had plenty. You know, I have a video on YouTube that talks about forgiveness. Forgiving your. Forgiving yourself when you hurt others.I got a comment just today. Well, it's easy to forgive yourself when you're the one that hurt others.And I thought, there is someone who either has never seriously hurt people or has never truly worked through what it takes to forgive yourself. I. I don't spend a lot of time answering comments. Maybe I should, but I don't. But I did answer this one and I said wow, that was not my experience.Forgiving myself took years and was agonizing, right when I look back at how my carelessness, inaction or uncaring or unkind self behaved. But here's what I know. You can go through life hating yourself forever for what you did or didn't do. And all it does, that doesn't fix anything.It doesn't repair relationships or trust or betrayal or any of that. All it does is limit your ability to serve. All it does is limit your ability or my ability to carry light and love.All it does also is limit our ability to teach and help people learn forgiveness.All the truths that I told that involved other people, that could have been perceived as any of that was just my perception of things, my choices, my change, my learning, my ownership, my becoming and doing it that way gave me powerful truths that I can share. I told everything with compassion, with as much discretion as I possibly could, but with clarity and boundaries and courage.And here's what I'm telling you is the outcome. I have learned to forgive everyone that did whatever they did and over time myself.Not because I was able to repair the damage, because as you know, many of those things simply can't be fixed. You simply cannot fix those things. So we have to trust karma, God, the universe and others actions for their own healing.People who hurt me, they could not fix that hurt either. I had to take action. I had to choose to get repaired and to repair myself and then to forgive.And so one of the statements I have in my own personal truth document is I am forgiveness. I have compassion, grace and patience for everyone, for everything, including myself.And I've learned over difficult years that that is the brightest and lightest way to live and allows me to do the most good. You can. You can tell the truth without turning your book into a weapon.You can tell the truth, express the pain and own all the story without turning it into a trauma dump or without censorship. And it's easy to tell in the reading what the intent of the author is.It's also easy in any case to twist it around and make it mean stuff if you want to. If you're looking for a place to be injured or hurt, it's like I belong to a church. I go regularly.There were many, many years when I didn't, but I do now. And I. I've heard recently someone speaking from the pulpit in that church talking about how they were offended. Offended.They didn't really like our congregation and they were offended for this Reason and that reason. And here's the thing, it is not difficult to be offended.You can choose to take offense at any one of a number of things or you can choose to not be offended. That is a personal choice we all get to make. And so I choose to forgive in everyone, including myself. And I choose never to be offended.I choose to love with all my heart and to look for the good and the opportunity and the possibility. So here's another fear that I want to talk about. Fear of responsibility. What if it works?What if you write a powerful book, create a powerful talk or keynote, create a powerful product or service. What if you do those things and dream, build, write it. So I teach you how to do all that.Write a book, get it published, get a bestseller, create products, create cash, create a business from the story of your becoming, using the principles that you've learned. Not just making up crap, but real hardcore, hard won, battle tested principles that are yours.People might be afraid also that it works, okay, when you tell your story, you might feel like you have to do something with it. And you do.You have to write a book, you have to create an offer and speak the message, offer what you've learned and then you have to serve the people. I know I got a friend, ex client, not a current client, but a former client who's really good at building offers.And then he would sell stuff and then he didn't serve the people. And so then he got a reputation. And you know how that goes. It does take responsibility.You become visible, you get paid, you become someone that can be, you know, bashed or honored, someone that can be sought after or avoided. With that truth comes some responsibility. We, we become accountable for truth that we carry in, in my heart, mind and thought.That's a beautiful thing, That's a good thing because that increases my opportunity, your opportunity to add good to the world. So sometimes we pretend our story doesn't matter because we don't want the responsibility of using it.And if that's you, you know, you can live the life the way you want to.I think my experience with self and others has been that creating the story of your becoming, in other words, mining your life in a very specific way to get the principles and power that you own because of your journey.And then creating offerings, product services, whatever to the world and then helping people with that is the way to make the most income, most impact and have the most fun. I have never had as much joy and fun in my life as I'm having right now, period. And that comes from doing exactly those things.If your story, and if you want help with any of that again, dreambuildriteit.com the next challenge is pretty quick. After this is released, few weeks. The moment you own the gift, you inherit the responsibility. And it's true.And it's important to remember that because it is yours, it is uniquely yours. And that is cool, that is fun, that is joyful. And so you can let one of these reasons that we've talked about get in your