Stop Outsourcing Your Life. Nobody Is Coming to Rescue You.

So what if you really decided that you gave an F U C K and really quit outsourcing your life?Let's see.Welcome to the show.Tired of the hype about living the dream?It's time for truth.This is the place for tools, power and real talk so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life.Subscribe, share, create.You have infinite power.Welcome to your ultimate life, the podcast to create, purpose, prosperity and joy.Now, I don't cuss in my daily life, and I don't.I used to.There was a time, more than one time in my life where I thought it was a symbol of something and prove something I don't know.And so I did.And there was some periods in my life where I cussed a lot, like drunken sailor bad.And I don't anymore.My vocabulary doesn't include those.And yet, yes, I'm using the acronym of, you know, one of the most offensive cuss words.I'm doing it a little bit to get some attention.That's why this exact acronym sort of exists at all.I'm observing something in culture and social media, in politics, in institutions, relationships and ordinary conversation.And here's kind of what it is.We've become really extraordinarily skilled at identifying who is responsible for our dissatisfaction.And we are flipping remarkably weak at asking a question that's more important, which is what is ours to do?So what the hell are we doing?Here's what I'm noticing.Okay, it's election season in the U.S. now, I live in Canada, but Joy and I are dual national.So I was born in San Francisco and Joy was born in Canada.So we've swapped and adopted each other's countries together.But anyway, in the US it's election season and here's what I notice.Every news program and every advertisement tells us that civilization as we know it is on the ballot.Every side is like catastrophizing the other.It's blaming somebody.I watch one news program report on an event and another report on the same event, and it's like we're on different planets.Everybody blames somebody, everybody is promising rescue and describing villains and warns of disaster.And on top of that, each side is claiming some kind of unique moral superiority or legitimacy.And it's sad because all of it is not true.And that means, what that actually means is we can't trust anything we see.We can't trust what we hear, we can't trust a lot of what we read because the viewpoint of the writer speaker is so infused in it, that we have to understand that.And that doesn't mean we can't synthesize and be intelligent and ferret the truth out in the middle.But that becomes a responsibility.And it isn't just in politics, it's in daily life.So here's some phrases.Think about this.You know, my employer won't, whatever it is, pay for this, do this, give me that.The government should, you know, should do this, should do that, should not do this, should repeal this, should abolish this, should, you know, you're hearing it, too.My spouse or partner, they make me, whatever, emotionally make me mad, or they make me do this or that.You hear it, it's just everywhere.Some more things are like, you know, rich people.And then they go on a tirade about all the errors, problems, and struggles and bad things about rich people.This is particularly noticeable in the US Election landscape right now, where you've got a democratic socialist, got a socialist movement that's gaining ground, and I understand that.And there are social inequities, and the language vilifying rich people is.Is obscene and crazy.Then you have the opposite side, where people say, you know, poor people, they ought to do this, Work harder, get more educated, quit complaining.You hear that, too?Or they ought to be protected, they ought to be lifted up, they ought to be given compensation and reparations.But it's always somebody else ought to do something about that problem.Another thing is age differences.You know, boomers, they all think this or feel that, or millennials.And then the tirade.Or immigrants, you know, they're responsible.They should write.Another one is corporations.They are.Right.And then the list of sins and ills.Schools, they ought to do this better.Or they ought to replace parents entirely.They're the bastion of good indoctrination.And others say schools are taking away parental rights, you know, but it's always this vilification and finger pointing.Churches, oh, religion this or religion that.Algorithms, right?We just had this landmark settlement of some billion dollars about the addictive nature of algorithms.I think somebody, some group of people sued Meta.And then there's, of course, a bunch of other platforms that are quivering in their shoes and boots right now because of the same thing.Another one that you're going to laugh about.Politicians, all of them, they, whatever.And then, you know, each politician is busy in the corner saying, yeah, that's true for them, but I'm different.And it gets to be laughable because, you know that the only thing that's being spoken or presented or shown is the most positive way of doing things while bashing everybody and everything else.And.And you're hearing all this, too.But this is what I'm observing and why I. I've titled this show and the next several with this potentially offensive