Why You’ll Never Make Real Money Until You Change Who You Are

We talk so much about being something, but you know what? Who you are completely drives what you can build, especially your cash. Welcome to the show. Tired of the hype about living the dream?It's time for truth. This is the place for tools, power and real talk so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life. Subscribe, share, create.You have infinite power. Welcome back to your ultimate life. This series is about something that matters more than strategy and more than money.And if you think nothing matters more than money, you got, you got another thing coming. This stuff matters more than strategy, more than tactics, and more than anything you'll find you in a marketing book.You can talk about message, method, market match, all of those things that the great marketers teach and they all matter. I'm not negating any of those, but they are second order things. The first order of business is who we are.Here's how you actually create the life you want. It's not by doing a bunch of things, it's by becoming someone different.Because who you are today or who I am today built what I have today, what I enjoy, what I believe, what I do, how much money I have. Because that's who I am right now. Step one is for us to understand that and then change who we are.Because when we become the people who create this, a giant server room, but doesn't matter, AI boatloads of cash, everything else, then the creation of those is much easier. The easiest way to think about it is this.If I say to myself, let's say I'm 100 pounds overweight, there was a time in my life when I wasn't quite that much. It was 80 pounds overweight. So let's say I'm 80 pounds overweight.And if I say I'm going to do a diet and exercise and I'm going to get this weight off, it is a constant fight. I might have 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, 50 different diets and exercise regimes and they don't last.Or I lose some and it comes back, you know, the whole yo yo effect. If on the other hand, I become in my mind everything I see, think, feel and do a trim fit. Fit fit. That's not a word.A trim fit person, then the behaviors come naturally. I am a healthy eater. I am a person who exercises regularly, not crazy. I am someone who doesn't emotionally that's who I am.When I am that the behaviors follow automatically and without drama and without trauma. I've done it over and over again.I did lose the 80 pounds actually lost 90 and had to put a little bit back on because it was a little more than I wanted. Unfortunately, what I put on was muscle. So that was a really powerful demonstration of that. But it works with cash and everything else.So let's talk about how to do this, because it isn't. It's perfect to build wealth, piles of cash. So we have to become wealthy.In our minds, that means what we believe, how we act, what we think, how we steward or take care of the wealth that we already have. All those things come first because if they come second, we never get there.So today we're going to dive deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper into what it means to actually create your life. One choice, one interpretation, one moment at a time. Okay? So you don't build first, you become first.And that's easy to say and it might sound confusing. Here's a way to think about it. An architect starts with an idea and they see it in their mind's eye.They see, what is it, you know, postmodern, mid century, you know, like Frank Lloyd Wright stuff like, you know, Gothic style, Victorian. What do they see? Then the next thing is they build a plan that is detailed about how to realize that.And then blueprints and more and more detailed stuff. Then the execution becomes easy.What we do over and over again, especially when we're trying to make money online with products and services, is we go right to the do. We rush in and buy another program, bso, bright shiny object, buy another promise, buy another, you know, attractive thing.All we have to do is follow this formula, right? And then suddenly it's all going to work just like it did for so and so. Never going to happen.And yet billions upon billions, tens of billions of dollars are spent on chasing this dream. Because we think all we got to do is buy the right formula and then do it. That's the slow way. And you, most of the time, the never get there way.You have to become first now, become sounds, woo, woo. But just like in the example of fitness, I'll give you another example. Playing the piano, a skill that I've developed.But I want you to substitute something that you've done.As I tell this story, when I go to learn a difficult piece of music, some Chopin etudes or Rachmaninoff or Tchaikovsky things or whatever, when I go to do that, you know what I do? I listen to those who perform it. I listen to several different interpretations over and over again.And I get the feeling in my blood and my mind and my eyes and my ears and I move And I feel the thing, and I become the expression of that music. And then I go to work working out the technical pieces to make it happen.And it's so much more powerful if you sit down and do the technical pieces first. You might even get so that most or all of them are done. But you've seen performers that are mechanical, and you just know something's off.It's the same thing with making sales.So you're talking to someone and you've got a pitch memorized that points out all the beautiful, powerful, important