way.But you'll be walking away from the most joyful path of your life. Your calling might feel exciting as long as it's inside of you.And it gets scary when it starts asking for your calendar because none of that stuff creates itself. We have to do the work to create the story, to mine our lives, to take responsibility for what we know and what we can help with.There's a way that I think about this forgiveness business. I'm thinking back to that comment I mentioned a minute ago, and that is this. There's three parts to forgiveness. You can't leave any of them out.Part one is fix what you can. If there are pieces of things that you've done wrong, no matter what it was, how big or small, fix what you can.And I say that because most of those serious things, betrayal, you know, abuse, those kinds of things, they can't be fixed. It can't be fixed all the way like it never happened. You can't. You can't fix them. I don't say they can't be fixed. You or I, we can't fix them, okay?Every effort is looked on with suspicion, you know, on and on. You know the drill. But you fix what you can. Don't shy away, you don't pretend it away. Take responsibility and fix what you can. That's step one.Step two is you.And this is the important when you change who you are because you or I, we were a certain person that was unkind or cruel or, you know, whatever the right words are, selfish. We were that, or we wouldn't have done the things that we now wish we hadn't done or that we feel terrible about that hurt one or many others.So changing who you are is critical because if you don't do that, it means nothing. So fix what you can. Change who you are. And the third piece is just as important, and that's add good to the world.In other words, live from that new changed place. Personal development, as you know, is a mountain without a top. Good. We're all hiking up the hill.And every step we take up the hill or every time around the mountain, on the circular spiral, on the spiral path, we have a higher vista and a better view. We're in a position to help more people add more good to the world.Extend a hand or a rope or whatever it is down to those that are not yet with us on that path. We have that opportunity, but only if we make a choice to add good to the world. So those three are the keys.Fix what you can, change who you are and then add good to the world. If you do that, you forgive yourself.You can forgive yourself even for serious mistakes, not by pretending them away, by taking responsibility and fixing what you can, changing who you are and then adding good to the world. All right, Another fear is related to this fear of being. You know, fear of it working is fear of having some kind of power.This might be the unexpected piece. People, maybe you fear having power. Now, no one, me or anyone else, we're not demanding that you step out and try to take power. Of course not.But when you truly change who you are and become what I described, a beacon of light, a vessel of love, and a conduit of power, not our power, but the power of the universe, the universal consciousness, the divine. I relate to that power as God, because when I died, I talked to a person.And so I wrote the book Meeting God at the Door, because that's who I talk to. But whatever you call it, there is that power.And when you tell the truth about yourself, when you fix what you can, change who you are and you add good to the world if you want and create products and services and offerings and become a beacon of light, a vessel of love, and a conduit of power in whatever context you live. Even if you have a job at a factory, you can still be the person who's a beacon of light, vessel of love, conduit of power.You don't have to be a coach or an entrepreneur or a speaker. You can do that in any circumstance. And your ability to add good to the world is going to be through who you are.It's also going to be through doing an outrageously good job at whatever your work is. So this is not limited to entrepreneurs and coaches and authors. And it is also for purpose driven businesses. It is also for every person has a job.Every person that's a father or mother or husband or wife or spouse or partner in a business. The more we, each of us choose to become the person, the maximum person we can be, that affects everyone around you and you have power.You then have the opportunity to lead, whether you have a formal position or not. You know exactly what I mean. In, in a certain group, people have attractive power, have charisma, have drawn, you know, draw people to them.Then it becomes quickly apparent if that's authentic or faked. It becomes quickly apparent if it's show or sham or if there's substance. You know that right away. So do I. We do. We have that feeling.And when you are authentic and you do the things that we've talked about, you mine your story, you use it not only to track your own growth, but to share it with others. You will accumulate power. You will accumulate people who look to you, who follow you. Maybe they're followers on some social.Maybe they're in your life, maybe they're in your church or community. But you have that power. And some people are afraid of that. Like, I, I don't want any of that. I don't want to be a leader.Well, then this path isn't for you. Because the path of vulnerability, the path of truth telling, the path of becoming everything that you can become.You know, I said the thing that we really have is a story of our own becoming. When you're willing to share that freely with others, you do accumulate influence and power. And so the question isn't, does that happen?The answer is, of course it does. The only question is, what are you going to do with it? You can pretend it away, you know, it's nothing, and minimize it all the time.You could try to misuse it and influence people and act like you've got control and try to get people to do things, try to sell them stuff they don't want or need. You could do all that. None of those are very