title.And let's observe here that sometimes those criticisms for each of those categories are legit.Institutions fail.Governments can overreach.Corporations can and have exploited.Families can wound.People are abused.Systems and structures can create real barriers.All those things are true, and I'm sure you've come up against them, too.I.Funny thing, just before recording this show today, I. I got a notice from Revenue Canada a few days ago, and it said that I'd missed something and I was busy preparing for the Book Challenge, which is next week, so I didn't do anything about it.And I'm recording this on a Saturday morning.So I went in and I tried to create an account with Revenue Canada, and it says, my account is locked out.And I thought, huh?And then it says, I need to get help and talk to somebody.Oh.And they only work Monday through Friday.So there's a barrier.I can't do this until Monday, and Monday's the first day of the challenge, and maybe I'll have time Monday morning.Point is, it's another barrier.So given the fact that all those things are true, that things fail and people are crooked and governments overreach or underreach and fraud is rampant and everybody's looking out for themselves and families wound, all of those things.So the real question for us is, and then what?Let's stipulate that all of those possibilities above are true in some respect, some more than others.And then what?That's the real question.Because we've become really good at pointing out the problems, screaming at the bad guys and saying they ought to fix this.And so the real question for us to contemplate is, what is the place where I stop making a list of what everybody else ought to do and start asking what the hell am I going to do?Because the observation I have is that everybody's waiting to be rescued.Everybody's waiting for somebody else to make it right.And when I watch these election stump speeches and campaigns of everybody, I'm going to be the one to go wherever, to some capital, whether it's Washington or Ottawa or some state or provincial capital, and I'm going to fix it.Nonsense.Individually, you don't have the power to do anything.Collectively, we do all of this.And so rule number one is I got to Figure out how to get along with everybody, even with other opposing points of view so we can get anything done.Because if all I do is screen point fingers and promise I'm going to fix it, you know, right, straight up, that's a lie.That is straight up garbage speak.Because nobody can change individually the institutions.People have accused in the United States, Donald Trump of being a dictator, and that's absolute nonsense.The courts, you know, disavow this and disallow that.And Congress won't do some of the things that he wants and he can't make them.So the idea that he's a dictator is ludicrous.So the question I want you to think about, and I'm posing for us here, is where do I stop making the list, pointing fingers and shouting bad and ask what I'm going to do and what I can do?Because that's the doorway here.So here's some honesty.This is not a campaign ad and I'm not telling you or anybody else what to think.I have typically voted as a Republican.I'm a conservative, very much a fiscal conservative.Debts are too big, spending is too high, et cetera.So the reason I've generally voted that way because I really like individual responsibility.I really like the idea of agency, personal choice and agency, of ownership, of enterprise, of creation, of entrepreneurship, all that sort of stuff.The idea of freedom, meaning my, my right or capability to choose what I want to be and then create it.And I like the idea of limited external control.Those things resonate with my lived experience up to 70.And I'm not, I'm socially more liberal, so fiscally conservative.And I think that we have a, we have a need as a compassionate society to take the wealth and do better with it because we have staggering wealth in the G7 and particularly in the US they're staggering wealth.And so more compassion, more opportunity, that is, that is required also.So while I've typically voted, as I mentioned, Republican, I'm not, you know, I, I, I have other leanings and feelings about how we ought to care for each other.Vulnerable people should be protected.Fairness should be a governing principle.And you know, what is fair is, you know, going to be a subject of robust debate and conversation.I do have a concern about concentrated private power.I do have a concern about power being, you know, concentrated in the hands of a few, frankly, whether it's a few wealthy people or a few politicians who looks to me like are trying to create one party rule on both sides.So while that's been my typical Voting, it doesn't accurately describe where I am.And I think a lot of people are like that because the concerns of both sides, and this, again, this is not a political conversation.This is a human conversation.Nobody's concerns are inherently stupid or evil or wrong or misplaced.Freedom itself can be abused as an excuse not to care about anybody else.And we can't live like that.So we are built to love and serve each other.So for me, it isn't one party good, other party bad.It's about ideas and about love.And nobody's got a monopoly on