Your Pain Does Not Get the Final Word. You Do.

Fierce is a powerful word and it defines how we really should live our lives.Even pacifists can be fierce.I love it.Let's see how.Welcome to the show.Tired of the hype about living the dream?It's time for truth.This is the place for tools, power, and real talk, so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life.Subscribe, share, create.You have infinite power.Welcome to your ultimate life, the podcast where the desire and the purpose is love.I think about this often, and I thought of today's title about fierce.Love something enough to fight for it.I tell people, love yourself enough to get good at what you do.We settle so often for mediocrity, you know, medium well performance, piano playing, speaking medium well, loving people, holding back because we're afraid to fully commit.How many times have you felt like holding something back because you were afraid to fully and completely commit?I want you to think about that.That's a terrifying place to live.There's a scripture in the New Testament, and it's in the book of Revelation, which is that sort of apocalyptic book right at the end that describes.Yeah, the end of the world and all that kind of stuff.And whether it happens exactly like that or metaphorically or whatever, doesn't matter.There's a place where the revelation says, I know thee, that thou art neither hot nor cold.And because thou art neither hot nor cold, but lukewarm, I will spew thee out of my mouth.Yeah, you know, spit it out.So fierce is what we're talking about today.And this is in the context of that acronym, F, U, C, K. And no, I don't swear.And I'm using that shock value acronym on purpose.It stands for fierce, unapologetic, consistent and kind.And I want you to.I want you to think about this because I'm going to reject here the obvious misunderstanding.Fierce doesn't mean angry.I want you to think about Gandhi.I said at the top, you know, know, even pacifists can be fierce.Gandhi was fierce.That dude was fierce.You know, hunger strikes to the point of death.That's fierce.It's quiet, and it is awesome power.Okay?I want you to think about the story of.Of Christ in the New Testament.He stood before the governor of the land, beaten, right.Flogging with instruments so brutal I can't even imagine it.Leather, you know, leather thongs on the whip with pieces of bone or a stone, you know, woven into them so that they rip the skin open and that kind of thing.I read an article the Other day about the creation, Mel Gibson's creation of the Passion of the Christ, I read something I didn't know, and I obviously don't know if it's true, not independently verified.But during these scenes of cruelty to Christ and that flogging, there was a mistake made.Somebody missed something and the.The whip actually landed partially or completely on the back of the actor and ripped a hole right in his skin.Vicious, cruel, Fierce.Fierce.And I want to say this because it doesn't mean angry, and it brings me emotion.Because we live in such a misunderstood time.You can be furious and weak.And that's what I see all the time.I see these pictures on one TV show, a news show or another of people screaming at each other.I saw one where it doesn't even matter which side was which, but someone was walking through a demonstration and someone doing the demonstrating was trying to get close enough to scream in their ear to do them.Pain.I'm going to scream you out of.That's not fierce.That's embarrassingly weak and stupid, unkind, cruel, inhumane, and it proves exactly nothing except the person trying to inflict pain by screaming in the ear was misled and made me sad, made my heart ache.It didn't make me angry.I wasn't mad at him.It just.I thought how, how ineffective.It did not communicate the message of whatever the resistance was.It didn't communicate that at all.All it communicated was one human being being completely insensitive and unkind to another.And fierceness has got nothing to do with that.So what is it?Fierce is the message I want to give you today, but I want you to think about how to be fierce in your own way, because you can be absolutely and perfectly calm and absolutely fierce.I spoke a couple of weeks ago now, at the time you hear this, it'll be a month and a half ago at a conference in Seattle, and the subject was dying.And it was a conference of the International association of Near Death Studies.And I gave a talk, and it was called From Experience to Evidence.And I talked about how to turn real significant, in this case, spiritual, but it can be other kind of experiences too, into evidence in your life.In other words, if something happens to you, day, three months from now on a Tuesday afternoon, what do I see in your life that's evidence of that change?And it was fierce.And there were tears and it was fierce.And I know that because of the reaction of the audience and the people that talk to me.So I want you to think in your heart what does fierce actually mean.Because it doesn't mean angry.Fierce means intensity of commitment.So when you see Olympics, I'm thinking of an Olympian, I, I think of the weightlifters.It applies to any category, but I think of those people doing the, the clean and jerk, you know, I think that's the name.And if I got it wrong, forgive me, I'm not a bodybuilder or lifter.But where they lift it up from the ground and then stand up and then do this sudden flip where it's over their head and their legs are out like that, and then they stand up, whether it's men or women.When I watch them do that, that is fierce.You see the comp, the concentration, the focus of doing that move and then getting underneath what is their absolute