Why You're Still Broken: The Brutal Truth About Trauma, Failure, and the Fire That Saves You

Welcome to the show.

Tired of the hype about living a dream?

It's time for truth.

This is the place for tools, power and real talk so you can create the life you dream and deserve your ultimate life.

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You have infinite power.

Every one of us is thrown into a crucible.

The question isn't if, but who you will be on the other side.

This is your ultimate life.

The podcast committed to helping you create a life that you love.

A life of purpose, prosperity and joy.

One that you love every single day.

We'll talk about physical things like the Navy SEAL training.

We'll talk about spiritual things like Joan of Arc and a personal story about the day I woke up paralyzed from the waist down.

My mission is to reach 300 million people.

And I don't just mean talk to them, reach them with the message and the method to move from learned helplessness addiction to mediocrity and a victim mindset to fierce life ownership, a commitment to excellence, and a heart to serve.

It doesn't take much thinking to imagine how different the world would be if 300 million people walked from one side of that spectrum to the other.

We can't control anyone else.

But you do control you.

I control me.

So let's start there.

Remember, your worth is infinite.

Remember W, I, P, O, S.

Your worth is infinite.

Your identity is a child of God, of infinite worth.

Your possibility with that divine heritage is anything you can create whatever you want.

The O is your ownership.

You own this.

You own this ball of infinite capability.

And sovereignty is the S.

You're the only one.

No one can make decisions for you now.

You have to get past the usual stuff of, well, I can't control the weather or if I get sick or if what somebody else does doesn't matter.

You control you.

What you think, what you feel, what you do, build from that.

Because that's the only thing any of us ever really control.

WIPOs worth, identity, possibility, ownership, sovereignty.

Claim it.

Now, you'll see this picture behind me.

Two vats full of molten liquid, molten metal.

And you've seen that they use it in steel factories and refining all kinds of ore, copper, gold.

And it takes tremendous heat.

So when you think of a crucible, like a kiln, which is also used for pottery and stuff, but this, the temperatures here, you know what it's for?

It's not to burn anything up.

It's to refine, to refine us.

So think about being refined, okay?

Because a crucible like this, it can destroy you, absolutely melt you and wreck until there's nothing left.

Or it can refine your.

You okay?

Ruin or refine.

Now, you notice this flips from one side to the other.

And you know what?

The hinge down here is where my palms are.

That's choice.

You get to choose whether something ruins you or whether it refines you.

And the good news, even if something that happened, a crucible you were thrown in, it ruined you to start with, you can always change.

It can always be used to refine you 100% of the time.

And that's the purpose of my mission.

Many things that I experienced, I allowed to ruin me for days, weeks, months, years and even decades.

Depression and addictions and suicide attempts and pretty dramatic stuff.

And then I operated my sovereignty and I made a choice to allow those things to refine my soul, to burn away the dross, to eliminate that which was not good.

So today I want to talk about that choice.

I'll give you some examples of crucibles that you know about.

And then I want you to think about your own life.

What crucible are you in right now?

What crucible, what test, what refining thing where you have a choice to lay down and die, abdicate, control and be ruined, or to stand up and live and choose to be refined without bitterness, without vitriol, without revenge, without blaming, but simply choose to be refined.

Now, I know that's a high bar and a lot to ask, but that's where the refinement is.

You can't refine metal like this at low temperatures.

Doesn't work.

It's got to be hot enough to melt the iron or the gold or the silver or the copper.

It's got to be hot.

And when it happens, the dross, the impurities, it floats to the top of the molten liquid and burns off.

And what you're left with is pure.

That's you and me.

So the refiner's fire is a method to purify.

And you know, you don't have to do that.

Everyone can live, you know, staying where the this sort of victim mindset or learned helplessness or addiction to mediocrity, you can stay there.

But I can tell you, having walked that path, that the other side and having lived over on the.

On the victim side for decades, I can tell you that the other side of fierce life, ownership and a commitment to excellence and a heart to serve, living in that energy is way more fun.