that.Nobody's got a monopoly on caring more than other people.How we show that compassion and what we do is important.So hear this.Whatever your politics, whatever, whoever you voted for last time or next time, have you handed your life to somebody else?Because when we stand around and scream about the macro and the micro is out of order, we're not, we're not living it.We're not contributing to the solution.We're contributing to the problem.And I hold the mirror up to myself.If I'm not acting in accordance with truth, fairness and love, then I'm part of the problem.Someone can preach capitalism and live still in victimhood.Somebody can support robust public programs and still exercise extraordinary personal agency.Those are not mutually exclusive.Politics doesn't confer sovereignty.The idea that one set of ideas is better than the other, and we won't even engage in conversation because you're too stupid to know what's right, that will never solve a problem.All that's ever done is lead to dictatorship.Like, you know, by.By demonizing the other side, whatever it was, and making Jews the scapegoat.For example, in the 30s, that's how the Hitler came to power.But that's not the only example.What confers sovereignty is our ownership of our individual choices.So here's where I want to talk about something I mentioned before.I call it the swamp.And you've heard these words before.The swamp is a. I call it a swamp because it feels sludgy.If you've ever traipsed through a swamp where every step you're sinking up to your ankles or maybe even your calves or maybe your knees, that's really bad.But if you're, you know, that is how you walk.It's, it's, it's slow, it's cumbersome, it's tiresome, and you don't make a lot of progress.I remember riding horses on my uncle's dairy farm in Wyoming.And there were there were three or four, three or four 40 acre pastures.And three of them had enough water, natural groundwater, that there were swamps in them, you know, muddy, mucky swamps.And mostly we didn't walk through them.Although sometimes you jumped off the horse.Mostly I rode on a horse.And you had to carefully thread your way through because if you, you know, you were riding the horse and you got into a swamp and the horse was sinking, you know, two thirds of the way up to their knees, they got nervous and they began pulling and, and bucking a bit.And I remember more than once, not a lot, but a couple of times I was thrown and landed, you know, on my back or side or face in the mud.So the swamp has some characteristics.One is learned helplessness.That means that we.It contributes to the.Everybody else is at fault because I have learned, I've learned a truth.I'm helpless.That's never true, but we act like it is.And so then we go with my action won't matter.Nothing that I do counts.Another way to describe this, a little nuance, is an addiction to mediocrity, which is as good as it gets.I can't have more, so I'll just settle for what I got.And there are some, you know, policy proposals, whether it's politics or in society in general, that, that says that it's got a great sort of this is as good as you get mentality and that, you know, I'm opposed to that growth.Prosperity is real and everybody can have it.It's not more of me is less for you because there's an infinite amount.The third name for this swamp is victim mindset.And that one way to think of it is somebody else has got the authorship of my future.I'm a victim no matter what.Victim of old stuff, new stuff, past stories in my own life, past inherited ancestral trauma or societal trauma.And therefore somebody's got authorship of my future.And I just reject all three of those out of hand.And those can exist in any income bracket.They can exist in any religion.They can exist in any world view.They can exist in any country, in any profession, in any political party, and in any family.The swamp isn't poverty per se.It's not illness.It's not like hardship.What it is is my relationship to my circumstance.The swamp begins when some circumstance gets authority over my identity.So sit with that.The, the, the doctrine or thinking that I use for myself and clients and authors, you know, people that I help write their life story and then turn it into value for the Marketplace is wipos W I P O S. And it is this principle worth.My value isn't granted by circumstance.Your worth is inherent.My identity.I choose who meets the moment.Like you and I, we came from somewhere.You know that the essence of your being came from somewhere.And it doesn't disappear when the body stops functioning.You're a child of the divine, however you think of that.The P stands for possibility, which is the present does not exhaust the future.Think of it that way.Nothing going on in the present exhausts what's available in the future.There is possibility there.Ownership is that this life.And that means each moment is mine to work with, it's not somebody else's.And sovereignty is the S in W I P O S. Sovereignty is becoming the author, the designer.Design, build, live your ultimate life.The author rather than just a commentator about, you know, the unfairness or whatever it is.So now I want to talk about why I'm using that acronym that spells that word that's so offensive.Y, F U