maximum weight.Because what they're going for the gold, it's like, this is it.They're going for that.That's intensity of commitment at that moment.Above all else, another way to think about fierce is a refusal to abandon what matters.Now, I don't know what matters to you.I'll tell you what matters to me.What matters to me is reaching 300 million people with a message, a message of your worth, your divine identity, your infinite possibility, the absolute ownership you have of yourself and the sovereign right to design your life.I am intensely committed to that.Sometimes I weep, sometimes I shout, sometimes I talk in a regular calm voice.But my intensity of commitment of that is clear off the charts.And it's a. I refuse to abandon what matters.That's why I do these podcasts, it's why I have guests, that's why I write books, it's why I make music.I refuse to abandon what matters because you matter.And you can do nothing with that.And you can disagree and push me out of the room, but I'm not going to reduce my intensity of commitment and I will not abandon that.What matters.So what are you fiercely passionate about?What matters to you?What.What matters to you so much that you have a willingness to endure discomfort?Maybe it's ridicule, maybe it's physical pain, maybe it's emotional discomfort.You know, I. I know I personally am acquainted with someone, a woman who does those, or used to, doesn't now, but 24 hour bike rides, how far can you ride in 24 hours?Crazy.Her husband was the greatest cheerleader and cheered her on.And you know, all the stuff you need to keep going for that time.Incredible.Willingness to endure discomfort, willingness to endure struggle, to be laughed at again.I think of Gandhi or other people like that.But those are the ones in the public eye.What are the ones?What about the ones that quietly and silently fight for their children or love their neighbor?You hear over and over again.They make movies out of it again and again of some parents or single parent.Often it's a single mother who raised her children or her child and has two, had two jobs, three jobs, did all kinds of stuff.And the child says, I don't know how they did it.I'm so grateful because the kid grew up, got an education, decided they were going to make something out of themselves and then did it.The willingness to endure discomfort.Another way to think about fierceness is a readiness to protect what is sacred.Okay?And you alone decide what's important to you and what's sacred to you.You decide that.I don't decide for you, but I invite you to fiercely decide it and then defend it and proclaim it and stand for it.The world is so full of mediocrity.And those that do stand are screaming at others.Your fault.Your.You fix this.You bad.You.You, you.Me.What am I willing to stand for?What am I willing to build or to lift or to bless?That's the only question that matters because I can't make anybody do anything else.And neither can you.Another way that fierceness is thought about or can be thought about is courage under pressure.When the ships are down or when, you know, and the chips are down on.Right?Or.Or when the battle is lost or seems to be lost.Courage under pressure, right?And.And that's the stuff, you know, that's the stuff they make movies and write the books about.You know, think about the battle of the Five Armies when you know the.The future king of Gondor, his name slipped my mind in the other king rode out on the horses.We're riding out to meet him.Right?Full engagement is another way to think about it.One of the things I teach when I help people learn how to speak from stage or how to do videos or show up is you gotta be there fully engaged.You know, one thing that is talked about legendarily is a mother bear protecting her cubs.But any mother protecting her child, that's fierce.That is fierce.And here's some more ways to think about it.Those are all visible things.But how about an artist defending their time to create?You are an artist.You're a creative.I don't care if you do art or music or literature, but you are one.You're a divine being and you matter Are you defending your time to create powerful and good things, or are you wasting it in scripture scrolling and fiddling and fidgeting?Are you defending your time to love your kid or your neighbor or your spouse?Are you protecting that time?Are you protecting time to love yourself and care for the divine being that you are?How about a person who's in recovery fiercely protecting their sobriety, refusing to go anywhere or be in any situation or be with anyone that.That even remotely threatens that thing that's so precious?How about a leader protecting a standard in a company or in a partnership?We will not stand for less than that.How about a spouse protecting a marriage?You guys know I've seen episodes some of my history and my.My spouse, Joy, my angel.She protected us.She protected us.The stories are infinite as I struggled to learn who I was and to learn to be a person after the decades of madness that I had endured before she came.She protected us.How about each human being protecting their own integrity?Fierceness begins when you decide or I decide something matters more than your own comfort.So let's talk about another aspect of this, because fierceness is not aggression, okay?And again, I use these words and I get emotional and I wave my hands and I raise my voice and do all that stuff, but it's not aggress aggression.Let's make a clear distinction here, okay?Aggression says, I need to overpower you.I need to.To control or push you.I need to overpower you or I need power over you.Fierceness says, I will not abandon this.Fierceness is protective, not overwhelming.I