things about what you're selling. And it doesn't work. And it doesn't work. And it doesn't work. And you go, what the frick is wrong? And the answer is, you don't believe it.You haven't become it. You're not in the thing. And so it's. It's a little bit difficult to describe precisely.So we use these examples, but we're pointing at this thing of becoming married to the product, married to the idea, married to the truth of who you are. Okay, so one of the things that solves is integrity. People often think, ah, what should I tell the truth?Well, if you are integrity, then that's never a question. I am integrity. I do not speak anything that's not true.So one of my statements in my ptac, because I had such trouble with that, I was a pathological liar. I lied all the time about everything to, quote, protect myself or manage people or manage my circumstance.One of my statements is simple, and it's for me. I'm not saying this for you. I am my word. I speak only truth. I do what I say, and I am who I seem. So there's no deception.I am who I seem with no camouflage, duplicity, or guile, with transparency and integrity. I needed that statement, and I say it every single day of my life, every day, without fail, sometimes more than once.Not because I'm tempted to lie all the time, but because I want to be that person so that in every situation, whether it's a surprise or not, I am my word, period. So that applies to everything, including tangible things like cash.People seem to think it breaks down when you're talking about the real stuff, the green. It doesn't break down. It is the foundation. All right, so here's the thing to think about. That is what it means to become first.Now, since becoming is a mountain without a top, then you could say, well, then I'll never get to do anything because I'm always becoming till I croak that's true. And you can do them in parallel.Because if your heart and your energy and your focus and your love is always in that becoming, and I'm not telling you what to become, but if I ask you who you are, can you tell me? I don't mean your profession.I don't mean your roles like husband or wife or spouse or mother or father or child or business owner or dentist or attorney. Those are all roles. If you strip all of those away, you spiritually naked, as it were, who are you? Well, here's some ideas.You're a child of the divine. You have infinite worth. Your capabilities are without limit. I don't know what you're doing with him. You own your life. You have agency.You are free to choose who you are and what you do. Those are things nobody can take away from you.I have statements that I use every day because I want to remind myself every day, including this morning. I never skip, ever, ever, ever. Why? Because I want to make sure I remember it's not a performance for anybody else. I want to make sure I remember.So I am love pouring over your soul like warm sunshine to create miracles in the moment. Right? I am my word. I said that one already. I am focused. I am committed because I speak it.You know, there's lots of pieces that I say to remind myself of who I am. Now who I am doesn't matter to you. But most people I ask cannot say who they are.They talk to me in terms of what they're doing or what they want to have happen. And it is so easy to create when you are being that thing. All right, so here is the order in which creation takes place. One is your identity.Who are you? Two is energy from that place of identity. You know, with the way I say it is, I am a. I am a child of almighty God.I'm a disciple and friend of Jesus Christ. That identity creates an energy in me and it drives how I do everything that I do. So identity is first and that creates energy and then comes action.But it's action driven from that place. And then the results come and the results are powerful and they're always aligned with that identity and the energy that comes from that.So I just want you to remember that that is the order. And if you do it in a different order, then you're defaulting.The identity could be I'm a desperate person who just needs to frickin make more money and I can't make ends meet. And that means everything I create is from that energy. Of doubt, fear, desperation, struggle and all the rest.And you might be getting by day to day, week to week, month to month, but it is in that painful, hard place instead of a joyful place of creation that is all ours as divine beings to control. So let's talk for a minute about why people do this backwards. Why do we just over and over and over and over again do it backwards?Well, there's several reasons. We try action first, right?And we say, if I do all this stuff, I work really hard and do it, then I'll make good money and then I'll feel good and I can go add good to the world and be a philanthropist. That's backwards and it's never going to work. But we do it because that's what we are taught over and over again to do.I want you to think about this. Everything we measure is external. What you do, what you do, do you fit in? Do you do your homework a certain way?Do you follow certain rules, all of these externalities.And on top of that, whether it's home or religion or society or political parties, I just saw on TV today there's a whole bunch of rallies in the U.S. i'm in Canada, but in the U.S. about, I think they called them no kings rallies. I, I understand the sentiment, but I'm laughing because there's nothing about the United States administration that