useful.Some, some, you know, selling stuff people don't need because you have made yourself look cool, that's just sucks. That's harmful and wrong. My judgment, minimizing it and pushing it away is a misuse of your learning.I believe it's a misuse of your calling and opportunity. So many people say to me, nearly every person I talk to when I interview them for being a guest or when I just meet people, I want to help people.I want to help people. I want to help people. Okay, then be everything that you can be. Be the light. Change who you are. Fix what you can. Add good to the world. Mine your life.Examine and share the story of your becoming. That is the path to that kind of influence.And if you have, if you, if, if what you lived produced wisdom, then you're not a victim of events, you're a curator. I like to say you're an architect of your own life. I have a book that is.Will be out shortly called the Sovereign Architect, and it is 100% devoted to what I've learned over the last 20 years about creating life. Living a life that is created by design instead of default. Most of us live by default. We react to what happens. We do some creative things.We go get an education or we take a class and we want to get a promotion. And we live in this mini design world. And I'm talking about grand architecture. Your life is a cathedral. If you want it, it's a university.If you want it, it's a monumental contribution. You can describe the form I'm building, the ultimate life university.Not as a tribute to me, I couldn't care less about that, but as an opportunity for you to become sovereign, more sovereign. To own the truth of your worth. Identity, possibility, ownership and sovereignty. That's all that I'm about.And some people are afraid of that responsibility. And that if you. If you dive into the truth of who you become, you have power.If you use it wisely to serve and bless others, you'll get paid and paid well, and you deserve it. And you need to use it to expand your reach. And so if you want to do that, you can't hide in, I don't know, I'm not ready.Ooh, I don't know, maybe later. Or who am I to do that? Those are all nonsense statements. They're scary or they're scared. Then.Then you have the opportunity to live in those or overcome them. If you don't know how to do that, I'm happy to help because I have. I'm always a work in progress and so is everyone else.But I have learned to live in the power and truth of what I have become and to help others do the same. That's why my mission is to reach 300 million with whippos worth. Identity, possibility, ownership, sovereignty.And then to create 3000 millionaires and 300 deca millionaires. Not just money, but of people that are using their gifts, talents, life story to serve and bless. So that's my marker, my goal. And so. I don't know.I'm not ready. Maybe later. And maybe later. And who am I? Those are just camouflage things, okay? The only question that matters isn't the answer to any of those.The real answer that matters is am I willing to do the work, to become who I could be and then share the process. I want you to sit in that. If you want help with any of that, reach out with the contact form on your Ultimate Life podcast.If you have a story of doing that already or you're in the middle of it and you want to share it, same thing, reach out with contact form if you know you need to write your story and create a keynote and create products and services. Dream Build write it dot com. But whether you use any of my help or not, you're powerful. You're amazing.And some people are not afraid their story's too small. They're afraid it's too powerful. Someone is quoted as saying, you know, it's not our darkness that makes us afraid, it's our light.Sometimes that's absolutely true. And having power scares the daylights out of people that have made a made a home in hiding. And you don't want to be that.The story you refuse to tell, the story you refuse to tell may be the authority you keep looking for. You want to get out of obscurity. You want to have a following. You want to make a big difference. The power is in the story of your becoming.I have discovered that so deeply and over and over to myself, for myself. That's why I created Dream Build Write it because it is a container to help you understand and see the power of your story.Not mine, your power, not my life.And to see the audience that you might love and bless and to see the path to turn your story into a full blown business if you want to, in all kinds of ways. You know, products, coaching, speaking, workshops, teaching, whatever it is you want to do.But it has to start with something that's a powerful truth set of truths that you have to share. And you have those, you just haven't organized them yet. Or maybe you're living behind one of those fears.So this process here, Dream Build Write it is about learning to tell the truth cleanly and shape the story wisely so that it has the most impact. And pull out the powerful nuggets and messages and build service from those lived experiences and stop hiding behind fear.Again, the Dream Build Write it is the best program that I know about. But whether you use me or not, the purpose of this episode is to affirm your greatness, the need for. For your story and the story of your becoming.And to tell you that no matter what has come before, you matter now. And you can have big impact as you choose to serve others with your gifts, your life experience the story of your becoming.You have every right to expect and to live a beautiful, powerful life. But we have to build it. And if you do, there's nothing that can or will keep you today or any other day.Despite setbacks and difficulties, nothing can keep you from living your ultimate life. Open your heart. And this time around, right here, right now, your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything. If you want to know more, go to kellenflueckegermedia.com if you want more free tools, go here. Your Ultimate Life Subscribe Share.