C, K. So here's the, here's the story of that acronym.I wanted some language about how I intend and how I am showing up with the message that I'm just delivering and have been delivering.Your worth, identity, possibility, ownership and sovereignty.We're built to love and serve.Anything is possible.You, you create, you know, you get what you look for, you find what you seek, all that kind of stuff.I wanted some language to show up how I mean to describe how I'm going to show up with that.Not just what I believe, but how I'm going to communicate that message.So each of those letters, because it's an acronym, stands for something.F is for fierce.Now that doesn't mean angry.It doesn't mean not listening.It doesn't mean blaming or bitter.It just means fierce.And we'll talk a little more later.You is unapologetic.I absolutely honor everybody's right to think whatever they want.And I am not in any universe going to apologize for what I know from my own experience to be true, which is our capability to create our lives.C is consistent because nobody remembers a one hit wonder.We can all think of a few music industry or there was a big deal, one big hit group or song and then they sort of vanished.One hit wonder.Consistency is key, both for our own growth and if we want to have an impact in the world.And the fourth one is kind.Because without kindness as the container, all those other attributes become offensive.So I know exactly what it spells and that's why I remember it.And I'm going to make a T shirt with that acronym on it and the meanings, because apparently the universe knew I needed an acronym I wouldn't forget.And goodness knows that word is being splattered across everywhere all the time now.We've somehow normalized it when before it wasn't spoken in polite society.And now 75% of the newly created television programs have people swearing and using that a lot.So here's the stance.Fierce means this message of whippos, of getting out of that swamp and getting to what we'll talk about later, which is the marvelous mountain meadow of fierce life ownership, radical excellence, and a passion for service.But fierce means this.This message that I have to share from my own life experience without making you wrong.I'm just sharing what I know.It matters enough that I will not, I refuse to, to sleepwalk through it.Bold, clear and inviting, unapologetic.I'm not going to apologize for truth that I know viscerally in my body because I've experienced it over and over again just because it creates some discomfort, good.Maybe it will cause some thinking.And again, it's not about making anyone wrong, but about being clear what I think.Consistent.This means that who I am on some Wednesday afternoon is the same.Not just when I'm emotionally fired up doing podcasts, interviews, giving talks, whatever.I'm the same dude, morning, tonight, every day.And the last one is kind.And this to me is so important because whether you agree or disagree, whether you love me or hate me or don't even care, I love you.And you and every other person remain infinitely valuable.Infinitely valuable.Even if I disagree with your ideas, your choices, your behavior, or your politics.All of that is completely okay.So again, fierce, unapologetic, consistent and kind.Now let's talk about this kind word, because fierce, unapologetic, consistent, not so much.But those first two can really be fiery words.And this is why kindness is so important, because it changes the entire acronym.And this is so important to establish right up front, because I'm going to do an episode about each of the letters in the acronym.Fierceness by itself, without kindness can become violence.Whether it's physical violence, emotional violence, fierceness can, can become I'm right and you're wrong.I don't mean that.And I specifically say that.I mean fierce ownership of what I believe and what I do in my own choices.It's not about imposing anything on anyone else.Unapologetic certainty by itself, without kindness is Arrogance.And you and I both have met people that are arrogant as hell and they're not fun to be around and nobody wants to talk to them and it sucks, right?So unapologetic simply means I don't apologize for my own view.I take action based on my own view.And because of kindness, fierceness does not become not just violence, but marginalization or minimizing or any of that stuff.Unapologetic cannot become arrogance because then we're not really engaging in conversation.We're trying to force someone else to believe our view.And that never works.You know that that doesn't work and it doesn't create movement and it doesn't leave love behind or any of that good stuff.Consistency by itself is, can be rigidity, it can be fanaticism.Now we're witnessing daily, we're witnessing daily on the news and you know, when I visit the U.S from Canada and I just went two weeks ago to a, a four day conference in Seattle, I didn't witness anything at all that was remotely like what I see portrayed on news channels.They make it seem like, you know, there's this confrontation and violence and strident behavior on every corner every minute of the day.And that's just not true.But here's the thing.If I'm consistent about my message, but I'm not kind, that can become