even smells like a king.Kings just do stuff and everybody follows. That isn't happening in the US and, and everybody that thinks it is is nuts. Absolutely not looking at reality, and I'm not on any political side.But it's just funny when you think about dictators, when you think about kings, when you think about sovereigns who do that sort of stuff, there's no pushback. They just cause things to happen. And nothing is further from the truth in the U.S. but anyway, that's beside the point.It's just funny watching it from another country, the noise that's getting made in that context. But we are taught by our media that everything's got to be solvable in the length of a TV sitcom, download and double click.And if I can't solve this problem right here, right now, and something's wrong with them, with the system. If I don't, if I go to a store and I don't get an immediate resolution exactly the way I want it, well, then something's wrong with them.And so who I'm being at that point is arrogant, entitled, inconsiderate, demanding. And then all the results I create are going to come from that energy. Well, I promise from my own experience, that energy never leads to happy.I've never seen an arrogant, demanding jerk who is truly happy.They may feel smugly satisfied for a moment that they crammed their will down somebody else's throat, but I have never met an arrogant, selfish person who is truly, deeply happy. Never happen. It's an act, and it's pretend.I haven't met everybody in the world, but I've certainly met many, many, many tens of thousands in interviews and events and places I've been spoken to and the thousands of people I've interviewed and on and on and on, and I've never met one that meets that criteria. So instead of arguing with a design of the universe, let's work with it. It's an acorn, has all of the blueprint of the oak tree in it.But if the acorn tried to become an oak by acting contrary to the blueprint, it would never work. You and I, we are divine beings. We are built to love and serve one another.If we act contrary to that and do arrogance and hatred and selfishness and everything, it has to lead to unhappiness. There's no other way. The DNA of happy is love and service. I just want you to think about that for a minute. Okay? You.The title I gave today is from who you are to what you build. So we talked about. Who we are is first. Always, always, always first. Now, let's get out of any abstraction at all. We create ourselves.Every day, if I get up and I just get out of bed and I look at the phone and I check the news and check some emails, and what I've done is I've given energetic control, control of my mood and attitude to the news or to whatever articles I'm reading. I. I've handed that over to something else.If, on the other hand, I wake up and the first thing I do is remind myself, and I know this works, because this is what I do every day, right? I remind myself I'm a child of God. I love every single person. I'm not angry or mad at anyone, ever.I am forgiveness with compassion, grace, and patience for everyone, for everything, including myself. I just remind myself of that every morning without fail, and sometimes, often during the day. And so that's creating who I am. And here's the thing.I don't have a list that somebody gave me that says, you need to do this, Kellen. These are all my choices. I've lived other ways.I've lived life where I'm only worried about me, where I'm busy making all the money I can, where I don't care about what other happens to other folks, and I just do what I need. I got mine, that. That kind of thing. I've lived that kind of life. And it goes to misery.Now I'm living a different kind of life and it goes to happiness every single day. So, because I prepare that. Here's a funny thing. It happened yesterday. I got a. I got a voice text from someone.It's someone that owes me money and has owed me for a couple of years. And the voice text was interesting because they said they hoped that someday we could get back to being okay.They were definitely going to pay me and they were sorry, you know, profuse, several apologies and so forth. And from their point of view, they needed to do that.I guess they felt guilty because they owed me and owed me for a long time and broke many commitments about when they were going to pay. And I never hassled him because I don't live there. But what was interesting is the reaction that I had as I listened to that voicemail.I listened to it and my reaction was one of. I was sad because they felt this thing. I was delighted that they said to themselves and then to me, I need to get back in integrity.I need to square this away. I love that for them because I know what it's like to live not in integrity.I know what it's like to lie and to hide and to pretend and to hope nobody knows and to hate myself a little or a lot because I'm out of integrity. So the feeling that I had as I listened was sadness. I was sad for them that they felt all that.I was glad for them, that they were determined to get it back in integrity. And they gave me some new dates and a schedule about how this and that was going to happen. And I was delighted.Not because I need the money, even though every. All of us, we need money to live and pay rent and house payments and vacays and food and utilities and whatever. Now gas prices have gone up.Okay, you know, we need cash to pay for those things. But that wasn't the focus. That wasn't the experience I had. I had an experience