It allows me to create a lot more.

And people that I work with and people that you know in the world, you know, those, you know, someone right now that's in your mind.

That choice is a path to creating your ultimate life.

So let's talk about this idea of destroying or refining you.

Now, you know, everybody, every or nearly everyone has heard of something called Hell Week.

The, the Navy SEAL training is renowned worldwide for its intensity.

Some say cruelty, some say brutality.

You know, they have phrases in there like pain is weakness leaving the body, or the only easy day was yesterday.

Those kinds of phrases say the idea that it's going to be tough and that's how it is.

And you know, one idea, even you're going through something difficult is to pace yourself.

There's no such thing.

Every minute and every day is all in, all out, everything you've got in every minute.

You don't save anything.

When we're in the crucible, when we're in refining fire, it's very challenging.

Maybe a financial circumstance or maybe a betrayal or maybe an illness, or maybe someone died or whatever it is.

Those don't brook half measures.

You're all in all the time, and it can be exhausting.

And so you got to find the choice and the choice is the strength.

You know, the Hell Week is at the end of their many, many weeks long training.

And it is a week where there's sleep deprivation and you go and go and go and go and it's.

I think it's five days, but I'm not sure.

And they probably change it from time to time where you're that long, six, five days, 120 hours without sleep and you're forced to keep going.

And what is written about that?

I haven't done that.

My own versions, yes.

And so have you, but I have not done that.

Is those who survive are those who want it.

Those who make that choice.

I'm going no matter what.

It has nothing to do with the physical strength because there are those who are physically strong who quit and those who are physically very moderate who simply go through it because they said so.

The, the, the thought is, I can, I can versus I quit, I can, I will, I'm going no matter what.

I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.

So I want you to think in your own mind, name it out loud.

What is your current Hell Week like?

What is going on with you right now?

That is your Hell Week.

That is stressing you to the max, that's causing you to need to go all in all the time, every day, day after day.

I don't know if it involves an element of sleep deprivation and maybe you're going 24 hours for two or three or four days at a time.

I don't know how, you know, powerful it is for you, but it doesn't matter.

The key to getting through it isn't even the physical stamina and strength your body is capable of.

Crazy things.

I saw a video on, I don't remember if it's Facebook or YouTube, but it talked about Shaolin monk training and Tibetan monk training and how they can control the Tibetan monks can raise the temperature of their bodies as much as 17 degrees in the freezing cold way up in the mountains.

And the kinds of balance and strength things that I saw demonstrated in the Shaolin temple training that I saw were extraordinary.

Beyond something you could normally believe, flexibility, you know, wrapping or yourself around a pole or just things that you wouldn't think the body can do.

And it can because you decide to do it.

And yes, it takes working up to things, but most people will not do that.

And your opportunity, if you want to create your ultimate life purpose, prosperity and joy, you got to go into the refining fire.

If you want to elevate, you got to go in once, you got to go in again.

You got to make a choice.

You.

One of my statements, my personal constitution, my PTAC statements is I am that each day I draw breath, I enter refining fire to prepare for the purpose and mission I declare which is the 300 million.

And that means every day I challenge myself spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally to raise it up, to lift it up, to burn off the dross.

And this isn't about me, but this is an invitation for you to think about what's your hell week right now, what is causing you the most difficulty and to say, what is the gift?

I will not quit.

I get help, I do whatever I need.

But I'm not going to give up on my vision.

I'm not going to give up on my dream.

I'm not going to quit, right?

The story, old fable of the tortoise and the hare, it was about just keep going, just keep going, just keep going no matter how hot the fire is.

Now, there's another set ways to think about this.

There are four steps to refining metal.

The first is heat, right?

You've got to get the ore so hot that it melts for you.

That might be some.

Or me, that might be some kind of pressure, some kind of pain, illness, financial betrayal, whatever it is.

And there's a huge element of uncertainty.

So uncertainty, pain, pressure, whatever it is for you, that is the heat.

Then there is the separation.