will not give up on this idea, this thought, this person, this love, this project, this book, this song, this life, this change, this growth.I will not abandon this rage.This is another way to think about it.It's wrong.I have lost governance of myself.That's rage.I lost control, lost my ability to, you know, manage myself.Fierceness says I am fully governed, and I choose to defend this thing at all costs.Maybe you've seen the movie the 300.A bit brutal, but it tells the story of those 300ish warriors that stood against the whole Persian army of.You know, historically, it's hard to tell.Somewhere between hundreds of thousands and a million soldiers.300 People.And eventually they were wiped out, but they stood against them, fully governed.The Alamo in the history of the U. S. 189 or 187, standing against 5000.Another way people think about this kind of emotion besides rage or that kind of thing is bullying.Well, that requires a Target.That is not fierceness.Fierceness requires pure commitment.Pure commitment to a cause, to a love, commitment to an idea, to yourself, to a principle that.That is now more important than comfort or ease or getting away from anything.Right?Fierceness requires deep and powerful commitment, and that can be as quiet as anything.Absolute silence and absolute fierce commitment.This is where.When I said the four words fierceness, unapologetic, consistent and kind.This is where kindness regulates fierceness com completely.Because being fierce without kindness becomes cruelty.I am not speaking of that in any way, shape or form.So I want you to hear this, not because I want you to just get a good definition of fears.I want you to think in your own heart about what are you fiercely committed to?What will you stand for at all costs against all hazards?What moral principle?What truth, what person, what thing?And if you have nothing, I argue your life is empty.I argue your life is hollow.Okay, We.We become more substantively more when we are committed to something.And my experience, having gone all over the map, is committed to goodness, to love, to kindness, to lifting, to blessing, to defense of good, defense of the helpless and fatherless and powerless.If my alleged passion gives me permission to humiliate, dehumanize, to mock or to injure people who disagree with me, that isn't sovereignty.That's why that example of someone just screaming in the ear of someone they disagreed with and trying to do that, to humiliate, to hurt, to injure, to intimidate, that isn't sovereignty.That's gross.That's a misunderstanding of fierce commitment.Now, I don't doubt the in, you know, what they thought was commitment of either side.But what I saw in behavior was weakness and an attempt to dehumanize and to mock and to injure, injure someone because they disagreed, it means I have been possessed in a bad way by this cause I'm supposed to espouse.So we've talked about what it looks like and what it doesn't look like.And now let's move a little bit.I want to ask you another question because I said if you haven't got anything to be fierce about, your life's empty.If you haven't got anything that can that.That you love, cherish enough to be fierce about, fiercely, defend fiercely, promote, fiercely grow, it's empty.So let's talk about this.This is really personal, okay?And I want to ask you to go with me here.I'm going to tell you things that I think I know without question or hesitation.This is not A suggestion.This is absolute.It's worth being fierce about.Now, I'm not telling you what to be fierce about because I can't.But I'm inviting you to hear these things and ask yourself, where are you fierce?Fiercely committed, fiercely loyal, fiercely loving.The first one that for me and always will be, is my relationship with God.I live decades, decades, plural, many decades wandering around, lost, thinking I was committed and not being, worrying about myself, living in, you know, the stories, addictions and other kinds of sad ways where I needed to hide and defend and lie and all kinds of stuff.And I was afraid of God if there was one.The relationship was empty and distant.Today, having been rescued from addictions by the divine, by having been rescued from death.Those are separate events.2007, I was rescued from addictions by God.2018, I was rescued from death, most literally.This is not a figurative conversation.And if you want to know more about this or if you want to tell me your stories about how you got to be fierce about your cause, I want to have you as a guest.I want you to go to your ultimate life podcast, YourUltimate Life podcast.com URLs, appear YourUltimateLifePodcast.com and use the contact form and write in the subject line, I am fierce.And that way I'll know you want to talk about something that you are fiercely protective of or fiercely own as a cause or idea.My number one is my I. I'm fiercely protective of and committed to my relationship with God.And by protective of, I mean I'll do anything to protect that relationship, which doesn't mean making God do anything, because that's perfect perfection.So it means disciplining and growing myself.I am fiercely committed to growing that relationship.So much so, you know, I spend two hours every day, plus two plus hours working on my relationship with myself and others and God because I want that.It is the most important thing to me.So that's worth being fierce about.Another thing being worth being fierce about is my physical stewardship.And all of us are have a different relationship with our bodies and we have all kinds of things that work and don't work.I had for most of my life a very, very, very, very, very healthy body.And it endured incredible