of sadness for their feeling of not being worthy.I had a feeling of delight because they were choosing to get back in integrity.And then I had a feeling of empathy because they had the idea that I was somehow mad or had ever been mad or that somehow that made me not want to be in relationship with them. None of that was true. So I sent a message back expressing that. That there was no negativity on my part, nor had there ever been.And that my love for them had not changed one molecule.When they didn't pay me, when they broke their commitments, and now that they have committed to pay this money, my feeling toward them had stayed the same. Then it's not because I don't need money or we all don't, whatever, none of that because. But it was because that's who I choose to be.And that's an example. It's personal. And I'm referring to me and a person who owes me money and has for a while. But I'm trying to explain to you how this creation works.I was never disturbed about the lack of money being paid. I was never disturbed about that person. And so it allowed me to just love them and be glided for them when they were in a position to make good.And we'll see, you know, we'll see how it happens and so forth as the next few weeks unfold. So that is how. It's how this works.If when we take actions first, they fail or they are empty or hollow, when we have identity first, everything that follows is joyful. I heard a talk by a guy called Happiness Equation.And he was a senior vice president, a very large corporation and had done all the right things to climb up the ladder in the company and so forth. And he said, you know, we have it all backwards. If I work really hard, then I'll have a bunch of things and then I'll be happy.And he turned it on his head and he wrote a book about it. And that was his keynote. And he was speaking in many places. And he'd since left the job because he became an ambassador.Ambassador Ness ambassador with a message of happy. He said, be happy first and then you do things from that place and then wealth will accumulate. And I. It's true.And being happy first is not difficult. It is weird because we don't have that habit. But if we create that habit, then we get to have that first. Not here's a book.This will tell you how to do that. Living with Purpose and Power. Living with Purpose and Power is a book that'll tell you how to do that.How to be happy first and be happy all the time. And from that, the world is your oyster, as it were. Now, I have a couple of invitations for you. See this right here? Dream Build. Write it dot com.If you have a story to tell, if you have a story that you have been living an extraordinary thing of overcoming some difficult set of challenges. I want you to go there because I have a system there to turn your story into a hundred thousand dollars. I've done it. I know how to do it.I'll share it with you. Dreambuildriteit.com from your personal story to 100 grand with that hundred grand.And actually, as it accumulates, you get joy, you get happiness, and you get influence. But people seem to respond to that dollar sign most. The truth is, the most valuable thing is happiness.The second invitation that I have for you is this one. YourUltimate Life podcast dot com. That's what this is, your ultimate life podcast.And if you'd like to share your message on the show as a guest, I'd like to have you go to YourUltimateLifePodcast.com and there's a contact form. Go there and let's talk. The third invitation is if I say all this stuff to you and you don't know how to do it, same thing.Ultimatelifepodcast.com contact form. Let's talk, because I can help you get it done. So let's talk about this. How does this happen? How does this happen?Let's get right down to the nitty gritty. We are taught by the world around us to look out for ourselves first. We are taught to not care very much about what happens to others.That's the prevailing wisdom. Now, religions and spiritual traditions teach us to love one another, and that is the right thing or it is the most powerful thing.I won't say right or wrong, you're going to do whatever you want. Love is first. Love is first. And it feels like the hardest to do because I think it was Jesus that said, love your enemies.But I'm sure he's not the only one that has said that. When we learn to just love people, we have power. Hate carries power, too, but hate is a destructive power and love is a building power.Hate destroys love, creates fear destroys love, creates love is the foundation. Now here's what happens. I love you. I don't need to know you. I don't need to see you. I love you. You're a divine being. You've got gifts and talents.And every person that I meet, I'm in absolute awe of your coolness.What that does is that creates a connection because we're both divine beings and we both came from the same place and you have amazing gifts and talents. And when I love you or you love someone else, you. You create quick connection. When I choose to listen to you deeply. Like there's.There's listening where I'm. There's listening where I'm looking at my watch and wishing you'd shut up. You know, that's really creepy listening, and nobody likes that.Then there's polite listening where. Huh? Huh? Yeah, yeah, huh. Oh, really? Huh. And nobody. It's better than the other, but it's not much better.Then there is learned listening, where we have this reflect. Oh, wow, you're saying this. And okay. And it. It sounds formulaic, but again, it's way better because