The separation is when the, the Metal sinks to the bottom and all the dross floats to the top.

There will be a separation as you and I go through the crucible.

And what separates is truth from.

From illusion.

And what I mean by that is things that you and I maybe thought were important a minute ago, a day ago, a week ago, they're suddenly not important.

I give you an example that you will recognize immediately.

Somebody gets sickens in the hospital and you think they're going to die.

Somebody really important to you.

Suddenly, truth from illusions, all separated.

Money doesn't matter, stuff doesn't matter.

Nothing matters.

Life, relationship, love, caring.

That is the pure gold of all of it, right?

And that's an example that we all know.

But there are many where we have false illusions about what matters, what people think and what people are going to say.

And all that, when it comes down to it, that separates out and burns off.

Step three is you pour the molten metal out of the container.

Like you see illustrated in the picture.

That is at the poor stage.

And by this time, when they're pouring that out, all the dross is burned off.

If you've seen those videos of that happening, sometimes you'll see on top of those pores, a little bit of dross, a little bit of that stuff that's floated to the top, that's still burning off.

You'll see that.

But when they pour it, you pour it into a new shape.

Now, they might pour it into ingots to be melted again and done something with later or big flat sheets or whatever.

But where.

When it's poured now, it's pure and it's ready to be useful.

So me and you, we gotta face the heat of whatever our life crucible is.

Separate truth from illusion and then pour ourselves into the new shape, the new determination, the new goal, the new thought, the new commitment.

Whether it's financial or whether it's emotional, whether it's changing a habit, this can be true, and this process is true.

Whether you're trying to get in shape and lose 50 pounds, whether you're trying to get out of old habits and make more money because you're not making what you know you need to take care of yourself and your family or your obligations.

It can be personal challenges.

Maybe you've got habits you want to get rid of.

I know that, you know, in the addiction process, recovery processes that I went through, and there were many, there was a new shape.

The new Kellen had to be willing to live life on its own terms and not turn to numbing substances and excuses and hiding and blaming all of those.

And I had to get help for depression and the mental illnesses that I struggled with.

And they were real and they were powerful.

But the new shape matters.

And the last four, the last step is in refining is called quench.

And that's when they stick it in the water and you see all the steam.

And in changing, that's called.

Called habituating, the upgrade.

So you have now upgraded yourself.

You've gone in the fire.

You've separated truth from fiction.

You've put yourself into a new shape, and the cold water is cementing that new being into a habit.

Now, remember, we've talked about the triple helix.

Your skills, your divine gifts, and your life experience in this process, they all melt together and you form an invincible power pack, a rod of divine capability.

I call that your meo, your most effective offering.

And with your meo, you can make more money, do more good, make a bigger impact, and have more fun than anything else, I promise.

And you can disagree, but you won't know till you try.

I dare you.

And if you want help, get a hold of me.

Let's talk.

Let's see what your most effective offering is.

Let's talk about your crucible and the choices about ruining or refining.

All right, so let's talk about a couple of other examples.

An example that was part physical, part spiritual is Joan of Arc, right?

You know that story.

Young girl, I think she was 13 or 14, and she had a visitation of some kind and was called to.

Called of God to do a particular thing in the liberation of France.

I don't know all the details of the story, but I do know she was a battlefield general, promoted as a battlefield general and led the troops, and they followed.

Because her refinement was pure and powerful.

She carried the air and authority that comes from refinement.

A third example that we also know about is in the Christian tradition, Jesus, his crucible was in the garden of Gethsemane.

Sometimes people think, you know, the cross being crucified, while that is perhaps one of the most cruel and lengthy forms of execution.

Many were crucified, in fact, at certain times in Jerusalem at that same time.

Within a few years, there were crosses all over the hill.

So people got crucified all the time.

The.

The.

The crucible for Jesus was in the garden, it says, as he prayed and in some way we don't understand, took upon himself our mistakes and our infirmities and sins and sicknesses and all the rest, he sweat drops of blood.