rigidity, it can become fanaticism.Because here's what I know from years of being a coach now, decades actually, is this.I get coached by everybody I meet.Every single person I meet has a unique perspective.Their perspective is just as good as mine.And if I listen, I regularly, and by regularly I mean every single day, every single day, without fail, I hear something or read something that causes me to say, how can I use that to be a better person?So the truth is, kindness disciplines power.We see plenty, example, plenty of examples.Dictators.We have Vladimir Putin, a dictator that has killed a lot of people.I've never seen so many corporate heads, oligarchs, they call never seen as many corporate heads have accidents while they're out on a hotel balcony smoking and then fall off.Right?Like kindness disciplines power.So if you have power without kindness, there's a huge risk of being undisciplined and even being cruel.Kindness requires listening and allowing.Even if you have authority, kindness doesn't erase power.And kindness is not agreement.Now you hear people say, don't mistake my kindness for weakness.I agree with that.It resonates really loudly.And don't let your kindness be Mistaken for weakness.You can have fierce ownership of your life.You can have unapologetic views.And if you're focused consistently on loving and creating and serving and lifting and blessing, because it's all infused with kindness, you're in good shape.Kindness is not permission.It is not doormattery.I know that's not a word, but it's not being a doormat, right?It's not permission for anybody to do or say whatever they want.Kindness is not pretending destructive behavior is okay, right?You can be kind.Kindness is sometimes kicking somebody out of your house.I had a client some years ago who had a.A child who was, you know, heavily substance using and kept threatening, well, I'll die on the street if you don't give me money.Well, true kindness means cut him off, get him help, get him rehab, get him counseling, whatever, but cut him off with cash.Kindness is not pretending destructive behavior or thoughts or so are okay.Kindness does have a saying, and it says, I will tell you the truth and I'll do it without stripping you of your humanity, which means you have the right to believe.Otherwise, you have the right to live your own path.And I can love and invite ever with every ounce of my body and spirit to.To give you something good.But I can tell, and I can tell you the truth and not strip you of your.Either your agency or as your or your humanity.Love is not merely a warm emotion.My three words are love, create, serve.But love isn't just fuzzies.Sometimes love comforts.Sometimes it listens carefully and powerfully.Sometimes it forgives.And other times it confronts or interrupts.It says no.It might hold a boundary.It might refuse to participate in a lie.So I invite you to think about this thing because fierce, unapologetic, consistent and kind spells a very shocking word.Maybe not so shocking since it's used all the time now, but it still, you know, carries the slap.And that's good.And I invite you to refuse to participate.Refuse.Refuse participation in lies that go on.Don't acquiesce, don't do that.Don't blame, don't try to force.But your voice matters.And creating your own stance in the world matters.Shouting at others while living in a different way yourself is useless.It carries no power.I remember I.There was a time when I owned a Hummer H2, one of those Hummers, you know, big things.It was maybe 15 years ago.15 Years ago, and we drove it to a ski resort town and Joy got out of her side of the car and Someone attacked her, not physically, but verbally.You know, gas guzzling, whatever.And this person was wearing a fur coat, really real fur, not fake.And so Joy asked what the difference was, terms of cruelty to animals or pollution.And then there was a big angry response.You know, it's easy to blame.What we need to do is look and see who we are being.So in order for all this to make sense, we got to get right, brutally practical right now because I ask right at the top, what is it that you.And so what now?What kind of question, what do you control?Well, you and I, we don't control Washington or Ottawa in Canada.We don't control Parliament, we don't control the Congress or the House of Lords.We don't control the economy, we don't control another voter.We certainly don't control our boss's personality.We don't control the market, we don't control those things.And when we sit around and rage because they are not they, the world or some circumstance is not behaving or doing or giving us what we want, we do exactly nothing.And inside you know that.But often it's easier to rage and point than it is to look at ourselves and say, what am I going to do?You don't control your adult child's choices.This is a hard one sometimes because when you failed or feel like you failed in raising your kids or in things that you did, mistakes you made, and I have an infinitely long list of those, you tend to blame yourself.But they're adults and they get to choose healing, they get to choose their own path.You don't control yesterday, even things you did, all that other stuff, you know, Washington, Ottawa, Parliament, Congress, the