at least we're engaging.And then there's another kind of listening that is emotional and true, where I'm listening to you with everything I've got, with my eyes, with my ears, with my heart, with my spirit, with my whole body. And I'm not thinking about what to say or anything. I'm just here listening to you.Now, I don't know where you fall on that spectrum, and maybe you fall at different places. If something interests you, you might be closer to the ideal or perfect listening.And if it doesn't, you might be closer to the look at your watch stuff. But how we listen to things, especially people, that's a learned skill. See, I want you to think about why this being things matters.If I love you just if I really love you, then it's way easier for me to listen to you with everything I've got. Way easier to do that. Why? Because I love you. I care about you. I want you to win.I want you to be happy when that's who I am, I'm just in love with you.Then listening just with my whole body and my spirit and my eyes and my ears and my soul and my smile and everything else, or you listening to someone else like that, that's way easier to do. Just like if I'm a fit person in my heart, it's way easier to stick to an eating or an exercise program because I'm a fit person. So I am.So that's why being love is the invincibly powerful place to start. Now when we listen to others and we learn to listen way closer to this side than the, you know, look at your watch and we should shut upside.The further we get over here, you know what else happens? We build trust.They did a study at Harvard where they talked about listening skills and they had two people have a conversation and then they rated each other as to intelligence. And I've talked about this study before and there's been more than one. You know what was funny?The people that got rated the highest intelligence are the ones that listened best. Isn't that funny? You'd think that you'd need to hear their brilliance in order to rate them intelligent.No, we rated people as intelligent when they listened to us.I don't know if it's because we think we're smart and they're smart for listening to us or what, but I think that's much emotionally, much deeper emotionally than that. So when we learn to listen and to be over here on this side of listening as opposed to that, then we create trust.When you feel deeply heard, fully seen, that creates a feeling of trust, a bond. That's again, how you be something first. I am that. I listen to you like you've never been heard. And I see your power and possibility.Guess what that is?Those are a couple of sentences out of my preparation every day to remind myself that I love you, you're divine, and I really, really want to listen to you. I also know that that works in sales, it works in coaching, it works in enrolling clients, it works in relationships all over the place.Whoever listens the best wins always. And if you listen with love, everybody is blessed and lifted up when there's trust. So love creates connection, listening creates trust.And then the next thing is to serve. My three magic words are love, create, serve. Another way to describe that is to love, listen and serve.Okay, serve can be anything, like soup kitchen kind of thing. I've done that, you've done that. But we can serve everybody.Sometimes we serve them just by loving them, by giving them positive energy, as opposed to walking by, as opposed to ignoring them, opposed to being. As opposed to being lost in our own thoughts. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Love everybody. Get out of your own head. Be in love.You do what you want as a possibility. It'll change your world. You'll be happier, and people will wonder what you've been eating and they'll want some.When you do those things, when you love and you create and you serve and you listen like that, you. Here's what else it creates. It creates authority. People would then listen more to what you have to say because you have listened to them.When you speak, then people lean in. I've seen it over and over again. It creates some magnetism. People want to be around those who listen to them because it feels so good.The other thing is, it creates is opportunity. When people have been truly listened to, it's easy to find opportunities.And maybe there isn't a match, you know, a business opportunity or A social opportunity. Maybe it's not there, but it's way easier to find them when you've been listening deeply. It's incredible. There's nothing like it.If you choose to live in love and you choose to listen to people with nothing else on your mind except listening to them and making them the only person in the universe at that moment, you unlock magic that you can hardly imagine. So opportunities just explode. And I've seen this over and over again.Now, I want to tie this whole thing because we started at the beginning about saying how backwards it is to take actions before you become. Now let's tie it to cash.Because the ultimate life is purpose prosperity, which includes financial prosperity, relationship prosperity, prosperity in your connection with the divine, in your love of yourself, in every possible way. So let's tie it to money. I want you to think about this.If you are talking to prospects and they feel like you care about them a lot and you're listening to them in that intense way, just those two things. Do you think it's easier or harder to sign clients? A million. A million times easier. Maybe 10 million times