The intensity of the experience that crucible caused him to sweat drops of blood.

Now, there's some medical evidence that that's possible and so forth, but that's not the point here.

I'm trying to think, in any universe, what could possibly be an agony that would cause such a thing.

So that, in my mind at least, was the ultimate refiner's fire.

And he didn't have to do that.

That was not force.

That was walking into the refiner's fire for you, for me, for us.

Right?

And so when you think about the ultimate life, I have three words that guide my life.

Love, create and serve.

Purpose, prosperity and joy is the ultimate life.

But you get it by serving with your gifts, with your meo most effective offering.

So that is a choice that we make.

I ask a lot of people who are guests on these shows, I say, well, after you figured out your own path out of your own hell and crucible and difficulty and you got to a healed place, you got to a place where you were healthy and resilient and back put together, why didn't you just quit, say, okay, I'm good now I'm going to go live a beautiful life and, you know, make good money and live my life.

And I'm happy.

I'm no longer suffering in this intense pain.

And without exception, every single one says, yeah, but I can't do that.

I'm drawn.

I'm driven to serve.

I'm driven to lift and bless others with what I learned in the crucible, my own crucible.

I had the same experience maybe you have, where you're drawn to do that.

And if you haven't written the story of your growth and development, I encourage you to go to this URL right here.

Dream buildwrite it.com.

we're going to do a challenge in June, and you'll barely see this before then.

And if you miss that one, there's one in September.

And that is specifically for people who have gone through this fire or are going through it and have made the determination I can versus I quit to help you organize and tell the story that you have so that you can serve, bless, lift with, help others.

Because like I said, your meo most effective offering is the way that you or I can make the biggest impact in the world.

Help the most people, make the most money.

And the reason is because it's the most valuable and have the most fun.

So your the question for you and me always is, are we going to let those things ruin us or refine us?

Now, there's one example that I gave.

I talked about the Hell Week.

And Marines have a similar thing, but it's a little bit shorter, and it's even called the Crucible.

I have two kids that went into the Marines, Joan of Arc.

I talked about Jesus.

My own example was in is in a book called Walking Without Fear.

And I Woke up on December 5, 2018, a few years ago, paralyzed from the waist down, and fell out of bed on my face.

And, you know, shocking, no warning or anything else.

And, you know, I went to the hospital in an ambulance in a lot of pain and paralyzed.

And so there was a circumstance there, and I had just had the dying.

In the summertime in June, I contracted a fatal illness and had a tremendous experience where I had three conversations with God.

And then after a month, I got out in July, and now it's about four months later, and I'm just on the road recovery, because when I got out of the hospital in July, I couldn't walk and lost 35 pounds.

And it was a lot of work to get my faculties back and everything else.

And I was making great progress.

And then suddenly, in December, I couldn't.

I was paralyzed.

And that was a real opportunity to be really frustrated and angry and like, come on, I've just died.

How much more of this is there?

I could have thought that.

Instead, I made a choice to treat it like a crucible.

And I asked, what is the gift here?

What is the gift here?

And I listed some things, and it turned out that the infection that I had that killed me in the summertime, which had been in my lungs and bloodstream, wasn't completely cleaned out, even though they'd been on powerful.

The most powerful antibiotics in existent.

Did you know they have an antibiotic called the antibiotic of last resort?

Well, they do look it up.

Anyway, I'd been on all that still wasn't done, and had gone up in my spine, and there was an abscess up there, and it had solidified and was putting pressure on my spinal column.

And fortunately, it didn't cut it.

But anyway, that is what had paralyzed me.

So I had an emergency operation.

I was literally operated on the day I went in there.

And then I was on antibiotics with a.

A PICC line, which is a line that goes into your veins under your arm and then across your chest, underneath, inside, and drips into your heart, right into your heart, because that's how powerful the antibiotics are.

They can't put them in your veins.

They have to put it right into your heart.

Anyway, so I was able to walk.

It was restored, and the Doctor told me.

He said it was incredible, unbelievable, miraculous that it even happened.