abuse that I inflicted on a lot of it.And there were times when I overate and I got fat.When I was in my late 30s, I was 80 pounds overweight.Didn't take care of it.Then I took control and I lost 90 pounds and got skinny and got, you know, super Healthy.And then I've had now all kinds of stuff.My eyes are very, very bad, 2500.My ears.I wear really strong hearing aids, right?You guys know my back.I walk with a cane now, right?And I'm going to have back surgery, I think, later this year.And, you know, all kinds of things.So now I'm fierce in my physical stewardship.And I suggest we all should be within the realm of our possibility.I'm not saying everybody needs to go get buff and get oiled up and be in competitions, but we need to take care of the physical container.It is our ability to move and do and be and create in this life.And even those like you.Think of Christopher Reeve, who was Superman and then broke his neck.He was fierce to the end.And there are many examples of that.And you know, some.Another thing that I am fiercely protective of is my sobriety.Having spent years as an addict, I am furiously protective of that.I am fiercely related and connected to my integrity.So much so that I am my word.I speak only truth.I do what I say.I am who I seem without, with no camouflage, no duplicity and no guile.I'm fiercely protective of my marriage.I failed three times.I am committed to death and life and eternity to this woman.I choose it.Nobody makes me, nobody says I have to.We choose the things that we're fiercely engaged with, fiercely committed to, fiercely protective of, and fiercely devoted to bring to the world.I am fiercely committed to my children.I have 10 kids.I love them, I love them, I think about them, I pray for them.I do everything I can to keep track of them, you know, because of my behaviors and things that have happened.I've got estranged kids, some of them, they don't want to talk, etc.Etc.But that doesn't change my love, doesn't change my willingness, my openness, my love, my desire, doesn't change that at all.And I'm fierce about that.I'm fiercely protective of and developing my creative gifts.For me, it's music and writing and other things, but music, writing, speaking those things.Why?Because I have this message to share.Because I love you and I want you to be fiercely protective of and developing your own creative gifts, whatever they are.I'm fierce about my promises, everyone that I give.I'm fierce about telling the truth.Not at the expense of others, and not to overpower or push or make anybody believe what I do, but telling the truth.That's what this whole series, fierce, unapologetic, consistent and kind is About.Here's the truth.You're infinite.You're eternal.You have power to create whatever you want.Most people just don't do it.We hear those words and they go in one side and out the other.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.Some gobbledygook.And we don't believe it and we don't act on it.We're sure as hell aren't fierce about it.Another thing I'm fierce about is service.I live to serve.If there's something I can do to serve you, I want to know what it is.One of the things about this 300 million people that I'm reaching is it's certainly not my message.I want yours.I want your message on this show to spread your word, your experience, your gifts, your love, your capability.I want to do that.I'm fiercely committed to my own mission.I'm fiercely committed to yours.If you want to share it and you want me to help you, I'm fiercely committed.I'm fiercely committed to your dignity and the dignity of every person.Because every person's a divine being.That includes you.And I mean directly, deliberately, lovingly created by God.You are.And that means your worth is infinite.And I will protect that to my last breath.I'm fiercely committed to our freedom.You are free.I don't care.Even if you live in a free society.People in the concentration camps look at Victor Frankel's book, Man's Search for Meaning.He declared and discovered anew that he had freedom.Even in the midst of that.I am fiercely protective of people who can't defend themselves.I. I love my.One of the reasons I love my wife so much is she's fiercely committed to little animals.Cruelty, unkindness.She cannot brook that for a second.She's fiercely committed to that.So I've made that list and it's incomplete.But I ask you to think about what are you fiercely committed to?And here's the real question.If you.If I watched your life, everything you say and do, and even the stuff you think, all the thought bubbles, would I believe you?Now I. I have to back up because I gave a long list and.And I have to say everything doesn't deserve maximum intensity, right?Not everything can.We simply cannot live every moment at 11.So we have to choose the things we're fierce about.I'm not fierce about how I make breakfast.I'm not fierce about how I do laundry.I'm not even fierce about how I mow the lawn.I do it.And I try to Do a good job.But there's no fierce devotion to that.So we need to pick the things that matter.Okay?Now, some people are fierce about parking spaces and they're furious if they don't get there.Or they're fierce about Internet comments not going to be productive.Or fierce about being right all the time, improving others.Wrong.Or fierce about minor inconvenience.That example of somebody screaming in somebody's ear, that's a fierceness, but that's misplaced.That's just dysregulation wearing combat boots.Right?So here's the thing.Does your intensity in whatever it is really match the importance of the object?And does it respect the dignity of others?Because if it doesn't respect the dignity of others, then your