weather, the economy, all that stuff that's outside of you.But even you stuff you did, the.You, you don't control yesterday's choices because they're done and gone.What do you control right now?You control your words, you control where you place your attention.We talked about the tal time attention and love beam.You control that and you control what you grow by what you focus on.By controlling your words, you control what you create.Here's a hard one.But you control the meaning.You keep rehearsing the meaning of different events and circumstances and people.You, we all create a meaning around those things and if we rehearse it, we then assume that it is true and there can be no disagreement.And that's never the case.So paying attention to the meaning, we give something and then that we continue to rehearse is something we do absolutely Control.And it's super powerful.Here's something else you control.Whether you tell the truth to yourself, about yourself or about what's going on, it's a lot easier often to blame or point than to tell the truth.Here's something else you control.Whether you keep your word.That's a terrifying thought because it is so easy to excuse not keeping your word even to yourself, which, by the way, is the most important promises that you or I make.You control whether you learn or numb out.You control whether you create or destroy.You control whether you choose to serve you control whether you vote.You control whether you.Whether you build or destroy you control whether you forgive.You control whether and how you act.So that's just a tiny list of the things that you and you alone act, and me too, absolutely control.And it invites us to spend a lot less time blaming, calling names, dissing things and pointing out there because they ought to XYZ and turn it inside and say, I control who I love, who I, you know, who I.Whether I build, who I include, who I exclude, whether I serve or not, and who I serve, whether I'm creating or destroying.I control all that.And so here's a powerful thing to take away, and that is this.How much creative power are you wasting or giving away, arguing with stuff that isn't yours to do anything about or fix?How much creative energy, how much love, how much passion, how much fury are you just throwing out there, arguing with stuff you cannot change, with stuff that's not yours to mind or to do or to fix?Most of the time, it's a staggering amount.And if you recapture all that and focus on the things that you do control the ones we listed in others, you can change the world.I invite you to do that.I'm not inviting you to agree with Kellen.I. I'm not inviting you to, you know, vote a particular way.I'm not inviting you to do that.I'm inviting you to take responsibility for yourself, truly and deeply.I'm inviting you to tell the truth.I'm inviting you to love without reservation.I'm inviting you to listen and give space.The invitation is give a F U C K fierce, unapologetic, consistent and kind attitude in your own life.Show up fiercely.Not unkindly, but fiercely.But you can't do that till you've decided who you are and what you believe, and until that is you.Because so many people show up waving signs and placards and jumping up and down, and if you look inside their own life.It's a complete farce.So I invite you to show up fierce and unapologetically for what is true and good.I invite you to be consistent through and through and woven in all this.I invite you to be kind.So over the next few episodes, I'm going to talk about each one of those words in depth and they don't have to be, you know, in order, but pick one of those fierce, unapologetic, consistent and kind.And start today.One of the biggest ones that I see, especially for people that have any kind of a business or anything that they use an online presence to support, is consistency.Show up.Show up consistently.The world doesn't need and the world doesn't need one more furious spectator.We don't need another furious sign carrying spectator.What we need is more creators.We need more owners of their own life.We need more lovers of people and of themselves.We need more builders.We need more people willing to tell the truth first in their own hearts about who they are before they blame.We need more people willing to carry their own weight fully and completely and then help carry somebody else's when the opportunity is there.We need people that are ready to add some damn good to the world.And that's what I'm talking about when I say give a F U C K I love you.And I'm not saying this to be shock jock or anything else, but those words are defining how I show up with a message that is who I am in my heart, what I know, and how I add good to the world.The last thing I'll give you here is there is nothing that will prevent you from having whatever you want if you're willing to create it and from living.Starting today, your ultimate life.Go back and you'll never ask why.Open your heart and this time around, right here, right now, your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything.If you want to know more, go to kellenflukermedia.com if you want more your FREE tools go here YourUltimateLife CA SUBSCRIBE Share Stand with your heart in the sky and your feet on the ground.