And he said something like, I can count on less than one hand the number of people that have come in to the hospital like you did and then walked out under their own power.

And it was emotional for me and for him at the time, because it was a miracle.

And here's what I wrote in that book.

During some part of that process I wrote, I felt the refiner's flame burn.

The lie that I was powerless now.

So I've told you these stories.

You know, more examples than I've shared with you.

The question isn't, are there examples?

The question isn't, do you know cool people that have done amazing things and demonstrated insane resilience in the face of refining fire?

Not people who have simply lived through it.

Because living through it with bitterness and hate and anger, that's not refinement, that's ruin.

Because you live with that anger and bitterness and blame and revenge, that's nothing that destroys us.

That is not our divine capability.

When you or I, we choose to let it refine us, make us better, more empathetic, more patient, more kind, more loving, more focused to declare and own a purpose.

Most effective, offering your skills, your gifts and your life experience, and then go to work in the world to serve and lift and love and bless.

That is refinement.

And that's a choice we can make any and every time we want to.

So, you know, right now, different kinds of trauma, you know, we use that word unexpected, maybe vicious, violent, or, you know, illness or some other kind of experience that you've had that has threatened you, maybe threatened your life, maybe threatened your spirit, maybe threatened your heart where you didn't think you could handle it.

I don't mean heart attack.

I'm talking about emotionally.

Maybe you're living in one of those right this minute, or maybe you've had 2 or 3 or 5 or 10.

Here is a truth that I know.

Your trauma, difficulty, struggle, injustice, can ruin you as we've talked and fill you with bitterness and anger and fury.

Or it can refine you and fill you with peace, patience, forgiveness, love, kindness and power.

And the most important part is the power it gives you if you let it fill you with peace, forgiveness and love.

That brings power.

It brings power that you can't even understand unless you've done this.

It brings power to touch people's souls.

It brings power to reach right into people's heart and make them feel heard and loved and lifted and encouraged and blessed.

That kind of Power is precious.

It is part of your divine heritage.

And it's what you and I need to add as much good to the world as we can.

Heaven knows the world is full of bitterness and anger and revenge and name calling and violence and fury and people that are made bitter by their defeats and all that we need 300 million.

We need you, we need me to let the crucible of our pain refine us so that we become a beacon of light, a vessel of love and a conduit of power to lift and bless those around us.

You know, we can be the victim.

We can be in learned helplessness and addiction to mediocrity and be the ones that need to be cared for, or we can be the resilient ones who are refined and lift and bless.

And we can do both.

I've been the one that needed to be cared for.

I had in the hospital, I needed those things, that immediate operation and a doctor that was good enough at what he did.

And he was one of the.

The best spinal surgeon in Canada.

Accidentally on call when it happened.

I don't believe in accidents, so I needed all that help.

And in my mental illness thing, I needed help.

Counselors and shrinks and things to help me reframe.

But more than anything, I needed the choice.

The hinge, ruin, refine.

I needed the choice to let the fire refine me into something beautiful.

You are beautiful.

You are a diamond.

You are destined to be polished to something so beautiful you can't even imagine it right now.

But that takes this refiner's fire.

It takes the struggle, it takes the choice to be refined instead of be burned up.

You know, I know, you know, people that are burned up, their negative stuff has happened and they're burned up permanently.

Bitter, angry, vitriolic, negative sees, see the bad and everything always.

You know, people like that, how much good do they add to the world?

How much good can they add good to the.

How much good can they add to the world?

How fun are they to be around?

How powerful are they in adding, you know, positive things and making stuff happen?

Not very.

Zero would be the answer.

But you're not that.

You are someone who chooses to be refined by your afflictions, your difficulties, your betrayals, the things that have been thrown upon you.

So right now we live with what I think of as a cultural epidemic.

Every single person has trauma, little or big.

And right now we have this epidemic and I, you know, the unholy trinity.

We have this epidemic of learned helplessness, addiction to mediocrity and victim Mindset and learned helplessness is just a choice to believe all the time that you're powerless and addiction to mediocrity is good enough.