fierceness is morphed into something else.Unkindness, cruelty, etc.So one of the phrases you hear me use all the time is fierce life ownership.So let's connect this directly to the meadow I said earlier in another episode.The swamp of learned helplessness, addiction to mediocrity, and victim mindset to the marvelous mountain meadow.And yeah, that's alliterative.Lots of M's of fierce life ownership, radical excellence, and a passion to serve.So what does that actually look like?Well, here's some possible things.One way to look at a situation is, why is this happening to me?Why is this happening to me?Man, I can move that to what can I create from here?It's not what I want, not what I expected, but literally, what can I create from here?That's fierce.That's a fierce stance.Not because the pain isn't real, not because the discomfort isn't acute, not because there isn't injustice.You shouldn't have had that.But because you refuse to give the pain permanent authorship, you take the pen away from the pain.The pain doesn't get to write the story.The meaning.Okay, here's the thing.I was in the back of an ambulance when I was paralyzed on December 5, 2018.Paralyzed from the waist down.I was in a lot of pain.And my first comment, because I've trained myself to do this, is what is the gift here?That was fierce.And I'm not magic.I'm using that example because it's mine and I know it.And it happened to me eight years ago.And it was powerful and it was fierce.So here is your question.Where is your opportunity to take the pen away from pain or injustice or unfairness or loneliness?There's no question those things happen.But if we let them write the story that isn't being fierce.Okay, I've known addiction, depression, full collapse, massive failure and rebuilding.So have you.I don't know your individual story, but I invite you to share it with me again.Your ultimate life podcast dot com.Use the contact form.Let me share your story of rebuilding.Let me share your story of growth.Let me share your story of resilience and choice.Fierce doesn't mean none of it happened.It means it happened, it mattered.And it does not get the final say.It doesn't get the final word.Now here's another form of fierceness.No.Just no.No is a complete sentence.Now, that doesn't mean arrogance.It doesn't mean unkindness.But there are places to where we say no.We can say no.We should say no.And we should say it with a finality that is unquestioned.No to old patterns.No to invitations that pull you up off your mission and derail you.No to habitual self betrayal.I have people that tell me when I talk to them it's easy to keep my word to others, but I can't keep it for myself.There's a place for a great big no.Let me hand you a no.Use no 10 times today.Not cruelly, not unkindly.No.I don't have time for that.No.That pulls me off my purpose.No.That is not consistent with my values.No.That is not who I am.No to relationships that are built on manipulation, even if you were in them.No to another hour thrown away.No to some time wasted you could do something good with.No to a story you know isn't true and say no without hatred, without vicious accusation, without 27 paragraphs of justification.No is a complete sentence.No without asking permission.A clear no might be the kindest sentence you ever speak.Because false yeses become resentment, frustration and anger you resent, you wish you hadn't.You know you shouldn't, and on and on and on.You've done it and you know it.So here is another and final invitation.I want you to be fierce with yourself without becoming violent with yourself.Okay?People hear the word fierce and they begin abusing themselves.I used to do that.Get your together.What's wrong with you?You failed again.Whether that's inside dialogue or outside inflicting, you failed again.You sucked it.No.Self contempt is not discipline.In fact, it's the opposite.Here's a phrase I love and I want you to write it down.Those who dare greatly fail greatly.So carry the big blanket of forgiveness.Here's the fierce move after failure.Tell the truth, forgive yourself or others.Evaluate, make some adjustments, and then come back up.The way I say it is, I am that when I fall or fail in any of my declarations, which are many, if you know my personal truth document, I get up, fess up, clean it up and recommit.Because there's nothing else to do.Otherwise we waste time, which is the non renewable precious resource.Fierceness is not how brutally you punish yesterday's failure for yourself or anyone else.It is how faithfully you return today.Hear that?Fierce is not how brutally you punish for yesterday's failure, yourself or anyone else.It is how faithfully you get up and return today.So be fierce enough to tell the truth, fierce enough to change, fierce enough to stay, fierce enough to leave, fierce enough to forgive, fierce enough to love, and kind enough so that your fierceness never requires somebody else's destruction.I love you.Thank you for listening.I invite you to get a bath.To bathe yourself in the fierceness of the truth, of your own divinity, your own capability, your own possibility.You are infinite.You are without limit.I love you and you deserve every good thing.But we have to go get it.But the good news is no one can bar you from living your truth.No one can keep you from creating and claiming your ultimate life.Right here, right now.Your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you.Every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything.If you want to know more, go to kellenflukermedia.com if you want more FREE tools, go here.Your Ultimate Life CA subscribe YOUR Feet Share Stand with your heart in the sky and your feet on the ground.