easier. I don't know. Way easier. Why?Because people want to be around you. Because you're listening like that. Because they sense that you really care. So clients come easier, Easier, easier. We do business with people.Guess what we know, like and trust. We've all heard that, right? So relationships deepen. It's easy and attractive to be around people who love you and who listen to you.And if you become that, then people will want to be around you and your relationships will deepen. The next thing that happens is opportunities multiply. There's two reasons. When there's safety and trust between people, you're more creative.So you can think of things that in an era of superficial relationship, you wouldn't think of, right? When there's connection and trust, opportunities show up that I just hadn't thought of that we could do that.So opportunities multiply because you're more creative. And they multiply because there is deeper trust. Now, love and listening is not something you can pretend. Service is not something you can pretend.You can go through the motions, but the energy is off. And you've been in conversations where you're talking to somebody and the energy is just like, just off, right? And you're like, what's wrong?Are they lying? Is there some gotcha here? You know it. You have a BS meter. We all do.On the other hand, when the BS meters at zero and the sincerity meters banging in the red zone, then you, you know, you lean in and you trust more. So that creates more and more opportunities because we do business with people we trust and who make us feel safe and who we make feel safe.And those are things of becoming. They are not a jacket you put on. They aren't. You have to be them or everybody's meter goes off.It's like the proverbial used car salesman that just trying to sell you something. It's pushy. Or the door to door vacuum or encyclopedia salesman or whatever. You hate it. So do I. So don't be that.And the answer isn't go learn a better sales script. Go learn a better networking script. The answer is be in love with yourself and with every person.Exercise not your muscle this way, but your give a crap muscle. Learn to care. Learn to turn off your own needs and just listen to people. You'll find that it creates magic.I know it, I've seen it, I teach it, I live it. And it creates magic every day. So that's fabulous and true. So there's a couple of things I want to leave you with as we get ready to wind up today.I want to remind you. Dreambuildriteit.com turn your life journey into a hundred thousand dollars. That's where to go do that.YourUltimate Life podcast.com the contact form.If you have a story you'd like to share or you want some help because you've heard what I've said and it's like I want to have that certainty, that success, that prosperity, but I don't know how or if you've got a story to share. I'd love to be your amplifier if you want to know what else we're up to. This one down here.Kellenflukermedia.com Kellenfluker media.com that'll tell you all the things that we're up to besides what you're seeing today. Now your life is built from who you are. That is the fundamental truth today is about from who you are to what you create.You start with who you are and then what you build is easy. It's easy to make money from a place of integrity and love. It's easy to create relationships, it's easy to create partnerships.The work isn't a cooler sales script, better ways to overcome objections, or any of those. It is learning to live from a place of love and integrity. A higher vibration if you want to get. Woo woo.I was talking to a guy yesterday that has this cool stuff. Oh man, it's kind of like human design or astrology.But you give your birth info and it then picks four frequencies for you that are built to your own life. And if you listen to music built around those frequencies, it energizes you.Now, I just got this, so I'm trying it out, and I listened to just a little yesterday, but not enough so that I can say anything yet, but I'm going to. But it makes sense, because every person is completely unique. You are a divine being. You are a child of God is what I call that.You can call it whatever you want. You and me, we're children of God. We're built to love and serve each other.When we remember that, and every word and every action and every friendship and every networking meeting and every conversation is from that place, business becomes joyful, life becomes delightful, and the truth of who you are shines through in every conversation. When that happens, you know what the byproducts are of living like that? Wealth, impact and meaning. Wealth, impact and meaning.That's how I define the ultimate life. I have no doubt, none whatsoever, that this is yours if you want it. Now, learning to live like that, that's, you know, that's some work.But so is losing 80 pounds or becoming a champion snowboarder or playing the piano or painting or whatever it is that you do better than anyone in the world. Don't let anything stop you. Fiercely own your life. Serve with empathy and love, and nothing will get in the way of you creating your ultimate life.Never hold back and you'll never ask why. Open your heart. And this time, time around, right here, right now, your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything. If you want to know more, go to kellenfluker media.com if you want more free tools, go here.Your ultimate life ca subscribe Stand with your heart in the sky and your feet on the ground.