It's all I get.

And then being bitter and angry about it and a victim mindset is.

I'm always.

It happens to me.

I mean, you know what those things mean.

But the other side is fierce life ownership.

Right?

Nobody's coming.

You and I, we have the opportunity to connect to our divine heritage and potential.

Potential to connect with the divine and maximize our gifts and talents.

I can tell you, having walked that path and made that shift and helped others do the same, that's the most fun that I've ever had.

It's why I'm spreading this message.

300 million.

The message and the method to get from one side of that canyon to the other.

Because we need as many people as we can that have chosen to be refined and lift and love and bless and serve and yes, get paid.

Yes, get paid.

In whatever your area is of refinement.

It's not the same as anyone's.

Your journey is unique.

Your gifts are unique.

Your power is unique.

And I hear people, nearly everybody I talk to about this.

Wow, there's so many people, you know, I'm not that different.

Yes, you are.

You're totally and absolutely impossibly unique.

And we need as many voices of reason, of kindness, of service, of love and expertise as we can get.

And so the idea that you can create purpose or choose purpose, create massive prosperity and experience joy all the time, not once in a while is not a myth.

It is a truth.

I invite you to do that.

I invite you.

If you have a story to share, I want to hear.

I want to get you on here and share your story.

I want to be a megaphone and amplify your message.

If you don't know how to do this, get a hold of me.

Okay, go to the kellenflukermedia.com and click on the contact.

There's a contact form there.

Let's talk.

Because that's all I do.

300 million people.

Help them make that transition because you made it make a difference.

I don't care where you've been before.

You matter now.

And you can have a big impact if you want to.

And you do have to do the work.

And it may involve this.

The refiner's fire certainly does for me.

But remember that when you become.

When you allow those things to refine you, you become a torch bearer, a light.

And you can light dozens or hundreds of millions of people my goal is 300 million.

You might be way bigger than that.

How will you know unless you walk through the fire and let it refine you, not ruin you.

Remember, the fire serves me.

It refines me.

Remember the five pillars.

Your worth infinite.

Your identity, child of God, your possibility.

Anything you want.

Ownership is complete.

Sovereignty is your right to choose which of those pillars feels attacked for you.

That's where you work.

That's the things that I do with people.

And it's funny because people come to me as a coach.

They want to make more money and they want to work on their business.

And every single time, without fail, these are the things that matter the most in making cash.

Because they're not showing up pure and powerful.

They're looking for some hack to turn the wheel faster.

And that is so slow and so small.

Here's my challenge.

Take a bold action.

Listen to this message and whatever it's called forth and you do.

Don't think about do.

Take an action note what impurity in me has been burned out.

So I didn't want to issue you a challenge.

I want you to think of a current crucible that you're going through, right?

And choose to be refined.

Choose to let the dross burn off.

Choose to allow yourself to be refined in love and forgiveness.

Do that and then share it.

Those things are so good when you share them.

There's another free thing I've got for you, and it's called master your monsters.

And that's a funny URL.

It's called masteryourmonsters.com and it's a little course I created about common things.

I have no time.

I'm too.

I would say it's not my fault.

And I call them monsters because when we were kids, you know, monsters in the closet and under the bed.

And when we're adults, we learn that there's no monsters in the closet, but these other monsters.

Eat your lunch from time to time.

I'm not good enough, right?

It's not my fault I have no time.

You know, all those kinds of things.

And there's about 10 or 12 episodes in there.

It's free.

Masteryour monsters.com Go there.

Remember the heat of the refiner's fire plus your choices equals miracles.

I promise you that.

I'd love to hear from you.

Leave your comments or connect with me through the contact page on that URL there.

Kellenfluecigermedia.com and let's move forward together to create your ultimate life right here, right now.

Your opportunity for massive growth is right in front of you every episode gives you practical tips and practices that will change everything.

If you want to know more more, go to Kellen Fluker media.com if you want more free tools, go here.

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